Difference between revisions of "Logs:Little Boy Angry"

Rhey doesn't think about a lot of things.

He doesn't think about his ill-advised trip to Nabol, way back in weyrlinghood.

He definitely doesn't think about Teisyth's flight, and how he threw up afterwards, and felt sick all the way to his toes; sick in heart, sick in body, sick in mind. How he scrubbed until his skin was red and raw, and still felt dirty.

It wasn't even because of G'laer.

Now, he doesn't think about L'sha, and how terrified he is of Rillaeth's flight. Rosvelth likes his clutchmates; he's chased a couple of them, now. He'd chase a lot more in general, but Rhey makes him stop. Clutchmates are more difficult.

Guys are more difficult.

Guys are...

It's complicated.

He's afraid.

Rhey wants nothing more than to disappear, and he can't, and he hates it. Rosvelth will never disappear, and he'll never let his rider go, either. Rhey's trapped, and he's lost, and sometimes he's so angry he doesn't know how to express it, even to himself.

He wants to wipe the smug grin off A'rist's face, and he wants to stab Fayla, and he wants... he hates Iceberg.

But it's not like he has a better idea for where he should be.

He's not sure why he (sort of) agreed to H'kon's offer.

It's one thing he does think about, and he's not even sure why.

He doesn't understand why the other brownrider made it; he doesn't really know why he's even considering it. Rosvelth wants it, but since when has that been a reason for doing anything?

Rhey's tired of being angry. He's tired of how it makes his head spin, and how the red haze seeks to take him over; seeks to win.

It wasn't so long ago that he wasn't unhappy. He remembers it: being satisfied with his work, being proud of achieving something, being involved, having a place.

He's aimless, now. He has no place.

He has Rosvelth.

It's not enough.

Sometimes, it feels like he's drowning, and there's nothing left to hold on to.

At least the anger feels like home.