Logs:Only one or many?
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| RL Date: 30 March, 2013 |
| Who: K'zin, N'ky |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: K'zin finds out Azaylia's not saving herself for him. N'ky happens upon his pensive moment and the two talk relationships, ambitions, and flights. Things end on an awkward note. |
| Where: Bathing Pools, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 7, Month 5, Turn 31 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Aishani/Mentions, Azaylia/Mentions, Mave/Mentions, Sabella/Mentions, Quinlys/Mentions, Barnabas/Mentions |
| OOC Notes: Back-dated. After Logs:Following_The_Rules, but before Logs:Breaking_the_Rules, played on google docs. |
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| Bathing Pools, High Reaches Weyr Omnipresent clouds of steam slink across the tops of three naturally warm pools, set into the floor of this kidney-shaped cavern. Near the entrance the ceiling is high and polished, gleaming with little mineral specks as it sweeps downward into increasingly ragged, uneven steps. The foremost of the pools is squared off with wide steps leading down into the water and has faucets for bringing in cooler water from a rain-catching cistern. Primarily used for laundry, there's an almost constant film of suds along its surface until the circulating current clears it at the end of the day. Four sinks line the nearest wall and various tubs stored beneath allow for the washing of delicates. Laundry bags can be dropped off in the bins near the door and clean, folded laundry is stacked in rows of tall cubbies for easy pickup. The bend in the cavern leads to a rougher-hewn part of the chamber where the two circular bathing pools welcome those in need of a wash. Towels and washcloths are kept in neat stacks on shelves along the wall, along with sacks of sweetsand and a few bars of precious soap. Stone benches provide a place for sitting to remove shoes and clothing, while a row of gleaming brass hooks stand above, ready to hold clothes and robes. It is a spring night, 23:33 of day 7, month 5, turn 31 of Interval 10.
Given how clingy he is with Cailluneth, N'ky has been rarely seen in the bathing caverns since Impression. Not that he's been staying dirty, but even those moments when his green is asleep have been spent close to her side. However, he does need a proper bathing session, and with it being late at night he's more eager to approach the dreaded shared chamber - the late hour means less people to see the still painfully body-shy holdbred boy. The sight of K'zin has his mouth twitching in a half-smile, and he makes his way over to the bath his friend is using, stripping off his clothing as close to the edge as he can manage before slipping into the water, doing his awkward best to keep everything covered. Faranth forbid someone should see! He slumps low in the water so only his shoulders are above the surface, and only then does he look at the bronze weyrling, giving him a smile of hello, then leaving him to his thoughts. If there's anything N'ky knows, it's that his friend will bring up whatever's bugging him as and when he needs to - and until then, he's happy enough to soak silently in the water beside him. When footsteps draw near, K'zin's eyes pull away from the ceiling and catch on N'ky as he comes into view. He hasn't moved more than just his head, there's a welcoming smile for the other weyrling, but he, too, knows his friend well. His eyes divert back to the ceiling and it isn't until the holdbred boy is hear to slip into the water that he straightens up his head. "There's a ledge here, if you want to sit." He offers, one hand coming out of the water to gesture to the step he sits on. There are a few more moments of silence. "I think I figured out what Brieli-Aishani-whoever-she-is meant when she told me dating is different for dragonriders." He glances down to the water and then out across the steam-filled room. "Azaylia's been sleeping with a brownrider." Clearly, K'zin just doesn't know how to feel about this. "And here I was worried that by kissing Mave that day in the stables that I'd've wrecked my chances with her. Maybe I should've been more worried about her wrecking her chances with me... Or are they wrecked? Is this better?" The words flow as the thoughts must have in his mind: muddled and without answers. The ledge is considered; it takes N'ky a moment to take up the offer. When he does, it's not without dipping underwater in those moments of silence, so he can wet his ridiculous haircut - water makes those non-curls stick down to his forehead, until he pushes