Logs:I Will If You Will
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| RL Date: 29 December, 2013 |
| Who: Faye, Elise |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Faye tells one person some of the truth. They make a pact. |
| Where: Dice |
| When: Day 19, Month 8, Turn 33 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Hattie/Mentions, N'muir/Mentions, Ali/Mentions |
| It has been some time since Elise's dismissal from Hattie's direct employ and it has been no secret that she's been keeping very much to herself, to a fault. She works, and she'll be out and about then for whatever deeds Shevena needs doing, but she takes her meals in her room, and where before she was often seen talking to the other girls her age and making friends, now she walks with her eyes cast downward and a chip on her shoulder. It might be that she's lonely from all of this, and that's why today she suddenly finds herself walking to the one place she's not yet been: Dice. She couldn't look more out of place with that first step in, her eyes not wide but certainly large in taking everything in. And searching. Faye is just at the end of overseeing a game when she notices Elise's presence, and it's lucky for the both of them that the hint of surprise that registers on her features is well-timed enough to be either acknowledgement of the win of one of the establishment's patrons, or just wry congratulations for the man. She takes a moment or two to gather up the cards and give instructions as to where to go to collect the full sum of his winnings, then she steps back from the table and slips the deck of cards into one of her pockets, her steps angling her right over towards Elise. An attempt is made to grab gently at her elbow and steer her away from the entrance to the place and to somewhere darker, insisting, "This is /not/ the place for you," in a low voice, so /sure/ of that that it might be unsettling. The searching is explained when Faye approaches. Elise, spotting her, begins to smile and ready a greeting of some kind, pretty oblivious to almost everything (if not actually everything). When the other girl takes her by the elbow she looks confused, her face forming a pretty pout, and even though she throws a curious look over her shoulder she goes willingly. Once they've reached somewhere Faye deems to be perhaps safer, she turns that confused look on /her/ instead. "What do you mean this isn't the place for me? Why can't I be someplace like this?" It might be funny. Maybe. "The people here are not.... your sort of people," Faye murmurs, trying to tug at Elise's sleeve to get her to sit down on one of the low chairs back there, still trying to hide her away for some reason or another. "Some of them are not very nice." It's a little like one might talk to a child, though Faye acknowledges the vagueness and simplicity of her reasoning with an apologetic twitch of a shrug. "I do not want you hurt," she says more softly, glancing down at her knees. "Though if you are here to lose money..." She sneaks a look back up at Elise, one brow lifting in enquiry. Waiting, she keeps her shoulders hunched, as if that small detail could signal to others that she's off-duty for now. "Is it true? What they say you said? About the Weyrleader?" It speaks highly of Faye that Elise is so okay with being tugged at and on, and that she is being so obedient. Tug? She follows. Tug? She sits. She doesn't look all that /happy/ about it, but she's willing. The remark about niceness or lack thereof results in an eyeroll on her part. "Trust me, nobody's been very nice lately." Truthfully, Elise has gotten a pretty wide berth by all save for those who interacted with her enough /before/ The Telling to still like her; suffice to say, friends are few. "I don't have much to lose," she replies, rueful, and maybe not just about money, then looks over at the other girl instead of out at the gamblers from their shadowy secret spot. After a moment, "If you mean is it true I said it, yes. If you mean it's true, what I said... I don't know anymore." And she does look so very very lost, gaze falling to Faye's knees, too. Faye scans the crowd, her gaze roaming from one patron to the next, none of whom look back at her, which seems to relax her enough to look back to Elise once again. "You do not want to lose more to them," she says quietly, a weightier meaning to her tone than simple talk of money. "...Why would you--?" she starts to ask, only to pause and try to rephrase her question. "After everything with the Istan Weyrwoman. That nearly..." She sighs, finding Elise's shoulder more interesting and easier to study than looking her in the eye. "She nearly took everything from both of us. Did /she/-- Was it her? Did she make you?" Taking a deep breath, she sits up a bit straighter. "You have not been sent... back. There is that to be thankful for." 