Logs:A New Level of Complicated
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| RL Date: 19 December, 2015 |
| Who: Jocelyn, Lys |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Lys thinks she's asking Jocelyn a simple question, only then things are really, really not. |
| Where: Glitter and Glass Weyr, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 4, Month 8, Turn 39 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: C'ris/Mentions, Quinlys/Mentions, T'gar/Mentions, T'zul/Mentions, V'ret/Mentions |
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>---< Glitter and Glass Weyr, High Reaches Weyr(#1436R) >--------------------< Inside, sea-glass mosaics and glittery materials gleam when lights are sets into the elegant glass sconces on the walls or hung from the wrought-iron hooks on the ceiling. The glowlight also illuminates the other walls, whose dark surfaces glint with volcanic glass. Shadows and light play along the old, heavy wood tables and the smooth floor, especially when the hearth is lit. The furniture is smooth wood, stained dark enough to complement the stone around it; the fabrics chosen to upholster the chairs and cover the bed set off to one corner in the back are simple, dusky greens and golds, accentuating the natural beauty of the weyr. -----------------------------< Active Players >----------------------------- Jocelyn F 25 5'5" lean, red hair, blue-gray eyes 31s Lys F 20 5'5" slender, blonde hair, blue-green eyes 0s The end of a weyrlinghood month is always busier than most other times. With assessments to pass or fail, assignments to submit and reports to file, there's scarcely been time for anything beyond the professional. Now, with most of that behind them and a new month looming, Lys has extended an invitation to the gold pair to come check out the weyr she's only now finally moving into. Evyth is only too delighted to make room for Aidavanth, making certain that the other pair takes a moment to admire the unusual streaks of color through the rock of her ledge and the way the mica and pyrite inlays around the ledge and over the wind-break stones on either end are properly observed. It's so pretty! Lys is, predictably, less enthusiastic, having a normal sort of greeting for the goldrider that comes with a grin and a , "Hey, come on in," once she's spotted. Jocelyn's small signs of frustration, so prevalent throughout this month in class, at drills, in passing, seems to have given way to a grim determination now that they're officially past the halfway point of weyrlinghood. Aidavanth lands as carefully as she can on Evyth's ledge, and is all too happy to delight with her sibling in how beautiful the green pair's new home is. As always, it's an easy thing for her to be drawn into conversation with the green, leaving her rider to give Lys a sincere, "Thanks for having us. This is - " Pale eyes appraise the interior as she passes over the threshold, eyebrows shooting briefly upward before resettling. "Very nice. You and Evyth certainly did well." "The perk of being weyrling wingleader this month," Lys acknowledges. "I like it. It's-- peaceful. Close the baskets just enough and everything sparkles." The greenrider's smile is equally sincere as she offers simply, "Make yourself at home, Joce." In the meantime, "I have some whiskey if you want something to drink. And tea." She nods to where there's a kettle hanging near enough the hearth to keep warm. "I'm still just starting to go through what's left in the stores after the rest have all gone through things. Nabbed things when I could," but that wasn't often. Still, there's a familiar beaded curtain now mounted over the hearth, set carefully into the wall so the beads can't fall and catch fire. The top has been edited to have a thick braid of colorful fabrics to cover where it's been hung. "It's your home, " Jocelyn retorts not unkindly, perching on the edge of one of the seats after giving the space another, longer examination. For the offer of a drink, she gives a small shake of her head, attention settling on the beaded decor repurposed above the other weyrling's hearth. "I've been told that it'll take time to turn these unfamiliar caverns into home. I'm sure you'll find things suitable for you and Evyth to make all of this uniquely yours." Eventually. "Yeah," Lys agrees, though without much feeling behind the word, fetching the whiskey and two glasses even if Jocelyn didn't express a preference. She sets them on a low table and pours, looking to the goldrider with lifted brow to give her a chance to opt out. "How did the month finish out for you, do you think? Not 'too much' to do anymore than usual with your goldrider training on top of everything?" "You're finding some difficulty