Logs:Of a Kind
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| RL Date: 6 August, 2014 |
| Who: K'zin, V'ros |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: V'ros takes Quinlys' advice and speaks to K'zin about his problem. K'zin tries. |
| Where: Weyrling Training Cavern, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 16, Month 6, Turn 35 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: J'vain/Mentions, Quinlys/Mentions, Telavi/Mentions |
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| Weyrling Training Cavern, High Reaches Weyr All the furniture here has been pushed to one side of the room to allow a large pathway opposite: room enough to let weyrling dragons pass from the bowl's archway to the cavernous barracks at the back. None of the furniture matches, either: it varies from big cushioned, claw-footed chairs to those of plain wood, while the most seating is at the two stone tables ringed by low and equally hard stone benches. Without the tapestries that decorate many of the Weyr's other interior spaces, the room always echoes with noise, no matter how few are there. What it does have, however, are several colorful murals: on one wall, a detailed diagram of a dragon's anatomy; opposite, next to a creaky wooden door, a number of painted and labeled wing formations. Near the entrance is a large-scale version of the Weyr's badge, while the back wall, by the barracks, features a detailed map of the continent. The latter area's also home to one big, beat-up couch, black or maybe blue -- the thing's so old and filthy it's hard to tell, though it's certainly comfortable. K'zin isn't a stranger to the training cavern, though he's not usually there to see the weyrlings themselves. It's Telavi, or on fewer occasions, J'vain that he seeks out when he comes at lunchtime, usually carrying a plate or tray of food to share. And almost never is he seen when Quinlys is apparent. Mostly he stays out of the way, and since many weyrlings take lunchtime as a chance to go for food or stretch their legs or get in some extra studying, it's usually a fairly empty cavern. When he comes in today, it's with a tray that holds a big bowl of late spring berries and grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches. It's hardly a great pairing, but... berries, bacon, cheese... what's not to like really? Only Telavi isn't apparent, having been recently called into the barracks to help with something, and J'vain is busy working with one of the green pairings off to one side, so he meanders toward the game table and sets the tray aside in favor of plucking fingertips idly at some of the cotton plumes that pass for clouds or chimney smoke. What the bronzerider may not have noticed is the smoky brown skulking in the doorway to the barracks - ever watchful. It is with quick succession that the human part of that lifebond comes ambling through the training cavern, with all the usual appeal of his anxious expression. V'ros sweeps the other man with his eyes, lowering them to the floor once he comes within a dragon's length. "Hi," in a soft voice, almost too quiet, so he tries again, "K'zin, sir." Despite protestations, he's still using that particular term, laced with unrest. "Do.. are you looking for.. Telavi?" Not quite sure what to do with his hands, he decides to clasps them behind his back. This time K'zin doesn't bother to correct the sir in the usual way. "K'zin-Lunchbringer," he titles himself, making it sound a mighty title indeed, with a lopsided grin for the weyrling. He didn't look up until his name, so probably he didn't hear the first greeting. "Sandwich?" He offers, gesturing to the tray where there are plenty. "You look hungry." Underfed, he really means. "Telavi, yes. Lunch." Another gesture in case the slightly younger man hadn't put that all together. "How are you, V'ros? And Zmeyth?" His brown gaze goes a-roving in search of brown hide in the vicinity. At the offer, the weyrling edges closer, stepping up to the table, where he takes in the spread provided. "I'm not that hungry actually," V'ros murmurs, but hooks his foot around the leg of the nearest chair and pulls it up so he can sit. "I saw her.. Telavi.. I think she was helping someone with.." But his sentence fades off and he shrugs, in a 'I don't really want to say that out loud' sort of way. His eyes lift, focusing more on K'zin's face now. "I wanted to.. ask you.. something." "Suit yourself." K'zin won't press him, but now that his own attention has been brought back to the food, he picks up a sandwich and starts munching. He nods to the information about Telavi. "I figured it was something like that. She is a helpful one." There are elements of both humor and pride in that statement. His brown eyes are ready to meet V'ros' gaze and steadily when the brownrider's eyes lift. But the words that follow take him by surprise. It's not a flooring surprise, just one that has him lifting his brows and wrinkling his forehead before shrugging, "Sure. Ask away." After all, fully vetted riders are supposed to be helpful to weyrlings, right? "I.. I did something not too long ago." That's not the best way to start a conversation. "Quinlys suggested that I.. I should talk to you about.. about Zmeyth." V'ros looks over his shoulder, as someone paranoid, and seems relieved that the brown has retreated into the barracks for now. "He's hard to get out of my head. He wants me to be like him. He wants me to be strong and great. Even if that means hurting others." His gaze drops as he sighs, gripping the arms of the chair. "I'm having trouble separating him from me. Quinlys said.. she said you might be able to help?" K'zin listens carefully. By the time V'ros is finished, there is no trace of his easy grin. Now he's