Difference between revisions of "Logs:Doubt"

It had been the best and the worst day of Evali's life, simultaneously, but she hadn't realized that until later.

Yanijath, of course, was more than she could have asked for -- and, often, more than she could even handle. The little green was quickly Best Friends (at least in her mind) with Amareth, perhaps bonding in physical abnormality or just in being good-natured girls paired to less than forthcoming women. She had already annoyed Vysravth and Yggdratth, sort of provoked Temrianth, egged on Rhazekth's questioning and generally made a nuisance of herself in the barracks, chattering constantly and knocking things over. She was tiny, growing slowly, so skinny. Evali worried every moment for her, though her dragon's unfazeable positive attitude never seemed to take note of her size or relative boniness. And she ate well and kept food down - warnings about choking in her first hours of life seemed to have stuck hard to Yanijath. She wasn't sickly. She didn't sleep any more or any less than her clutchmates. she didn't act -- colicky, could a dragon be colicky? Evali would have to learn.

So really, her constant concern for Yanijath's health was useless. In fact, it was counterproductive and frequently admonished by the dragon herself. « Happy thoughts! »

And yet despire everything, despite all her worries, despite their personality incompatibilities that at (frequent) times grated Evali's nerves -- Yanijath completed her in ways she could never have imagined.

Not that those happy moments (happy thoughts) had lasted.

Seani's murder would mar the memories of that night forever. Of those moments. Every time she thought of it, Evali was reminded of hearing Iolene's cry, of Riorde's not understanding, of her own slow coming to terms with what it was the newest goldrider, beloved Iolene, had said to them -- that the panic that ran through the dragons was because of Seani.

Dead.

Murdered.

And the things people said of her! And the things people asked Evali -- could she have killed herself, unstable from losing a child? Could she have stolen a child, unstable from losing a child? The thing was, Evali couldn't say no. She had seen evidence before of coveting others' children -- but Seani had never seemed the type. She seemed so happy as a nanny. She was doing well merely caring for others' children. She was doing welll. (Sometimes Evali wondered after the man she had been seeing at the gather -- what had happened to him?)

More than anything, Evali didn't want to doubt Seani.

She hated saying that she couldn't be sure. She was glad it was only fellow islanders ( « What is exile? Evvy? I thought this was our home! ») who were asking her, and not Weyrleaders come to call for her opinion. She worried someday that K'del would ask her. He had reason to know she might know. She tried, frequently, not to think about it.

Generally, Yanijath let her get away with that.

Yanijath, who thought Seani was a story Evali had thought so important she couldn't let it wait until she'd even had her first nap; Yanijath, who was constantly attempting to cheer up the other dragons whenever they got down.

The problem was, Yanijath had yet to meet Devaki. She asked questions about Devaki. Evali missed Devaki horribly -- she and Iolene had looked for him, but to no avail, after the hatching.

Where had her brother gone?

And dare she even think about the fact he vanished the night someone was murdered?