with the adjustment, too?" guesses Jocelyn, whose stance loosens somewhat in her seat as she takes in the blonde with a considering look. "I dragged a pillow and some blankets to Aidavanth's couch for the first seven that I slept in my weyr." Her nose wrinkles into a little grimace for the whiskey; she takes that opt-out with a quick, "No, thanks. I'm more of a wine woman, so far as I can tell. It's not so much the amount that there has been to do, but - " Allowing that thought to trail away, she doesn't make an immediate attempt to conceal the heaviness that etches its way over her expression, only choosing to couch it in a smoother politeness after a minute has passed. "Tell me of your month, " she requests instead, "now that you're no longer our wingleader. I couldn't have managed to work with your wingseconds had I been in your shoes, so I'm glad that seemed to go better for you after a time. You and Evyth have learned a lot, I trust." "Yeah," Lys admits picking up her glass. "I sleep with Evy a lot, even in the barracks." That much hasn't changed. "I don't so much mind being alone, I don't think, Evy's here, but the quiet," she sighs appropriately. "Tea? Water?" She asks, even as she settles on the couch with her glass. "Only if you tell me of yours after," the blonde requires almost blithely, even if she's blushing a little. "Yes. It's been an educational month. I can't say I really ever learned to work with T'zul, but Quinlys pointed out that even in a real wing, there are times when a wingleader gets assigned an obnoxious assistant or one they can't remove for political reasons, so it was good practice." There's a roll of the blonde's eyes, but her overall look was tolerant. "It helped, I think, to meet with Quinlys for lunch once a seven, and to have T'gar take on some of the exercise leading, and to have C'ris for tutoring and studying with you and T'gar and V'ret. I mean, it was beyond busy, but worked out in the end. I think I'll get to keep my Thread this month. Now, you." Her look is pointed. Jocelyn makes a little noise that could pass for an expression of sympathy. "They are too quiet, aren't they. I hole myself up in my study as much as I can when I'm there by myself so that it feels like there's a good reason for the lack of noise. Otherwise, the silence gets too loud, too quickly." Whatever her drink preference may be, it's apparently less important than listening to Lys; that's where her attention remains, observing the changes in the other's expressions. Of the silver thread, "They're idiots if you don't." That's matter-of-fact, even as the goldrider's brow furrows unhappily now that it's her turn to share. "If there's one thing I've learned for certain from this month, it's that there's precious little I get to choose going forward. You could leave the leadership program tomorrow, if you wished it. You won't constantly be under the same kind of scrutiny when we all finally get to interact with greater Pern, " once travel restrictions are lifted. Before her description gets too heavy, her tone deliberately lightens for her next. "I've enjoyed the dragonhealing lessons more than the others. It's easier to work through a case study than to review the complex steps for a formal set - but those lessons are getting more tolerable, " since there's nothing else for it. As Jocelyn talks, Lys sips her drink a little, but mostly looks increasingly sympathetic. "I know," is quiet. It might be true, even or at least more than some. "I'm proud of you, of Farideh, of Irianke, even," the blonde makes a gesture inviting Jocelyn onto the couch, to join her, "but I don't envy you. I'll always listen when you need to be mad about it, or sad about it or hate it for a little while." She offers her friend a safe space, it seems. "In confidence?" That's equally quiet, and perhaps Jocelyn can be forgiven for looking momentarily wary at such an offer. "If what I chose to say wouldn't leave you to be repeated to anyone, anyone at all, then - maybe I'll take you up on that someday." That wariness extends to the invitation to relocate to the couch, but she unfolds herself from the chair soon enough to plop herself down not far from Lys, leaving a polite space between them. "I will do that for you, too. Listening, when you'd like to talk. And it will go no farther; you've my word." "Of course, Joce," is not a phrase issued lightly by Lys. "I have an excellent track record." There's a little amused smile for that. All the things about goldriders that she knows and has never told. "Can I ask you a weird question without things becoming weird because of it?" She looks to the goldrider, as if this alone wouldn't lead things toward 'weird'. Jocelyn's mouth curves into a small, if wry smile in