View source for Logs:Long Day, Poor Decision

{{Log
|who=K'del, Lilah
|what=K'del comes to congratulate Lilah on Eliyaveith's clutch. It's been a long day.
|where=Hatching Galleries / Lilah's Weyr, Fort Weyr
|involves=Fort Weyr, High Reaches Weyr
|day=4
|month=13
|turn=37
|IP=Interval
|IP2=10
|gamedate=2015.06.06
|quote="It doesn't feel that way. It doesn't feel like I am doing ''anything'' positive, more than trying to survive. Trying not to feel--."
|mentions=Ali, C'stian, Farideh, Hattie, Irianke
|type=Log
|icons-new=Icon k'del awkward.jpg, Icon lilah drinking.gif,
|log=By late evening, even as the soft flakes of snow continue to fall over the Weyr outside, most of Fort have seen and visited the eggs. It leaves the galleries emptier than the afternoon, especially after what is already spreading across in rumors as the ''fight'' between the junior weyrwoman and Hematite's wingsecond. Most don't feel safe to venture back in, perhaps. Yet Lilah remains in the galleries, an empty tray of pastry crumbs close at hand and an untouched mug of klah, and plenty of hidework to keep her busy for at least this first day of being sands-bound to her dragon.

Given how close K'del and his Weyr's newest goldrider are (ha), it's probably not surprising that ''he'' hasn't heard any such rumours... or if he has, he's chosen to brave Fort nonetheless. Cadejoth's greetings are passed promptly to watchdragon and queens both; his business, he's quick to report, is personal, only, and won't take long. And so it is that he arrives in the galleries a few minutes later, climbing hastily towards Lilah as he catches sight of her. "Thought you'd be here. Congratulations, Lilah." 

Her work is abandoned even before she spots K'del, as soon as Eliyaveith passes along Cadejoth's presence to her rider. The goldrider is already standing, only a hint of impatience there that hasn't ''quite'' driven her to search him out before he can find her. A smile even breaks out, soft and weary, on Lilah's lips as she spots High Reaches' Weyrleader. "Only because I am waiting for the appropriate time to whisk myself away to my weyr and get drunk," is what she counters, dark gaze sliding over him a prolonged study as if looking for any differences since the last time she's seen him. A pause, before she breathes out, "Faranth, it's good to see you."

"Shells, you make it sound like we're lovers, separated for turns," replies K'del, counting the words with amusement, though there's a suggestion of concern in his expression, too: are things really that bad? And, perhaps more to the point: is there anything he can do? "Well, in any case, here I am. All yours for the evening, s'long as I'm sober enough to get myself home at the end of it." He offers her an arm... no, he offers ''both'', a hug waiting to happen if she so desires. 

"You mean that it ''hasn't'' been turns?" questions Lilah dryly, faux-surprise meeting concern before the goldrider gives in to that gesture and folds herself into the comfort of the hug offered briefly. "I have a bottle of something strong; I can't promise you will be sober after." Any further explanation for ''things'' and how they are will have to wait as she pulls away, only glancing briefly towards Eliyaveith and her eggs before she moves to lead the way out of the galleries and towards that waiting bottle.

Squeezing Lilah's shoulders, just once, K'del keeps close watch upon the goldrider's expression, nodding once for what she says before he falls into step just behind her. He evidently selects not to comment on the advisability of his being too drunk to get home; instead, his own gaze falls briefly towards the queen, then back to her rider. "Might've been turns. Time gets away sometimes. You'll have to tell me all." His tone makes light; his expression does... not. 

It isn't until they are safely ensconced in her weyr, away from prying eyes, that Lilah finally broaches an assumed, "You heard about our green." At least she will pair the topic with alcohol, as promised. It is a label-less bottle that she takes from the shelf, already half-empty before she takes the first swig and offers it out to K'del. Without a gold, the first cavern of her weyr seems strangely empty, especially given it's lack of color and ''things'', otherwise. "And Eliyaveith's gold egg?"

K'del's, "Yes," confirms his assumed knowledge before he does anything more than wrap his fingers around the bottle, though he's quick to take a long swig from it afterwards. "At least-- the green, yes, but isn't the gold egg something to celebrate?" He curls one foot up beneath himself, balancing the bottle on one knee for a moment before evidently thinking to offer it back: she may need it more than he does. 

