Logs:Simple
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| RL Date: 21 June, 2015 |
| Who: Dee |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Dee tries to take her turn at performing a small theft. |
| Where: Stores, Fort Weyr |
| When: Day 22 & Day 23, Month 1, Turn 38 of Interval 10 |
| Mentions: Haliya/Mentions, Hattie/Mentions, Jemizen/Mentions, Kaelige/Mentions, Nasci/Mentions, Zennia/Mentions |
| OOC Notes: Back-dated. |
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| Day 22, month 1, turn 38 She was certain she was going to fuck it up. It was Dee's day to make an attempt. Haliya had tried to convince her that she didn't have to do this. There were others with more experience who were willing, like herself. Haliya had never done anything large scale but more than a couple of things she'd especially liked had been misplaced in her time spent as a stores worker. Haliya was an asset. Dee hated thinking of her like that and she might've once scolded the younger girl, but these were desperate times and desperate measures must be taken. As Dee unloaded jars of preserves from one of the long-term storage crates onto the shelves for easy access as part of her chores in the stores, she thought back to the conversations she'd had with Haliya. "It's simple, Dee," the girl had said. "You just decide to take something, and then you do. Getting it out is a little harder and that only takes practice, to make sure you don't look odd taking it out." She was half-right, Dee decided as she placed another jar into its home. It was simple, in action, but the decision to do it was agonizing. She held a jar between her hands a long moment; it was only a jar of fruit preserves. Only a jar. But they would take more, they would have to. She bit her lip. This should be easy, she chided herself. The decision was already made, wasn't it? Hadn't she made it that night in the broom closet with Jem? She'd hoped there would be other options, better options, but Nasci said the Weyr was doing nothing. The Hold was doing nothing. She'd made her choice... She put the last jar on the shelf. Avoiding the accusing eyes of the tubers two shelves over, she hefted the empty crate and walked away. Day 23, month 1, turn 38 After her first failed attempt, Dee hadn't slept well. Plagued by the most absurd sort of guilt for doing the right thing, she'd slept restlessly and woken more than once. Was it the right thing? This was, perhaps, the question most troubling her mind. Stealing was bad, she'd known that since she was a little girl and had taken her mother's lavender scented sachet. Even arguing that she'd had every intention of returning it before Zennia took note hadn't assuaged her mother's firm stance on taking what isn't yours. This time, there would be no putting it back, and therefore the act must be bad. They had good reasons though, beneficent reasons for doing something wrong. Couldn't it therefore be good? Was there some sort of cosmic balance book that kept track of right and wrong and what tipped the scale? She'd gotten up early that morning, once more resolved to do it, having so far escaped the shame of having to tell her courageous cohorts that she couldn't do as some had already done before her. Would they understand? She arrived at the stores just as the locks were being opened. She remembered the feeling of hot sand under her feet, of Kaelige's eyes penetrating her lies and she knew she channeled the wrong moment of that encounter when she offered the woman a wan rather than warm smile, explaining she'd left her scarf. At least she'd thought to bring a scarf lest she be asked about it. "I won't be a minute," she assured the older woman, hoping the nerves didn't whisper into her voice as she darted in ahead of the woman to where she had been working the prior day. Simple, she told herself, reaching for a jar. "Dee-dear, did you find your scarf?" was too kindly offered with no suspicion for the hard-working candidate. The girl's fingers tightened around the jar even as the other hand drew the scarf from a pocket in her trousers; Faranth favored her that she'd tucked it on the opposite side of the woman's approach. "I did," Dee managed before dropping her eyes to the jar's hand-written label. "I couldn't remember where these were farmed and they looked so good yesterday when I put them away I wanted to mark it to tell my master to request some seeds to try down South," she explained unnecessarily. "So, since I was here--" She managed a better smile that time as she put the jar back in place. Waving the scarf in the air and offering a "thank you" she hoped was breezy, she set off back toward the exit and toward the chores that awaited her that day. Inside, she was relieved. She would have to think how to tell them she couldn't do it, but now she could say she had nearly been caught and had something worthwhile to tell at any rate. Not all the small thefts had been successful, but none had been disastrous. Hers was just another failure. She knew it shouldn't brighten her mood and lift her spirits for it to be so, knew that this was counter to their cause-- her cause, and yet... If the small thefts didn't work out, perhaps they could call the whole thing off. She let this thought buoy her through her work in the laundry, careful to avoid the mental trap that would mean thinking about all the people who would die because she wasn't brave enough. Day 23, month 1, turn 38, after Kaelige, before R'oan She might've managed to get away with it, her careful not thinking. But then Kaelige had been there, in the laundry. She hadn't even known what she was thinking when she stopped to look at his sleeping face. It was like finding a piece of the puzzle that the boy had ever been to her, a puzzle that was only beginning to reveal itself piece by unwilling piece. She still didn't know if she wanted to see the picture when it was done; she wasn't going to kiss him because that was one more step in the direction she didn't know if she wanted to go. Too many steps and there would be hurt. Hers? His? Someone's, surely. It was a distraction anyway. One she didn't want or need. She should have been thinking about how to claim her prize. Having something worse than her earlier failure that needed to be avoided in her mind made it easier to think on the endeavors of the Hoods. With hers around her shoulders, the scarf tucked against her neck, she ended her day in the stores. It was easy to say she'd promised to bring things for one of the candidates working in the kitchen; it fit with her behavior thus far. Helpful Dee, friendly Dee, trustworthy Dee. It was the last that gave her one last hesitation. She'd told Hattie that she could be trusted with Elaruth, but could one really draw lines in how trust should be given? Was trust all or nothing? She hoped not. Without thinking, she filled a small tray with things that wouldn't seem out of place if there were an extra jar or two, an extra bag of spices, brought "by mistake." Dee stared at the tray. She stared at the jar so inconspicuous upon it. She went. Leaving the tray in the kitchen with sympathetic hands, Dee could feel the odd shape in her pocket, obscured by the scarf stuffed in alongside it. Were preserves supposed to be so heavy? She doubled back to the laundry, to one of their agreed upon hiding places and tucked it away. Simple, and yet... Her body sagged. She needed a drink. |
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