'Why' is a question Elise seems ready for, but also totally exhausted by. She stares downward, shrugs once and shakes her head. "N'muir," not 'the Weyrleader', "came in and started a fight. He meant to push me. And I pushed back. I /wanted/ to hurt him." The next round is met with a dismissal, a simple wave of her hand as if to brush the words aside, out of the atmosphere. "/She/ didn't have anything to do with this, that... /woman/. I just... I don't know." A pause, she meets Faye's eyes. "Yes. I am thankful. The Weyrwoman," not 'Hattie', "gave me a choice. Who knows why, clearly not out of fondness." That last is spat out, her nose wrinkling. The next comes fast, "I didn't mean to come here and ruin your job." "I have.... heard rumours that he has a temper on him," Faye says slowly, not quite committing one way or the other. "Though I am uncertain as to why he would wish to fight with you. If anything, your assisting his Weyrwoman should have made his life easier. Unless he was prompted by jealousy of some sort." She reaches out, gently, to curl fingers around Elise's elbow again, to try and comfort this time, rather than guide. Or to somehow take the sting out of: "The consequences of it all are... inescapable. Even if your motives were not... pure, there is no shame is telling the truth." Concern for her work is brushed aside with a shake of her head and a just as quick, "You have ruined nothing. I can make up time and tips later." Pursing her lips, she gives Elise a brief once-over, then murmurs, "You really do not remember me, do you?" around a tiny smile. N'muir and his temper are given a small, scornful-for-him scoff, no arguments here. But, "Jealousy?" This snags Elise's attention long enough for her to almost miss what comes next, that little touch on her elbow redirecting it. She looks down at that hand, then meets Faye's eyes. "Consequences. Yes. But whose?" Which might be somewhat mysterious, and she isn't looking like she's going to elaborate, because who knows what at this point? It's so hard to say. "Besides, what is the truth? Does that even matter anymore? I can't keep track. And what do you mean I don't remember you? Of course I do." She has her own little smile now, even if she isn't about to say the right thing. "You're Faye. You came with me to Ista and I almost got us both kicked out." "You being near her for longer in the day than he is. Was." It's offered with another little shrug, like Faye doesn't pretend to understand that sort of thing, if it exists. "I think... whatever the truth is matters less now, because people are too busy exploring and being appalled by the notion for the reality of things to have any clout." Her smile turns wry and just a bit amused when Elise gives her answer about /her/, and she gives nothing in response for a moment or two longer than might be comfortable, before she says, "No," very steadily; decisively. "Before that. Fort Hold." Nothing more /again/, then she makes a small gesture to the thinning of her waist. "My hair was down to here. They used to dress me in pastels, because they believed it was /feminine/." Which might explain all the blacks and dark colours now. "What I mean to say is - whatever happens - you do not have to go back." Elise pauses to consider that, all of that, with a little nod to show she hears and understands. It's dwelling on it all that's troubling her, so it's good that Faye brings them further down a slightly different path, still related but not /totally/ the same topic. It brings her out a bit, and she narrows her eyes at the other girl, her mouth tilting up into a small Mona Lisa smile as recognition dawns. "I remember you," she says quietly. "I remember being jealous of your hair, and the purple dress you wore at that awful dinner, that one night we were all there and they thought it was /such/ a good idea for us all to get to know each other." She talks as if all they're doing, all they've been doing, is gossiping and whispering secrets like two little girls, when the reality of the world is heavy all around them. She doesn't laugh, but it's there in her voice as she holds onto Faye's hand, having taken it up a moment ago. But that smile fades a little, and with a shrug she starts to float back down again. "They might be willing to keep me here, but that's all it is. Willingness. Not like before, when... when I felt like I belonged." Her blue eyes meet those dark ones again. "What do I do now?" "The hair was the first thing to go," Faye says dryly, curling her fingers more securely into Elise's grip. "Put a group of girls together, half of which do not want to be there, and the other wanting it too much... It is so easy to see that the whole debacle was inelegantly engineered to suit a man. Whether he intended to or not, he has done more damage than a man seeking a wife should." She presses her lips together and glances back down at her knees again, considering, then says, "You cannot let one woman's decision define you. Would that not be as bad as letting Astivan win? One man's choice." Then: "Whether you want your job back or not... that is a matter for you to decide. If there is a way to get it back, I do not know of it. But I think it means something more than /willingness/ that you have not been delivered back to Ruatha by forces that could easily do so." Seeing as how she came here seeking Faye's counsel, or at least company, Elise is understandably respectful of it, silently absorbing that advice, and the insight that comes with it. When she does speak at first it's just to say, "I wish I could be brave, like you." Her eyes linger on that short dark hair, as if she's more jealous of it now than she was when it was /long/. "I came here on a bargain. You came here and set up shop." Though her smile returns, it's more than a little melancholy. "You're right of course. About everything. But I still /feel/ like just a bargaining chip. I don't know how to be my own person, rather than someone who is just placed here or there. How