Logs:Overcoming the Past
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| RL Date: 25 August, 2015 |
| Who: Edyis, K'del |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Edyis has some questions for K'del. |
| Where: Garden Patio Ledge, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 20, Month 8, Turn 38 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Farideh/Mentions, Irianke/Mentions, Tiriana/Mentions |
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| It's another lovely High Reaches summer day, sunset now turning the sky to scarlet and gold. With autumn due any day now-- and mornings already often holding a hint of a chill to them-- it's no wonder that many of the weyr's denizens are making the most of the warmth, lingering out upon the patio, or down by the lake. K'del's one of the former, having claimed himself a table at which he has spread out some papers, with a glass and a pitcher of beer at his elbow to ease the paperwork. Of course, he's only somewhat diligent about the work itself: at the moment, he's got his face tipped up towards the dying light, eyes closed, an unreserved smile lingering within his expression. Edyis is among those making the most of those last breaths of summer, scaling the steps to the garden patio at a rapid clip, grinning as she finishes the final leg of her run. She pats the towel around her neck to her face, ordering a drink before catching sight of the relaxing weyrleader. "Already mourning summer's loss?" She muses cheerily, of the bronzerider. Reigning in her breathing and accepting the glass of water when it comes with hearty thanks. She doesn't sit yet, but rather seems to hesitate in that moment. Uncertian. "Mourning?" K'del doesn't immediately open his eyes, nor does his expression change, but his tone is easy enough. "Not mourning. Not yet. Rather enjoy what's left than think too much to the winter to come." It's as he finishes that statement that he opens his eyes again, seeking Edyis' face out with an acknowledging nod. "Congratulations on your graduation, brownrider." Edyis laughs, "Yours is the better perspective I think." A long drink pulled from her glass, as she glances back out over the bowl. "Hardly feels real just yet." She admits in a puff of breath meeting his gaze, and frowning faintly. "I don't suppose you'd have a minute to spare would you sir?" Edyis wonders softly, her tone carefully even. A smile continues to play about the corners of K'del's mouth, though he doesn't verbalise whatever it is that has him amused. Instead, he gestures towards one of the empty seats about his table and says, "Of course, Edyis. What is it I can do for you?" He reaches for his glass, wiping condensation off of it with his fingertips before wrapping those fingers around it and drawing it towards his mouth. She hooks a seat then, settling into it with ease. "I hope you don't take offense, but it was suggested that I ask you about something," Edyis begins to explain, her smile apologetic. "Namely, how you overcame the errors you've made in the past." The words are phrased delicately, and perhaps more diplomatically than the person who did the suggesting. The look on K'del's expression is more bemused than anything; for a good long moment he seems caught between offended and amused, and ends up at least half bewildered more than anything. Then, finally, he shakes his head. "How does anyone?" is his immediate answer, though he pauses before saying more to take a sip from his drink. "Can't repair things overnight. There's still plenty who only see me as the boy Weyrleader, and it doesn't matter that it's been nearly two decades." Edyis blinks at him. "If I knew the best answer to that I wouldn't be taking Farideh's advice," she admits somewhat ruefully. "I think though that's exactly what she was attempting to get at. You've been Weyrleader at High Reaches for as long as I can remember, but... well, I hope it isn't impertinent to imagine that you haven't always been as patient and well adjusted." She blushes a little, knowing the words are not quite coming out as smoothly as she would like. "Otherwise, there's no hope for the rest of us." Her lips twisting in good humor. "Farideh," repeats K'del, sharp and surprised, enough so that he straightens and sets down his glass looking mildly horrified. But then he recovers himself, swallows, and says, with twisted smile, "Takes time. Not just to make changes within yourself-- that's hard, and no one can argue otherwise-- but time for people to see it, acknowledge it, feel it. Just saying 'I've changed, things are better' is never enough. Got to demonstrate it, and without turning it in to a song and dance about 'look at me, I've changed.'" Though the reaction doesn't go unnoticed, Edyis is at least polite enough to pretend not to notice. "So in other words, you never really recover from it fully." She muses frowning faintly, looking down to her glass of water then. "Do you ever wish you could just walk away from all of it, start over with a blank slate someplace where people don't think of you as whatever it is they have stuck in their heads?" K'del hesitates over his answer, this time. "Yes," he says. "But no, too. Thing is... some people will see things differently more quickly than others. You earn respect from some people, even if others are still seeing you differently. If you walk away, you lose all of that; you get a clean slate for mistakes, sure... but you're going to make more. We all do." Edyis muses over his answer, dark eyes affixed to the rim of her glass. Mulling it over. "Is that what you wanted, when you were in our place? As a graduating weyrling I mean, were you after someone's respect?" Her gaze lifted now studying him. It makes K'del laugh, outright, enough so that he waves his hand in some kind of apology before he can compose himself to actually answer properly. "Yes," he says. "Wanted to prove myself. Had big plans to be a Wingsecond within a couple of turns, to work my way up and show everyone my leadership skills. Wasn't even anyone specific." He pauses. "Well, no. Wanted to prove to Tiriana, but that wasn't the whole thing." Edyislifts a brow curiously at