Logs:Unnecessary Risk
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| RL Date: 10 June, 2015 |
| Who: Nala, Aislara, Jynth, Ryerith |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Aislara is pregnant. Nala is weird and awkward about it. |
| Where: Aislara's Weyr, Fort Weyr |
| When: Day 16, Month 13, Turn 37 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Ebeny/Mentions, M'vyn/Mentions |
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| That first 5 sevens, when the marker that her hopes would be dashed didn't come, Aislara tried to not get overly excited or committed. She hadn't felt any changes stirring inside her and brushed it off as stress. The Hatching, and the little green, and the influx of the weyrlings kept her busy. Busy enough she blamed her fatigue on the work, her nausea over stress, and it wasn't until another 4 sevens had passed that her hope stirred into something more. The furthest she had ever carried was 9 sevens. The day that marked her 13th she took her day off and had Ryerith call to Jynth. « We are home and resting. The others watch the small ones. Can you two visit? » Ryerith's voice is bubbling with excitement. The where of Nala is, Jynth keeps from sharing, for one reason or another, though perhaps it's clear enough when the blue eventually launches himself across the bowl from a ledge that's not his own. He has no words for Ryerith, though he's not unaffectionate when he touches down on her ledge, a lick of warmth extended her way before he settle down to observe the snowfall. In haste or just a lack of care for her safety, Nala hasn't bothered with her straps for so short a journey, and so slides more than clambers her way down her blue's side, then slowly moves to linger in the entryway of the weyr. "...Aislara?" Ryerith offers a faint tinkling sound of chimes and bells towards Jynth. She is within, choosing not to be on the ledge and near the chill of the day. Aislara is a bundle of nervous energy. She's in the middle of refolding the blankets she keeps near her small couch when Nala calls. "In here," she answers as she shakes out the blanket to refold once more in more even lines. Her focus lingers on the blanket longer than it should as she awaits Nala's arrival. When the bluerider walks closer, she looks up and flushes a scarlet hue as she announces in a rush, "I'm - I mean I think - I mean they think - I'm pregnant." It shouldn't be possible for her to turn anymore red but she does as her hands clasp in front of her and she watches Nala closely for her reaction. At least Nala tries to smile. If only it weren't for the fact that she so rarely does so in any circumstances, it might seem like a genuine, spontaneous response, but, as it is, even the barest curve at one corner of her mouth looks plastered in place. Plainly a reaction thought to be the appropriate one, if not felt. She's stopped not all that many feet from the outside world, and whether she's stopped of her own volition or just in shock is not entirely clear. "Congratulations," she tells her, sincere in the effort if little else. "You will be a wonderful mother." That is more genuine and less forced, though she still hasn't moved. Aislara twists her hands in front of her a few times, noting the subtleties of Nala's reaction with a growing sense of distress. She bobs her head in a nod and offers a shaky smile in response to the thought of her making a good mother. "It can still... it may still go wrong," she murmurs, unable to voice that loudly for the fear that reality brings. "Still.. I had never gone this long before." She drops her hands to press on her small bump, a thing she can easily hide and has beneath layers of clothes. "I thought.. I thought you should know since.. since there's a better chance." Nala remains firmly rooted to the spot that she's occupying, though her gaze follows the greenrider's hands to where they lie, and, for one reason or another, that's what sharpens her focus. "Are you going to tell him?" she asks, unable to get the question out with anything but a chill tainting her words. "...Thank you for... informing me," is too formal and not the right words, and what rises of something close to pain or regret briefly flashes across her expression before she schools herself back to a distant neutrality. "You should rest. Consider setting your duties aside. The other assistants would manage. It seems an unnecessary risk." The tears that surface Aislara makes hasty work to blink back and hide as she turns from looking at the bluerider. Her voice betrays her even as she tries to hide her emotional reaction, it's shakiness however slight is enough to signal the threat of more tears. "I haven't," she moves to her table to sit at, as if the mention of risk drives her to settle down and rest immediately. "I will talk to Ebeny. They don't know.. anyway. The weyrlings are young and they needed us after the green." The pain that clearly is showing as she looks to Nala could be blamed on the mention of the little dragon's loss. "Are you going to?" Nala presses, unable to do little more than watch Aislara move to the table and sit down. She waits, letting silence fall as she anticipates an answer, but whether she receives one or not, she insists, "Well, you certainly cannot train them to go Between. Nor should you involve yourself in their self-defence lessons." Perhaps she is entirely oblivious to the fact that she sticks to nothing but the practical. "The healers would support you, I suppose, if they are aware of your... circumstances. Even the--" She looks down, expression clouding. "Even the morning exercises can be too much." As she knows too well. "I hadn't planned on telling him unless the child is born," Aislara answers wobbly as she stares at the table. Her arms move to wrap around her middle as she hunches her shoulders forward. The practicality of Nala's words are not wrong or all that ill placed. Aislara must know that. Still, the tears spill forward and she bites her lower lip hard to keep from sobbing. Grief for past lost pregnancies