Logs:Too Much Loss
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| RL Date: 24 July, 2011 |
| Who: Evali, Jaques, K'del |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: K'del gets to know Evali, and accepts Jaques and Evie as Candidates for Iovniath and Cadejoth's clutch. |
| Where: Living Caverns, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 18, Month 4, Turn 26 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Devaki/Mentions, Milani/Mentions, Tiriana/Mentions |
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| Living Cavern, High Reaches Weyr Stalactites hang high above this enormous cavern like a jagged chandelier or an inversion of the Spires themselves, but shadows cling to them instead of light. Below lie great tables arranged in rows, each large enough to serve a fighting wing, while in the nooks and alcoves around the cavern's edge sit more sensibly-sized tables, from six- and eight-seaters down to intimate spots for just a couple of diners. The only really open space is around the kitchen entrance, smelling of food and rarely quiet, and by the nearby serving tables with their long buffet of the day's offerings. Tapestries on the smooth walls -- some faded and others newly woven -- only slightly mute the sea of sound when a meal is in full swing, but they add cheerfulness augmented by the glowlight from wall sconces and the centerpieces of each table. Still, shadows always creep along the ceiling and into the mouths of the exits -- the myriad small hallways at one end of the cavern and, at the other, the twisting tunnel to the bowl near an array of coathooks and and hatracks -- and late at night, when the glows are allowed to dim, the chamber can seem very dark indeed. It's late afternoon - nearly evening - on yet another cool, damp spring day, though at least, for now, it isn't /actually/ raining. Even so, K'del is pink-cheeked and shivering as he enters the caverns from the bowl, and though he removes his gloves and hat, he seems reluctant to give up his coat just yet. It makes him a bulky figure as he heads for the serving tables, where he begins, methodically, to put together a plate of the pre-dinner offerings. Evali is up there, too; her mixing of food has the potential to become a Weyr-wide gossip item. A long-time lover of soups, Evali has found broth and is proceeding to put one of /everything/ in it. She seems entirely uncaring of what it is she's mixing. K'del's approach catches her attention and the Weyrleader gets a hesitant smile -- she's seen him with her brother, and so is comfortable enough to actually /make/ eye contact. For about half a second. Before going back to staring at her hands. Catching first that smile, and then the eye-contact that follows, K'del pauses with his hand still on the mashed tuber serving spoon to consider Evali for a moment, smiling. "Hello," he offers, his tone companionable rather than pushy, inclined to be friendly. "It's-- Evali, isn't it? I think? Or something like that?" He, clearly, has made some kind of effort to learn /some/ names. Particularly of those connected to people he has met. "Devaki's sister." Beat. And then: "What /are/ you doing?" With the broth. "Yes." The hint of a smile comes back again; Evali is impressed, perhaps, at his ability to recall her name. "I am. Devaki's sister. Evali. All of those." Scoop, scoop. That was some kind of vegetable, wasn't it? "I am -- trying a soup," she says hesitantly, as if expecting to be told she can't. "Oh, good," says K'del, a smile playing across his mouth. "It would've been embarrassing if you weren't, and some random stranger started staring at me going 'uh, no'." He lets the potato scoop drop from his fingers, and considers Evali's meal. "Oh. Well - if it makes you happy, I guess. Good for you." Evali comes almost dangerously close to laughing, for her. For a second, her flash of a smile is much broader, clearly amused, before she catches herself and stops. "I have no idea. It may taste good and it may not, and then I will have to separate it out again." She clearly has no clue. K'del frowns, giving Evali a curious look, his hand, once again, pausing over one of the serving spoons. "So it's-- an experiment," he concludes, with just a faint uptilt at the end of the last word, making it almost a question. "A food experiment. Interesting. Do you do this kind of thing often, then?" "I do," Evali replies, and at least her tone is no longer as stilted as it was when she started. She finishes off adding random items to her broth, but politely stands just barely off to the side to wait for her newfound conversation partner to finish gathering his food rather than just disappearing. She's learning. She's also taking a hesitant spoonful of her potato-vegetable-some-kind-of-meat soup, and seems to approve. Pleasantly surprised by Evali's willingness to wait for him, it seems, K'del hastily dumps a spoonful of green beans onto his plate, then tips his head towards the table - evidently intended as a 'shall we?'. "I guess we all have our hobbies. Do you cook, then? Or is it just an-- after cooking experimental kind of thing?" There's a beat of a pause, and then he adds, "And I haven't even introduced myself. Properly, anyway. K'del. How's it taste?" "K'del," Evali repeats, as she follows after. "The -- Weyrleader. Have I got that right? The others pick things up faster than I do, sometimes. And I make -- soup. And stews. Things with broth. Not much of anything else." There's a mostly empty table not too far away, and K'del sets his plate down on it, fork beside, then hauls himself into a chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him. "The Weyrleader, right. You seem to be doing just fine, thus far." He picks up the fork, letting it hover over his food as he adds, "Soups. Stews. Things with broth. Right. More than I know, anyway."
