Logs:Not So Liberated After All
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| RL Date: 21 October, 2009 |
| Who: Kash |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: How Kash spends turnover. |
| When: Day 28, Month 13, Turn 20 (Interval 10) |
| Kash steadfastly refused to go home to the tradition turnover family gathering. She knew it was putting K'del in an awkward position yet again, and she was sorry about that - genuinely sorry, the way she was about his entire part in this whole saga. But. If she went back, even under the guise of a simple visit, they'd never let her leave. It would be a disaster. And she wasn't ready to face them all yet. She'd been dreading the possibility of her mother demanding to be taken to Fort to talk her home, but so far, that hadn't happened. Mira, quite simply, wasn't all that comfortable riding a dragon, even the dragon of her youngest son. Phew. So that was off the cards for this turn, and she felt all the better for it, despite the faint pang of mourning: she'd never missed a family event before. She tried not to think too much about the fact that next turnover, she'd be a mother. Instead, she spent her turnover eve at the party, avoiding the alcohol (pity, but if she was doing this baby thing, she was doing it properly), but enjoying the dancing, the merriment, the celebration of it all. Later, she snuck away with some nameless boy she'd just met and had her very first meaningless sex up against a wall. It had seemed like a good idea at the time: what could go wrong? She was already knocked up. But afterwards, as she tidied herself up, using her skirt to wipe his leftovers from her legs, she felt empty, and somehow ashamed. Not so liberated after all she thought, remembering back to those gathers once upon a time, where she'd teased and teased, but never let it go this far. Guess you probably never were. Mostly, she just missed Kez. Was he fucking other women? Maybe. Did it matter? She was lonely. Briefly, she'd considered hanging out with some of her candidate friends, but there was a distance there now, and in the end, she couldn't cope with it. She wasn't one of them. But despite all her strong words, she felt purposeless at Fort, now. She was working odd jobs, here and there, for the moment, and that was fine, but... She was going to be bringing a baby into this place, when even the people she considered friends she'd only known for a matter of months. She was alone here, no family, and even Kez... she wasn't going to think too much about Kez. He didn't know. He couldn't know. Her heart ached for him, though. I'm sorry, she told him, silently. I really am. She was in bed before midnight, too tired and miserable to contemplate spending more time around so many happy people. And if her pillow saw tears that night, well, at least it would never tell. Tomorrow would bring a new turn, and if it wasn't the turn she'd been planning on having, already, well... it was still a new turn. And... Could be worse. You could be getting married next month. So there it was. Tomorrow, there'd be no more tears. The end. |
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