Logs:Three Turns
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| RL Date: 8 May, 2009 |
| Who: Madilla |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Madilla dwells on Whitchek, on babies, on her own future. |
| Where: High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Month 9, Turn 19 |
| Mentions: K'del/Mentions, Milani/Mentions, W'chek/Mentions |
| Madilla was utterly perplexed, at first, by Whitchek's attentions towards her. It took a conversation with Delifa - who was utterly delighted - to give her any idea what was going on: "He likes you, Madilla, that's all. I think it's wonderful! He sounds like a nice boy." Likes me? she'd thought, surprised. Likes me?. She stared at herself in the glass that night, consideringly. Her hair was nice, and she quite liked her eyes, but... why would anyone like her, in particular? There were plenty of much prettier girls around. Honestly, the whole 'liking' thing still perplexed her. It had never come up, in her childhood, not when everyone knew their marriage would likely be arranged for them in due course, so it didn't matter what they thought on the subject. She thought of the man she would have married, and her cousin who'd married him instead, and was now, apparently, heavy with her first child. She wrapped her arms about her own middle, and imagined herself there, full, physically, but also with the mere thought of it: baby. Baby, baby, baby. She banished such thoughts, pushing them out of her mind for more practical considerations. Even if Delifa was correct, and Whitchek really did like her - well, what was the point? She was an Apprentice, would be for turns more. It couldn't go anywhere, and by the time it could... he was as holdbred as she was. He'd want a younger bride, a more appropriate one. Her family didn't think she was an appropriate bride for anyone, anymore. Tainted, by the weyr, but also by her learning. Who wanted a wife with a career of her own? She'd wished, as she'd watched Milani's baby drain away, that she could have hoisted it up, swallowed it, somehow placed it into her own body, to nurture as her own. I would have taken care of you, she'd told it, as she disposed of it, tears sliding down her cheeks. I would have loved you.. The more she thought about it, the more she realised that the father didn't matter. And it frightened her. Whitchek confused her, more than attracted her. Kasa-- K'del had complete bamboozled her, and it had been awkward and strange, and she hadn't enjoyed herself much, on that single date they'd had. Even Daegan, way back when... Am I defective? She'd wondered that time and time again. That I'm just not interested in any of them? But she'd have to be. You needed to be, to have a baby. She tried to put the thought aside. Three turns, she reminded herself. You can't even think about having a baby for another three turns. Plenty of things could change, before then. Maybe you'll find someone. But she would go to the hatching with Whitchek. Just to see. Anyway, she'd already said yes, hadn't she? So she would. And maybe it would be okay; he was probably better for her than K'del would ever have been. Maybe it was too soon to know. She found herself hoping. Three turns. Maybe he was someone who'd be willing to marry her, and, after all, it wasn't as though she'd known Caden at all, and she would have happily been his wife. Liking didn't matter, in a marriage. Not necessarily. Three turns. She could wait that long. |
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