Chewing, K'del can only shake his head until he's managed to swallow completely. "Not even a little bit. I could probably make toast, but that's about the extent of it. Well. And klah, I guess." He gives Evali a little rueful smile. "When I was a kid, my mother didn't let me in the kitchen, and once I came here... places like weyrs, or big holds, it all gets farmed out to different people. So most people around here don't know how, I bet." "I will not get used to that," Evali states -- a lofty proclamation, as how would she really know? "I do not think, anyway." She speaks around her soup, which she is eating slowly but does, at least, seem to be eating without trouble. "Your cooks are good, however." That makes K'del laugh, but only lightly, around the fork that is delivering another mouthful to be eaten. When he's swallowed that, he says, cheerfully, "Give it a turn or two. A lot of things that seem weird at first become perfectly normal. Didn't people have specific jobs on your island?" He seems - and sounds - genuinely curious about that, pausing his eating in order to consider the question. "But, yeah. They are pretty good. Much better they do it, and do it well, than me come in and mess it all up." Evali nods, slowly, whilst swallowing. "Oh -- yes. But I can't think that anyone didn't even really /try/ to cook. Though I only worked with a few things. Usually I did laundry when not doing my real job." Tiny shrug. Soup. She's trying but this 'conversation with a stranger' thing is still obviously causing tension -- literally, in her neck and shoulders. "Laundry," repeats K'del, nodding. If he's aware of the tension in his dinner companion, he's not saying anything about it. That said, he seems to be going for the bright smile and warm tone combination that could easily be designed to try and make her feel at ease. "And your real job was--" He pauses, frowning. "I know I did hear this one. Something medical." If Evali was much of a laugher she would have done so at least twice by now! Her smile, instead, is forgiving. "I am a midwife. Which -- is different than it is here. I also helped with the befores and afters of childbirth. Conception, pregnancy. Feeding. Infant health." For all that she's shy about everything, Evali can talk about conception without a problem. K'del's 'ah!' is a pleased one; he nods with apparent enthusiasm, setting his fork down so that he can steeple his hands thoughtfully as Evali speaks. "Suppose it would be. Different, I mean. Different practices. Different facilities. It's such an important skill, though." He nods again, firmly. "Hope we're making use of it. Of you. Do you help with mothers who get-- uh. Sad. Afterwards?" Evali, for once, seems pleased rather than uncomfortable: she knows how to talk about /work/. "I -- have. Yes. It happens frequently. You have fewer deaths in birth, here, I think." She speaks, then she eats, though even /more/ slowly than before. The topic seems to make K'del faintly uncomfortable - or maybe it's just that he's so very serious about it. "We do," he agrees. "I think. Most babies survive, as I understand it. But that doesn't necessarily mean that their mothers--" He's silent a moment, picking up his fork and turning it over in his hands for a little while before he explains, "My girlfriend did. Our son is two and a half, now, but we had to send her south, to the warmth, for a while. She just... it was hard. There isn't an easy way to fix it, is there?" Expression shifting slowly from comfort to concern and gentleness, Evali purses her lips and nods. "No. Not in my experience. Nor in my mother's; she taught me various methods, ideas, drinks even, but none are foolproof -- not that travel was an option, for us. Sun can help. So I hope that the warmth -- helps your family." K'del nods, not, apparently, having expected any other answer. "She's better now," he explains, firmly, a ghost of a smile haunting his mouth, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "She's back with our boy, and I'm so glad for it. It just means we don't-- want to risk having another one. In case it happens again. I'm sorry; I shouldn't be dropping this all on you. You probably have plenty of sad things to worry about already." "No," Evali says firmly, confidently -- the first time, likely, that she has spoken to /anyone/ but a fellow islander in such a tone (or any tone that wasn't slightly wavery and scared). "It is fine. I have not been spoken to about such things much, since coming here, it results in feeling -- useless. You are always welcome drop it on me, as you put it. It helps me, really, with the sad things," she is bold enough to admit, suddenly. That confidence surprises K'del, to the point that he's silent and very still for a few moments before he can recover himself. He nods, finally. "Guess I can see that. We all like to feel useful." He pauses a beat, then asks, thoughtfully, "If it happens once, /is/ it likely to happen a second time? Are we right to not risk it?" Perhaps Evali wasn't actually expecting further forthcomings, as she looks momentarily surprised. "It could go either way, I am afraid," she replies