Logs:Missing the Cock
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| RL Date: 1 February, 2009 |
| Who: K'del, P'ax |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Kas and P'ax catch up in the wake of Peirith's flight and P'ax's night with T'mic and P'draig. Realisations are made, and the continuing countdown to graduation remembered, over and over again. |
| Where: Nighthearth, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 25, Month 11, Turn 18 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Cirse/Mentions, Leova/Mentions, Milani/Mentions, P'draig/Mentions, T'mic2/Mentions |
| Nighthearth, High Reaches Weyr With its entrance located between the kitchen and the living cavern, this tiny bubble cavern is cozy, always kept warm and is filled with comfortable chairs and a small round table. At the far end, there's a hearth, outlined in ruddy, aging bricks, where a pot of stew simmers in the evening hours. Generally quiet, the nighthearth is the haunt of insomniacs and those seeking quiet from the bustle of daily Weyr life. Month Eleven is steadily marching towards a close, and the weather has been getting more and more wintery, in accordance with the calendar. The hour is late, the wind outside downright frozen, and the nighthearth is steadily busy - a haunt for those unwilling, as yet, to brave the outdoors, or perhaps looking for somewhere not quite so busy, crowded and noisy as the Snowasis. K'del is one such person, curled up in an oversized armchair, one long leg swung over the armrest, with a book in one hand, and a mug of something hot in the other. P'ax comes into the Nighthearth with his hat pulled down around his ears and a scarf wrapped around his neck. His gloves are in the process of being pulled off. Blue eyes scan the room, though what he's expecting is unclear. He walks towards the fire, waiting to get closer to it before commiting to any more unbundling. K'del is noticed, and an eyebrow lifts. "Hey." K'del's foot swings idly as he reads, but comes to a halt as P'ax's greeting draws his head up. "Hey," he agrees, turning a page without looking at it. Though his eyes don't return to the page, he doesn't exactly offer more by way of conversation; still, his expression is friendly enough. P'ax sinks down in another chair, not so far away, stuffing his gloves down between the cushion and the arm. The scarf goes next, and then his hat and he sighs gratefully. "Yyth's pretty mad," he says by way of conversation. While P'ax settles himself, K'del's eyes return to the page of his book. But the greenrider's next comment draws his attention back, and he snaps the book shut, setting it down upon a nearby table. "About?" Pause. "Wait. No, I get it. She shouldn't be; that's stupid." P'ax shrugs without concern and his eyes stray over K'del's face. "She's jealous, of course it's stupid. She'll get over it soon enough. She almost already has. You know her." He traces the grain of the upholstery fabric on the chair's arm and asks carefully but eagerly, "What was it like?" Nodding, K'del admits, "Cadejoth barely remembers anymore. For the better, I guess. Still wondering if these means he'll start chasing greens all the time, or not. So far, though: not." Which is to say: no greens, so far. No repeats. "Won't change the way he thinks of Yyth, anyway. It was--" This seems to stymie him; he hesitates, mulling over the words. "Intense. I wasn't expecting it, so that didn't help. I felt so /guilty/. And then I stopped feeling anything, except how much I wanted her. Felt like I was flying." P'ax chews his lower lip and nods a few times. "Well, not like a ton of greens have gone up recently. Maybe he's just in it for the golds. Don't see a lot of bronzes going after the greens anyways, they can't keep up, you know?" He hooks his elbow over the arm, leans in. "It sounds amazing. They're 12 months old today. Just four more sevens and they'll be a Turn. We'll be free, K'del." Uncharacteristically eager for it, his eyes are overbright when he brings it up." "Maybe. So long as he sticks to junior golds, from now on. In flights that /aren't/ supposed to be closed." K'del's tone edges towards bitter, and his expression twists itself up ruefully: he's been beating himself up over this. "Shells, they are, too. I'd forgotten. One month to go." This pleases him more, his expression relaxing: "/Free/. Aside from wings, and the rest. You're enthusiastic for it." P'ax shrugs and chuckles. "What's done is done. Maybe it was vain of me, but I didn't think he'd start chasing until about the time the greens in our clutch started flying. How much trouble are you in?" This, he doesn't seem eager about. "Yeah, one measly month, what's that to twelve before it?" He stills for a moment, this admission more careful that the words already said. "I think I am, yes. T'mic came by... made me think about some things." K'del's nod seems to suggestion his own thinking was not far off P'ax's. "It was-- like a switch being flicked, you know? One minute, it's all academic, the next-- Actually, not much trouble. Surprising. Wrote a letter to Cirse, though, to apologise." He bites at his lip, uncharacteristically nervous, apparently, about this letter, but