Difference between revisions of "Logs:Trust"

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{{ Logs
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{{Log
| cast =Lilah, Tess
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|who=Irianke, K'zin
| summary = Lilah's first mindhealing session with Tess. They talk primarily of trust and Lilah gets homework.
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|what=K'zin and Irianke meet. She gives him an unsolicited opinion.
| gamedate = 2015.04.02
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|where=Records Room, High Reaches Weyr
| icdate = Day 4, month 6, turn 37
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|day=13
| quote ="This sounds like very good places to start."
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|month=13
| location = Lilah's Sanitized Watercolor Weyr, Fort Weyr
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|turn=36
| categories =
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|IP=Interval
| mentions =Astivan, C'stian, Gussarel, Gustel, Hattie, Milataeri
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|IP2=10
| icons = tess.jpg
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|gamedate=2015.02.09
| ooc = Slightly back-dated at time of posting. Tess' player is not a psychologist. She's making it up as she goes~
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|mentions=Aishani, Azaylia, Leova
| log ='''Lilah's Sanitized Watercolor Weyr, Fort Weyr
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|type=Log
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|icons-new=Icon k'zin.jpg, Face-Irianke.jpg,
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|desc=>---< Records Room, High Reaches Weyr(#367RJs) >-----------------------------<
  
''The whole of this weyr seems strangely sanitized and impersonal, with walls painted white and cleaned often if the subtle shine is any indication. The first room is vaguely triangular in shape, with the generous dragon's wallow carved into a deep curve towards the right. The rest of it appears to have been left as a reception room, a white-washed, stone table centered between the wallow and the far-left wall with its surface kept clear of any knickknacks and four varnished, wooden chairs of simple taste each claiming a side. On the left wall runs a long, brass shelf, upon which sits a small collection of bound books and a large fantastical watercolor depicting a scene that could never exist anywhere in Pern. Hooks under the shelf hold flight gear and even a flamethrower, still leaving space for more.
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  Books. Scrolls. Bound hides. Maps. If it's a record pertaining to the   
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  Weyr, it's likely to be in this roughly oval room with its               
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  floor-to-ceiling cherrywood shelves, its multitude of slots for scrolls, 
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  and its wide drawers for materials that shouldn't be rolled up or folded.  
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  A scribe is usually on duty at the tall desk up front with its good view 
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  of the room, and is able to help visitors find what they're looking for 
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  via the big bound index on its rotating stand. Past the desk, several   
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  tables stand in neat rows for note-taking, each stocked with glowbaskets,
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  scrap hide, paper and pencils. Additional lighting is provided by a     
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  many-armed wrought-iron light fixture, its glows gleaming through       
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  luxurious glass containers in fluted shapes instead of baskets.         
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  To one side of the room, a gap between two sets of shelves outlines where
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  another set once stood, now replaced by a tapestry-covered aperture.    
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  Peeking behind the tapestry reveals another cavern, this one likewise full
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  of shelves, but occupied by only a few boxes of older records and a      
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  somewhat musty air of disuse. As well, two narrow but solid doors are   
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  locked when the room is unattended and a discreet staircase provides     
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  direct access from the Weyrleaders' weyrs.                              
  
''A wide, doorless entryway at the northmost point of the triangle leads through to the rider's private quarters - an oval-shaped room a third of the size of the last. Within, the hearth is small, but finely-decorated with ceramic, white tiles, with a woven brass safety screen protecting the room from embers. The double bed lies in the left-hand portion of the room, made up with crisp, white linens and a down comforter covered with soft, white fabric embroidered with raised white vines. A white, wool blanket lies folded neatly at the bottom of the bed. In the middle of the far wall, another unprotected archway heralds the existence of another room: a small bathing room, complete with pool, basin and shelves, which hold a container of soapsand and a stack of towels.
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-----------------------------< Active Players >-----------------------------
----
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  Irianke      F  36 5'7"  slender, dark curly hair, stone blue eyes    0s
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  K'zin        M  23 6'1"  Muscled, Brown hair, Brown eyes              2m
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----------------------------------< Exits >---------------------------------
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                        Weyr Entrance  Council Chambers                   
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>----------------------------------------< 17D 13M 36T I10, winter night >---<
 +
|log=It's been two days after Issedi of High Reaches died and two days of Irianke burning the candle at all ends in the records room. Tonight is no different, and during the dinner hour, she sits here instead, at the large table with an assortment of records, hides, scrolls, and volumes available. There is organization to all the stacks, this not being an exercise in managed chaos, but in reality actually efficiently managed. She has a pair of scissors and red-dyed sheets at her disposable that, for those who notice such things, have become little red markers poking out of various texts. The recordskeepers have given up at telling her no, it would seem. It's probably hard to say no to someone with Irianke's knot on her shoulder.
  