softly. "The worst thing I have seen is when it does not, even a little, and everything is fine; and mothers scold themselves for not connecting as well to the first child. That is sad because it seems as if all suffer, but it mends in time." K'del lets out a low sigh, nodding again, as he shifts his fork back into his hand properly, reaching down to scoop up more of his food. "That would be hard," he agrees, unhappily. "Milani did have a child without problem, before our Nik. But I think we're just both too scared-- it's probably better if we don't risk it. Don't want to lose her. Thank you, Evali. Guess I've been kind of scared to go and talk to the rest of the healers, you know? Madilla looks at you with those big eyes, and--" "Fear is a strong motivator," Evali agrees, and now she's more hesitant again, though likely not for the same reasons as before. "In either direction. And I think I understand; someone unfamiliar can be easier, at times, to talk to, than someone whose thoughts you might know well." K'del gets a real, genuine smile out of her before she's returning her attentions yet again to her soup -- but she /is/ slower to look away. "Yeah," allows K'del, with a little, rueful laugh. "Madilla knows /far/ too much about--" He trails off. It's awkward, and so is the smile that accompanies it. "Thank you. I really do appreciate it. It makes me sad, but... losing her would be worse. There's been too much loss." "Sometimes new life is not worth that," Evali replies. She's a sage on these topics sometimes. "And to enjoy what you have it is easier to accept where you are. This was not common -- at home. Always trying for more children when another died. Sometimes you are not really ready for it." It makes K'del smile, albeit still ruefully; he nods, too, running one hand through his hair as he does so. "Sometimes you aren't," he agrees. "And sometimes you just need to love what you have, and not miss what you don't. We have a beautiful son: I shouldn't want more than that." Though he clearly does. "You're working with the healers here, too, I hope?" Another nod, less awkward, from Evali. "Yes. I am trying to learn to do things as you do, though my family wishes me to Stand." She's almost out of her food, and so her gaze travels away from the bowl and to distantly focus on K'del's shoulder instead of his face. "I have not decided, myself, what I want." "What your family wants is important to consider," says K'del, after a moment, his brow furrowing tightly. "But what matters most is making sure you do what is right for /you/. No one should force you to Stand, not unless you've decided you want to." He adds, after a moment, setting his fork down in the remains of his food, "Your brother certainly doesn't seem terribly keen on the idea." "Not for himself. No. He is a leader. But I believe he wishes me to stand as our grandfather does, and some of the other elders as well. I have heard --" Evali bites her lip, here, forcibly stopping herself from continuing before changing the subject back to the original, "I will do as their mother wishes, as I have told others. Perhaps someday I should speak with her, or her human representative. Iovniath, it is?" K'del's nod is uncertain, in response to Devaki's motivations, and his eyes narrow just slightly, though the only thing he asks on that subject is: "You have heard what?" Despite that, he's quick enough to continue, in a relatively even tone, "Iovniath, yes. I'm sure Tiriana would be willing to translate between you. That's a-- nice idea. To ask her. Don't think people really think about that, much, but it seems like the kind of thing Iovniath would like." Evali seems puzzled by this revelation. "Others do not ask what she wishes of her own children?" Her head tilts to the side enough that flyaway hair nearly, but not quite, hits her bowl. Then she looks momentarily guilty, just a flash of unrest across well-trained features, before she says, "There is murmuring that the desire for us to stand is a way for your Weyr to control us. I do not /believe/ this, but -- it has been said. You do not seem the type." "It's-- not the tradition, I guess?" says K'del, after a moment, frowning. "Because the dragons will decide for themselves, who they will have. It /has/ happened that people who were not candidates at all have Impressed. As a gesture, though - it's a nice one." He takes his time before answering the rest of what she has to say, taking in a deep breath and exhaling before he's willing to admit, "It's not the way I'd do things. I want-- want you all to fit in. To have a place. It's an opportunity, we offer. Not-- not /that/." "We will see," says Evali, showing no sign of disagreement; her loyalties are clearly split between Viremi's thought and Devaki's, though she mentions neither. "Perhaps none of us will suit your dragons and perhaps we all will. Emmeline is smart. She will be good at wherever she goes. You seem too kind -- you personally -- to want to do something like that. To control people like that. But while I am a quick judge of character I am sometimes wrong." "We will," allows K'del, firmly. His expression, though