it doesn't distract him so much that he can't pick up on what P'ax says last. "Did he, now." Unspoken: do tell. P'ax nods his head a few times in agreement. "That's good at least. Wouldn't be fair if they hauled you over the coals for Cadejoth going up unexpectedly." His smile is slow, smug, color pinkening his cheeks. "Oh yes," he breaths, and grins lazily at K'del. "Definitely going to be okay." "Suppose." K'del doesn't sound convinced, as though not only did he /expect/ a major punishment, he thinks he might deserve it. But there's no space for more conversation on that subject: he leans forward, eagerly taking in that smug smile, the flush. "/Oh/. Really, now. And I take it it was more to your liking." Than Milani, presumably. P'ax licks his lips, his eyes growing a little distant at this memory. "It was nice," he agrees, his eyelids lowering just a little. "Think I like the getting more than the giving, but that was good, too." K'del gets a speculative look. "Sorry." K'del is doing just fine, lazily interested even, until the /details/ come out. "Gross," he tells P'ax, screwing up his face. "I mean, you're more than welcome to like it, I just-- don't want to hear. You know?" Beat. "But. Good for you, I guess." "Got carried away?" P'ax offers, completely unrepentant. He stares at the fire for a moment. "You're going to have to get comfortable with it eventually. Well, who knows, maybe you'll get lucky, maybe Cadejoth won't chase a green ever. And then you'll be safe." Maybe. "I said I was sorry." K'del doesn't meet P'ax's gaze, but he nods anwyay: he knows. On all counts. Finally: "Yeah. I know. And I get it, now. I really won't have a problem with it, in the heat of things. Just... guys aren't attractive." Beat. "To me. Anyway. Glad it worked out for you. Told you it would, too, didn't I?" P'ax wrinkles his nose, sighs. "I know," and he sounds a little sad about it. "Yeah, you did. Mic and P'draig are very good teachers... but... not the same as a permanent situation." Pause. "You know what?" It must be the sadness that makes him question it; K'del's head inclines slightly, his brows raising in silent question. "/Both/ of them?" Beat. "Huh." Beat. Again. "No. Guess not. Wish it were as easy for you to find people, as it is for me. Would make you happier, I bet." Lest he make K'del uncomfortable, P'ax shrugs but doesn't actually answer. Instead he presses his lips together, not quite grinning. "Yeeeah.. both." Even more smugness. But he's nodding and rubbing his fingers across his forehead. "Might. Would." Which doesn't appear to provide any salve to K'del's suspicion, or slightly more harmless curiosity, but he doesn't push it. Perhaps he doesn't /really/ want to know. His head shakes, for the rest. "You're one-up on me, then. For now." Something to be proud of. He leans back in his chair, foot gently swaying again, and adds, "It'll happen, I bet. Give it time." P'ax laughs a little, letting his head fall back against his chair back. "Small victory. Maybe you'll catch up." Wink. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Plenty of life ahead." "Oh, I will," grins K'del, lifting one hand to run through his hair - which is back to the length it used to be, and then some, now, as though he's toying with growing it long. "Exactly, right? We're sixteen. Plenty of people haven't had sex at all, by our age. Some of 'em are waiting for marriage, some are too shy or whatever-- you know. All of that. So we're doing pretty well." P'ax laughs. "Should ask Millie, if anyone'd do, it'd be her." Of this, he's certain, at least." He glances at K'del. "/You/ were much younger. You hardly count. Not about sex. It's about love." "Oh, she knows. Working on it." K'del is blase about this, except for the flicker of anticipation in his gaze. "Few turns. Not that much younger. Hadn't been at it /that/ long when I got here." There's a shake of his head, though, for it being about love, his expression rueful. "Not for me it isn't. Love's great, I guess. Just-- suppose it's a different kind of love, for me. Not some overwhelming need for one person." P'ax smirks. "Leave it to you. I don't know how you can, you know, just... ask someone for it. Be so cavalier." His laughter is short and uncomfortable. "Would make things easier." K'del gets a speculative look. "Don't you believe in love? Doesn't mean you have to stop being with other women, even, necessarily." K'del's head shakes, though he's grinning. "Didn't outright /ask/. It just came up. Still. Why not? Can't just sit around waiting for something to happen, if you want it. Though, should note: not actually a priority of mine, really." He has a measuring glance for the other weyrling, the corners of his mouth quirking slightly, but his answer is for the last comments. "Not sure. Know it works for some people. Haven't ever been in love, and since it's not a priority for me, guess I don't think about it much." "That's a very dangerous sword to weild," P'ax says softly, seriously, looking K'del in the eyes. Then he leans back, keeping it light again. "Yeah, don't know. Something to consider, though, don't you think?" "Why?" asks K'del, no less lazily than before, though he'll meet P'ax's gaze