"It's warped. Not much but you can ''tell''. I'd guess it is a dud, but--," Lilah answers to the question, reaching to take that bottle back without hesitation. Perhaps he won't end up too drunk tonight, since she nurses it thoughtfully. What she comes up with, though, is only a dry, "This whole Interval might be cursed. We should take a note from our ancestors and go forward to where we're actually ''needed''."

Eyes widening, just slightly, it's easy to see the sym-- no, ''empathy''-- in K'del's expression. "Oh, Lilah," he breathes. "What does Eliyaveith think?" And, slowly, "Intervals area always difficult. But I see what you mean. Shells. Sometimes, I..."  

K'del's reaction earns a toast of the bottle towards the Weyrleader, a smile pulling sharply at Lilah's lips in agreement for it before she lifts the liquor back to her lips. Afterwards, she offers it back to him. "She's already worried over it. But, she doesn't know. I wish she'd had another clutch before, if she had ''experience''," admits Lilah, but she doesn't press further on that. Instead, she encourages, "Sometimes you? Want to run away? Abandon it all? Want to get ''really'' drunk?"

"All of the above," admits K'del, taking the bottle and taking another long swig from it. He leans back, eyes half-closing for a moment. "But then things improve again. Ignoring the idiot who Impressed our latest queen, things aren't so bad at High Reaches at the moment, and you can't deny we've had a shocking few turns. Try not to worry too much, Lilah: in a few sevens, you'll know for sure, one way or another." He offers the bottle back, however, expression very obviously indicating that he knows too well it's never that simple.  

"You are much too responsible for any of that," teases Lilah in turn, though her smile is softer and more genuine for it as she accepts back the bottle for a slow sip. But something that K'del says has a brow quirked upwards, a question written there before she voices it with a neutral, "Idiot? That is quite the word, from you. Young, certainly, and opinionated like any goldrider seems to be," is said with a hint of gesture towards herself with the bottle before she holds it out again. "But, idiot?"

It's K'del's turn to make a face; clearly, Farideh is not a favoured topic with him, even if he ''is'' the one who brought her up. "She hates me," he explains. "Thinks I'm, I don't know, sullying my knot, my Weyr, by being in a relationship with a foreign Weyrwoman. Thinks I hate holders. Finds some reason to dismiss me, hate me, over everything I do. And yes, she's young. She'll grow. But... Tiriana hated me. Aishani hated me. Do I really have to do this again?" His tone, by the end of it, is plaintive. 

"You are a Weyrleader; you do not ''have'' to do it again," Lilah replies, her lips twisting into a flatter line for that answer of his, buried annoyance not for ''him'', certainly. "You could transfer her away; make her go deal with another Weyrleader and another Weyr. You could give up your knot and transfer yourself. You have plenty of options." But her tone and expression, clearly, do not believe that he would take either approach even as she offers them. Quietly, she murmurs, "It's likely she'll be your next Weyrwoman."

"Yes," K'del agrees. Yes to all of those things. And yes, too, to the realistic understanding that he ''won't''. "And I just have to hope she gets a Weyrleader who can guide her... let her make enough mistakes that she learns, without making the terrible mistakes that mean everyone starves. And I don't know who that can possibly be." One corner of his mouth lifts; it's not quite a smile. "If only Irianke knew how to force Niahvth to rise. but-- never mind. It is what it is."

"And that should be ''you''," replies Lilah firmly, tipping the bottle towards K'del in a gesture of offer. "Despite whatever your young weyrling thinks. Even if you have to deal with yet another Weyrwoman who hates you. A mating pairing with riders who hate each other-- It is survivable." If that hits a note more for convincing herself than the man who has been through this before, well. "They say dragons respond to needs. If she needs her to rise, if the Weyr needs her to rise, maybe she will."

K'del accepts the bottle, though he stares at it rather than drinking from it for long beats. Finally: a sip. A swallow. And then, "Maybe," he allows. "And maybe she'll grow up. And... shells, I'm sorry, Lilah. You've had a shit of a time of it, and here I am whining about things that don't, in the end, matter that much. Here." Take the bottle.  

A laugh catches in Lilah's throat, even as she reaches to take the bottle back. She doesn't hesitate in drinking, apparently ''very'' serious about her earlier statement of getting drunk. But she teases lightly, "Isn't that the basis that our friendship is founded on? Whining at each other about shit that neither of us can do anything about. If it weren't you, it'd just be me worrying over Hattie and her mindhealer, and the egg, and the tithes, and-- Well, we don't have all night."

Beat. "... mindhealer?" 

