Logs:Call a Spade a Spade

From NorCon MUSH
Call a Spade a Spade
"Can you really tell me that she doesn't want you to fly with her? That she'd rather have you cowering on the ground than experiencing... everything?"
RL Date: 26 April, 2013
Who: D'kan, N'ky
Involves: High Reaches Weyr
Type: Log
What: D'kan seeks out N'ky where the greenrider can't hide from him.
Where: Squishy Couch, High Reaches Weyr
When: Day 15, Month 8, Turn 31 (Interval 10)
Weather: Breezy
Mentions: Sabella/Mentions


Icon d'kan askance.jpg Icon d'kan kazcai space.gif Icon n'ky hrm.jpg


It's early enough in the morning for the majority of weyrlings to still be able to enjoy the luxury of sleep, if they're so inclined. That's not to say there aren't already several up and about, of course; the early-risers and those with extra duties can already be seen around the caverns complex that is the barracks. In their mattress-lined couch, N'ky and Cailluneth appear unusually unprepared to face the day, given the pair's tendency of getting up and sneaking out especially early of late; the teenaged boy is leaning up against his green's side, with her muzzle resting in his lap. His eyes are closed, but the gentle stroking of his hand shows that he's awake.


While not a natural early-riser, D'kan is definitely up and about, though Kazavoth is making a far slower progression of it, his dark maw creaking open rather large (and occasionally noisome) yawns, though he seems to be making his gradual way toward the outer training cavern. D'kan, however, is making his way toward N'ky and Cailluneth's couch, if just as slowly. He stops a few paces away, indecision on his face. Cailluneth might experience the lightest of touches from Kazavoth, as if checking to make sure she's awake, which is then followed by the brownrider's final approach. "Hey, Nick," he says quietly, shoulders somewhat hunched in his jacket, fists shoved in the pockets.


Kazavoth will have found Cailluneth to be awake, but lacking her usual rainbows; a pale lunar plateau in their place. Not unpleasant, but not as welcoming as usual. When D'kan approaches with his greeting, N'ky cracks open one tired eye, looking sleepily over at the brownrider. The black circles under his eyes haven't eased up any and his cheeks and jaw are shadowed with stubble, curls awry atop his head in their unruly length. Both eyes open as he offers a forced smile that echoes the state of his lifemate's mind, and then he averts his gaze, looking back down to Cailluneth where her muzzle's in his lap.


When Kazavoth reaches a good waiting (i.e. napping) spot, he settles in, curling himself into a (not so little) brown ball of dragon, reaching out again toward Cailluneth, though his own powers of mindvoice are not at their peak, his own colors and scents dulled by a lack of sleep. He's conscious enough, though, to keep his link with Cailluneth active, if fairly quiet, offering a foggy version of their shared mindscape. D'kan looks about as tired as his lifemate feels , so it's with a tired gaze that he studies the greenrider. One corner of his mouth twitches into what might have been a mild grimace, but that expression soon fades back to tired neutrality before he asks, "Mind if I sit for a little bit?"


A shrug of N'ky's shoulders and a quick glance is as much of an invitation to join him as D'kan will get from the younger weyrling. There's plenty of space on the mattress-strewn floor for the other rider to come on in and get comfortable, though as N'ky's positioned with his back to the couch's (perfectly made, probably unslept in) cot with Cailluneth between himself and it, the best bet is probably for D'kan to come join them on the squishy temporary flooring.


Which is just what he does. After getting situated, D'kan leans forward, knees drawn up a bit so he can rest his forearms there, hands dangling slack in front. For the first several seconds, he looks over the rest of the barracks. It's not time to start rousing people yet, so it's most likely just a casual survey. After that moment, he gives N'ky a sidelong glance that lasts too long to be the same casual survey. He may have faint bags under his own eyes, but it's the greenrider's he's studying. D'kan frowns for a moment as he looks down at a small tear on the bottom of his trousers where the repairs are themselves starting to tear loose. "I'm just going to spit it out, I guess," he says finally, his voice a low rumble. "I'm worried about you. You and Cai, both. Don't know how to help, but I want to. But if you don't want that help, say it. But don't keep hiding away from us," he says with a deeper frown, concern plain as he looks at N'ky again. "It sharding hurts."


N'ky looks up from beneath heavy brows, frowning slightly. Before he speaks, he looks back down again and shakes his head, shoulders shrugging. "W-why's everyone so worried about us." It should be a question, but it's spoken without the inflected ending that would make it such. "Everyone wants to help." Up comes his gaze again, settling on D'kan. "We're f-fine." But there's no real conviction there; perhaps he doesn't believe it himself. "I didn't know I was d-doing a-anything to hurt you."


"Oh, bullshit," D'kan says quickly, frown deepening before he looks away toward where two weyrlings are gradually prying themselves out of their cots while their dragons sleep on. "Are you being delusional, or just an asshole?" That has a slightly sharper edge to it, but he takes a deep breath while pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closing tightly. He leans forward and crosses his arms over the tops of his knees before he looks at N'ky again, with a brief glance at the dragon head in his lap. "I worry because I care. Or was that 'brother' stuff just more bullshit? Because it doesn't feel like bullshit to me. You're a mess. I care. So I worry. You look like crap, you're performing like crap, and did you think with this sharding wingleader duty this month I could somehow miss that you and Cai haven't gone flying yet?"


No-one's ever called N'ky an asshole before, and he looks at D'kan like he's been slapped in the face. Cheeks flushing dark red, he looks down at Cailluneth, avoiding the brownrider's gaze as best he can. "I-I'm ok. Cailluneth s-says I'm ok." The green's eyes open a fraction, whirling purple beneath half-closed lids. And then the topic of flying comes up. N'ky shakes his head, lifting a hand from his lifemate's muzzle to knot his fingers into his curls. "I'm n-not flying yet. W-we're not ready."