them back. Then they just stick up, just as messy as before. That's a heavy topic that K'zin brings up though, and it leaves the green weyrling frowning thoughtfully, looking at the rippled water in front of them as if it might hold the answer. "Huh," is all he can say in reply, as he tries to work through it and come up with something better, more helpful. "Um..." He scratches at his chin, frowning. "I'm sorry, Waki. I didn't know." Why would he? He huffs out a long, long breath, then looks at his friend and shrugs. "Do you think it's better? Um... did you have an understanding with her, um, when you kissed?" The bronze weyrling heaves a sigh. "No. No understanding. It would've been easier if we had. Then I'd know what to feel. Anger, jealousy, upset? But part of me... well, part of me doesn't care." His brow furrows. "Is that weird?" He asks the holdbred. "Ras says that this is a good thing. It takes the pressure off me because she obviously isn't too picky. And he says it's good because now it frees me up to have other interests without guilt." Beat. "And I'm wondering if he isn't right about that. What if it wouldn't be wrong to kiss someone else? Not Mave," He's quick to assure that one, "But like-- maybe Sabs or someone else. And then to also be able to kiss Azaylia later? What if love doesn't matter the way the Harper stories say? What if it really is all about kissing and sex?" Love, at least romantic love, is foreign to him. "To me it's all weird," N'ky admits with a shrug. "I'm used to... courting, or parents and aunties saying 'you're going to marry this person', and then that's it, you're handfasted and with them and it's forever." It's his turn to frown, and he runs his fingers through his shorter hair, leaving it sticking up even more. "Um... I don't know about what Rasavyth said. I mean, maybe it's good because there's no pressure for you to be faithful? But, um - wouldn't it be nice to know you're the only person someone wants?" More frowning - and he sinks lower into the water, as low as he can on the ledge without falling off. "I think love is important. You don't have to have love to kiss someone or to... to do that," the dreaded S-word, "with them, but I think it's important. But... I don't know, Waki. We're going to be dragonriders and... stuff happens, doesn't it?" He pauses to sigh, then shrugs his shoulders. "M-maybe it'll be different for you with Rasavyth, but... Cailluneth's green. Quinlys told me when she rises, I'll h-have - I'll have sex with the rider of whatever dragon catches her, and... I don't know, Waki. It scares me and it... it kind of excites me, in a way. But if that's what it is to be a greenrider - to be a rider at all - then how can you love someone? Just one someone? How can I - we - even have room to love someone when we have dragons to love?" From the thoughtfully pained look on his face, it's clearly something that's bugging the weyrling. "Maybe it's because I've never been wanted by anyone before, but I don't know that it matters to be me to be the only one someone wants. I mean, I like Azaylia. But I like Sabs. And I don't compare the two. Liking one doesn't mean I like the other any less. It's just what I feel." He chews his lip, "I've even been thinking about the whole kissing Mave thing. And I think I wasn't really upset that someone else was kissing her, but that it was you. And really-" K'zin looks directly at N'ky, "Thinking back on it, it was all a silly twisted knicker over principle. Bros before-- chicks." He shrugs his shoulders a little. Then there's the question of flights. "The difference between you and a rider of any other color, other than gold, is that you're guaranteed to have sex every time Cai rises. All the rest of us just have a chance." He reaches up and runs a wet hand through his hair, parting it in funny ways. "I don't think it'll be so bad, N'ky. Just remember that it's a fact of your life as a rider. Not something you could change if you wanted. It just is what it is." His expression turns thoughtful at the matter of love and dragons to love, but doesn't comment on it. "You like Sabs?" That's news to N'ky - news he isn't quite sure what to do with. "Why were you angry that it was me who kissed Mave? I wasn't angry that you kissed her... was I?" It's more of an 'or was I?' question; he's not sure he remembers. He sinks lower in the water until he's in up to his chin, hands resting in his lap beneath the surface. "I don't know what's right, Waki. I don't know if it's right to like more than one person... I mean, I like Mave. Like like her. And I think she likes me, because she was sad that she couldn't