did you do it?" Faye gently touches her free hand to Elise's shoulder. "Bravery and necessity are not so different creatures," she answers quietly. "I came here on a lie and I disassociate myself from all that I was. I have burned more bridges than I would say is wise, and I have to look over my shoulder all the time. Is it worth all that, to become a new person?" Is she asking herself or Elise. "There are people who frequent this place," Dice, "who recognise me. One reason to work here - to keep track. To know. Would you want to leave your family? It is a little late to /hide/ yourself. Somewhere /different/, you could be someone new, but here...?" She hesitates, then murmurs, "I hope for the eggs. Whenever there will be eggs." "You're building new bridges," Elise points out carefully, in case this was not something desired. "Different ones," she hastily adds, "but... they're connections nonetheless." Talk of her family sobers her again, her eyes falling, searching. "My family. My uncle raised me. I feel I've disappointed him so much that... And now this. No, I can't be anyone new. I feel like I'm utterly in limbo, stuck between two places, and I'm losing ground. I feel like I have to choose but I don't know what my choices are." Eggs? /That/ brings her eyes up again. "Are you going to stand for them?" "True," Faye concedes, inclining her head a little. "I suppose... you ultimately must decide whether you would rather be here or there. Consider what could happen to you in the next turn, if you were to go to Ruatha, and if you were to stay here. And the turn after that..." Her lips twitch again before she remarks, "I do not believe that /anyone/ is gaining ground, at the moment. Maybe there is that to use to your advantage. And if there is anything you can do to make amends that would not cost you greatly... do that." Something in both posture and manner changes when talk turns to potential eggs, determination edging into her gaze. "I have lived here long enough to /ask/, if I understand correctly. Perhaps a dragon will take an interest in me, if not, whenever it may be. /You/ could belong to a dragon and no-one else." "Yes," is agreement, with another of those faraway looks given to somewhere else. Her own smile returns on mention of the general lack of ground to be gained and she comments wryly, "Advantage. You actually remind me of my uncle a little bit. Not a bad thing, trust me. Always thinking, always planning. Must be where I got it from. He'd approve of us being friends." Pause. "I can't talk to Hattie. Not now. I don't know if I ever can again, really. And she might not be able to again with me either. All I can hope is that, yes, someday something will present itself, and I can do right by everything. And..." This next takes a moment to say, her brow furrowing. "If you were to stand... I would ask. Or agree, if I'm asked." Which is kind of like a pact. More direct mention of Ruatha's Lord sharpens Faye's focus further. "Please-- Do not let him know that I am here." She doesn't allow herself any more of a plea than that, and in-fact pretends that she never uttered it at all, back straightening further like she could draw back from it. "We had better hope it is Isyath then, not Elaruth, who rises," she says, low-voiced, which is agreement without saying the actual words, surely. "If you cannot speak with Elaruth's rider, that is. I am not sure whether it would be easier for all concerned if it were to be Isyath, to throw Elaruth into question." And if talk of her uncle sharpens Faye, talk like that of Elaruth sharpens Elise, though not until mention of Elaruth; before that she looks a little confused about the meaning, but catches on quickly. Not unkindly, "I wouldn't wish anything to happen to them, even something like that. Even after everything. I don't know very much at all about this life, but I understand what it might mean if she didn't rise, or if she did and it didn't go well. Hattie /needs/ to be in charge. For all of us." 'All of us' somehow indicates she and Faye, but also so many others. "I don't think anyone else would have been as sympathetic to Astivan's throwaways," added with another faroff look and a small upturn of her mouth that is /not/ a smile. "And," quickly, "I would never tell him you're here. Ever. I promise." "Well, whatever happens, it is out of our hands," Faye decides, catching a meaningful look from one of her colleagues, who makes a not so subtle gesture for her to get back to her table. "We can only deal with what we have placed before us." She gives a last squeeze to Elise's hand as she rises, murmuring, "Thank you," in her ear as she does so, but, once she's found her feet, still she hovers close to her, protective, as if unwilling to let anyone else in the cavern get near her. "...You are, of course, welcome to stay," she says loudly enough to be heard. What follows is much, much quieter: "But, if I were you, I would make a swift exit." The squeeze, the colleague, they are not so subtle signs, and Elise is quick to respond. Standing as well, she stuffs her hands into the pockets of her jacket and looks around curiously, unable to resist, to see if anyone is looking at them, and maybe also looking away very quickly when she sees someone /is/. She doesn't linger. "Right. Whatever happens." And with that, and a small, grateful smile, she makes that swift exit. |
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