 +
The bronzerider's approach is quiet, though hardly intentionally so. His nose is more or less in a slender volume and his brow already furrowed in concentration when he reaches for the back of the chair across from the junior. "Do you mind?" K'zin asks casually, not having looked up enough to register more than 'oh, a person,' or he might have tried harder to find an empty table.
  
There is no softness to be found in Lilah's weyr when one steps in from the ledge. In her private quarters that lie beyond the door, surely there must be, but here in this reception room it remains simple. Yet, the goldrider has had a pot of klah brought and set on the table there, complete with cups and fruit from the kitchen. And Eliyaveith dozes in her wallow, if one can count the large queen as 'soft', though the rhythmic breathing from her certainly is. While her rider waits, she has occupied herself with hides to go over, all inventory records from tithes and those that have been used, as she occupies one of those chairs arranged around the whitewashed table.
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Irianke is in the middle of writing some notes into a personal notebook when K'zin interjects and a startled squeak escapes. "Oh. Oh!" Stone-blue eyes blink successively and turns to stare at the young man. He might look like a mesh of letters and a pile of blurred numbers at this point, for all the recognition she gives him. "Oh!" The third exclamation has her shaking her head and flashing K'zin an apologetic smile. "Please, feel free to push my mess closer to me. I don't mind."
  
Tess is punctual. Somewhere in the last few turns, she must have learned that punctuality is an important piece of laying the groundwork for trust with clients and made the effort for professional engagements. She arrives with only a small, chic satchel over one shoulder and calls as she enters, "Lilah? Are you decent?" There's a teasing note to her voice and a smile for the rider when she comes into sight. She might have ended up late if half the riding pair wasn't dozing when she arrives.
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It's only by the third 'oh' that K'zin manages to pull brown eyes away from whatever fascinating passage he was reading and land them on Irianke. A blush spreads through his dusky cheeks and his brows have shot up as he catches his breath after not ''quite'' a gasp. "Oh," his turn. "Oh, ''Weyrwoman'', I'm sorry, I didn't..." He waves the book a little as if that will explain. "I only wanted the... uh, chair. The chair." Not really the table that's she's got things spread all over. The chair is pulled back and he drops into it as if that might make his sudden embarrassment less noticeable somehow, though with him sitting so straight and formally once he's there, he can't help but still coming off a little awkward.
  
If Eliyaveith is aware of another presence in her weyr, there's no outward sign as the queen sleeps on except for the subtlest flaring of her nostrils to take in the air, but then the breathing continues. Lilah is decent, of course, in the faded grey uniforms much like those worn at Dice, comfortable even. But it's those hides that she starts gathering at the sound of Tess' voice, inviting her in as she does with a quiet, "Yes, but Eliyaveith is sleeping." She moves up from her seat to place those hides away on the shelf, inviting the healer to sit with a gesture to any of the chairs at the table.
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"No, it's fine, I promise. I should... I should take a break now anyway." Irianke pushes herself away from the table enough to get to her feet and collect her things into more tightly reigned in piles. Still organized and methodical. Just less spread. "Interesting book? Pleasure or business?" The Reaches' new goldrider nods to indicate K'zin's book with a half-hearted smile flashed that way. Her hands come to rest atop one of those piles, a set of volumes dedicated to recent High Reaches Hold history.
  