return. "Of course you do. It would be stupid of me, given who I must be, not to make sure, " and that turns nearly apologetic. On the heels of Lys's query, however, a cautious cast returns to her features. Practically, "I can't answer that for you. I have no way of knowing just what you mean by 'weird' without knowing what your question is. You'll have to decide if it's worth taking the risk of - this weirdness that you don't want." "It's alright, truly." Lys assures with a little shrug and smile. "You have my word." Of course. That's so she can delay this, just a little. "I think it might be. Just," she takes another sip and then sets her drink on the low table, and turns on the couch so she can face Jocelyn, one leg drawing up, "Just know that all you have to do is say no or whatever and we'll never talk about it again." Perhaps that's more ominous, but lest she lose her nerve... "Flights. This month is mating flights." She glances toward her drink as if she might regret setting it down. "They're going to recommend do us to try everything out before our dragons would rise. And I know I have a while, and you have longer, but it has to happen sometime. So I wanted to know if it would be-- too weird for us to try things out with each other?" She's blushing, it's awkward, but at least it's direct. That ominous buildup to the greenrider's actual question elicits a raised eyebrow, but for the request itself? Jocelyn just stares at Lys, completely taken aback. Her mouth opens, then closes, and there's a visible struggle in the way she stiffens, the way her hands tremble in her lap. It's a long moment before she can produce an answer, and when she does - it's quiet. "Lys." There's so much in that syllable suddenly, even as blue-gray eyes travel soberly over her face. "What you ask - " A breath. "I'm not unaware that much of our class seems to have paired themselves off to experiment with - these things in mind. Is that what you're asking of me? An experiment?" Pointed though her questions are, she keeps her tone oddly gentle, for all that it doesn't wholly manage to stay even. "I should tell you, " and it gets shakier as she continues, "that I don't want experimentation. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, if you - are already involved with someone." It isn't a refusal, but it also isn't an unequivocal 'yes'. It's clear from the way Lys looks briefly troubled at Jocelyn's reaction that she's worried the worst of the weird is imminent. She listens with that troubled look as Jocelyn replies, perhaps weighing the wisdom of simply closing the topic at once, before the weird can progress. "I've never been the sort of girl to experiment," the blonde tells the redhead honestly. "My dragon may rise as much as four times a turn, did you know?" They haven't had the lesson yet, so why would she? "So maybe as many as four times a turn, I'll sleep with whoever's dragon catches Evy. Man, woman, old, young, gentle, rough. It's one of the things that I don't get a choice about." There are fewer for greenriders, surely, but this is certainly one of them. "You'll have it less, but you'll still have it. It might be a female-riding-brown who catches and they say it's dangerous not to know what you're doing. That you-- I-- we could hurt someone." It's a little hard to believe, but believe she does in the lessons being taught them. She stops there. It doesn't seem like she's unwilling to discuss the rest, but perhaps this is just testing the waters to see how much weird they can manage. Four times a turn. Jocelyn grimaces faintly, hearing Lys out through her argument that they should for safety purposes. That's all very well and logical, but: "Lys." Softer, "You said once that if our timing as children had been a little different, we could have been something to one another. If we go forward with this, if you wish to - explore what we could be now - then it's important that you know - I don't think I could accept anything less than - everything." It's almost hushed, that last word, and the goldrider's eyes are very blue as she openly, tentatively regards the other woman. "No casual encounters, no calls of convenience. I won't be that 'sometimes' person for anyone. You deserve someone who will treat you with kindness, who will treat you fairly, who will - " Here she breaks off, gaze gently observant. "So I must ask you again: what do you want, Lys?" Has she thought that far ahead? Lys listens in turn, really, and she manages to keep her jaw from dropping until she goes to speak in response. Then the jaw ends up open with no words coming, and so she closes it again, her expression some mixture of confused and perhaps embarrassed for being so taken by surprise. Her cheeks are colored near as