kiss me before she cut off my curls. But I'd feel awful if I was with her, or anyone, and I ended up with someone else because of Cailluneth - and I don't think I can love anyone like I love her. It wouldn't be fair, would it?" His brows are drawn deep over his dark eyes, and he stares off into the water in silent contemplation. "Do you think Sabs likes you? I guess she would, wouldn't she? At least you have girls who like you. The only person who's shown me anything like that is Bones." He winces a little, biting down hard on his lip before coming out with a confession: "I think I want to sleep with him, Waki. Before Cailluneth goes up. I w-want to know what that's like in case... wh-what if I end up with a guy?" A beat; and he looks to his friend with wide, worried eyes. "W-will Rasavyth chase her? What if..." what if they end up together, as the finger wiggling between them suggests. "I like anybody with a pretty face who's nice to me." K'zin is a little like a friendly canine in that way. "Sabs qualifies for both." He gives a little shrug. "I was angry because the principle is that a guy shouldn't kiss a girl his best-friend likes." Nevermind that he'd never said that outloud. "And I'd had a crush on her since I was twelve and she punched me the first time." Then he shrugs again, "I don't know if you were mad at me, but I'd bet you'd be mad if I did it again now, now that you've made your feelings known, and all that." He frowns, "I don't think you need to love anyone like you love your dragon. I don't know that it's possible. Loving a person-- well, they're never meant to be the center of your world. You're always putting yourself first. Or should be." He frowns a bit, thinking on that a moment before continuing, "So the only difference from loving before the Hatching and now is that there's the dragon to come before a loved one. The dragon is part of you though, so it should still come first. So I don't really see why you couldn't love someone just as well after Impressing as before. If you wanted. If it was the right person." A third shrug shows just how confused he is on this whole subject. "And if you can love one person as well, why shouldn't you be able to love more than one person?" He shakes his head then, "I don't know if Sabs likes me. I want to kiss her. I feel like... and maybe this sounds dumb, but I feel like I can't really be friends with a girl unless I've kissed them. It's kind of like by kissing them all this tension goes out of it and you find out if you'd really want to kiss them more." It's K'zin's turn to wrinkle his nose. "If there are people that like me, I don't know about it. No one hits on me the way Bones hit on you. No one even compliments me. I don't think Azaylia expected me to ask her on a date. She definitely wasn't flirting with me when I did. And Mave didn't like it when I kissed her. So I don't know what you're talking about with people liking me. Some girls might talk with me in a-- I guess it's kind of a playful way? But it never goes anywhere. Especially not with the rules being what they are." There's a beat to consider. "Do you think Bones is really the best person? It's not about Bones being Bones, just that-- well, I told you what he said to me about not being for beginners, didn't I?" No, he had previously neglected that bit of conversation. "Maybe someone gentler would be better." Then there's that question of Ras and Cai and mating flights. "Well, Ras'll chase, but he'd never catch. He knows we're like brothers and that it'd be-- well, just weird if he caught. So he'd not let it happen." Or so K'zin hopes. "Don't worry about it." "You can't base a friendship on kissing. Ours isn't based on that, and we're ok - so what's the difference with girls?" N'ky frowns, raising fingers up above the surface of the water and wiggling them, watching the ripples they cause. "I don't believe you that no-one's hit on you. You're..." A beat, during which his frown deepens before he forges ahead. "You're good looking, and you're all... Smithly. What's not to like?" He shrugs, glancing sideways at his friend. "Maybe that playful stuff is flirting, but you just don't realise it." Then Bones comes up, and he squirms uncomfortably. "Waki, what's to say the person I end up with because of Cailluneth will be gentle?" His teeth sink deeply into his lip, and he looks worried. "I... trust Bones. I-it'll... it'll be ok." And yet, he sounds uncertain - scared, even, hence the emergence of his stutter. He closes his eyes, biting harder on his lip - to the point where it turns pale as the blood is kept from it. "I-I wouldn't know who else t-to go to. A-and