the laughter, as though she's missing the punchline somewhere in his fit of manly giggling. "Some might argue that you got it." The leadership position she must mean, "What was the whole thing? If I may ask?" "Oh, I got it," says K'del, more sober now as he reflects on those events of nearly twenty turns ago. "Got something I was wholly unprepared for, and made a fool of myself in the process. Beware of what you wish for," is wry. "The whole thing was... it was being the second-youngest of nine and wanting to prove myself. It was being over-confident not only over my Impression, but then the surety that I'd be part of the silver thread-- wasn't, not in the beginning-- and... It was hubris. Just wanted everyone to acknowledge that I was as good as I thought I was. And I wasn't." Edyis makes a soft, breathy sound of amusement. "I don't think I have any wishes left." She returns, equally wry. "Aside from Akluseth not chasing any time soon." She listens intently, sipping from her glass. "And what do you wish for now that you are all grown up?" "Has he chased at all?" K'del leans forward just slightly as he asks that, then admitting, "Cadejoth chasing was not one of my worries, aside from the fact that his first time was for Fort's then-senior queen, quite accidentally." He's less certain about the rest, focusing on his glass-- more condensation to remove-- for long seconds before he admits, "Like to keep my knot when the next queen goes up. Like to... see my Weyr prosper. My family prosper. Guess those latter two are the most important, even if there's pride involved in the former." "No." She admits, "Though I have made sure that we aren't around when the ones he might be particularly interested in are close to rising." She laughs a little then, shaking her head, "I suppose I'm lucky that he's a brown. I don't have to worry about him catching anyone who might upset the balance of politics." Tilting her head then, studying him. "Does it really mean that much to you? The knot I mean." She lifts a hand as though to pacify, "Not that I think you are cavalier about your job or anything, but I've always wondered if it was just pride or if there was something else to it. You have held it for around half my lifetime at least, something has to be attractive about being babysitter to hundreds of dragons and riders." "Browns've caught senior queens before," points out K'del, quietly. He doesn't point out what happened as a result, but no doubt the seriousness of his expression, and the suggestion of recollection in his gaze, go someway to a reminder of it. Slowly, after that, he takes a sip from his drink, leaving it in his mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. "It's-- it's what I do. Gives shape and focus to my life. Yes, I love it. Not for prestige or power, but because it matters, and I feel like I'm good at it. No doubt there's pride, too, of course. But mostly... it's difficult to imagine my life without it." "And nobody respected them, or so I've heard." A little more sober at the thought, tilting her head to look at which stars are now bright enough in the dimming light to be seen. "It isn't the end of the world you know," She says softly, "If you were to lose it, it doesn't mean that you would have to be lost without it." Something odd in her expression, the words intended to be comforting. "Not that you won't catch, or that Cadejoth failing is even a possibility." She shrugs then, unable to put the thought into clearer phrasing. "But it isn't the most important part of you. At least that's what I believe. For whatever the thought is worth." She states glancing over at him with a half smile. K'del's nod allows for Edyis' words, even acknowledges the truth in them. Even so: "And yet, the prospect of losing something that you've defined yourself by for so long... it's difficult. There are no guarantees, and certainly, neither of our weyrwomen would choose me, had they their preference." He's not, at least, feeling sorry for himself as he says that; rather, it's plain fact. "In any case, it all remains to be seen, doesn't it? No point worrying about it... and you, Edyis, need to simply prepare yourself for Akluseth to chase. It'll happen; might as well let it happen as soon as he's ready, rather than building it up as something worse." "No, I wouldn't imagine it could be anything but difficult, painful even." She agrees, strangely sympathetic as she is glancing up again at the sky again, listening. "Why do you think that is?" She wonders of the two Igenite women, glancing over her shoulder at him. "Off the record, and out of the ears of the gossip mill." For Akluseth's inevitable chasing, she shrugs, "He will, and don't worry we won't avoid it forever." For Akluseth, K'del nods his head, accepting without probing further. It's the question that he focuses on, carefully. "Irianke believes-- no, I suspect both of them believe-- that I'm not an effective Weyrleader when my heart is split between High Reaches and my family at Southern. Additionally, Farideh and I don't get along." K'del's prompt with that explanation, and gives it in an unvarnished fashion. "It is what it is." "Farideh doesn't get along with most people." Something oddly affectionate in the smile that coils on Edyis's lips. To his suspicions she nods, thoughtfully. "Do you really believe that to be the whole of it though?" Tilting her head then, "Is it as simple as your divided attention?" There's a twitch in the corner of K'del's own mouth at that description of Farideh, but he doesn't comment on it. Instead, "Believe so. Irianke doesn't think I can be both; wants me to choose. Since I won't..." He lets that hang, before rising, beginning to gather up his things albeit in an apologetic kind of way. "As I plainly believe differently, guess it won't be changing our intentions, come whoseover flight it is. But there it is, nonetheless." Edyis watches him, nodding. "Here's to hoping you don't have to choose." Which must serve as her farewell though she does add a salute, such as it is. Content to sit and enjoy the patio ledge a while longer in thoughtful silence. |
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