Logs:Familial Pressures and Priorities
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| RL Date: 3 January, 2015 |
| Who: K'del |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Balancing work and family - especially when 'family' is spread across the planet - isn't easy. |
| When: Day 18, Month 9, Turn 36 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Ali/Mentions, Eire/Mentions, Erika/Mentions, Iska/Mentions, Ishadel/Mentions, Kasey/Mentions, Nakasha/Mentions, Nikalas/Mentions, Tayte/Mentions, Yvalia/Mentions |
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| "Stay, daddy." It was hard. It was always hard. Iska stared up at him, frustrated and determined. Why shouldn't her daddy stay here, at Southern, with Iska and Ish and mommy (and nanny, who maybe counted more than anyone, at least in terms of how much time she spent with Iska, but also wasn't family)? Why did he always have to go away? "I can't, sweetheart," K'del told her, hugging his daughter close. "I wish I could. High Reaches needed me." It had gotten harder all over again, a few months ago, when Ali had confirmed her third pregnancy. K'del was delighted, of course, but... he hated to leave, even as much as he knew he couldn't stay. It helped when the kids (and their nanny) came to High Reaches, but then everyone missed Ali, and that wasn't fair, either. There would be more of that, soon, when Isyath was on the sands. It was for the best. Even so. Family nights, when it was just him and Ali, Iska and Ishadel, Isyath and Cadejoth; those were the best. When they could pretend that they were just a normal family, all living together. It never lasted; it couldn't. How could two weyrleaders - living on opposite sides of the planet, just about - manage that? They couldn't. But it was better than nothing. Kash always rolled her eyes when he talked about wishing to see more of Erika. He could read the message in her eyes: she's my daughter, not yours. It was true, as things went; Erika knew him as an uncle, and enjoyed his visits, but probably didn't especially mind that they were months apart. Months and months apart. K'del minded. Erika was his daughter, by blood if not by anything else, and she was... she was his link to Kash. The one bond they still had, that would let him be there for her. It still hurt, how far apart they were - this distance between them that sat there like an aching chasm, mocking the closeness of childhood. But Kash was happy with Eire, and happy with Erika. It was something. K'del sent things, when he couldn't visit. A glass firelizard; a string of beads; llama wool mittens. It wasn't the same as actually being able to be there. "You know I'm always here if you need me, Rik," he said to her, once. "Any time. If it's something your mothers can't--" She felled him with a glance. "You're all the way in High Reaches," she pointed out, calmly, all ten-turn-old logic. "And I'm here. It's fine, Uncle K'del. I'm fine." So that was that. The boys were thirteen, now, full of dreams of Impression (not next clutch, he told himself; they're still too young. The one after that?), dismissive of other possibilities. Who would go off and join a craft if they were just going to leave it to be dragonriders? No one, that's who. K'del spent time with them when he could. He took them out: to beaches, to gathers, wherever they liked. They claimed not to be interested in girls, yet, but he could see the way they looked at them; it was an odd feeling. It wouldn't be long, now, and then... They were only a turn or two younger than he'd been, and didn't that make him feel old? He checked in on Yvalia, too, as often as he could. Sometimes it hurt - he missed Tayte, missed knowing she'd drop in to use the bath, or he'd drop in for a drink. But she was happy; that was the important thing. He knew it had been a difficult adjustment for her - and maybe it probably still was, beneath everything else - and he wished, deeply and honestly, that he'd been able to be there more. He liked that she was there to keep an eye out for Iska and Ishadel when they visited; they loved having an older sister on hand, certainly, and he was glad she had people other than him around, people she was connected to. It was good. He was glad she'd decided to stay. Often, she came with him and the boys, when they went places. Not always - but often. And sometimes he took her back to the Vintner Hall to visit her mother. When he could. When other things weren't taking him away. When he didn't feel like he was being torn in a dozen different directions, all at once. I'm doing my best, Tayte. And he was. Good enough or no, it was his best. Before winter ended, there would be a new baby in his life. It was both exciting and exhausting; yet another small person who needed yet another piece of his attention. He didn't begrudge them - not ever - and he was thrilled by it... and even so. He'd always wanted to be a parent, and he loved it. He just didn't want to feel like he was missing things. Lots of things. Sometimes, all the things. "Stay, daddy. Stay." How could he say no? |
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Comments
Azaylia (03:09, 4 January 2015 (EST)) said...
Well that's what you get, waving your spores all around Pern! Honetly though, I feel really bad for K'del. The feeling of being torn by responsibilities-- ones you love and ones that need to be handled is like, the worst thing. I found his choice to stay surprising and yet not. Good stuff.
Edyis (21:24, 5 January 2015 (EST)) said...
Now I picture K'del as a mushroom. This really tugged at the heart strings, and was a really good read.
Tela (16:19, 8 January 2015 (EST)) said...
Lovely, K'del! So many tugging ties; it's nice to get to see them in action.
- looks thoughtfully in Kash and Eire's direction*
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