red as Jocelyn's hair and she blinks at the goldrider. Probably, she has to know she needs to say something, but instead she reaches for Jocelyn's wrist to lay her fingers there gently, gingerly, but somehow also firmly. "Wait," she asks quietly. It's more than a little to process. If Jocelyn can give her those necessary moments, Lys will withdraw her hand as she exhales. "I never thought--" And she's still a little confused, "Is that-- what you would want? With me?" It's possibly as much incredulous to the greenrider that the goldrider would express that at all, let alone to her, about her. Color runs high in Jocelyn's face, too, and she falls silent afterward to give Lys that time to process. Contrary to popular belief, she isn't completely devoid of the softer emotions. They're certainly visible now, at any rate, in her eyes and in the way she slowly turns a hand upward so that her palm rests between them. "Do you see why I have to ask if you are certain, if it's what you might want? I will not experiment with you, " and this time, this time it sounds protective - perhaps of them both. "If it would contribute to your happiness, then yes - I would want to learn how to share as much as you would like to share. And if - " a slight hesitation, "if I've just managed to offend you or someone who already cares for you - " The line of her jaw tightens a little. "As you said, we could never speak of it again." Or at least for a long time. Lys' hand moves to settle atop the goldrider's, fingers seeking to lace with hers. "I'm the opposite of offended, Joce. I'm surprised, too. If we're being honest," and under the circumstances, that probably seems wisest, "I haven't thought of us like that, I didn't think you were-- and I habitually don't. Didn't. Never have, really, before. Not the type to experiment." Still, that prompts a heavy sigh. "I wasn't anyway. But with weyrs and flights and never having experimented before... I am." Her free hand rises to rub the side of her neck, just behind her ear. "Experimenting. Maybe more than experimenting. And that's complicated, too." Her expression is troubled, but also earnest and vulnerable. Cautiously, Jocelyn allows her fingers to curl into those of the other weyrling, expression unreadable beyond the fact that it searches and studies in the wake of Lys's sigh, her explanation. "You'll need to know what it's like sooner than I will, " the redhead says at some length, a slow nod following. There's no censure for the greenrider's admission of current experimentation, but light eyes drift briefly down to their hands before lifting again. "More than?" It's a quiet prompt, and whatever else might be going through Jocelyn's mind, her next is friendly, carefully concerned: "It's none of my business. I just hope that you're being - safe. And that they are - that they have enough respect for you to treat you equitably." "It is," Lys disagrees quietly, "If this is possible," her fingers squeeze the goldrider's. "What you-- want?" she still seems a little uncertain on that point, "is not a small thing. You're not asking for a casual start, of exploration and finding out what it might lead to." She seems relatively sure of that much. "I need some time to think about that." She swallows, "And one way or another, I'm going to have to be with a man. I don't want my first time to be in a flight." She bites her lower lip, chewing it. She looks uncertainly to Jocelyn now, the worry plain about how what she's said might have been received. Jocelyn's fingers give a small, return squeeze. "If your - complicated man, " and there's only a little hesitation here, for logically one wouldn't ask a woman for experience if one had already been with another one, "wants to pursue a full and complete future with you, and you decide that you happily want the same with him - then you should make a go of it, as they tend to say." And she seems to mean this, despite everything else that's been revealed in their conversation. "I know that I have to, also, " be with a man, "particularly since there aren't any female bronzeriders. I'm anxious about seeking someone out for that - task. So many of them seem so full of themselves. I won't be that goldrider notch for some random - " Her nose wrinkles, expression softening some moments later. "If you decide that you want to - try to learn if we might want the same things, " and that's honestly, if carefully phrased, "tell me when you know. And if not - then tell me when you know. Either way, we'll figure out how to proceed. Slowly. The last thing I want for either of us is lasting, unpleasant emotional repercussions." "Joce," is slow, careful but not guarded. "You're my friend, first and foremost, and I don't want to lose that. It's