Logs:Of Disturbing Insights
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| RL Date: 22 July, 2006 |
| Who: M'wen, R'hin |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| When: Day 21, Month 6, Turn 8 (Interval 10) |
| Your location's current time: 17:55 on day 21, month 6, Turn 58, of the Tenth Pass. It is a summer afternoon. Lake Shore, High Reaches Weyr This shoreline marks the edge of the freshwater lake that fills the southeastern portion of the bowl. The gritty dirt of the bowl gives way to smooth sand. Dragons adore diving from high above into the lake's deep center, often imploring to their lifemates to bathe them with sweetsand. Humans and firelizards alike frequently fish from these clear waters, which are abundantly stocked. Across the lake, the bowl wall rises high into the sky, its face dotted with weyr entrances. A few dragonlengths above the water, glimpses of a level cliff can be seen amidst boulders lining the edge. Just south of here, a smaller pond of water is divided from the main lake by a natural bridge of land. A path leads across the bridge and up to the diving cliffs, winding through a dotting of small boulders on its way. The early evening crystal clear as the sun sets over the western rim of the bowl. The air is calm, with no hint of breeze. The water's glasslike surface mirrors the cliff walls and sky above. Contents: Maxeoth Leiventh Obvious exits: LAke Pond Diving Cliff Bowl M'wen climbs down Maxeoth's side to the ground, the dragon's sparkling eyes watching closely. M'wen has arrived. It's a warm summer's afternoon in the 'Reaches, so it's no great surprise to find R'hin sunning on his usual rock. His shirt is casually draped over the rock next to him, hands under his head, eyes closed against the afternoon sunshine. Leiventh, naturally, is nearby, circling lazily above, enjoying the summer thermals that rise up over the lake. With a slight rustle of wind above, and a quiet warble to his clutchmate, Maxeoth circles down towards the lakeshore, taking full advantage to drift along the thermals. Hopping off his dragons back, M'wen walks over to the shore, right past R'hin, being sure to drag his feet slightly to alert the other rider of his presence. Staring out at the reflection of the cliff walls, in the glass-like waters of the lake, M'wen stands silently, being sure not disturbing the sunning bronzerider. The hook-nosed bronze elicits a low rumble of greeting to his clutchmate, another circle taking Leiventh past the pair briefly, but otherwise not diverting his repetitive motions. It seems that even had M'wen not deliberately let R'hin know of the arrival, Leiventh had informed the rider, given pale eyes crack just enough to watch the brownrider's progress across the shore. A few beats pass, then, almost amused: "You seem thoughtful." Turning the face R'hin, M'wen's expression is unreadable. "I'm always thoughtful...about whats going on now...about whats going to happen in the future...and even dwelling on the past. The lakeshore just seemed the place to go to collect my thoughts, organize them and even...forget some of them." His face remains emotionless as he turns back to the water. Picking up a small flat stone he throws in as far into the water as he can, his teeth clenching slightly on the *splash*. There's an odd kind of expression on R'hin's face for a moment. Regret, maybe. Resignation, certainly. "Maja says she comes to the lake shore for the same reasons," is all he says, eventually, voice deliberately even to cover whatever feelings are behind them. "Does your life trouble you so?" It isn't meant as a question to antagonize, but could easily be seen as such except for the lack of tone. Eyes narrowing slightly, recognizing the tone to not be antagonizing, but the same can't be said about the question. "I never said that did I? Even the happiest man on pern thinks, not very well if he's the happiest man on pern, but he still does. You know as well as I that there is much to think about these days...especially now that we aren't the lowest of the low anymore as you so eloquently have put it. You can't say thats not true?" M'wen adds the last part with a slight raise of the eyebrow, the questioning look evident. "No, I can't," R'hin agrees, deliberately mild. "And you have much to think about, I imagine. Does what we do," a hand gestures indolently, referring subtly to their plans, "Does it give you pause? Disturb your sleep at night?" The bronzerider, if anything, seems curious, sitting up enough to prop one elbow against the rock, the better to study his former fellow-weyrling. "I see things differently." M'wen says, the unreadable expression he's recently started wearing reappearing on his face, "Not a huge amount, but a little bit all the same." Then adding, "No it doesn't, and I think coming here in the evenings helps that...I've settled all accounts with myself before I even attempt to sleep...confusion and self-doubt are not states of mind to go to sleep in..." A slight grimace marks R'hin's note of that unreadable expression, almost like he feels somehow at fault for it. "It should," he