Logs:Innocence Was Bliss... Wasn't It?
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| RL Date: 3 April, 2010 |
| Who: Madilla |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: After W'chek leaves, Madilla's thoughts are in turmoil. |
| Where: Madilla's Room, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 9, Month 2, Turn 22 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: B'tal/Mentions, W'chek/Mentions, Z'yi/Mentions |
| It took enormous effort to get ready to go out with Z'yi that night. She'd spent much of the afternoon crying - at first, without realising it, and then, when suddenly she couldn't see anything and the herbs in front of her were wet and chopped far too finely, with a sense of detachment and dread. She was crying. Why was she crying? It had all sunk in after that, and in the end, she'd sunk, too: to the floor, where she wrapped her arm around her knees and leaned up against the bench, her shoulders shaking with low, guttural, moaning sobs. She couldn't even explain to herself why she was crying so much, why this felt like such an end. Why had she done it? Why had she brought it up again, when asking B'tal had clearly gone so badly, and when it had obviously been something she didn't need to think about? Was that what people did? Hurt each other? How could people want that, like that? Did W'chek hit B'tal, and not just in that-- that sexual way? She was less and less sure of that answer. And it felt like... like she couldn't be sure of anything. Like all her carefully worked out plans were backfiring, and now no one was going to get what they wanted. Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut? Innocence was bliss, wasn't it? But she wasn't sure if she believed that, either. The herbs were ruined, and the whole tincture she'd been working on, too, but at least she was composed again by the time the next person stuck their head in to the stillroom. "Heading off soon?" the other healer had asked, with a meaningful glance; Madilla had forgotten entirely, and was bewildered for several long seconds before comprehension dawned. She'd thought about cancelling, as she hurried back to her rooms. Maybe she shouldn't have said yes in the first place; maybe if she hadn't, none of the rest of it would have happened. But she gave herself a strong talking to: you said yes, you're not going to back down, you're not going to postpone or cancel, or anything stupid like that. So she got out the outfit the Headwoman at Healer Hall had found for her, back when she was going to go and watch the hatching at Telgar, the one that Daegan stood for, and Tiriana Impressed at. And she washed her face and brushed her hair, and when she was all ready, she forced a smile onto her face. I don't know why he asked me, she told herself, as she headed out the door. But he did. And he's-- not gay, as far as I know, and he seems nice, and if I've ruined everything with W'chek then maybe this will still work. I have to try. |
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