important to me." Lys looks to the other woman earnestly. "I don't want to take this off the table." Not yet. "But when I know, either way, I'll tell you, we'll talk. We'll go from there, but we'll still be friends, right?" She hopes. Then, with a breath taken, "But in the mean time, I need you to tell me what you need from me. This is-- a whole new level of complicated. Not bad, just complicated. I won't betray the trust of others just as I wouldn't yours, but I need to go about things in a way that doesn't make you trust me less. Do you want to know details about other things?" The things she's figuring out. "Do you want me to listen, to maybe try to help you find someone?" For the other part. What does Jocelyn need? "Your friendship is important to me, too, " says Jocelyn soberly, with another glance down to their hands. For details: "If there's something that you think I'd find - helpful for getting through if - when - I get to a similar scenario, I suppose I'd like to know, at some point." Just maybe not right this second. "I wasn't planning on trying to find someone for a little while yet, " she admits, then. "In theory, I have - " A pause, while she counts silently on her fingers, "eighteen months? Somewhere around there. It would have to be someone tolerable, " at the very least, "but aside from perhaps an opinion - I suspect it's a choice I'll have to make on my own. In the meantime, " turns more brisk, "I have a reputation to maintain while I - we - sort things out individually." It's accompanied by a small, wry smile as the redhead gently reclaims her hand and smoothly stands. "I think it's appropriate for me to leave, on that note." She looks oddly formal for a moment, hands clasping behind her back and shoulders, straight. "Thank you for inviting me into your home. And to Evyth, too." Lys is on her feet in the moments after Jocelyn stands, "Wait," there's nerves here. "I'm discreet, Joce." That's candid. "No one will hear about this, us, whatever it is or isn't from me." But. It's there in the breath she takes. "But some people aren't discreet, and if you're going to hear about my--" It's complicated because the term is uncertain. "I'd rather tell you myself." A beat, "V'ret," and then she bites her lip. "That isn't what I meant, " Jocelyn begins, frowning. "Of course you're discreet. I - " Both eyebrows arch, and the goldrider can't control the flash of dislike that twists at her features, swiftly scrunching her frown that much deeper. "V'ret? You can't be serious. He tried chasing after a kitchen girl when our dragons were almost two months old. She was sensible enough to shoot him down; no one in their right mind would interfere with a weyrling's training at such a juncture like that." But this isn't her decision to make, so the weyrling works to get her face under better control, pushing out a forceful exhale. "Does he treat you well, at least?" Lys' expression is hard to read as Jocelyn relates the story of the kitchen girl. However, her deep breath and nod accepts the goldrider's tale. She believes her. Still, she says quietly, "He's been exceptionally respectful with me. Maybe he learned something," or maybe not. Lys doesn't seem like she's holding her breath. "Sometimes I think it's a long con." She shrugs, "If it is, there's been opportunity for end game and to have it done that he hasn't taken, and I don't know what he would have to gain. It's hard for me to think of anyone caring for me in that way, wanting me in that way." She tilts her head a little as she looks to Jocelyn. It goes double, perhaps, in this case. Then quickly, Lys is stepping in, meaning to brush a light kiss to Jocelyn's cheek almost shyly before she's rocking right back on her heels. "I'll figure things out as quickly as I can, Joce, but this is big. It might take time." In the meantime, they'll be friends. They'll still be friends. Hopefully. "He did gain rank, however briefly, " Jocelyn points out, "although I'd like to believe that he found a way to earn that fairly before he made his move. But Lys, " and then she goes all still for that kiss to her cheek, one hand lifting to touch that same spot afterward with an expression that's briefly vulnerable. It reshapes quickly into her usual practicality. "Some people will always be driven by who you know rather than who you are. Take care of yourself; take your time. It isn't as if we have anywhere to go." She's fairly quick to begin heading for the ledge after that, reluctantly pulling Aidavanth away from her own socializing so that the pair can make their farewells and circle back down toward the weyrleader complex. |
Comments
Roz (11:41, 20 December 2015 (PST)) said...
Well, well, well.
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