Tess lowers her voice appropriately as she answers, "That will give us an opportunity to talk. Is it a concern for you that she might overhear what you tell me? Is there a way to ensure privacy for the individual rider?" She's still learning, so these questions only seem natural to be asked. The woman drops into a seat and lets the bag slide over its back.
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"It looks... intense," K'zin assesses, all the piles, especially by comparison with his singular and small text. "Ah," the blush stays a while longer, "a little of both. Essays by past weyrlingmasters on training ideologies. A little boring unless, you know, it's your thing," which it may or may not be his, but he's reading it so... "I'm sorry, Meara's going to track me down and bend my ear." ''Manners''. "I'm K'zin, Rasavyth's rider with Taiga." He half rises to offer his hand across the table to her, politely. That's probably when he gets a better look at her books. "Hold history?" He raises his brows inquisitively.
  
"We can shut each other out for a while, but eventually-- She will be able to know anything that I know. Keeping secrets from Eliyaveith is an exercise in frustration," Lilah answers to that dismissively, her dark gaze lifting briefly to her sleeping dragon before she shakes her head as if in one last comment on that subject. She moves to pour herself a fresher cup of klah, even while offering, "It is still warm. I just sent for it. And you're welcome to any of the fruit. I wasn't sure what you would want, but I ordered it for you."
+
Interest brightens Irianke's blue eyes, her look slipping from K'zin to the text he holds. "I was actually very interested in meeting with the weyrlingmaster team and learning how training was handled at High Reaches Weyr. I'm told each Weyr does things just slightly differently and it changes from weyrlingmaster to weyrlingmaster. Have you found anything interesting?" Her own work, put aside for now, is neglected in favor of what the other rider studies. "Oh. Irianke, Niahvth's rider," she concludes with formalities, "But I don't know if I really have to introduce myself. People see to know more about me than I know about myself before meeting me these days. The worst," she confesses, "Kind of notoriety."
  
The healer listens with a thoughtful tilt to her head, nodding slowly to the explanation offered about privacy. Tess smiles warmly at the offer, "Yes, thank you," is given in answer for the klah. "What I'd like to do, once we're settled, is hear from you what you'd like to get out of these meetings." Whether comforting or discomforting, it appears she's not going to take notes then and there.
+
"If it makes you feel better," K'zin addresses the last point first as he settles into his chair, "All I know about you is that you're lately from Igen," which doesn't even guarantee that he knows anything about her origins. "I'm afraid I'm a better pupil of books than the rumor mill." His eyes fall to the book and he clears his throat, "Well, I think a lot of what is useful in the Pass isn't as critical now. The focus has shifted and it seems like Quinlys sees and appreciates that. I know she's tried out some new things with each class that's come through since Meara retired. Meara was... well, more traditional, but then she would be," though he doesn't explain that remark. "I assisted a little at Telgar for a time, with their weyrlings so I can at least attest that it's different. It's probably much like different Weyrwomen handle things differently. Are you finding working with Azaylia to your liking so far?"
  
The question seems to take Lilah by surprise, as if she hadn't thought of that. She takes the time to carefully pour Tess that cup of klah, processing the healer's request even as she slides the full cup over to her and settles back in her own chair. It is still a moment later that she has the answer, carefully replying, "I want to be someone that can be trusted to lead a Weyr when the time comes. That people would feel comfortable with coming to with their problems if need be. Someone that-- people would support."
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Whether K'zin's lack of knowledge of her disappoints or relieves her is unclear from her neutral to warm look, maintained throughout. Irianke's head tilts and her hands fidget, drumming beats against the top of her stacks. It's the last she addresses, flitting past the information on weyrlinghoods at High Reaches and Telgar. Azaylia. "The Weyrwoman is young," she begins with the obvious, before continuing into the political, "But capable given she wasn't given the kind of training most goldriders in her position have spent turns accumulating. I think we work well enough together so far, but I'm not sure if she's really given me anything to sink my teeth into quite yet. A lack of trust, perhaps? Which isn't altogether unexpected." She gives a tiny little forward shrug and a broad-lipped smile. "What are your thoughts?"
  