"Bullshit again," D'kan accuses. The heat is gone from his voice, which is still pitched low enough to avoid any eavesdroppers. This conversation isn't for anyone but the two (three) of them. "You're ready. Been ready. I think you're sabotaging yourself." He stops to take a sharp breath, which is just as quickly let out again. "Which I don't get," he continues while turning back to the green pair, "since it means you're also sabotaging her. Hampering what could be amazing. Fuck the Harper lessons. Fuck that sharding silver thread stuff. Fuck all relationships ever. She's what's important, and you're missing out. And it..." He stops to swallow uncomfortably while looking away again. "It hurts to watch. To be unable to help."


"She's why I've n-not done it yet." D'kan's talk is having an effect; N'ky looks up at him, scowling. "If one w-weyrling can f-fall, so can e-everyone else. I c-can't... if I fell, it w-would h-hurt her," he curls an arm protectively around his lifemate's muzzle, drawing her tight to his chest, "s-so badly... I can't risk h-hurting her. I d-don't care about the rest. I care about Cailluneth." His frown takes on an element of challenge, inviting this month's weyrling wingleader to say otherwise.


And he does. D'kan fixes N'ky with an expression that is a mixture of challenge and his own smouldering anger. "If you're so afraid of falling, N'ky, why did you even Stand? As far as I know, Sabella's fall was a sharding fluke, but you're going to base everything on it?" He looks away again, struggling with thoughts and words going by the continuing small shifts of expression. "Nick... every day of our lives is a risk. Flying... yeah, shit happens. But that's why there are straps. That's why we're going over those straps with the weyrlingmasters. Learning even better how to test them. But..." He stops again to take a deep breath before looking to the green pair again. "Can you really tell me that she doesn't want you to fly with her? That she'd rather have you cowering on the ground than experiencing... everything?"


Cailluneth raises her head, eyes open fully now and whirling green. She looks from D'kan to N'ky, growl-purring at her weyrling. "I'm n-not scared of f-flying. I d-don't want to get hurt, for her sake. You f-felt it when Kazavoth got h-hurt by the wherry. I feel it e-every time Cailluneth h-hurts herself even in the t-tiniest way... if I h-hurt myself properly, I... I d-don't know what she'd do." Try as he might to put up a fight, his argument is losing traction. "I'm n-not scared of flying," he repeats, just to be sure that point was heard.


"Uh huh," D'kan replies in a quiet, flat voice that just about screams how unimpressed he is with N'ky's counter-argument. "And, uh... how exactly do you propose you're going to get over that, Nick?" he asks, fixing a sharp look on the other weyrling now. "Or do you plan on staying on the ground forever? Maybe we could wrap you up in pillows and swaddling clothes." He moves that fixed look from N'ky to Cailluneth, but only momentarily, some deeper emotion making him turn away. Alas, Kazavoth is of little help, as he's rather thoroughly asleep again in the outer cavern.


"I'm n-not a b-baby, Kaed." With Cailluneth's head out of his lap, N'ky can squirm away from her until he's able to stand up. Once he's on his feet he sways, reaching out for his dragon's side to steady himself, before squinting at the brownrider. "I'm n-not a baby. S-stop t-treating me like one." His hand stays on Cailluneth's side as he continues to glower at D'kan, biting down on his bottom lip as he does so. "We'll f-fly when we're ready."


D'kan stands when N'ky does, his eyes widening very slightly when the other weyrling sways on his feet, though it isn't in alarm. "Right, because I routinely go around telling babies to pull their heads out of their asses, is that it?" the brownrider almost growls. It would be anger, except... Those widened eyes have a particular sheen to them that anger doesn't generally produce. There's a tremble of a frown before D'kan looks away, fists at his sides pressing hard against his legs. In the distance, Kazavoth can be seen rousing slightly, his dark head rising to peer in their direction while along the link there is the faintest, haziest reaches of questioning thought. D'kan looks up at the cavern's ceiling for a moment, then starts to turn, though he gives N'ky and Cailluneth a last look. "Take a few more days, Nick. But I want to work on this. If it takes hours of strapping you to Cai's back while she walks around the bowl... assembling every sharding dragonhealer the Weyr has, just in case..." He breaks off and shrugs his shoulders, then furtively rubs the knuckle of one thumb under an eye while he starts to turn away. "And go clean up. You look like something a watchwhere puked up." The tone at that last is dour and about as lame as the words themselves, but he's already walking away, about to start waking up those who haven't yet roused themselves for the morning calisthenics out in the bowl.


The rumbling of N'ky's tummy can probably be heard by D'kan - and it might be a clue as to why the green weyrling's swaying on his feet, too. "W-we're not just w-walking around the bowl like..." 'Babies' was on the tip of his tongue again, but on remembering that they pretty much are the youngest of the dragonrider lot, he bites the word back. He follows D'kan out of his couch with Cailluneth on his heels, scowling in contemplation. It's a change from the uninterested expression that's coloured his features for so long now. Before D'kan slips into a couch to wake someone else up, N'ky taps his forearm. "I'm going for breakfast." With the wingleader's permission or not, N'ky leads his lifemate out towards the bowl.




Comments

Azaylia (Dragonshy (talk)) left a comment on Sat, 27 Apr 2013 02:33:20 GMT.

< That's some tough love right there, and I liked that D'kan struggled with it. <3 Let's see if it takes.

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