Logs:Heart and Head
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| RL Date: 4 October, 2015 |
| Who: Jocelyn, Jounine |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Jocelyn comes to talk to Jounine. |
| Where: Headwoman's Office, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 28, Month 12, Turn 38 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Z'kiel/Mentions |
| Storyteller: K'del/ST |
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| The wintry mix outside drags on throughout the day; by late afternoon, the assistant headwomen are bringing their end-of-day reports in to Jounine's office before going off-duty for the evening. Usually one of the first to enter and first to sign off on her clipboard before turning it in, Jocelyn is one of the last assistants to report in this day, if not the last. There's a nod for the woman just leaving Jounine's office before the redhead strides in, brow creased into a frown. Depositing her well-organized, concise papers into the proper place on the Headwoman's desk, she gives her usual greeting to Jounine and lingers, arms folding uncomfortably across her chest. "If you have a moment, " she says abruptly with a grimace, "could we talk?" "Jocelyn," says Jounine, settled behind her desk with a stack of papers-- not Jocelyn's, but those of one of the assistants before her. The Headwoman's dark eyes study her assistant, that frown and those uncomfortably folded arms most certainly drawing her attention. "Of course. Come and sit. Tell me what troubles you." "The candidates, " Jocelyn says once she's seated, studying the grain of the desk in front of her for a moment before lifting pale eyes to first the Headwoman's knot, then its current owner. "One of the bronzes - I think from Niahvth's last - asked me today." She shifts slightly, lips pursing. "You know I haven't stood since we both started with Giorda. If he's that young, he hasn't Searched before, but I - " Exhale. "I know High Reaches will need as many as they can offer with twenty-eight out there. I gave up on doing this six turns ago, but you know I'm duty-bound to this place. I don't want there to be a conflict of interest. I've been managing candidates for almost a decade with you and the others." The line of Jounine's mouth tightens as Jocelyn explains herself; the Headwoman doesn't look pleased, though she doesn't look horrified or upset or even disappointed, either. She lets her assistant get to the end of her explanation before making any attempt to speak, and when she does, her words are simple. "Duty is a difficult burden sometimes, isn't it? It can feel as if it takes you in two different directions at once. What does your heart tell you, Jocelyn? I won't deny," and then there's the twist of an almost-smile, "I try to follow my head and not my heart, but sometimes... sometimes, it's what needs doing." The line of Jocelyn's shoulders tenses, her expression unreadable. "My heart, " and the younger woman gives a small, humorless laugh, shaking her head briefly. "It's been a while. When I was a child, I always thought it'd be - the usual sort of thing most weyrbred kids dream about, I suppose. Fun. Neat. Give you someone with whom you'd belong." That last is almost too-quiet. Stronger, "I know I'm close to no longer being of the appropriate age. If this is where the weyr needs me the most and nothing comes of it - " There's a pause, an awkward lift of the shoulders. "I'd want my knot back, if it didn't work out. I don't want to leave you in the lurch, either. And I don't know how continuing my usual duties would work, if I went through with this." Jounine exhales, leaning backwards in her chair-- and then smiles, thin and tight but genuine nonetheless. "Those last are easy answers, at least. Your knot is yours for as long as you wish it, Jocelyn. If you'd like to keep wearing it until the day Niahvth's eggs hatch, and then swap, well, I won't say a word. If you'd prefer to do so sooner, I'll get rearrange the duty roster and we'll keep your tasks covered, because no, I don't believe you can be a candidate and help supervise them, all at once." Both hands press flat to the table, elbows straight. "If you want the opportunity, Jocelyn, take it. It's likely your last chance, and no one will judge you for that." Jocelyn's eyes squeeze shut for a long minute, maybe two. Her expression remains conflicted when they open again, but her voice is surprisingly steady by contrast, as are her hands as they lift to where her knot rests and carefully, carefully slide it from her shoulder. "He said that they call. I don't know if they do, but my need to serve this weyr does." Chin lifting, she drops the headwoman's assistant knot onto Jounine's desk, hand trembling only briefly once its left her possession. "If this isn't all for naught, I don't need to be managing this class. It'll only make things worse for everyone involved." Practical to the last. Does Jounine regret the loss of her assistant, temporary though it may be? Practical to the last, if she does, she doesn't let it cloud her judgement, or show in her features. Long fingers reach out to take the knot, to let the cords tangle about her fingers as she withdraws it, putting it away in a drawer. Silently, in exchange, she offers a replacement: a candidate's knot, banded in white. "High Reaches values your commitment, your dedication, and your service," she says, then. "That was a wise decision. We'll wish you all the best." Something shifts in Jocelyn's expression as she reaches out to take that white-corded knot, rubbing it between thumb and forefinger with a weighty demeanor. "Six turns, " is the almost-absent phrase she gives in answer, studying it a moment longer before deftly securing it about the other shoulder, leaving the one where she always fastened her headwoman's knot free. "If you could tell the Weyrwoman in our usual morning meeting, " it's more question than request as she stands, business concluded. "Thank you, Jounine." Pause, then more wryly, "Headwoman. Ma'am." "Of course," promises Jounine. There's the hint of a smile about the corners of her mouth, just barely there, as she adds, "Best of luck... Candidate." Her nod is one of dismissal; with one less assistant to help out, there's more work to be done. |
Comments
Faryn (09:39, 6 October 2015 (PDT)) said...
Aw, Joce. It's interesting to see her a little unsure. I can't wait to see her in the barracks now though. Hah.
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