Logs:Of Confessions of the Past
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| RL Date: 7 May, 2007 |
| Who: Shanlee, R'hin |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| When: Day 28, Month 11, Turn 11 (Interval 10) |
| Your location's current time: 19:14 on day 28, month 11, Turn 11, of the Interval. It is a autumn evening. You wing downward to land in a relatively flat area on top of the butte, careful of the rough terrain. You climb down Leiventh's side to the ground, as the dragon rumbles softly. Red Butte(#6545RJ) Far from any hold, the timeless, monolithic ridges of Pern's Red Butte rise sharply from the rolling plains. A hundred dragonlengths across at its widest point, the massive butte towers above the surrounding plains, dramatic in its isolation. A few hardy plants twine gnarled roots into nooks and crannies of the speckled red granite to cling to the butte's steeply sloping sides as the harsh wind whips past with a hollow sound. The summit of the Red Butte is rocky and treacherous, a relatively flat expanse of reddish stone cut deeply by radial crevasses. Overlooking spreading plains and rolling green-brown hills, the butte offers a magnificent vista to the horizon in each direction. The vast sky arches overhead, majestically empty of all but the lonesome wind. The only way off the butte is by dragon. Contents: Leiventh Shanlee Kaylith Obvious exits: Sky Her day off and having gone directly from The Sandbar to the Redbutte, it seems Shan's been there a while if the near empty wineskin dangling from a hand is anything to go by. Slumped against her little green's side, knees drawn up, free hand grasping wrist and chin dropped to her chest, one might be forgiven for thinking she's taken to sleeping sitting up. A slight change in the air pressure above and the brief swirl of cooler air is the only indication of another dragon incoming. Leiventh's crimson-draped form cuts through the early evening sky, circling lazily as if surveying the situation before drifting down to a landing. It seems the bronze has spotted the familiar 'Reaches green, for he gives a low rumble of greeting as he alights close by. R'hin drops from Leiventh's neck, twisting head to glance up at the bronze with a faint grunt of surprise, absently thumping his fist into the dragon's shoulder as he settles down, shining eyes watching. While the deliberate crunch of footsteps nearby may not be enough in themselves to stir the greenrider, the hearty chuckle that soon follows ought to do the trick. "I know we've been under pressure of late, but surely 'Reaches can spare a weyr for one of it's own to sleep in?" he inquires with a warm grin. Kaylith's sudden alertness as Leiventh appears from *between* and slight shifting should have been enough warning for Shan as should the return rumble of greeting to the large bronze. She's either deliberately ignored both or just couldn't care who it was that found it necessary to share the Red Butte with her this day. Only the chuckle and ensuing words in that familiar tone have her lifting her head, green eyes staring blankly a moment then blinking, before a wry twist of lips forms on her mouth "Not sleeping..thinking." she very carefully annunciates each word as her foggy brain stirs to life. "Didn't know it was you." the slim hand drops off her wrist to wave vaguely in Leiventh's direction which brings forth a snort from the little green she leans against. "Ah," R'hin acknowledges Shanlee's response with a deeper grin and an amused twinkle of pale eyes. His head tips, studying, then, "Would you have acted differently, had you known it was me?" he asks, as he crouches down, leaving a few feet of space between them. The Weyrleader's eyes flicker to the empty wineskin, then back to the greenrider. Lips curl into a lopsided grin "Might have gotten up and saluted or something..." Shan starts, the words ending up in a chuckle instead "...and fallen over too." no apology for her current state it appears. The wineskin under observation is shaken the last swallows of wine sloshing faintly inside. Brows raise and meet in the middle a rueful set to her fine features "Nearly all gone...you can have what's left." a little unsteadily the greenrider stretches it out toward the Weyrleader. She still has manners left it seems. R'hin's hearty chuckle is at least low-voiced. "Well, we certainly can't have Snowstrike's wingsecond falling about. It wouldn't be... seemly." His hand waves somewhat dismissively. "Besides, you're hardly obligated to salute me every time I walk in. You're long past being a weyrling, Shan," he shortens her name deliberately, easy warmth in his voice. Though initially he eyes the wineskin with some bemusement, he