Difference between revisions of "Logs:A Special Kind of Sick"

When H'vier arrives at the appointed time for the last visit he'll have with Tayte and the girls before the girls leave on holiday, it's Yvalia who timidly answers the door. She's been skittish around him since Tavi's turnday, and now as she looks up at him with her big baby blue eyes, she looks frightened. But it must be said that Yvalia is a brave girl, so she says what she must. "Mom's sick. She says maybe this isn't a good day to visit." But only maybe because being sick and with both children at home... It can't be easy.

The mention of Tayte being sick has H'vier looking up and past Yvalia, then moving to step past the girl he's sure will move out of his way. "Let's check on her, hmm? Then we'll see." He's not just going to leave. Tayte should already know that.

Tayte probably did know that and Yvalia seems to have instructions to let him in if he wants to come in, since she opens the door the rest of the way to let him past. If H'vier thought Tayte might've been faking to get out of spending time with him, it's soon evident this is not the case. She's on the far side of the bed, kneeling down on the plush carpet there, a bucket that's usually used for chilling bottles of alcohol in front of her. It's evident that she's not faking it because there's evidence in that bucket. H'vier might not want to get too close. Who knows, she was in Igen territory, maybe this is the first step towards leprosy! She must still be feeling quite ill because she doesn't seem to have noticed that Vali opened the door or the footsteps coming toward her, although her back is toward all of that, so maybe that's why.

Whatever H'vier's motivations for checking on Tayte, he's frowning once he takes in the scene. If he keeps some distance, even if he does move closer, can he really be blamed for that? Maybe all along Tayte's only had to threaten to throw up on him to make him stay away! "Tayte? What's wrong?" Other than, you know, the obvious.

"Havi," Tayte shifts so she can look back over her shoulder again. "I'm just not feeling well." There's something in her tone that's worrisome, combined with her own worried look. A gnawing edge of doubt shows as she glances toward the bucket. "I'm sure it's nothing." She's not. She's just hoping it is.

He'd probably really like to believe her. It would be better than accusing her of lying to him while she's hovering over a bucket like she is. "Tayte," H'vier repeats her name, this time a little more firmly. He knows something's up.

"Vali, honey, why don't you go play with your sister?" Vali, who was lingering with typical childlike curiosity behind H'vier some paces, flushes and there's a 'yes, Mom' before she's going over toward the hearth. Once she's out of earshot, Tayte directs guilty eyes toward H'vier. "I'm late."

H'vier glances back toward the lingering girl but his gaze doesn't follow after she starts to leave. He moves closer to Tayte, though, standing over her when she looks at him with those guilty eyes. "Late," he repeats, too neutral for even him to probably know how he actually feels about that.

"Late," Tayte confirms with emphasis in case he didn't get the meaning the first time. "And sick." As should be obvious. The next is quieter, "I haven't been to the infirmary yet to be checked." She probably avoids saying the word 'healer' lest that remind him that there's a possibility that if she is, it mightn't be his.

The bronzerider only stares at the woman for awhile. Nope, he gets it. He's just not sure how to react. Normally, for the definition of the word that includes them being together and Tayte not having slept with any other men, he'd probably be thrilled by the news. But this isn't normally, so H'vier just stares at her wordlessly.

Tayte watches him. Maybe she's not sure what to say next because she's silent. "I'll go find out as soon as I think I can get there without having to do clean up on the way back." Her nose wrinkles, but it's not as light as it should be. Her eyes flick toward the girls where they play and her lower lip wobbles, just a little.

Eventually H'vier finds his voice. It's quiet, as his voice goes, and there's, perhaps oddly, no real hint of anger. Maybe he's in shock. It could happen. "I can take you. If you want." She even has a choice in the matter. How novel.