or failed attempts and guilt, more guilt than anything, leaves her with nothing more to say to Nala. Nala glances towards the ledge as Aislara hunches forward, as if she'd dearly like to just turn and run away, though her feet don't move that way either. Silence, again, as she impassively observes her, and faced with sobbing, instead of comfort, she chides, "You should not get yourself worked up either." All from that distance, until self-preservation loses out and she moves not to embrace the greenrider, but merely sweep her hair back from her forehead. "...You need to rest. If the healers have told you that you should be on bed-rest and you are refusing out of duty, the weyrlings will survive." Aislara manages to find her voice and quell enough of her tears to turn and face Nala. "I will go to the healers and do as they instruct," her voice seems to be finding more solid ground as she straightens in the chair. "If.. If all you can think to say is I am risking a child for my work.. or that I should tell the man it's a real possibility.. if.. if," she keeps finding that word and circling back, "if this isn't the news you will find happiness in," she takes a breath, "if it's too much.. I don't expect.. I won't burden you with my condition. I'm.. s-, no," she corrects as she wipes her eyes roughly, "I'm not sorry. I'm frightened and sad.. and happy.. all of those, yes. But I am not sorry. I can't be." Says the woman whose first response to most things is to apologize. She looks to Nala then and holds her gaze without any further tears escaping. Nala is steel as she declares, "I need to know if you are going to tell him in-case he is of a mind to be possessive or take liberties, and I need to protect you and your child." Her inability to conceal that she resents any other implication brings that cool edge back to her voice. "...Sometimes, I look at you, and when I close my eyes, all I can see is how you were after that flight. All I can think at this moment is how you were after that flight." She swallows hard. "And to think that he--" The bluerider shakes her head. "If I don't restrict myself to this, I am going to let myself go out and hurt him. I wish it had been someone else; I wish it had been better for you. Just as I am sure you wished I had not let M'vyn father Grace." "I didn't think.. he hasn't contacted me since the flight. I assume he was that way because of the flight.. I don't know," Aislara looks contrite in her reply, though she remains at the table. Her body still reads of tension as she listens to Nala. Her shame surfaces in a flush to her cheeks as she looks down at her hands. "I am sorry for that. That I put you through that. That I thought that would be my answer," she shakes her head. Her gaze sharpens as a frown cuts across her face. "I don't know how it could've gone better Nala. Men..," again she shakes her head. "M'vyn? You love him." That may not be what she should say but she continues, "And he loves you, doesn't he? Even though it can be hard and not always what is best for you two... you love each other. And you have Nalyn and Grace." She tries to hold back the bitterness she feels in the moment and it is barely there. But barely or not - it's noticeable. "...It has been your answer," Nala murmurs reluctantly, once again sweeping her hand through Aislara's hair. She won't speak further on M'vyn, the line of thought denied with a shake of her head. "I am... sorry I cannot be better at this. I'm just-- I am angry. With him, not with you. That he succeeded in the manner he did. That he did what I cannot." She's unable to really look at her when she reminds her, "I said I would be here for you if you wanted a child. I will be. I just... need some time to be angry." And maybe a little bit hypocritically possessive, for she gives a gentle tug to the greenrider's hair to tip her head back so that she can kiss in her in a way that's not gentle at all. Aislara finally allows herself to lean ever so slightly against Nala's fingers as they sweep through her hair. Her eyes close at the mention of the how of this pregnancy and she shakes her head, willing herself to keep from crying again. "You give me more than a man ever could Nala. Your anger is.. yours. I can't find it myself. It.. happened. He hasn't.. it.. at least he isn't like some that.. kept looking for more." She takes a breath, lets it out and opens her eyes to look at Nala as the bluerider looks away. "You're allowed to be angry," she assures, wanting to offer some form of comfort but not knowing how she stares mutely at Nala. That hair tug, tip back, and altogether possessive and ungentle kiss startles Aislara but her response is not timid though she does not push back. Nala can lead her wherever that kiss may go as the tension slowly ebbs out of her body in the timing of that kiss. In the end, Nala abruptly pulls away from her as though burned, unwilling to do more than she already has, and seemingly regretful for that much, for she steps back and puts several feet of distance of between them, hands caught behind her back so that she doesn't touch her again. She looks Aislara over, staring with a panicked edge, like she's glass that she might have cracked or broken, then suddenly turns away and begins to move for the ledge. "...I'll go and get you something to eat," she decides, telling, rather than asking her. "And ask the healers..." Whatever she's going to ask the healers is lost in the distance and muttering quality of her voice as she makes progress towards her dragon. "Nala-- don't-," Aislara moves to intercept the bluerider but is not quick enough to stall the momentum that leads Nala to the ledge. She watches her go, sadness descending once more as she remains at the table. She doesn't let the tears come again until Nala and Jynth have left. Those she shares with Ryerith, finding comfort against the warm hide of her dragon. "Selfish," she mumbles against that spice-scented hide and then there is nothing to do but wait for Nala to return. |
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