accepts it a moment later, and takes a swig, though his gaze remains on the other rider. "Are you celebrating or commiserating?" If she were capable at this time, Shan might exhibit gratitude for the holding low of voice by R'hin "'Tis why I'm out here and not..." a hiccup turns into a sheepish grin "...somewhere more public." Relieved of the wineskin, the greenrider's gaze moves passed the Weyrleader and to the view as he speaks "Maybe not a weyrling, but must set an example." she replies after a moment's consideration. Shifting a little the red head leans against the green's side as the bronzerider is regarded under lowered lashes "Both?" to his last. "An example?" he echoes her, puzzling that over for a moment. He takes another sip of the wineskin, giving him time to muse. "You set an example by being -you-, Shan. By thinking outside the normal confines that we are often," a faint grimace, "Boxed into. Not by saluting because a Weyrlingmaster hundreds of Turns ago decided it was a good idea." It's probably a bit more of a speech for someone sober, but R'hin being R'hin, can't not speak on particular subjects. Lips twist into a wry grin at her latter admission. "Then, congratulations, and commiserations to you," he tips the wineskin in her direction before taking a gulp. Shanlee slides her eyes open a little more changing her expression from half-sleep to contemplation as the Weyrleader speaks, a shoulder attempts a shrug at his words "People expect certain things...certain behaviours." words trail off as both hands lift to rub at her temples "It's just....I'm so tired..." of everything she leaves unsaid. The young wingsecond's face taking on a drawn quality to it, a wan smile appearing for the last but her words seem to have no bearing on them "Everything always changes doesn't it?" "They might. But I do not," R'hin says gently - a rare enough manner for him. He falls silent at Shanlee's expression, sharp eyes not missing a thing. There is, perhaps, a slight tightening of his own expression, marked sympathy in his voice, "I know." There's something else, too, very faint: guilt. "I wish I could say it would let up, but I won't do you the disservice of lying to you. We've more ahead." Although most people might match her wan smile with one of their own, the Weyrleader doesn't; his expression is still sober, serious. "It does. But, change is not always bad. We grew too stale, too complacent. I'd always intended to change things-- I wouldn't have chosen 'Fall, if I'd the choice, but..." he trails off, gaze going distant. The gentle manner in which R'hin delivers his first words has Shan dropping her eyes. The next have her taking to biting at her lower lip briefly. The hands that had rubbed at temples and then dropped raise to rub heels of palms against closed eyes. Sitting that way for mere seconds, when the greenrider's hands fall away, her chin lifts in that defiant manner not of the Weyrleader or his words but of the situation they find themselves in. Green eyes take on a determined look to them as she breaks her silence finally "I wouldn't have it any other way R'hin." the use of his name likely accidental "Truth, someone once told me will set one free." Color returning as she speaks, the wingsecond cants her head to one side a long look given R'hin "Tell me of your plans." is encouraged whether they were relevant now or not. He's silent for moments more, still not watching her. R'hin swirls the wineskin in absent contemplation, voice quiet as he says, "We were going to change it all. Make ourselves as self-sufficient as possible. Encourage former crafters to take up their craft again - start up our own flocks and farmland." His fingers curl into fists, frustration lining his voice, "K'son and I had the first field set up and sowed. It would have worked, but when Thread began-- we had to destroy it all." He exhales, low, glancing back to Shan, "We were going to shake things up. Create a wings of diplomats, messengers, and crafters. Live in the -present- instead of just holding time for the future. And now--" he flickers his hand as if throwing it away. Sliding her legs down from their drawn up position to extend in front of her, then crossing them at the ankles, Shan listens in silence as fingers trace along the edges of her flight jacket. Eyes flicking between R'hin and the view alternatively as he speaks, taking note of the frustration, the fine features betraying nothing of her own thoughts of the plans once made until he finishes. Inhaling slowly through her nose the greenrider's eyes eventually settle on the Weyrleader's face. Slowly breath expels, and compassion is finally allowed to show in the green eyes "Those were good plans. We would have