Tayte's eyes come back from the girls and go to the bronzerider now. "I-" And then she looks sick. H'vier may want to avert his eyes because it's not pleasant. Even the girls sort of inch farther away. Once she's done with the coughing that comes after and she wipes her face with a handy towel, she manages to find her voice again. "I'd like that. If you can promise not to punch anyone if--" If a certain someone is there. She doesn't finish, and she does manage to look very apologetic. Sleeping with someone else because you're mad is one thing, having their child is something else entirely.

Promises. That's all Tayte wants out of him, anymore. But H'vier nods. Just once. He hasn't backed away from her being sick. "I won't hit anyone there." Probably. "I promise." Like always. "What about the girls?" He moves closer, crouching down to rub a hand along Tayte's back. It's probably supposed to be comforting. "We can take the bucket."

"Maeda, four doors down. She's probably home and would keep an eye on them. You can visit with Tavi after." And true enough when H'vier knocks and explains the need for the infirmary visit, the woodcrafter is willing. Limited pleasantries are exchanged between crafters before Tayte, with one arm wrapped around H'vier's for support and the other around her unpleasant bucket, and H'vier are off. Tayte asks that he wait outside the alcove while the healer on duty (not Oliwer, thank Faranth) examines her. "You can go in now," is offered to the bronzerider clinically as the healer exits. Proximity to the curtain certainly offered H'vier the option to know going in what the verdict was. Tayte is adjusting her skirt when he enters, but that takes only a moment more. Then she's sitting on the edge of the bed and drooping forward over her knees, hands buried in her hair.

The bronzerider waits close by outside, trying to stand still and failing. His agitated energy needs to be burned off somehow. So H'vier paces, just a couple slow steps back and forth while he waits. He might not hear everything over the sound of his own steps, but he hears what's important. He doesn't look happy, exactly, when he moves past the curtain. He looks torn. "So," he prompts without continuing.

"So, I'm pregnant." Tayte answers, not sounding thrilled herself as she uses hands to knees to leverage her torso upright again with a loud exhale. Then she looks at H'vier. "Their guess... It's uncertain." Not their guess; just the parentage. Had he heard that too?

"You're not keeping it." H'vier says it before he really thinks. It's clear enough in his voice that he doesn't like saying it. But there other other things he likes less. "You're not keeping it, right?" See, still choices. No demands. At least not as demanding demands.

Those words have Tayte's head jerking up to stare at him wide-eyed. "What?"

"There are things we can do." To help her not keep it, presumably. "I don't want to raise another man's child, Tayte. Especially not that 'man's.'" H'vier's voice has started to raise, but he's trying to keep himself in check.

The gasp after his first words is probably a clue that this is not the right tact to take with her. Tayte is pushing up off the bed and moving to leave the alcove, cheeks red and so many words unsaid.

Well, it's too late to try a different approach. And it's not like H'vier is going to suddenly change his mind. He starts to move as though to block her exit, but he stops himself and lets her walk past him unobstructed. "Tayte," he says after her, apologetic without actually saying that he's sorry.

She stops just shy of the curtain, turning back toward the bronzerider with tears in her eyes. Tayte's words come in a hiss instead of a yell, "If I believed in doing that, I wouldn't have Yvalia. Don't you ever suggest that to me again. Not ever." Because it's been suggested to her before. Long, long ago.

H'vier is looking at Tayte, something disturbed in his expression. But his gaze shifts past her and he nods. "Okay." Okay. That's it.

That is it. She turns, she goes. And if her shoulders are shaking a little with silent sobs? Who can blame her. Maybe fate will at least be kind enough to let Tayte get back to her room without decorating an unfortunate floor along her way.

H'vier doesn't follow Tayte immediately. He might even consider not following her at all. But, in the end, he can't let her make the entire trek back to her room by herself, he even grabs that poor bucket, and he's not going to give up his last night with Tavi for an indefinite amount of time.

At least the healers did them the kindness of emptying the bucket and rinsed out while Tayte was examined. (That Infirmary Aide was probably thrilled.) So it's not as bad as it could've been for H'vier. Tayte, however, doesn't make it more than a quarter of the length of the bowl before she's doubled over, hands on knees and-- not giving in to the urge to be sick. This time the sick might not entirely be the physical manifestation of the child within.

