Logs:Blood And Secrets
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| RL Date: 15 April, 2010 |
| Who: Madilla |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Waiting, waiting, waiting. |
| Where: High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 0, Month 6, Turn 22 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: B'tal/Mentions, Delifa/Mentions |
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| Madilla felt very alone in the weeks that followed her-- encounter? with B'tal. She tried not to think about what they'd done, focusing instead on the possibility of what lay ahead. But it was hard, not knowing whether it had worked or not, whether she was actually carrying a child (actually pregnant! After all this time of dreaming about it!), or if she'd bleed as normal, and go on with her life. She felt like she was standing at a precipice, and maybe she was slipping down it, but maybe she wasn't, and there was nothing she could do to find out which it was: she had to wait. It was a better secret to carry than the lost one she'd had. This one held the possibility of life, not the certainty of death. That didn't make it easy, though; it weighed her down at the shoulders, stalked her, always just out of sight. Will it, won't it? Will it, won't it. It became outright dread in her mind, as she approached the fourteen day mark, the date when, theoretically, she was probably due to bleed. If. She felt obsessed - unable to think about anything else. Was that twinge a precursor to the familiar twist in her belly? Was that blood she could feel dripping? She ended up running off to inspect her underwear so often, those few days, Delifa asked if she was ill. Not ill, though-- just waiting. She felt as though her heart might burst. The fourteenth day passed, though, and the fifteenth, and by the sixteenth, she was more unsure than ever. She felt... she was tightly coiled, wrapped up in her own body, obsessed. But she couldn't tell: shouldn't she feel something, if she was pregnant? Shouldn't she know? But she felt just the same. Not bleeding, but not... full. She'd thought she might feel full. She'd thought she might feel something, at least. Something to give her more hope than just a missing period. So she waited. She kept waiting. She told no one. Two more weeks, then. Two more weeks, and she could ask for an examination. And then... |
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