prospered and grown strong." The light voice held low and gentle, faint sadness touching through her words for what could have been. Again she allows a small silence to draw out "No matter how uncertain you may feel at times. You're a good man and a good leader Sir. Never doubt that." solemn sincerity holding true. "Yes," the simple word is agreement and acknowledgement both, regret too. The Weyrleader's frustration fades away under the greenrider's gentle tone, and he takes another gulp of the wine, draining the last of it. Finally, R'hin glances back at her, pale eyes still intense with his earlier words. "If I'm a... good man," he says that with an air of distaste, "It's because it suits me to be so now; the situation demands it. Whatever you think, I am -not- good. I would have destroyed whoever I had to, to bring about my vision," the admission comes in quiet, guilt-free tones. "And now it is for nothing." Most of the wine induced haze gone now, it seems Shan wasn't quite as drunk as she initially might have appeared to be. Shapely legs are drawn up once again, but this time to tuck cross legged under herself as she leans forward and meets the pale eyes of the Weyrleader with calm green and a tone to match. "I know you would have. All men of ambition are the same, it can't be any other way. Some see it as a strength, others as a weakness." slight shoulders shrug this knowledge off "The point is you haven't yet." her tone and word usage indicating she didn't expect perfection from R'hin, just honesty. "Haven't I?" R'hin poses the question in a deliberately neutral fashion, pale eyes guarded as he watches Shanlee. "How can you be so sure of that?" A little twitch of lips that is more grimace than smile, "Many have cited myself as the cause of Josilina's retirement, and Satiet's rise to Weyrwoman." Countering question for question, Shan raises a brow slightly, "Have you?" no condemnation apparent for the Weyrleader merely a quest for truth "Or do you believe that if you told me that indeed you were the cause of Josilina's retirement that I would suddenly turn my back on you and not try to understand your reasons?" R'hin's even gaze remains unwavering on Shanlee's. Instead of answering directly, he says, "Josilina is a wonderful person, and a good Weyrwoman. But she is not a Weyrwoman of change." A beat, then, "Satiet is." "And the Weyr needed change in order to effect your vision for it." Shan completes the Weyrleader's answer. "Those that have ambition and lead, need to be at times ruthless. Power in the hands of one who cannot bring himself to be so is both wasted and dangerous." the tone the words are delivered in simply one of observation. "There are things you don't know about me, that may give you pause for thought if you knew. But they are a part of who I am and I make no apology for them or for past actions." The look directed at R'hin level "I did what I thought best at the time. Whether or not it was right is now defunct." pause "However, I now know that I will do whatever it takes to survive and won't go down without a fight and I expect the same from those around me." Strange part confessions made likely in demonstration of understanding the dark side most carried with them. Though he doesn't confirm her speculation, R'hin's silence and even gaze might be confirmation enough. "Not everyone sees it as such. I believe the ends justify the means, and that is how I have always lived my life. It means-- that I hurt people. That I tramp on them to get where I'm going. I have done, and will do it." The words are not apologetic, simply matter of fact. "Can you support someone-- respect someone-- who does that, Shanlee?" He's silent a moment, watching her with a knowing little smile at her final words. "Yes. It's about survival." There's understanding in those words, and sympathy, too. Shanlee lifts her chin "I'm not 'everyone'" she points out without hesitation. "Does making a profit from one who is ruined but very nearly ruined you count as the end justifying the means?" the usually soft mouth twisting into an almost cruel smile "Even if it does provide them with means to pick themselves up again?" the question may seem rhetorical but the almost hard light in the green eyes suggests complete truth from the greenrider. To R'hin's question of respect, a fine brow arches slightly "I already do." faint resignation to the light voice "As I've told another before, when I deem someone worthy of my time I don't run away at the first sign of trouble." this aside from rank and titles "Until they give me personal reason too." The question is posed seriously, and thus R'hin considers it seriously, "That depends," he says quietly, "Whether you think you will