The bronzerider's stride is long, ground-eating. But he doesn't break into a concerned jog to catch up to her until he's noticed Tayte doubled over in the bowl. Once he's at her side, a hand at the small of her back, he's demanding with something close to fear in his voice, "Tayte? Are you okay?"

"Shells no, I'm not okay." Tayte answers the familiar voice. Hers sounds frazzled and impassioned to say the least. "In the last two months, my life went from nearly perfect except for the fact that I was living too far away from you, to my relationship with you being in shambles, my best friend wanting what's best for me," which she makes sound terrible, "having my life and livelihood threatened, finding out I'm pregnant with possibly not your child, and finding that you want me to kill it whether it is or not! I am not okay." And then she pukes. Yay!

There's not a whole lot H'vier can say to that, not to argue it or defend himself, anyway. Especially since there are some things he picks out of all of it more readily than others. "What do you mean having your life threatened? I would never--" Lose his temper that much. He apparently has a hard time actually saying that.

Maybe it was along the way back from the infirmary that Tayte lost all her fucks. Her look is more than a little disbelieving as she straightens, wiping her mouth. "Oh, you have no way to know that. You lose your shit and anything could happen. Don't think I don't know you've killed people before. Am I so very different?" But she doesn't stop there. "I wasn't talking about you anyway. Even if he didn't kill me, he'd only need to whisper in the right ear to take everything from me." She reaches out, intending to snag the bucket away from him and continue along her way.

He starts to open his mouth to protest but stays silent as Tayte continues. And the rest? That has a familiar rage lighting in H'vier's eyes. Except Tayte is walking away with her bucket when the bronzerider doesn't follow. Not right away. He might just turn and track down the bastard right now but instead there are likely words with Reisoth before he's moving again, silent.

Tayte manages to get the rest of the way to her room without retching again, but that doesn't mean she doesn't keep the bucket close. It's outside her door that she turns and presses her back to the cool stone of the wall there. Is H'vier here with her? Did he catch up? She probably hasn't noticed one way or the other. She's got her eyes closed and she's taking a series of slow deep breaths.

"Tayte," says H'vier when he catches up a few moments later. "You should sit down. Rest. I'll get the girls, hmm?" After all that, yup, that's all the bronzerider is going to focus on. He can worry about the rest once the girls are gone and safe. Maybe he's even okay with that now.

"Okay." After all that, just 'okay.' "Before you get them," Tayte's gaze flickers in the direction of the door down the hall where the girls must surely be, she asks, "Would you help me make tea, please? To settle my stomach."

H'vier glances down the hall toward that door, too, but he nods his head once and moves to help Tayte into her quarters where he can make her tea. If she allows, he helps her to sit down and takes over the tea making entirely. Except, looking through what's available, "Is this all the same?" He drinks booze, not tea.

Tayte is too tired to disallow it, so it happens. Who knows if she even try otherwise? But she's definitely not now. She draws one of the blankets she knitted up over her lap as she curls on the loveseat, keeping that bucket nearby, but her color is improving, so perhaps the worst is over, for now. "No. You want the one third from the right, in the back. It smells like mint." He's had mint in booze, right? Once she's settled in, she watches him. "I'm sorry, Havi. I know none of this is easy for you either." She sounds exhausted, but genuine in these words.

He follows her instructions, hand moving three from the right and picking it out to give it a sniff. He sets it down and grabs something else. Maybe he needs a comparison to make sure that's mint and not just how tea smells. Right, this one. "Don't worry about me."

There's a sad little laugh for that. "You know, I really should be able to not, after everything. But I can't." Tayte's eyes shift away from him and to the hearth, watching the flames flicker.

