Logs:Good
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| RL Date: 11 May, 2009 |
| Who: K'del, Milani |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: After her conversation with A'son, Milani comes to see K'del. Admissions of all kinds are made here, too, but the results are distinctly more positive. |
| Where: K'del's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 14, Month 9, Turn 19 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: A'son/Mentions |
| It's into the hour past sunset, twilight given way to full night when there's footsteps on the stairs in Puddle's wake. The brown wings outward, circles Milani's head but doesn't land, returning to the weyr to flop down in one of K'del's chairs. Yes. She's coming in. When Millie appears, her skirts cling to her legs and her arms are wrapped around herself, hair draggling downward, leaving a trail of drips behind her. Shivering. Big eyes. Puddle's warning has at least given K'del some kind of time to prepare himself, but Milani's appearance still seems to catch him out. He's already on his way over, but stops, just part way there, to look at her, his eyes meeting hers, his mouth caught half open. And then, he's back into motion, reaching her to wrap his arms - and, helpfully, a blanket - around her shoulders. "Mil-- /shells/. Come over to the fire... Or a bath? I could run you a hot bath? Warm you up." What might have been an out and out ramble stops short: he stares at her instead. Her chin tops upward a little and she just looks at him while he wraps that blanket around her, then her hands unfold, press against his chest, slide upward and bring her arms along with to curl around his neck. "Hold me?" she asks in a small voice. Wet as she is, even. Milani's chin tips upward a little and she just looks at him while he wraps that blanket around her, then her hands unfold, press against his chest, slide upward and bring her arms along with to curl around his neck. "Hold me?" she asks in a small voice. Wet as she is, even. K'del looks at her, looking at him, and then it takes no time at all before he has her properly in his arms, his whole body pressed against hers - wet or not. "Of course," he breathes, as one hand curves up to cradle her head, the other flat against her back. "I've got you. I've /got/ you." Still shaking with the stupid chill of having jumped into the lake on an autumn night, Milani nevertheless steps that much closer too, face burrowing into his shirt, regardless of any transferred damp. Her head comes to rest against his shoulder, arms left around his neck, though her hand has in fact wandering up into toffee curls to tangle there in turn. She trembles and breathes, just leaning against him for a while, until the worst of it eases. It's then that her head lifts again, cold lips pressing into the warmth of his neck, traveling with purpose towards his mouth. "You do you know," she murmurs into his chin. "You have me. And I have you. Don't I?" At least the weyr is relatively warm, and so is K'del, though standing so close to someone so cold and wet is unlikely to keep him that way for too long. For as long as it takes her to gather enough of herself to speak, he's willing to stand there, holding on tight, asking no questions. If the positioning of her mouth surprises him, he doesn't remark on it, except, perhaps, in the slight furrowing of his brows. What he says, however, is more simple: "Of course. On both counts. Always, Millie. What's--" But he doesn't complete that question, instead drawing his face just far enough away so that he can plant a kiss on her forehead. "Of course you do." "Take me. Take me to bed. Make me forget it all. Warm me up, not just on the outside," she murmurs next as his lips move to her forehead and her fingers tighten in his hair. There's an unfamiliar edge to her voice. Not quite, but could be bitter. Maybe a faint echo of hysteria. "I've -- I've had enough, Kas. I need to just ... be happy again. And you make me happy. Being with you makes me happy." The words tumble out pell mell and she looks up at him, trying to catch his eyes. "Please?" It would be completely out of character for K'del to refuse such an invitation, but that doesn't mean he doesn't hesitate before responding; something about hysteria, about people jumping into lakes at this time of the day in a high reaches autumn, about all of it, must be causing him some consternation. He meets her gaze, and there's still a question there, still a 'are you sure' that goes vocally unasked. But he nods, still holding her tight. "Of course. If you're--" Beat. "Sure." Milani's eyes are right on his when she says not 'yes' but "Please," again and this time she leans in on half tiptoes to press her mouth to his. It's likely she's noticed that concern, but she's ignoring it for now, something pressing in the way her hands aim to draw him to her, fall down to his shoulders to dig at buttons. K'del takes a deep breath, perhaps just as a breath, perhaps intended to lead into some other comment, but her lips against his forestall anything further; his response is ardent, unquestionably answering her request in the affirmative. His eyes close, and his breath catches, reservations dropped in an instant in the wake of that kiss. While her hands seek for his buttons, his seek for hers, and though the wet makes it all quite a bit more difficult, practiced hands make relatively short work of them, aiming, this time, more for speed than titilation. Mostly. Short work is made