''This'' does cause the junior weyrwoman to pause, apparently having thought that High Reaches' had heard the rumor but more hesitant to spread it when she realizes they hadn't. Yet, Lilah does explain for K'del's benefit, a slow, careful murmur of, "They brought in a healer especially for Hattie, after the hatching. I don't think-- She'd been acting strange ''before'' it happened, and afterwards--." She shakes her head, dismissive, before she clarifies quickly, "She is attending to her duties and doing what's needed. It isn't an issue beyond--." Worry, is what reflects in the goldrider's expression, before she takes another long swallow and hands the bottle back to him insistently.

K'del's, "Oh," is a breath, deeply sympathetic despite the long and complicated history between himself and Fort's Weyrwoman. He takes the bottle, drinks from it, then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Carefully, "Is she going to be okay? Lilah."

"She just needs time," is Lilah's assertion, almost defensive even despite it only being K'del. "Time to forget and recover. It's all been hard on her, but she's strong." But that worry lingers, and there is a thoughtfulness to the goldrider even as she lifts a dark gaze to meet K'del's at the sound of her name.

K'del's careful to keep his expression neutral; careful not to imply anything that could be construed as doubt, though his own pale eyes meet Lilah's, and there's certainly ''something'' there. "Hope so," is what he says, firmly, as he offers the bottle back. "Know it's been a difficult for turns here, too. Too many dragon deaths."

Lilah tips her chin in a nod, even as she reaches for the bottle offered to her. "Difficult turns for any Weyr, during an Interval," is how she chooses to answer that. "You'd think it would make us more sympathetic to the troubles of others."

"Mm," agrees K'del, seemingly to both points. "It's something Irianke and I have been talking about: how to deal with the Interval. Seems like it's not something any of my previous weyrwomen wished to think strategically about." Clearly, he appreciates it. "Wish it meant we could all get along. All of the Weyrs. All of the people within the Weyrs." Alas.

"Here is to ''our'' friendship, at least," Lilah toasts to that, taking a long swig of the bottle before she holds it back to K'del to match. "And between us, we will figure out how to make the rest, how to make your weyrwomen, fall in line. Even if it's starting small."

"Cheers." K'del lifts the bottle once he has it in his hand, serious in the way he acknowledges Lilah's toast. He drinks, then sets the bottle on the floor between them, hands folding themselves easily within his lap. "Mm. Starting small. We can do that. One step at a time, right? One foot in front of the other." 

Lilah's gaze falls to the bottle, there, but it is clear that she's had enough that she's starting to ''feel'' it, since she doesn't make any move to retrieve it. "Though, I think, it's likely your weyrlings won't want to visit Fort ever again," she admits with a hint of regret. "That was a small step backwards, but--. We'll figure something out to move forward."

K'del's nose wrinkles as he allows, "There was some upset about it all. But-- they're recovering. They're resilient. We'll get 'em back here for Eliyaveith's hatching. They'll be fine." Even if that gold egg doesn't hatch? Perhaps it's simply wishful thinking, or drunken forgetfulness. "Time heals most wounds."

"They were here, today. And then C'stian--," there is a flicker of anger there, Lilah's lips twisting into a flatter line. But it's K'del that she studies as she questions, dryly, "But I guess it's true enough that I am lovely and flawed, isn't it? And it isn't as if I haven't pushed him. Because if I ''didn't'' push him, he'll never do anything."

"Today?" ''This'' is news to K'del, who frowns, though it's plainly also partly because of C'stian, and confusion, and... "What's wrong with pushing people? It's not as if you're pushing them to do something stupid, is it?" Beat. "You two fighting, then? Seems like... a lot of things have people on edge, at the moment." 

"He called me lovely but flawed," explains Lilah with a hint of the alcohol softening the edges of her words. "After I pointed out that he was letting your weyrlings insult the egg, without taking them to task. But he's ''always'' been this way. He let Hematite treat Nala like ''shit'' without saying a thing." That seems to be her answer on the subject of whether they're fighting, catching herself a bit too late on what could easily become a rant before she falls silent with a press of her lips back into a line.

K'del's expression tightens. "My weyrlings were insulting the egg," he repeats, picking this out of the rest of what Lilah has said, obviously disturbed and upset by it. "Which weyrlings? Who?" And only then, a hurried: "He sounds like an ass." 