says, after a beat. "For you, perhaps it should. I know the vixen finds herself troubled." Perhaps for other reasons, but he does not specify; pale eyes rest on M'wen thoughtfully. "It is not an easy burden to bear, and it should not be." He hesitates, a rare enough occurrence for him. "I suspect Maja will not be talking to me for some time. If you've occasion to see her, would you send my regards?" a beat, then, "And my regrets." The unreadable expression slides from M'wen's face at the latest comment, to be replaced by one of curiosity. His voice is slightly more commanding then he was aiming for, which creates a slight flicker of regret in his eyes. "What happened between you and Maja?" The whole time he is regarding the bronzerider in front of him with the utmost attention. The brownrider's spent enough time with R'hin that he can probably read the troubled expression lurking beneath even countenance. There's a long silence after the question, and Leiventh passes overhead twice before he finally says, "She asked for more than I would give. She is... she is good. She has morals - like you - that I... envy. I would not see them destroyed." Then, fainter, "I would not destroy her." "Destroy her?" M'wen echoes softly, "What do you mean by that...", a troubled look replacing the one of curiosity, his veil of secrecy before dropped. "I don't want any of you to be destroyed by whatever means...we've all spent too much time together to throw any or all of our talents to waste..." "Nor do I," R'hin says, fervently. "I would bring her down. You must've seen that she began to question her morals, because of me. I would not have that on me. I'm selfish enough not to wish to live with that." A familiar, sardonic twist of lips follows. M'wen's lips twitch slightly, "I regret to say that I didn't notice...she seemed as happy and carefree as Maja could be whenever I saw her. I..I didn't think Maja would be one to step back on her principles like that...she seemed set in her ways, kind of like you are...but different of course..." Each word is said indecisively, as if he can't really think of how or what would cause this dregrading of Maja's morals and beliefs. "Happy and carefree," R'hin echoes, his own lips curving upwards, the words eliciting a low, appreciative chuckle. It doesn't last all that long, though, the amusement drying up soon enough, a faint exhale given. "Different than me," he agrees, "Better. She will be great, one day. I know that." "Your sense of self worth seems to be no reflection on the extent of your ambitions. Everyone has the ability to be great..it's all based on how their view themselves and the world about them. If you tell yourself you'll achieve nothing, then thats what will happen...you can't make a difference when you are so unsure of yourself you have to recruit others to do your dirty work for you!" M'wen's eyes have lit with a slight spark, obviusly truly believing what he is saying, whether or not R'hin thinks likewise. Pale eyes glitter for a moment, but it is anger, not amusement, that elicits the reaction. R'hin's voice is even, a deliberate effort made in counterpoint to M'wen's intensity: "You mistake me. I do the dirty work, so others will not have to. You, and Maja, and others like you - one day you will be in a position to bring great change to the Weyr. You will be above reproach." "You think that part of what I want out of this is to be above reproach? You may be doing this for all the wrong reasons, but I'm not! I'm doing this for the good of the weyr and everyone I care for within it!" M'wen's words are strong, forceful even, but his tone never reaches anger, despite it's vehemence. "It may not be what you want, but it is what it is." R'hin pushes himself fully up, hands spreading wide. "Whom do you think they would be more likely to listen to? You, who have a sense of honor, of morality, of nobility? Or me, and all my... foibles?" his lips twist, self-deprecating. "I think we both know the answer to that, M'wen. You must be strong in all the right ways. That will never be my path to take. I will never be great, nor honorable, and that, too, is what it is." His words are no less venhement, pale eyes on the brownrider. "I listened to you, did I not? R'dur seemed to see where you were coming from, and there are others as well! You may not believe it, but if someone looks past the shield you've formed over yourself, they -will- listen, and -will- understand what you are talking about." M'wen counters, a slight glare, concentrating his attention fully on R'hin. "You are rare." R'hin states. "You were willing to listen. Most will not. Most prefer to live comfortable lives, to embrace tradition, than seek out change. Change means instability, uncertainty... sleepless nights." His lips twitch briefly, and if anything, he seems bemused by M'wen's assertion. "I am not meant to lead, and I would not have the light cast on me. I'm too outspoken, I'm too critical, too little of a diplomat. For all the reasons you say I should lead, I can give you five more to say why I shouldn't." "Lack of diplomacy indeed..." M'wen mumbles softly, a