anyway, I've got months b-before - m-maybe even longer -m-maybe she won't go up until she's... she's..." Maybe never, is what he's hoping so hard for. "I h-h-have to do it, Waki. I need it t-to be with someone I know I c-can trust. It h-has to be my decision." "Why not? Seems like a good idea to me. On kissing and not liking it. The difference with girls is that there's... I dunno, tension there? Like, I always want to know what it'd be like to kiss them, and I can't be satisfied with just being their friend until I know what it's like. I mean, I don't if they don't want to kiss, of course." He's not a monster. "I just always want to know. It's like when I draw in my sketch book. I always draw the women I know, just because I want to know what they look like naked. Just because I'm curious." Curious is one way to put it. Horny is probably a better way. Perhaps he'll be less of a hound once he's had a taste and satisfied his appetites some. "Yeah, maybe it's flirting. But I can definitely say I've never been hit on like you. You're the only person to ever call me good looking. Besides me. And Ras." The thought of himself and Ras counting comes as an afterthought of sorts, but he evidently feels the point still stands. "I'd probably be pretty big-headed if everyone went around telling me I was good looking, but it'd be nice to hear from time to time. Or just to get hit on once." Then there's the matter of Bones and he gives a little nod. "Alright. Sounds reasonable. Maybe just ask him to be careful since it's the first time? I wouldn't want you to get hurt." He leaves unsaid that the other has an excellent point about no guarantees of gentility when it comes time for flights. N'ky sinks low enough for his mouth to be below the water level while he listens, a deep frown still furrowing his brow. He pushes himself back up just enough to be able to speak when Waki's finished, and his fingers curl around the edge of the ledge they're sat on, recoiling quickly when he accidentally touches his friend's bare thigh. "Um... I th-think you need to get laid," is his rosy-cheeked input. "You can't just think about what it's like to shove your tongue down someone's throat. Not all the time, not until you get to try it. Drawing them is... it's m-maybe a bit different." A beat - "A-and I want that one of Mave." Another beat, during which he cheeks flush even darker. "There are things people say about greenriders, and about bronzeriders. I-I'm not going to become that greenrider. You shouldn't become that bronzerider, either. Don't just ch-chase girls, Waki. You could focus on s-something... bigger. Better, even." N'ky's candid opinion has K'zin laughing out loud. It's a good, long, belly-laugh. "You're probably right. Where's my girl to swoop in and deflower me and set me to rights?" He references the other's experience. "Which one of Mave?" Implying that there may be more than one? "I'll try not to think about it so much. But shells, I mean, do they even know? Women? I mean. Do they even know what it's like for us to be around them? I swear I'd follow just about any of them anywhere. To my doom even. Just for a look. Or a kiss. Or more." His expression gets a little dreamy there for a moment. "What's wrong with chasing skirts?" K'zin demands plaintively. "Who's to say I can't chase skirts and still not be that bronzerider? I was focused on Smithing and chasing skirts before. Only it was against the rules, and now that I know how good kissing is, I don't think I care about the apprentice rules much anymore. I mean, I won't hurt Ras. I'll be careful. But apprentice rules can suck my--" K'zin stops short giving N'ky an impish smile. "So what bigger better thing should I focus on, Nick?" Evidently, he's willing to entertain the idea, but doesn't necessarily have direction. "What bigger better thing are you going to focus on so you don't become that greenrider?" "'Which one'? You have more than one?!" N'ky squirms, drawing one knee up to his chest - then, deciding that's uncomfortable, he shifts about so he's sitting up higher. "Um... i-if something happens between Mave and I, I want all of them. It... it wouldn't be right, if you've got pictures like that o-of someone I... no." He shakes his head, dismissing the thought. "Can I have them? Please?" More uncomfortable squirming; his cheeks flush deeply, his eyes close and his teeth sink down into his lip. "That bronzerider is someone who's obsessed with getting some, just like that greenrider is... is a... is loose. I'm going to focus on other things... I think want to be a weyrlingmaster." He leans forward, crossing his arms over his lap and