serious, has gained a certain amount of satisfaction from this conversation. Nodding, he adds, "Hope you'll keep your eye on me, and change your mind if you see fit. Hope you don't, though: honestly, I really do want the best for all of you. I feel... bad. About how you had to live, for some long. When we were right here, and didn't /know/." This gets yet another real smile out of Evali, even if it is just as slow to form as any of the others had been. "You are young, for a leader, yes?" she essentially guesses, a tiny shrug accentuating that. "You seem kind and as if you do want the best. For everyone. Which is unlike how I have heard leaders to be." In defense of their living, however, she says only, "We lived how we knew. This is much stranger to us, this sheer luxury that you have." K'del looks amused, and faintly pink-cheeked as he admits, "/Rather/. Though I've been doing it a while now - since I was seventeen, actually." Which has to be at least a /couple/ of turns, though it's hard to tell from his face exactly how many. He and Evali are sitting not too far from the serving tables, mostly finished with an early dinner. "I-- try and do the best for people. It doesn't always work. It can't always work. But I do try. It-- no, I don't want to seem like I'm denigrating what you had. What you all are." Evali does not dare actually ask after K'del's age, though she does assume he's older than seventeen: "So you were a /very/ young leader. But you must be a good one as you still are in power." While she has bowed her head, she's certainly not putting up any protest to the rest of what he says. "You are not. I just think you should not feel bad. We knew no other life, and for the most part still do not." Jaques, plate in hand, doesn't seem to know where to go from here; meandering a few steps from the serving tables, his eyes fall on Evali's familiar blonde head and the Weyrleader's less-so one. The latter's knot, then, gets a long study that, when it's finally completed, has Jaques edging back away for just a moment in indecision, before he approaches and clears his throat. "May I?" he wonders, of an extra seat. K'del scratches behind his ear, awkward again, though his nod is firm enough. "A very young leader," he agrees. "I guess I must be good enough? It's not always-- straightforward." His gaze turns up abruptly at the sound of Jaques' voice, his gaze appraising for a moment before, cheerfully, he waves a vague hand towards the chair. "'course, go ahead. We're just chatting." Which might be a strange word when associated with Evali, but she doesn't look made too uncomfortable by that as she gives Jaques a welcoming look. "Of course," she says softly, seeming lost as to why he possibly could /not/. The sudden relative quiet makes Jaques offer an apologetic smile, even as he pulls back the chair and settles himself into it. "Weyrleader," he begins. And, "Evali. How are you tonight?" K'del pushes his plate away, for all that his food isn't completely finished, and goes back to steepling his fingers with elbows firmly upon the edge of the table. "It's-- uh, Jaques, isn't it?" He's been paying attention. At least to those he must consider even vaguely important. "Quite well, thank you," is Evali's polite response, and it does seem true; she is pleased both with her tablemates (okay, well, Jacques and K'del; not so much all the other people sharing the space) and her food concoction, of which there is so little left it now merely looks like broth. "And yourself, Jaques?" Surprise registers briefly on Jaques' features before he settles them into something more guarded. "It is, sir," he agrees slowly. "And I'm well, myself. It's been a busy day; nice to sit down for a little bit, I suppose." There's something pleased and smug in K'del's expression: he managed to surprise Jaques! With his superior, name-gathering skills, or something. He presses fingers together, glancing between the two islanders in silence before, finally, "Been busy for me, too. It'll be nice to head home and relax for a while, I think. In a bit. What kind of work have they got you doing?" That must be to Jaques; he's already had this conversation with Evali. Though Evali, too, seems curious for Jaques' answer -- either she truly doesn't know or is simply curious as to how he's going to put it. She finally remembers she'd gotten a glass of water and sips it, silently, as she listens to the two men speak. It's a taste of his own medicine, those long looks; but Jaques weathers it pretty well, considered. He takes a few measured bites of his meal, chewing before answering. "I've been helping with repairs, mostly," he tells the Weyrleader, with a faint smile. "It's--not difficult, exactly, until you realize you've never actually had a good look at a chair before." That answer seems to please K'del, too: he looks amused. Explaining, to both of them: "That's what I used to do, before I was Searched. Wasn't for very long, and I was never all that good at it, but-- it was nice to use my hands, I guess." Beat. "And I guess I did have the advantage of knowing more about chairs. I guess it's the kind of thing