squarely. For the rest: "Suppose. If it happens, it happens. Tend to think a lot more about where I want to be in my professional life, a lot less about personal. Just the way I am, I guess." P'ax's breath hitches briefly. Again, he doesn't answer. "Point taken. At least you have a professional future." He stares up at the ceiling as he reflects, "Was so sure I'd be a bronzerider. Funny how it worked for you and not for me." K'del's expression takes a turn for the annoyed as, yet again, P'ax avoids his questions. Lips pursing, he looks set to push further, except that the other comments are right there to be answered, too. "Of course you have a professional future. No reason why you couldn't rise in the wings, or something." And: "As for being a bronzerider... dunno. You seem pretty well suited to Yyth." He doesn't seem to think it's funny in any sense of the word; it's the way it is. The way it was /supposed/ to be. "Really want to know?" is asked in such a tone that implies that K'del really doesn't. "Think so?" P'ax doesn't. He's still reflective. "You're right, of course. Just interesting, how close it was, could have been. They've always been close, Yyth and Cadejoth. And with us standing right next to each other. Well. I'm glad it worked out." It's probably the tone that makes K'del so determined to know - he's defiant. "Yes. I really do. And yes, I really do think you could. Not maybe for a while, but why not? Life lasts a long time. Well. Usually." His head shakes slightly, his own expression thoughtful, finally, before he answers the last, "Can't see it the other way. Not for a moment. But. Yeah. Glad it did, too." P'ax leans out over the chair towards K'del, his fingers extending to touch the other man's cheek, giving him ample oportunity to evade. "Because trying to make things happen that never will... not always the wisest or most heart-happy course." His smile is indulgent, "Hmmm. Glad you think so. At least someone does. I don't know that I could either anymore, but back then... so easily, it could have been. Given your... promiscuity. Quite easily." K'del waits until the fingers have made contact to pull back, though it's only a matter of a few inches. His expression is - outright unreadable, at least at first. It takes him a few more seconds to actually say anything, and when he does, it's in a slow, confused sort of voice. "Is that you trying to tell me that... me? You really actually--? Or are you trying to fuck with me again?" There's a pause, and despite this, he can't help himself: "Promiscuous doesn't mean 'greenrider'. As we've proven." P'ax lets his hand fall only as far as the arm of K'del's chair. His eyebrows draw down and he lets his natural frown take over. "I thought you realized, K'del..." he ventures. his own expression growing increasingly gaurded. "True. Perhaps it's an aquired thing in some cases." "/You/ kept telling me you were joking," returns K'del, not sharply, each word formed carefully. "How was I supposed to know what to think? Shells." The last comes accompanied with a long, exhaled breath. Then, in an attempt to keep the conversation from dying completely, he adds, "Maybe. Though I think people are what they are." P'ax looks down at his lap. "Would you have spoken to me ever again, if I'd told you there was more to it than proving a point?" His hand lifts now to scrub his face. "That's probably true. But people do change." K'del pauses before answering, sliding his foot down off the armrest, letting both sit on the ground again. "Maybe not," he admits, finally. "But if I'd known for sure sooner, maybe I wouldn't have been so... not really fair of me, to keep going on about all the sex I'm having. In front of you." It's all he has: he falls silent. "I didn't...don't mind," P'ax assures. Embarrassed now, he admits very quietly, "I thought you knew. You always got ... awkward if I brought it up." He gets up slowly, twisting his fingers awkwardly together. "Sorry." "With the idea. The concept. Awkward with the concept." K'del looks away, at the wall, at the hearth. Anywhere. "Not your fault. Miscommunication. And... shells. I'm sorry, P'ax." P'ax waves off his appology, looking abashed. "It's really, it's okay. It's just... it'll pass, you know? Not even worth mentioning." His eyebrows draw together, "Please don't say you're sorry. You have no reason to be sorry." "Yeah, but-- /shells/. It's awkward. Because you're my friend. And I don't want you to be unhappy. But." K'del's words come out like a torrent, and still, he stares away. "I really do hope you find someone who cares back." This last, this is quiet, barely more than a whisper. P'ax rests his hand lightly on K'del's shoulder, gives him a straight-mouthed look that might pass for a smile. "Thank you. It means a lot." He's silent for a moment and then he laughs for the awkwardness of the silence between them. "Hey, let's forget about it, okay?" As the hand comes to rest on P'ax's shoulder, K'del turns his gaze back, and his is a real smile. "Of course," he says, eventually, perhaps a response to both comments. Then: "D'you reckon they've already decided which wings we're going to go in?" P'ax nods his head a few times to himself and then