"I don't know which one. You'd have better luck asking your newest goldrider; she was there," Lilah answers, her fingers lifting in a gesture that is at once careless and dismissive. But, ''now'', she reaches down between them for that bottle again. And contrarily, she defends, "He's not an ass. He has to put up with ''me''. That would make anyone--. Well, we know what happens then, don't we?" If he doesn't, well, the goldrider is assuming he does. She might be a tad drunk.

K'del makes a face, but doesn't push for further information on this troublesome weyrling; perhaps he'll interrogate Farideh later. "Make anyone what? You're not-- you make it sound like you think you're a problem. And you're not, Lilah. You ''care''. Maybe you're pushy; so what? You have high standards. I like that about you." He may be a little drunk, too. 

"''Aren't'' I, K'del?" challenges Lilah in counter, gesturing at herself once again with that bottle in a pointed thing. "I may be a lot of things, but blind to my faults-- That, at least, I'm not. I am a selfish, uncommunicative bitch who makes everyone around her crazy." She tilts that bottle towards K'del as if to emphasize her point, forgetting to take a drink for the moment.

"I'm not crazy." K'del doesn't reach to take the bottle from her-- not for himself, and not to ''save'' her from it-- and instead lifts his chin. "Maybe you're selfish. Maybe you're uncommunicative. ''Sometimes''. We all have our flaws. We all are who we are. Doesn't mean you don't mean well. Doesn't mean you don't ''try''. Seems like when you're doing things that annoy other people, it's because you're trying to improve things. Make them ''better''. And not just for you." 

"Are you ''sure''?" Lilah continues to challenge of K'del's statement, her brows curving upwards. But she draws the bottle back and takes a sip, as if punctuating her question pointedly. "We could ask Farideh," she adds, only regretting it a moment after she's said it. Maybe that is why she relents to murmur, "It doesn't feel that way. It doesn't feel like I am doing ''anything'' positive, more than trying to survive. Trying not to feel--." She shrugs a shoulder upwards.

There's defiance evident in K'del's expression in answer to Lilah's first few remarks, especially when she mentions Farideh. But it fades: left in its place is that quiet sympathy, the kind that has him reaching out to press a hand to her shoulder. "Out of control?" he wonders, the soft sigh in his voice suggesting it is a feeling he's well familiar with. "Hate it, sometimes," he continues, without pausing. "A lot of the time. There I am, trying to do my best, and everyone judges and dismisses, and... never claimed to be perfect, but shells, have a little faith, you know? But that's leadership for you."

"Out of control, alone, helpless," supplies Lilah in answer, only agreement meeting K'del's words as dark eyes meet pale. And perhaps it's because she's drunk, and tired, and has had a long day; that there is a comforting hand on her shoulder--. They all could be the reason that she makes the mistake to lean into the presence of the bronzerider, moving to brush her lips against his.

K'del should have expected this; should have been more careful in being sympathetic, physically proximate... all of it. He doesn't pull away as she leans in, and is plainly too surprised to do so immediately as she goes further-- but then he does, gently extricating himself, his voice low and apologetic as he says, "Lilah." His hand has slid back down to his own space, his body shifted ever so slightly to the side. 

Any softness is erased immediately in the return of the goldrider's tension, not drunk enough that she can't tell what exactly he means by that apologetic word and the shift. Lilah is quick to push to her feet, to put distance between them herself. It is better, at least, than looking at him right now. She still doesn't when she says, "I should get back to Eliyaveith."

"I'm sorry," says K'del, miserably, though he's equally quick to move to stand, keeping a careful distance from the goldrider-- though it doesn't ''seem'' to be because he thinks she'll throw herself at him or anything. And, "Of course. Of course. Shouldn't keep you. It-- look after yourself, Lilah." Awkwardly, he licks his lips. "We'll visit again. Before the hatching, if we can. It's going to be okay. All of it." 

"You too, K'del," replies Lilah carefully, only a hint of strain there, but there is a flicker of concern across the goldrider's expression as she does drag her gaze finally back to the Weyrleader. It is likely what prompts the simple, if forced, smile and the attempt at a light, "Visit ''often'', since I am going to be stuck here, and we can forget about--." She doesn't say it, though she adds, "As often as duties and your visits to Ali allow."

"I'll bring you some summer fruits from Southern, next time," promises K'del with a crookedly awkward smile and a concerted effort towards ease. "Or some kind of fancy fruit liqueur, maybe. ''Something''." His hands press behind his back, and then he nods, just once, before turning to hurry out. Out, out, and away.
|Categories=FTW Clutch 32 Logs, A Green Betweened
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