chuckle threathening to escape his lips. "As I have to work on my people skills, which are still lacking, you have to work on your diplomacy and your inability to keep any opinion to yourself." He then adds regrettably, "Though you are right, in your current state, people's sense of tradition would keep them from even listening to you." "Should I waste my time becoming something I'm not to please a Weyr?" R'hin asks, the question perhaps rhetorical, but he pauses with eyebrow quirked as if to wait for a response just the same. Then, "Or would my time be better spent doing what I'm good at: finding those who are open to our ideas, who will support us when the time comes? I know what my answer to that is - and I've already made my decision." He nods simply at M'wen's concession, adding, "I will find a diplomat for us. We have time." "I could say the same thing to you...Should I pretend I love meeting new people, and empty my heart out to them like I care? No...I'm not like that, as you aren't like me, so change yourself before you try to change others." M'wen counters to the question, even though it was perhaps rhetorical. "I'm not telling you to change, I can see it's a lost cause...but you -are- being hypocritical in trying to change others, but refusing to change yourself.." "Perhaps I am at that. But you changing-- or rather, learning new skills, is far less work than changing me. At least you have a moral core to start with. A necessary part of the equation," R'hin says, a hint of humor slipping into pale eyes. "Personally, I think it will become natural for you, in time. You are not one to pretend. You are what you are, and that is your great strength." M'wen looks at his feet, realizing trying to convince R'hin that he actually can change is pointless. But not one to give up, "You do have a moral core, though at this rate it will be rotten through, and then it will be too late. You can and do show compassion to your fellow man, but you hide it under the guise of selfishness and arrogance. But if you want to keep telling yourself that it isn't, and that your moral core has rotten, and there's nothing left, go ahead! It hurts no one but yourself." At the last comment he gives a slight incredulous look. There is a long silence from R'hin, staring first at the brownrider for a long time, before - this time - he is the first to look away, taking advantage of the still lake that drew the other here in the first place. "Your insights are disturbing at times," he says, in quiet concession. Eventually: "You are right, though. It hurts no one but myself. That is the way it should be." "Whether you care to admit it or not, taking the downfall for others is honourable...or it couldbe your just so arrogant you believe all of Perns troubles rest on your shoulders, and you have to take the fall for everyone." M'wen adds the last part with a slight joking tone, but with a hint of fear as if he expects R'hin to say thats exactly it. "Honourable... inevitable." R'hin's hands spread out. "It's a fine line." A grin touches his lips, though it seems a tad forced, as if still unsettled from the brownrider's earlier words, "I'm arrogant... not -that- arrogant." He pushes up from the rock, picking up his shirt and tugging it back over his head as the strength of the sunshine begins to wane as Rukbat falls towards the horizon. M'wen shrugs slightly, "If thats the way you want to see it, then I'll respect that, I said before that you were set in your ways, and I was right, but for now, I can live with that." He pauses briefly, turning to the silent distraction of the lake. "You can say your arrogant all you want, I'll believe elsewise, but if you want to live life like you are now, continue acting the way you are...that's all there is to it..." He says the last bit softly, still looking out over the lake. "I am what I am, M'wen," R'hin says, quiet, not necessarily proud of it, but truthful just the same. Above, there's a slight change in the downdraft as Leiventh's wings fold, cutting low across the lake to land a short distance in on the shore. Wordlessly, he moves towards the cinnamon bronze, pausing halfway there to turn back. "You and Maja are a lot alike," he adds, as if he considers that a compliment. M'wen takes it as such, "We've all changed since Maja threatened you your first night here, you can see this as I can. But remember, I will trust my moral judgement, and nothing you say can change that...when I try to go against it, some Fortian scribe just gets mad at me and storms off.." He obviously is refering to a specific event, "Which is not something I want to happen." "It's not something I want to happen, either," R'hin says, honestly. "You -should- trust your moral judgement. It's what makes you strong." He gives a little tip of head before continuing to Leiventh, climbing up and onto the bronze's neckridges in one smooth motion. Even though it's no longer necessary or even expected, he salutes M'wen sharply just before the bronze springs aloft. You jump up onto Leiventh's back, as the dragon rumbles softly. |
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