Tess nods, her expression serious. "Would you tell me more? Are there particular aspects of yourself you would like for us to address and seek positive change to get to that point?" A brief pause later, she explains, "Being able to jointly identify specific goals is typically very helpful to achieving them. I don't pretend that doing so is easy and we will, I'm sure, revisit them and modify them as time goes on, depending on how long you would like to pursue these sessions." Tess is encouraging but isn't going to twist her arm.
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To his credit (and probably that of all bronzerider kind), K'zin listens attentively while Irianke speaks, and with no apparent political savvy. He's just listening, taking what she says at face value. His brows knit in thought when she asks him, his lips pressing together and pulling into a troubled look. "To be honest, Weyrwoman, I think Azaylia got used to having to watch her back with Aishani. They... It was never the same after Brieli was suddenly Aishani, who-" he gets distracted and follows the tangent, "-I guess was Aishani always, but kept it a secret from her friends - like Zay - and then when it came out..." He shakes his head. "I remember that night. The night I Impressed. It wasn't easy for Zay. For any of us. I know she knows not ''all'' goldriders are like that, but... it's not an easy thing to get over, I'd think." He clears his throat, the blush making itself felt again, "Anyway, I'm sure in time you'll get along better."
  
It certainly isn't easy, but Lilah tries. She takes a breath in, sipping her klah, before she starts to explain as if maybe Tess can glean meaning from this: "Hattie doesn't trust me, if I were in her position. To care about her and protect her, or likely the rest of the Weyr. I am not sure how, sometimes, to show that I care." A pause, before she continues, "I need to be able to-- consider other people's feelings. Not just my own. I've been told I'm selfish."
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Irianke's hand strays to another stack to drum there. The spines on these texts indicate High Reaches Weyr history. The light drumming turns into one final pat with her hands resting there. "I'd read about some of it. The recordskeepers did a magnificent job of reporting it in a neutral fashion, or trying to. It'd be hard to remove all shock from it. Aishani's father was the one hung? Beheaded? By Tiriana and K'del?" She must already know. She's just read them and those little red marks in these texts are all over the place. "High Reaches Weyr has had some fascinating characters as leaders. There must be so much that wasn't written down, discarded as gossip or like this, I understand more why Azaylia might not trust people inherently from the texts, but your eyewitness account makes it seem more personal. Like," Niahvth's rider considers the air, her teeth ruminating over her lower lip to try and catch a thought and bring it to verbal life, "I can feel the tension that must have existed at the Weyr after this came to light?"
  
Tess validates her effort and gives her credit in the simple phrase of: "This sounds like very good places to start." The smile she has is a mild one, but meant to be reassuring in its own way. "If you were to pick one of these that you feel is the most pressing, which would you choose?"
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"Hung," K'zin answers, perhaps a little uncertain of the latter. "It does have a very colorful history, and one with a lot of loose ends, I've always thought." The bronzerider contemplates that as his eyes drift over all the little red tags. "It's hard to trust someone you got to know well in weyrlinghood, who you feel has betrayed you. Even if that's not the case. I'd imagine anyway." His tone speaks of some personal experience, but his eyes are drifting to where the door to the ''restricted records'' are kept behind lock and key, a briefly amused smile flitting across his lips.
  
"That people trust me," Lilah decides, her words coming out before she really thinks about it. But then she pauses, restarts to twist them into a quiet, "That I can trust others and that I am the type of person that people can trust."
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"Would," Irianke poses, leaning into those stacks with the other hand suddenly bracing her weight, "High Reaches Weyr have let Brieli stand if she had confessed to being the daughter of a known criminal? Given," the Igen goldrider looks down at the stack her right hand is on, "This Weyr let known criminal elements stand for a clutch, one of whom now leads a wing?" They're all leading questions, but neither the goldrider's inflection nor demeanor passes judgment. She's stating facts and posing the question with those facts, those ever curious grey-blue eyes fixed onto K'zin to watch how he reacts and ultimately answers.
  