that'd get easier, over time. Like..." He runs his fingers through his hair again. "Most things, I guess." "I know very little about chairs," Evali admits, tiny bit of smile settling in her eyes. "Except for that they are often wood, and you sit in them. Sometimes stand upon them, but then they may break depending on the construction." She pushes that roving hair that nearly ended up in her food over her shoulder, at long last. "What else /does/ go into a chair?" "Hands, right," agrees Jaques, easily enough for that bit. To Evali, with an indulgent smile, "I think that mostly sums it up. Sometimes they pad them for comfort, and there are different styles, but the basics are just--sit." His shoulders lift, a faint shrug, before he slides another glance sideways at K'del. The Weyrleader earns a quiet study for a minute before Jaques turns a question on him: "You were young when you impressed, then." So maybe it's not really a question. "Four legs, unless it's a stool, in which case it might be three-- yeah, chairs are all pretty much the same," agrees K'del, as though this were most serious business. His hands, now, get pressed flat upon the table, knuckles slightly bent, his fingers fanning outwards. Jaques' scrutiny draws a raised eyebrow, but the not-quite question, when it comes, gets an easy enough respond. "Fifteen. Came with the tithe train from Tillek in the autumn, worked as a handyman for a few sevens, and Impressed Cadejoth the end of month twelve." Evali tilts her head the other way, now, away from the food as she asks, almost playfully, "But is a stool really a chair, or is it just a stool?" Clearly, chairs are extremely serious business. Impression age seems to throw her for a loop. "Fifteen. Is that -- young, or is it more normal? Perhaps I am too old." Jaques takes his turn at being quiet, frowning a moment longer at K'del before he nods once and lets his gaze slide to the younger girl. "Are you standing, then, Evali?" he wonders. "I think," says K'del, after a moment's thought, "chairs and stools belong to the same family. But they're not /actually/ the same." He seems amused by it, but answers the question seriously enough. "What? No - no, you're not too old at all. Generally, we prefer fifteen to twenty-fiveish. So I was pretty young, really. You'd both be the right age." Politely, he'll even let Evali answer the question posed to her. Again. "I am -- thinking about it," is Evali's exact same conclusion. It is the one she's been giving everyone since the eggs were laid, since she first discussed it with Viremi. Since others were asked to Stand. "I need to seek audience with Iovniath. And then I will know." At Evali's answer, Jaques nods once, though mention of the gold makes his frown deepen. He glances to K'del, lifts a brow in question--is that likely to happen? Then, quiet, he adds, "Evie and I both will stand." K'del's shrug is evidently intended to respond to Jaques, as is his cheerful, "As I told Evali, if she'd like to ask Iovniath, I'm sure Iovniath will be flattered by it." His gaze lingers on the younger man, though he doesn't seem to have made the connection between Evie and Jaques - and their wedded status - because he follows it with a nod. "We'll be glad to have you both, then, Jaques. Best of luck with it." "How is she doing?" Evali asks of Evie, having not gotten a chance to catch up with her much, perhaps. "Everything is all right, now?" "Better," Jaques confirms for the healer girl, his mouth offering up a tiny little smile. "She's been better, lately. She's helping with the nannies some, too, and I think that--helps. Her and Mother both." K'del knew Evali's name, and knew Jaques' too, but somehow, he's missed Evie - and nor does he question it, now. His words, then, are vague, "Must've been a difficult time for a lot of you. It's good to know that things are-- improving." Evali is now genuinely all smiles -- real smiles, the sort that her friends get -- at Jaques. It helps that he is, in fact, her friend. "Good! Good. I was hoping. It would either be help or heartbreak, and I am -- glad, it is the first." She is eyeing her empty bowl, and her half-empty water, and says, "I should be getting going, I think. Plants to tend to. But thank you -- both -- for the --" She hesitates, again, on her words. "Companionship," Evali concludes as she stands. "Over dinner." "I am, too," is Jaques' heartfelt answer to Evali. "Have a good night, Evali; I'll see you back at the barracks, I suppose," he bids her goodnight as she leaves him alone with K'del. He doesn't seem to know what to say to him then, so he settles for getting back to eating. "It was a pleasure, Evali," says K'del, genuinely, glancing up to meet her gaze, if he can. "Have a good evening." He doesn't seem to know what to say to Jaques, either; after a moment, he rises. Hey, he's finished eating, after all. "I'd better be making a move, too. Got a family to spend time with. It was nice to meet you, Jaques." "Likewise," says Jaques, to either the family bit or the nice-to-meet-you bit; or both, maybe. "Have a good night, Weyrleader." |
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