Logs:Stay Alive
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| RL Date: 9 November, 2012 |
| Who: Brieli, N'rov |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr, Fort Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Distraction, more secrets revealed. Shani (Brieli) blames herself. No one is allowed to die. |
| Where: Brieli & Iesaryth's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 15, Month 3, Turn 30 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Iolene/Mentions, K'del/Mentions |
| The second time N'rov and Vhaeryth come to High Reaches after Iolene and Ysavaeth's death, Hraedhyth did not chase them out of the skies - something that made life a bit easier, but less interesting for the pair, though Iesaryth was beyond grateful to have the bronze to lean on, figuratively and literally; her rider just grateful for distraction, though even with his there next to her, she couldn't sleep for longer than an hour, bits of unconciousness caught now and then. Maybe it's more than Aishani could manage otherwise, because the next time they visit, she's not all that eager for discussion, just more time where she doesn't think too much, when she can see and feel that N'rov is there and unharmed and alive. It's not till later, wrapped around him in her bed - clinging, really - that she breathes, "It's my fault." It's so quick that he might miss the words, but the sentiment is very much in her tone. It's so quick, hopefully quicker than he had been, that it takes a moment before a tired hand brushes one chestnut curl out of her eyes. Even then, "Hm? Fault? No, it's because you're just that irresistible, see. In fact," only his hand stills, then curls so the back of his fingers brush her cheek instead. "You're talking about... How could it be your fault." And N'rov tightens his arms around her. Stay alive. Vhaeryth's a great weight in his mind, his breathing slow and rhythmic, grounding him. Maybe grounding Iesaryth, too. No falling over that way. ... Stay alive. Dark, tired eyes, darker for the smudges beneath them, but she seems content now - relaxed against him, as much as she can be when she's holding things in. That might be why Shani smiles when he calls her irresistible, faint and fond. "I love you," she murmurs, closing eyes, leaning in to the caress. And hopefully, he won't hate her after this; he hasn't yet. "I... I knew something about her, and I didn't tell anyone. And her ideas... I made sure that people, riders knew about them. I spread rumors. I wanted to hurt him, I didn't expect anyone would..." It comes out slowly, and she's not crying, not yet. Iesaryth's in the depths now, she may as well be underwater - but her sleep is sounder for the presence next to her. It's easier when she can forget. "Shani." N'rov takes a deep breath and pets her, now, as much as his fingers can move down the slope of her back without actually making his palm move too, because that's staying put. It's not far, but at least it's slow too, rhythmic too. And he's never asked, but it escapes him, quiet. "What didn't you know? We can't know what it would have changed." But his voice gets less regular within that last sentence, irregular pauses between the words. "I didn't want anyone to die," Shani insists, like she needs to, as if he already doesn't believe her. The way he's touching her does as intended, though - she's able to breathe again, slowly. Not in little gasps between all the words that want to come out. And she's likely noticed he's never asked - maybe this time, she wanted him to. "Remember when Ysavaeth lost the clutch, how Iesaryth... wasn't upset? We weren't afraid?" It might be enough, but she goes on over a soft sigh. "It was all a lie. They faked it. And we helped -- make everyone believe that." Of course she didn't. N'rov doesn't say it, but he must hope it, unable to resist holding Shani extra-tight all over again Then, as she continues, his breath catches. His mouth moves, nothing comes out, and then he's moving like he'd try to sit up if not away. On his elbow, that's all, still holding her, trying to calm her if she needs it. "Hey," he says. "Hey." He'd remembered something didn't seem right, had tucked it away but not asked, not chewed it over even, and now... "How?" The word isn't so very different. "So he'd... no," he answers himself. "So she would. But how? And your other queen," finally he shuts his mouth. All those questions, looking for answers. The tighter he holds her, the tighter she holds him, resting her forehead on his shoulder. Shani is upset at this point, but not so much that she's completely lost it - just enough to finally let a few tears slip, now that she feels at least a little safe. It also stops her from seeing his initial reaction, but as he sits up, she looks up, freeing a hand to wipe at her face, irritated with herself for it. "I... I don't know all of it. I know she somehow managed to make them think she'd gone up again. And when she told me, I couldn't think of what else to do but pretend she'd lost it. And... I thought it would be good to be so close to her. So we helped. I liked her." Meeting his gaze helplessly, "I know. I... it doesn't feel like it matters now. But, I don't know. I don't want to do this. I thought everything would go differently." A pause, before; "I don't know what to do now. He broke, K'del, and I didn't... it didn't feel good. I thought if it were you..." "Right, because there wouldn't be any eggs," N'rov realizes, and she might know more, at the very least would be able to guess, would his smart Shani. But again N'rov doesn't ask, doesn't pin her down any more than she is already. "You think she did it for him? Or are you saying, if I'd be the one who died." His head turns restlessly back and forth, he doesn't wait for her reply. "Faking it." There are jokes about that, but not tonight. "Faking that. What was she thinking." Sadly, Shani admits to N'rov, "Not just because there wouldn't be eggs. They likely would have come up with it without us, but... It wasn't even my lie." She has enough of them to deal with without adding on more. Shifting to lie on her back, look up at him as she brushes dark curls away from his face, "If something happened to you, I meant. I didn't really think he cared. I was wrong." With a shake of her head, "I don't know. I don't even know if it was her idea, not Ysavaeth's. I don't even really know why. She didn't want the job, didn't like it." "Then why..." but she's already said she doesn't know, not really. N'rov could stand to have his hair cut, it shows, but at least Shani has something to play with. The light is dim, so he also needs to look at her that much more closely. But then, he might do that anyway. "Sometimes we mess up," he says, finally. His eyes shut, tightening before he opens them, a weary tenderness there. "I love you." Too. "How about we try to sleep. Maybe it'll be better in the morning." Though maybe not if it's Hraedhyth who's waking them up. Aishani might look a bit skeptical about whether this falls into 'messing up', but she won't argue, not now and not while he's trying to make her feel better. Absolve her, as if he really could. "Thank you," she whispers. For being there, for listening, for that weary tenderness, because she knows that loving her hasn't exactly been easy. "I'll try." It has the sound of a promise, but if she can't, at least she'll try not to wake him while she doesn't. It might be better in the morning. Especially if Hraedhyth isn't in a bad mood. |
Comments
Azaylia (Dragonshy) left a comment on Sat, 10 Nov 2012 05:13:02 GMT.
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Oh man. N'rov keeps getting glimpses at just how far the rabbit hole goes... Still, it's nice that they have each other. <3
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