Logs:Panic
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| RL Date: 15 October, 2009 |
| Who: Kash |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Pieces fall into place and get confirmed. Kash's plan for the future comes crashing down. |
| When: Day 9, Month 13, Turn 20 (Interval 10) |
| Her first thought, after all the little pieces fell into place at last, was to hide it. No one would figure it out; if she hadn't noticed for so long, surely she could keep it hidden another few weeks: long enough to see. If she succeeded, they'd be angry, but it would be too late to do anything about it; everything would be fine. Her second thought was that weyrs knew how to deal with these things, that perhaps it wouldn't be a probelm after all: she'd just be rid of it, perhaps be off her feet a few days, but still, up and about in plenty of time. Forgotten. Almost no one would ever need to know. Her third was that, perhaps she was wrong after all. She'd seen her sister-in-law, of course, and all the rest of them, but... probably, there was just something else wrong with her, easily fixed up with a foul potion or a few days of rest. Her fourth thought was to panic. It took her two more days to get up enough courage to actually go to the infirmary to find out for sure. Two days of sleepless nights, distracted thoughts, moodiness. She felt trapped; she wanted to go home-- but not go home, not ever-- she had no idea, anymore. Of anything. But she got to the infirmary, eventually, and she let them examine her, and desperately hopeful, she answered their questions. No, she'd never been terribly regular, so it had never crossed her mind. No, she'd not been sick-- well, for a little while? But she'd been upset. It had seemed like she was just reacting to that. No, no bleeding. No, she wasn't terribly tender, but-- bigger? Maybe. She was gaining weight. She knew before it was even said as much that she'd been correct with her self-diagnosis, but it was the rest of what they said that left her reeling; "Of course, you're definitely too far along to do anything about it. If you'd realised a month ago..." She felt the healer's derision: if you hadn't been so stupid and forced yourself not to notice... "Too far along? You mean--?" "It wouldn't be safe, to get rid of it now. You're probably somewhere around three months along, though you're carrying small and that makes it hard to tell. Better you give up this hatching and actually live to perhaps try again." Perhaps. Was Nakasha reading too much into the healer's tone when she felt like what that really meant was 'but really, your life is over already, so I wouldn't bet on it'? She kept her tears in until she was out of there, despite the healer's insistance that she needed to stay there and learn how to look after herself, right then, before she did harm to anything. But I want to do harm to it, she found herself thinking, hysterical. I want it to die and go away and leave me alone. Even in her fogged brain state, she was sensible enough not to go to the galleries; what was the point of saying goodbye? They'd never know what they were missing. I would've been brilliant, she told herself, though, as she headed out into the bowl, enjoying the icy wind on her back. I would've shown everyone.. Instead, she headed around the lake, avoiding the glance of everyone and anyone. In a quiet spot, she sat herself down, cuddling her arms around her traitorous body, weeping uncontrollably. Even after the tears were done, and there was nothing left to cry out, she sat there. Where would she go? Who would she talk to? How was she ever going to be able to admit to this? In the end, she washed her eyes with some clean snow, took a large amount of deep breaths, and began to make her way back to the caverns. She'd come clean - she'd have to. But... not yet. Just a couple more days. Just... |
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