Logs:Who are you becoming?

From NorCon MUSH
Who are you becoming?
How many more mistakes?
RL Date: 24 September, 2014
Who: Edyis
Involves: High Reaches Weyr
Type: Vignette
What: Shortly after a botched drinking night, Edyis finds herself venting in an unlikely way, and considering the person she's become.
Where: Workout Room, High Reaches Weyr
When: Day 20, Month 11, Turn 35 (Interval 10)
Mentions: R'hin/Mentions, Alida/Mentions, G'laer/Mentions, Jadzia/Mentions, V'ros/Mentions, A'rist/Mentions, Bristia/Mentions




Workout Room, High Reaches Weyr(#1636R)

        This larger sub-cavern - located not far from a tunnel accessing the outside - has an arching ceiling and smooth-hewn walls to better facilitate both safer workouts and better circulation for the Weyr's residents, if the outside weather is inclement. Various implements are stationed in ordered symmetry about the cavern, including free weights, punching bags, and many others. Along the glow-lit walls are pegs for holding clothing, and large mats hang from sturdier braces, allowing for softer falls, while large covered bins and lockers hold smaller necessities, such as boxing gloves, jump ropes, and more.



Violent staccato bursts rattle chains, the frenzied tempo of Edyis's gloves against bag giving away more than the near murderous expression on her face. No calm air of control, no patient smiles or masks, just frustration and pent up rage. It's the source that might be surprising to most, given that she's the last person anyone might expect to turn to aggression as a solution to anything. Panting hard, grunting as she works the bag.

It is late, and the workout room seemingly empty, though from the scent of wine on her and the sweat she's not particularly in a mood to care who sees. She's lost to the ritual of it.

How many more mistakes? She wondered, panting.

V'ros. (THUD) It wasn't his fault, but it felt good to imagine his face on the spot she was aiming her fists at, even if he didn't entirely deserve it. So much for an effort at peace, but A'rist (THUD) had contributed too. She hadn't intended it to be a date. It was just supposed to be drinks, trying this thing called letting go that everyone kept telling her the merits of. (THUD, THUD, THUNK) Why did it bother her that he changed his mind? (THWAP)

Yet, it was all her fault wasn't it? She was the one who had chosen to be vindictive over V'ros angsty shouting match in the bathing caverns, same as she chose to A'rist the truth about why she had been talking to him. Just as she was choosing to become whatever it was R'hin was shaping her into without a second thought.

Was Savannah's influence really such a good thing? It was because of those influences that she had bruises all over the place. That she was spending more time physically training and spying under the guise of socialization with questionable individuals, that she was starting to neglect some of her work with the Records Room. Entertainment and ruin, she'd seen it for what it was in the beginning, had known that she wouldn't go unchanged.

Wasn't she stronger now?

Grabbing both sides of the bag to still it as she latched on to that thought, letting it support her weight a moment. Alida's training and influence, Bristia's lessons on deception, even the bouts with G'laer and Jadzia. Hadn't some of the change been for the better? She was having fewer nightmares these days, dragons no longer held the sense of fear that they once did. At least there were people who listened when it mattered. She was taking control of her own life. Whatever else it might be Savannah had become a huge part of what it meant to be home.

Wasn't that enough?

If it was, why did she still feel so frustrated in the aftermath.

Why was she still uncertain of what she wanted?



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