be able to sleep at night, after doing it. Or put up with the lack of sleep," a slight twitch of lips; grimace of knowing, rather than a smile. "It is an important thing to consider, what keeps you up at night. I am not the most... moral of people. I rely on others to be my conscience." He gives a twitch of shoulders, not quite a shrug. A curl of lips, and he says, "Loyalty is... a difficult mistress," there's a slight gleam of pleasure in pale eyes, however, even if it's accompanied by the slightest hint of discomfort. "Sleep hasn't been a friend of mine for quite some time for a variety of reason." Shan replies indifferently "The knowledge of one 'trouble' laid to rest however brief the respite will always be welcomed." No, it's quite clear what she did was with good conscience "Simply a business deal with the subtle added benefit of the wheel going around for someone." lips curl into a smirk for the thought "It's the balance of things. Everyone gets theirs in the end." If the look the greenrider sends R'hin is knowing in it's understanding of morals, it might not be noticed by him "Loyalty is hard won and even harder to retain. That responsibility lies on the shoulders of the one who needs it." Green eyes now drop off the Weyrleader and come to rest on the long fingers that lie laced together in her lap "It's never wise to push those that offer it too hard as I would assume it's lonely at the top." That being said, the redhead pushes herself upward off the rock face, dusting at her leathers and stretching out her shoulders. R'hin's low-throated chuckle is full of dark amusement. "Remind me not to get on your bad side, Shan," he says with a curl of lips. If he notices the look, it's not acknowledged in his expression. "It's a... difficult burden," he agrees, "And-- it's not always so bad as that. I have someone... a handful, I can lean on, when I need to." He says the words oddly slowly, almost hesitantly, as if reluctant. When she rises, the Weyrleader does, too, stepping closer and reaching out as if to brush dust from her arm. "Should you ever have trouble sleeping, Leiventh knows when I'm awake," the quiet offer is given with a faint smile, as he moves past her towards Leiventh. Shaking her head in return amusement for R'hin's first, Shan offers a knowing grin "I know which opponents to take on and which to leave well enough alone." pause "Always know your limits and those of your opponent." a wink added for what might be a tease. Glancing down at her arm as the Weyrleader brushes at, green eyes lift again "You going to play cards with me to keep me amused?" to words of being unable to sleep and having company. Following his progress back to his own dragon, the greenrider answers more seriously "I may at that." before bending to retrieve the now empty wineskin and tuck it back into the carrysack at Kaylith's side. The little green stretches herself out slowly, wings flipping and settling in preparation for flight "Clear skies, Sir." is finally given, as the wingsecond easily makes her way up and settles astride the emerald green neckridges. "Cards," R'hin echoes, perhaps a tad sharply, coming to a halt without turning. "Maybe. I've plenty of wine to keep us amused, at any rate." His voice retains an odd, brittle sharpness to it, face still turned away as he resumes his move towards Leiventh. "Clear skies, wingsecond." The suddenly sharp tone coming from R'hin, has Shan's head snapping his way "I was only kidding." amusement for this response playing behind the green eyes "But anything that involves wine is considered an interesting activity in my book." Kaylith's readiness to spring to the sky stilled for the time being. The Weyrleader's voice softens, and he glances over, expression guarded, now. "I know. I just--" his brow furrows, and he shakes his head, the moment of confessions past. "Good night, Shan," he says, a little warmer, climbing onto Leiventh. The bronze gives a low rumble by way of farewell as he pushes up into the skies, disappearing a few heartbeats later. The guarded expression on the Weyrleader picked up, green eyes narrow for a heartbeat, faint confusion flitting across the fine features. Shan waits as he seems to grapple with something, but when R'hin leaves off and offers a warmer farewell, she simply returns in kind "Good night." though likely unheard as the bronze pair have already lifted up and soon blink *between*. "Men.....Weyrleader or not." the greenrider mutters before giving her lifemate the command to make for home themselves. You jump up onto Leiventh's back, using his foreleg as a step. You spread your wings and leap upward, rising into the vast sky above. |
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