"Okay," the healer nods a single, firm dip of her chin. "Then that's where we'll start. I find that it can be helpful to try not to take on too much at once, to focus on the most important first and then the next and so on. It helps keep things from seeming overwhelming, since, as the term implies, we don't tend to be as effective when we're struggling to keep our heads above water, though we can of course shift our focus if there's a pressing need for that some day." But that's not today. She lets her reach for her klah and a sip punctuate the conversation as transition. "So tell me about what it takes to earn your trust and times that you've recognized that being a hindrance to you." A place to start.
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"It's a fair question," K'zin acknowledges. "It might've been different for her given the personal nature of the situation between Aishani and K'del." He shrugs his shoulders. "Not sure what Taikrin's crimes were, if they were against the Weyr or elsewhere." Another shrug. "Can't say as I ever understood why Aishani Stood for 'Reaches at all. Or why she stayed in the same Weyr as K'del. I'd've probably wanted to be far away from it all. I'd ask N'rov, but he... probably doesn't want to talk about that." Perhaps understandably.
  
There is another little thoughtful silence before Lilah begins, her fingers twisting at her mug as her gaze falls there. And then she starts, again, slowly: "My first friend here, she had secrets of her own. We'd worked together, Impressed together, and were weyrlings together. And our secrets came out, the fears and the past that we were running from--. I knew she wouldn't tell mine, because I knew hers." A pause, possibly realizing that is unhelpful, she continues, "With my other friend, there's just something about the way he was always truthful, even when the truth made him seem bad. He wouldn't ever lie to me. He was supportive and kind and--. I don't know." She shakes her head, dismissively, as she finally lifts her own klah for a long, bracing sip.
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Irianke starts rearranging her stacks, turning six into two, with one significantly taller than the other. "I'm done with these," she announces, louder for the benefit of the poor recordskeeper on duty. The beleagured young woman restrains herself from sighing and gathers them up to put away properly. These are the ones that don't have red marks in them at all. "I'll need to take these to my weyr if that's possible," the weyrwoman adds quickly. To K'zin, Irianke asks, "Have you eaten dinner yet? Will you join me in my weyr to eat? I suddenly realize I'm famished and then recall my last meal might have been sometime in the middle of the night earlier today."
  
Tess is always listening, even in silence. The delivery, the expressions on Lilah's face, the word choice, it all matters and the healer takes it all in with an open expression and attentive (but not uncomfortably direct) eyes. "So those you have trusted here are trusted by you either because of consistent honesty even when it has negative personal consequence or because equal trust was placed in you with the power to create negative consequence if you felt the need?" She paraphrases, checking her perception of what she's been told. "What about before? Before the Weyr. Trust in relationships you formed then."
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K'zin's eyes follow the recordskeeper as she collects the books and hauls them away. "I-" He starts in answer to her question, "I'm actually supposed to meet my-er, someone. For dinner. I shouldn't probably have taken as long as I have, either." He looks sheepishly at the book. "I'd better go, too. But I can carry your books, if you like. To your weyr for you, before I go meet her." That's what bronzeriders are for, right? Carrying the books of goldriders?
  
"I don't-- I don't know that I ever trusted anyone before," is hard for Lilah to admit, or perhaps just hard to ''say'' as she meets Tess' gaze. "There was family, of course, but they were my family. Even then, they did not trust me, after everything." A pause, before she explains for the healer, "I don't think I ever trusted them, either. My parents, my uncles and aunts. They were all so different from me, and I was different from them." It is obvious that she skirts around ''something'', with that vague 'everything' and the way she phrases her words, but otherwise the goldrider seems to be doing her best to be honest and open. That it's hard, well, surely Tess has seen that in a patient before.
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"Aren't you sweet?" Irianke's smile is cheeky. Her arms come out to indicate, all yours. "I'd like to get to know the bronzeriders at this Weyr," says the goldrider, her eventual tease beginning forthrightly, "It's easier to gauge who might be good for us and the Weyr if I know who are Niahvth's potential candidates. So if you ever have a meal to spare, think of me."
  