of clothing on both sides and Milani's fingertips wander across bared skin, up high and lower down like she's learning him all over again, getting to know the contours of his body as if it were the first time on a tumbled into birthday mattress. She steps out of the puddle of her damp skirts, very intent it seems on walking him backwards to the bed. There's no thought given to the last time she was in here, when the place was N'thei's. Just steady insistence and if that's not enough to let K'del know that she's sure, then the passe of her hands over him ought to convince. K'del's breath catches under the explorations of those fingertips, eyes fluttering shut once more though they can scarcely stay that way: he keeps looking at her, staring at her, gaze filled with one part surprise, one part pleasure, and one of unmissable concern. He's more than willing to be walked backwards, though once they're within a few steps of the bed, he reaches out to scoop her up and carry her - not without a little difficulty - the rest of the way. At the bed, he draws back the covers, to join her beneath them, leaning down for another heated kiss. Sad. Milani looks sad. But also determined. And there's a touch of heat building up there too. When he picks her up, she sighs softly and curls into him, waits as he deals with bed preparation then aims to make this particular reunion as memorable as possible. At times, there's an edge of desperation to the way she moves, but for the most part, it's earnest and in the aftermath, she lies back, sweaty instead of just lake-wet, breathing hard, cheeks flushed, with her fingers still caught lightly in his hair, stroking gently. "Thank you ..." she breathes out eventually, voice hoarse. Sad. And how could K'del not be aware of that? It shades what he does, how he touches her: for him, this ends up being as much about comfort as it is about passion. Afterwards, he draws the covers about them - the same, familiar covers, albeit on a different bed - and draws his arms companionably around her, holding more loosely than before, but still, without question, /here/. Safe. He recovers his breath slowly, and, after her thanks, reaches to plant another kiss about her forehead. "Here for you," he murmurs. "Always." There's another thank you, there, from him, but it goes unspoken, for now. Familiar covers, familiar arms, familiar lips. Familiar safety. His words actully do draw a smile from Milani and she turns into him, cuddling up close. A deep sigh and she nods, fingers trailing along his chest again, though this time its a fond gesture rather than one meant to incite. She's quiet for a good long time, just leaning into him but the words finally do start, tone low, thoughtful. "I've made so many mistakes Kas. So many. Everything's been all topsy turvy since he came back." And he has to know which 'he' she means, not poor also-broken-hearted N'thei, at least. "I thought ... I thought there was a chance, but it's totally wrecked. Ruined. He doesn't want me anymore. He wants Persie." Beat. "Persie." A quiet sigh and she closes her eyes, is silent for a while longer. "I -- I was pregnant. Figured it out about a month after the flight. Took care of it." Hollow-voiced. K'del's finger curls a piece of hair away from her face, and though his eyes remain trained upon her, there's no pressure in his gaze encouraging her to talk before she's ready. When she does speak, he listens in silence until she's finished, and though his arms tighten about her at each admission, and he swallows audibly at the last, there's nothing on his face but compassion. "/Mil/, oh shells. Millie. I'm--" He takes a breath, pauses, tries again. "Shells. I'm sorry, Millie. I'm /so/ sorry." For his part, no question of that, but the rest, too. Then: "You're all right? Aside from the obvious." Fearful almost, her eyes find his, though that edge slowly leaves her gaze as she finds no recrimination in his face. "I couldn't -- I couldn't keep it, Kas. I hadn't been with anyone ... but the two of you and there was no way to tell." THere's a little sad noise in the back of her throat at the end there. "Would've made for talk about you ... and only been a reminder for him." Her eyes close though and she turns her face into his shoulder. "For once though, for once I wanted to. I wanted to risk it. And he wants kids. Said so tonight. Really wants them. And he did tell me he loved me that day. Only I didn't hear him. I was asleep and if I'd been more patient. Things would be different now. But I wasn't. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Wanted to give you your present. Even if that was going to be the last time, maybe." Her voice dies down a little and she swallows hard. "I know," K'del sounds earnest, at least, about that, and even nods a few times fast. "I understand. I just... wish you didn't have to go through that alone. I would've--" He seems to know, though, or guess, why she might not have; he just looks sad. As she turns her face in, he squeezes his arms about her, one hand stroking through her hair, while the other holds on tight. "You couldn't've known. You couldn't've. Oh, Millie. Shells. I'm sorry. For my part in it. But please don't blame yourself. It was all mixed up, but..." He looks as though he'd like to blame A'son, too, but he keeps that one quiet. "I know," Milani echoes into his neck, presses a kiss there and is silent again for a while. "You didn't do anyting wrong, Kas. You needed me and I was there. I welcomed you in. It just ... it happened. And there's no fixing it, really, really no fixing it. So I have to let it go." Her voice is quiet, thoughtful. "Because if I don't I'm going to go nuts thinking about all the little ways it could /not/ have happened. And there's so many of them. All those little things and they're stupid little thing." She stops, takes a breath and tilts her head back up towards him again, smiles at him a little more ... normally and sneaks a hand upward to trace his cheek. "Besides. In the end ... I still have you. And you have me. And that's not a bad thing at all. It's not that big dream I've been dreaming since I was fifteen. But ... we're good, aren't we? We don't hurt each other. There's no confusion with you." Her lips press together for a moment and she exhales after a moment, re-centers her eyes on his. "I think I've been really dumb not to see it. I've been too ... stuck on that big thing. So stuck that I've been ignoring what I already have. I'm sorry, Kas." "No," says K'del, after all of that, his head shaking, though he has disentangled one of his hands to reach up and cover her hand upon his cheek, then twine his fingers through hers and squeeze. "No, don't be sorry. There's nothing wrong with wanting what you want. Wanteded? Whatever. /Nothing/." He draws her hand towards his mouth, now, to press a light kiss onto it, before he continues in a low voice. "If there's really no fixing it, then, well, that's the way it is. And I'm sorry for it. But wanting it? Trying everything you could to get it? Nothing wrong with that. But we are good, and if... if it's what you want, then..." A nod. A smile. "You've always got me. When you want me. Don't mind, so long as you're happy, okay?" The expression on Milani's face loses some of that edge goes softer as he speaks and her fingers curl towards his mouth, thumb to brush one lip. "He's moving on. He wants to be friends. The least I can do is make sure we get there, even if there's bumpy parts," Millie says quietly. "So. In the end, for all it's been ... horribly painful, maybe we can all be happy now. Because, Kas, I do, I do want you. Love you, even, though it's not ..." she struggles for words and winds up shaking her head. "It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what we call it. You care, I care and we're definitely good." Another exhale and she tips her lips up to his chin gently. K'del plants another kiss on that thumb as he brushes against his lip, nodding slowly, ruefully, as she continues. "Different kind of love," he agrees, filling in the words - or, at least, /his/ words - when she struggles. "But still love." His eyes flicker shut once more as her lips tip up towards his chin, though he continues to talk throughout. "It'll get easier. You and him, I mean. In time. Fewer bumpy parts. So..." A nod then, as his eyes re-open. "Going to be okay. We're okay. We're good. So long as you don't go jumping off cliffs in autumn again, mm? Still remember how that cold hits you." The rest of what K'del says seems to ease some remaining tension from Milani's frame and this time when she smiles at him, it's wider, more open, actually reaches those sad eyes and pushes back the lurking shadows. "I know, eventually. When it's less painful all the time." Her hands move again, tracing up his cheek on one side curling around the back of his neck on he other. Fingers wander back into his hair and there's something different in the way she looks at him, a note of tenderness that maybe seemed like it wasn't allowed before. "I promise. No more cliffs. I just went a little crazy for a minute and ... I needed to shake it off, knock some sense back into myself," she claims seriously. This time though when she aims to kiss him it's full on the mouth. "Want to give me some more reasons to stay?" she says with laughter starting to edge her voice, wicked really. K'del has, at least, lost most of the uncertainty - he's still visibly concerned, but it is beginning to lose out to the rest: his smile, too, is a genuine one. "Know the feeling," he admits, of the cliffs. "And if it helped... But I'm glad. If there are no more. At least until next summer." With her voice beginning to sound much like the old Millie, not to mention her next suggestion, he releases her hand in order to use his to slide down her body with distinct naughtiness, utterly negating the words he utters around, and in between, that kiss: "Think I could think of one or two..." Or more. A lot more. "No more 'til summer," Milani promises and she laughs next, real, genuine laughter as his hands slide down her sides and her body arches into his touch. "Keep thinking and more than that /doing/!" she commands playfully, laughing again. Laughter then ushers in that second round. Or more. Punctuated by more than one 'Oh Kas ...', well into the night. When Milani finally sleeps, it's with her fingers threaded through his and unlikely to let go until one or both of them shifts away in dreams. "Yes, ma'am, of course, ma'am," laughs K'del, fully intent upon taking this instruction to heart. It may be late when she finally sleeps, but he manages to stay awake a little longer, just watching her, holding tight to her fingers. Though laughter has reigned for much of the rest of the evening, his smile is more restrained, in the darkness, though utterly fond. He leans in, planting one final kiss upon her cheek, before he curls up beside her, and joins her contently in dreamland. |
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