silent. His thoughtful silence might as well be called a brooding silence from the expression on his face. But before he gets too far ahead of himself, he verifies the facts. Looking at the slightly younger man, he asks, "Quinlys suggested you should talk to me?" Quinlys, really? There's a hint of that question in his voice. He does add, "I can see why," lest the brownrider feel like he's been advised poorly. Though really, that remains to be seen. He takes a deep breath. "Some-- pairs..." He starts, trying to sort the right words to use. This is important after all. "They're close in a way other pairs aren't. Especially at the beginning. Tela, for example." He tries, "She and Solith were pretty loosely connected at the beginning. It made it hard for them to do a lot of things." Then, perhaps this explains better, "Rasavyth and I are the opposite. And always have been." He's not sure he's doing this right, says the frown, "Tell me about Zmeyth?" V'ros is a willing and attentive pupil, listening with his whole body it seems, but gradually, he begins to look more and more confused. It would appear that the bronzerider is not, indeed, doing this right. "Zmeyth? He's.. everything. Smart, brave, strong, out spoken. He wants things how he wants them, and he wants me to do the things he wants me to do too. I've.. I know I'm not really smart or brave or good looking, but Zmeyth says I can be. He wants those things for me. Sometimes I forget I don't want them.. sometimes I forget his thoughts are mine." Frowning, he gives K'zin a good ole side-eye. "Is.. is Rasavyth like that too?" K'zin's expression is attentive. He doesn't hurry the weyrling, he just listens. When the brownrider is finished, the bronzerider doesn't have a straightforward answer for him. "Yes and no. Personalities sound a bit different, but Rasavyth is-- he's the stronger of the two if us." Some would see this as a bad thing, but K'zin simply shrugs; that's just the way it is. "Smarter, too. He's changed me. I'm not sure it's for the worse, but my friends certainly thought so when we were weyrlings. And his thoughts and mine-- yeah. I don't usually not notice when his thought is pretending to be mine, but I used to have more trouble telling them apart sometimes. He wants things for me that I don't want. Sometimes. Sometimes I let him have his way, sometimes he gets his way whether I like it or not. That's probably why Quinlys said to talk to me." He reaches a hand to push through his hair. "What-- kind of help are you hoping for? Do you want to block him out or learn to balance or just know you're not the only one or?" Now V'ros looks absorbed in what K'zin is saying, nodding along without words until the end, when the question is posed to him. He searches the bronzerider's face, clearly searching for his own words. "I.. I want balance. I want to be able to tell him no, that I can't do those things he wants, that I need to have my own thoughts sometimes. Sometimes his are better, sometimes not. But I need to be able to have the give-and-take that he doesn't want." Hopeful - his face right then. Shit. The word is briefly on K'zin's face and then it's gone. He's thinking hard. Because the right answer is definitely not to tell the weyrlings he doesn't know how to do that. After some long moments, he offers, "In the beginning... and still sometimes now, we make deals. It works out alright most of the time. Sometimes it's a lesson to learn from. I sometimes forget just how much smarter he is than I am. Have you tried offering him cooperation in some things for things you want?" "I don't.. I don't much want anything. It's often that I don't want to do what he wants me to do. I try to stand up to him, but it's hard when he's here," as he presses a finger to his head, "and pushing.. pushing.. I don't want to hurt anyone again. I don't want to do some of those things he thinks I should." V'ros frowns and shakes his head. "I haven't tried making 'deals'. I can always try." But his tone and the way his face falls tells a story of someone not confident in their decision. "Yeah." K'zin agrees though his tone isn't very sympathetic. "It sucks. You didn't get one of the easy ones," are there easy ones? "Neither did I and I'd be lying if I said it ever got easy for me. Easier but never easy." There's a pause and then, "I started getting really awful headaches when I didn't do what he wanted. I drank more than I was supposed to when I was a weyrling. That was a bad idea. But working out helped. It made me so winded that my head wasn't in any state for him to mess with it. And it helped me feel in control. Maybe try that." Working out, that's his solution? V'ros stares at him blankly for a few minutes, then manages to break his stare, turning his head away. "I didn't think it would.. get easier, but.. but maybe, he'll get better as he matures." It's a weak statement, and even he doesn't sound convinced of his own words. "It does suck." He looks back at K'zin, nodding his head. "Thanks.. for talking to me. I guess Quinlys was right." Right about what.. depends who you ask. K'zin looks at the brownrider a long moment before saying, "Sorry I didn't have better news." It is sort of a downer. The perfect occasion to console himself with another sandwich. Between bites he adds, "If you end up wanting to talk again, I'm around. I hear two heads are better than one." Though maybe that depends upon whose heads they are. "Yeah." V'ros uses his hands to push himself up out of the chair. "Thanks, again, sir. I should be getting back though, I think Zmeyth is up to no good. He's been far too.. quiet." He gives the traditional, respectful salute, then turns and heads into the bowels of the barracks. |
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