staring down into the water, looking embarrassed. Hiding a little problem, perhaps? "C-can we.... can we stop talking about... a-about girls, please?" "Yeah. Any girls I like I draw more than once." K'zin shrugs his shoulders. "Besides, you know it's not really the girl, right? It's just what I imagine their body to look like under all the clothes. Unless I happen to have seen them in here. Which isn't the case with Mave. So it's not really Mave. And that right there is exactly what I was saying earlier about you probably not liking it if I were to kiss Mave again now. You wouldn't even want me looking at made up naked pictures I drew of her." Imagine that! K'zin's grin turns teasing now, and he moves in the water, sliiiding over to next to N'ky, grinning at him ghoulishly. "I'll give them to you. On one condition." Beat. "Two conditions." His fingers come out of the water and he ticks them off, "First, you have to tell me if you want them because you want to look at them," Look clearly doesn't just mean look. "Or because you don't want me to look at them." The second finger pops up, "Second, if you ever see her naked, you have to tell me how close I was to right." The leer is comedic on purpose as he nudges N'ky's side in a very 'boys being boys' kind of way. "Weyrlingmaster, huh?" He's easy to switch topics, not needing to say aloud that he's fine stopping talking about girls at this point. "Like Quinlys or Meara." His lips purse and move from one side of his mouth to the other as he considers. "Yep. I can see it. I think you'd make a sharding fine Weyrlingmaster, Nick. You and Cai both." "I don't like it cos it's weird, because she's a friend. Our friend, and that's what would make it weird even if - shards, I don't know what's happening between us." N'ky frowns, but that frown quickly turns to horror when K'zin gets up close to him. "I don't want you to look at them," he says, giving his friend a wide-eyed, uncomfortable look. "I'm not going to look at them, j-just like I'm not going to s-stay in here if she's here. That'll only lead to thoughts of - Faranth, Waki, why are you so close?!" He swallows nervously, chewing on his lip and hunching over a little more. "If, and it's a very big, heavily stressed 'if', "she e-ever lets me see her like that, I c-can't tell you. And I can't think of stuff like that now." He jerks his head meaningfully downwards with a mortified expression. "Y-you being right there i-isn't helping." "Yes, she's our friend. But she's also still a woman. And I draw women naked. It's a rule. It's what I do." K'zin states this as fact, pure and simple. "Besides, I haven't looked at her since we straightened out that we're friends. We're just friends." Beat. "But it's art, Nick. I don't want you to destroy it. What if I gave them to her and let her decide what to do with them?" He seems to be ruminating on this a little longer. Possibly trying to sort out if such a gesture would end up with him mostly dead or all dead. "Wassamatter with me being close?" The former Smith seems genuinely confused by this. Weyrbred wherrybrain. "I would think, if anything, that me being close would help with things like that. Like thinking about shriveled old Uncles, or the weird way that some citrus fruits look. Whatever works. Your best bud naked should probably be one of the things that makes you less -- excited." He chooses the last word carefully. "Not more. Unless Bones was right?" He glances towards the green weyrling, still not moving from where he's sitting, but he can't seem to make himself keep looking at N'ky's face, a blush touching his own cheeks. N'ky shakes his head, eyes screwed tight shut and lips drawn in a thin line. "Nononono more naked Mave talk," he pleads. "She will kill you if she knows you've drawn her like that, Waki, i-it'd be suicide." And then the more delicate matter rises. He blushes beet-dark, looking as if he wants the water to just swallow him up whole. "Wh-what did Bones say to be right about?" Forced casualness stiffens his tone, and he, too, keeps his gaze firmly averted from his friend. "I d-don't fancy you, Waki. It's j-just... talking and thinking a-and stuff, and... y-you know what we said before? B-before the hatching? About... Sharditno, forget it. I-it's... it's Mave. And every other girl and... even S-Sabs, a bit, b-but mainly Mave and I don't even know what that is and what did Bones say?" "Would she?" K'zin seems to have some serious doubt about whether or not revealing such a fact would result in his death at Mave's hands. "Well, sharditall. Now I'm going to have to find out." Is he teasing more? Maybe. Though there's that something