"Love doesn't just go away because you want it to. If it did, well," things would be a lot more simple for both of them. H'vier is relaxed, maybe oddly so, as he waits for the water to heat up. "It's hard. Coming to see Tavi and not being able to... touch you. Or anything." His voice is low, careful. He's not trying to start an argument, just sharing some of his feelings.

There's silence as Tayte watches the fire. Then quietly, "You could hold my hand until the water boils." It's an offer. It's not much. But it's something. It's contact.

He considers it, gaze settling on Tayte for a long few moments. But he doesn't move, something pained briefly flickering over his expression. "Probably best not to." Which isn't to say he doesn't want to. "You make me stupid, Tayte. Even when you're vomiting." It's not accusatory, rather kind of sadly nostalgic.

More silence, then finally, "Okay." Given all the circumstances surrounding them in recent days and sevens, Tayte probably only offered because... well, she could really use a hug right about now. "Maybe you should go get the girls. I think I can get cleaned up while you do. And pull the kettle off if it boils before you're back." She can at least snuggle with Vali without repercussions while H'vier spends time with Tahvra.

Whether H'vier realizes why she suggested it or not is unclear. But he watches her just a little longer before nodding and starting toward the door. He won't be gone long before he returns with the girls.

The rest of the visit goes pretty much as predictably as it ought. Tayte stays curled on the couch, cleaned up while the three were gone, her hair released from it's braids so Vali can brush it and braid it for her. She wears a brave, brave face. "Will you visit?" Vali wants to know, and it's a hard swallow before Tayte forces a smile and says she'll try. "Will we be gone long?" Vali wants to know. "Not too long, I hope." Tayte manages. These must all be questions that have been answered before. The woman's eyes linger on father and daughter and then close, either because she can't stand knowing this is the last time for a time, or because she must sear this moment into her memory to hold onto for the days ahead. Eventually, at long last, it's Tayte's responsibility-- her burden to say, "Alright, Vali, get your things." And rise, moving to the bronzerider and his baby. "It's time, Havi." For them to go. For Tayte to take them to where she, too, will have to say 'so long.'

H'vier is strangely silent for much of the visit. When he does speak, it's in a quiet voice and mostly only to Tahvra. He glances over to Tayte and Vali from time to time but, mostly, only has eyes for his daughter. When it's finally time, the bronzerider doesn't argue. He's reluctant to hand the little girl back over, but does after one last kiss to her forehead. He even crouches down to offer Yvalia a hug. "You girls be good, hear me?"

Yvalia's acceptance of the hug is tentative at best, but it is what it is. And at least she does accept it. She's back to pressing against her mother's side when she volunteers in a chirp, "I'll take good care of Tavi, Uncle Havi. You don't have to worry." Even at nearly seven, Yvalia has some grasp of at least the emotions at play here. Children are occasionally uncannily perceptive, especially about feelings. Tayte reaches down to give Yvalia's shoulder a squeeze. And then the three are walking H'vier to the door. "I'll let you know they've made it safely where they're going." Tayte offers quietly. The way she looks at him, there's so much sadness. Surely something like this would be easier to bear if they were together. If he were able to touch her without it being dangerous.

"Thanks, sweetie. I know you'll do a good job," H'vier says to Yvalia. If only he was this nice all the time. Then they might not be in this mess to begin with. He's at the door when he glances back and nods to Tayte, not quite looking at her fully. For a moment it seems like he might say something, but he glances at Tahvra and only a sad smile comes before he's letting himself out.

Tayte can't waste time once he's gone. Not only are they expected, but alone with the girls, she knows she'll go to pieces. The hardest thing she has ever had to do in her life is stepping foot out of her door with them, hugging them so tight Vali has to tell her she's hurting, and not cry until Cadejoth is in the air. And if Tayte makes something of a spectacle of herself until a friendly face happens through the bowl and helps her back to her room... well, that's just how these things go. It's a wonder she can get home at all. She'd promised K'del the dorms. For safety. But sobbing as she is, she couldn't possibly go there. Not just yet.