tunes back in to answer K'del's question. "Oh, I suppose it's possible. Don't really know how those things work. Millie said she'd ask, but she never got back to me on it yet." The laziness returns to K'del's posture almost as easily as it departs, now settled in to this new topic of conversation. "Leova, when she explained some of it to me, didn't really give a timeline. But - they've got to do it ahead of time, right? So we could probably work a little less hard, because we may not need to impress them, now. But what if they haven't decided? It's a quandry." Beat. "Suppose half of them will be disapproving of me, anyway, because I didn't control Cadejoth. May have ruined my chances." P'ax waves away K'del's concerns. "How many of them could have controlled their dragon the first time it chased? I bet they won't think so bad of you really. And if they do-" he shrugs. "Then you'll just be on my level. Maybe we'll be in the same wing. But if anyone was going to come down on you hard, it would have been Satiet and N'thei, right? And you said they didn't punish you that badly, so it's probably okay." K'del concludes, with a laugh: "Troublemaking rejects together. Never thought /that/ would be true." He pauses, then adds, "No offense. I was going-- I was going to have this perfect weyrlinghood, you know? No problems, no issues, first to be selected for the leadership program, weyrling wingleader, all of it. And none of it happened." P'ax laughs. "No offense taken. I know being a bastard doesn't put me on the top of anyone's must have list." He sinks back into his chair, setting his elbows on knees and propping up his chin. "I'm not sure what I expected. Never thought beyond getting away from my folks." "Probably not. Though Yyth flies well. Even if her landings..." K'del breaks off, his shoulders shrugging ruefully. "Mm. You did that, at least. Shells. Guess none of what I thought was going to be important really was. But. Still." P'ax nods his head. "She's graceful when she flies. If not the fastest green, it's true. And her landings are improving, slowly." Very slowly. "I suppose in the end, we'll graduate no matter what, yeah? What happened in between... not so important." K'del's nod is quick: yeah. They'll graduate. "Four more sevens. Or so. Maybe it won't be /exactly/ on the one turn mark. But. Still. Not long. Reckon Cadejoth might even stop growing before then, if I'm really lucky." "Think Yyth's almost done. She's definitely slowed. She's only grown a few inches in the last few months. I don't know what I'd do if she was still growing as fast as she was at first. She had to be oiled /all/ the time." He grimaces at that memory. "So close, K'del." Nose wrinkling, K'del admits, "Cadejoth's still only the size of a brown. A big brown, but still: a brown. So I guess he's got a little ways to go. Faranth, can't /wait/ until that's done. He itches, and then he gets all the kids to scratch him, and it's most embarrassing. Like a giant dog." Cadejoth all over, really. "Yeah. So close. Finally." P'ax grins. "Being as Yyth's on the smallest part of the spectrum, she's got nowhere to go but up. Small comfort. For all I know, she'll be much bigger still. She's almost the size of a small blue already, but she's not even the biggest green I've seen. See, Yyth just scratches herself. And with those talons of hers, it wouldn't be hard for her to just rip her hide to shreds." "Vrianth's the biggest I've seen. I don't think Yyth is quite there, yet." K'del's tone is musing, though he admits, after a moment, "Though it's sort of hard to compare. A handswidth here, two handswidths there, you know?" He nods, over her scratching, then again, more thoughtfully. "Not a good look. Hide ripped to shreds. She might like it on another dragon, but not herself." P'ax nods his head. "Vrianth's the biggest I've ever seen. She just passed up Aath, she's pretty smug about that. She likes Vrianth though, they play together. I can't tell if it's because Vrianth is bigger and she can't abuse her the way she can other greens, or if it's genuine. I don't knoe if Yyth has /genuine/." He traces around his knee. "Definitely on another, but she wouldn't like that she was hurt." "Cadejoth likes Vrianth, too. She /sparks/. No, I can't imagine Yyth liking pain that involved /her/." He sighs, reaching forward to grab his book of the table, and adds, "Supposed to be going on early sweeps with someone. Should hit the sack, I guess." P'ax laughs. "Yeah, she does. Cadejoth'll probably like just about anyone though. Easy going." His eyes follow K'del. "I'd ask if you wanted company, but..." teasing, totally teasing. "Bit like his rider," comments K'del, after a moment. It's not quite true, but - perhaps it's not that far off, all things considered. He's already swinging himself out of his chair, and laughs at the comment. "The day I discover that what I've really been missing in my life is the cock, P'ax, I promise, I'll let you know. 'night." P'ax casts a wide grin after K'del. "I'll hold you to that one, K'del, I really will. Good night." K'del's laugh can be heard out the door, as he heads off into the cold, cold night. Alone. |
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