serious behind the grin on his face that says he might just mean it. "About the whole-" K'zin begins to answer, but then N'ky's hit upon just which thing Bones had said. "Alright then." His tone is entirely too disarming, trying to calm the whole situation down. To that end, he moves back over to his original seat a safe distance away. He's silent a long moment before he says quite quietly, and with purpose. "If you wanted an option besides Bones... not saying you do, or anything, but... I should probably know what it's like." He winces a little. "I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, come flight time." His face is red as a redfruit for even suggesting it, but there it is then. And at that suggestion, N'ky groans, leaning forward to faceplant into the water. There's plenty of bubbles to prove he hasn't actually died of embarrassment, but he stays hidden down there as long as he possibly can before he has to come up for air. Then he draws in a deep breath, coughs a little as water hits the back of his throat, then rubs over his bright red face with his hands and shakes his head. Eventually, he's able to peep between his fingers at his friend, still shaking his head - though this time it's with a little less conviction, and a whole lot more regret. "N-no," he says very softly, muffled by his hands. "I m-mean, m-maybe if we're... if we're d-drunk, or something," K'zin will know, of course, that N'ky doesn't drink, "I m-might - I would, I mean... I d-don't know, Waki." His hands drop down just to cover his mouth now, dark eyes full of conflict. K'zin looks with concern away from whatever it was that was so very interesting on the top of the water when N'ky's head splashes beneath it. Perhaps there is some comfort in knowing that the other feels as awkward and embarrassed about broaching this subject as he does. The bubbles are enough to keep his attention long enough to assure himself that N'ky isn't drowning himself to escape the oh-so-awkward conversation. As soon as sopping brown hair re-emergers, his eyes are away again, looking at the ripples skittering towards him. He listens, quietly, though N'ky's stuttering and simply nod once, as though the matter is entirely settled. "It's fine, Nick. Really." He finds the courage to shift brown eyes to try to catch the similarly colored ones of his friend, reassurance there. Then they're away again as he says, "It's fine. I'll ask someone else. Just thought-- since we knew each other so well..." He trails off, then shakes his head. Matter settled. "Maybe a stranger will be better after all. No worries about making things weird." He chews his lower lip for a moment though as he considers, then he's moving, turning around to face the wall, using one foot on the ledge he sat on for leverage as he pulls himself up and out of the pool, picking up the towel he'd been resting his head on and wrapping it about his waist. "I'll see you back in the barracks, alright?" The real words he might like to say are not said, but reading between the lines would easily say: 'Let's forget I ever brought it up, ok? Pretend it never happened.' He doesn't move away from the edge of the pool yet, head turned over his shoulder, awaiting a response, though not turned enough to actually see N'ky, K'zin's cheeks still red. Let's pretend it never happened. N'ky is totally on board with that line of thinking. He looks away as K'zin gets out of the water, looking down into his lap and waiting until the bronzerider is offering a farewell before he looks up. Not up enough to actually see his friend, but he does reach out behind him, fingers splayed in the hopes of catching K'zin's hand for a finger-locking squeeze. An 'it'll be ok' gesture; the conversation may have come to an awkward end, but N'ky wants to be sure it doesn't stay that way. With K'zin standing and N'ky sitting, the distance is great, even with N'ky's long arms. Fingers brush fingers, just barely, and K'zin's eyes flick down to them. There's no saying what he takes away from that contact, for his expression betrays nothing, his shoulders remain tensed. He was going for casual, but it just came out a little strangled. He heads for the cubbies, towels off quickly and changes. His retreat is swift and silent, out of the bathing cavern to the tunnels beyond. |
Comments
Comments on "Logs:Only one or many?"Azaylia (Dragonshy (talk)) left a comment on Sun, 31 Mar 2013 03:00:18 GMT.
>.> .>
Tela (Tela (talk)) left a comment on Sun, 31 Mar 2013 03:04:28 GMT.
There's a clear solution to this!
Bones and the boys should have a three-way. :D
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