It's probably that the mindhealer is not oblivious to the skirting, but she doesn't press for details just now. "I think I have a good place for us to begin," Tess says quietly, regarding the goldrider evenly. "With me. I realize that you must be taking a chance, doing this, talking to me. And time will play a role, but I think we can try to help it along. I need for you to trust me, if not this moment, eventually. What do you need from me?" This is as much about the relationship as Lilah's ability to identify what she needs when it comes to trust, though the healer doesn't explicitly say so.
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"Certainly," K'zin concedes, and it's only after he's collected up her books, along with his own single one, that he says. "I don't... I don't mind, only, I think it's only fair to say that we wouldn't be. Good, for the Weyr, and we were shit sires at Fort. And Ras hasn't even been chasing these days, so it would pretty much have to be a miracle for him to catch Niahvth." All this comes in a pretty quick tumble of words. "So I wouldn't want you to waste your time if you weren't inclined to-- waste it." He concludes, intelligently, which might be part of his argument for why they're not good potentials, if potentials at all.
  
"I need your secrets. Something that would give me leverage if--." Lilah cuts herself off at that, perhaps already thinking about how ''this'' is going to paint her in the healer's eyes if she continues. Instead, she falls silent, studying Tess in turn.
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"How do you even know what we'd be looking for, Niahvth and I?" Out of the records room and the magnitude of the somber stuff in there, Irianke's smile brightens, turning practically impish as she slants the younger man a ''look''. "We're the last weyr along that row," she adds. Aishani's old weyr. Apparently Teris and Iolene's too. Three dead goldriders. Doom doom doom.
  
Tess doesn't look like she's perturbed by the goldrider's words, or even judging her for saying them. "Well," she does say consideringly, "unfortunately, you already have my biggest one. My specialty." Arguably, that's not even a very ''good'' secret, certainly not blackmail material. "And while leverage may work for some people, it's not going to work for everyone. Me, for example. So how else can you consider trusting me?"
+
"I don't," K'zin is quick to answer that much, and also to follow directions, the books not much of a burden to him. "Only, whatever it is, I'm sure it's not... we're not. I'm not smart." K'zin's blurt is probably testament in of itself. "And Ras... well, he's not himself these days," which has the bronzerider briefly looking more concerned than he'd probably ''like'' to look in the presence of a stranger. "Anyway, I'll come for dinner, if you want." ''So awkward''. At least it's not ''so far'' to her weyr! She won't have to put up with this for long.
  
"I don't know," Lilah answers, only a buried hint of frustration for the question or for her lack of answer. "It's hard to trust someone. Even with your vows, if you ever decided it was in your best interest to use what I tell you for your own good... Why wouldn't you? What is to stop anyone from wanting to use my position or my history or ''any'' of it?" She stops, taking in a breath before she continues in a quiet murmur, "For the longest time, I couldn't get close to anyone because of what I did. And now, with her--."
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Irianke's smile falters and she keeps the silence, however awkward for until she reaches her weyr. Once there, she retrieves her books and looks to K'zin, the darkness of her blue eyes shadowed now by a dimly lit weyr. "If you don't mind me saying so, you look troubled and look like you could use a good ear to listen to your troubles, not," she lifts a quick hand, nearly dropping her books in the process, "That I would be that ear since you hardly know or trust me. But I hope you find an ear. One that'll listen and say all the right things and give you what you need."
  
"In this hypothetical," Tess addresses the goldrider's concerns reasonably, "What do you think my motivations are? What would make it for my own good?" Then, gently, "When you're ready, but not before, you can tell me what you did that made it difficult to be close to anyone. And what it's like with her." The healer is calm, a rock against any emotional maelstrom that might arise.
+
"Oh," K'zin offers dumbly, to her words. "I'm... we're talking to Leova." Some. It's not entirely a lie, but then, he doesn't seem to be a very good liar. "Thanks, for... your concern." He's backing away now, his book given over with hers, but the backing away only lasts a pair of paces before he's turning and heading off at a jog. At least he'll probably be back for the book, if perhaps not the dinner.
 +
|involves=High Reaches Weyr
  
"Marks, using it for a better position at the Hall if you reported to the Master Healer," is the first two answers that come easily to Lilah, perhaps others left unsaid being a further grasp to make even for the goldrider. She doesn't answer the first suggestion, but it's the second that does get a murmur of, "She's always ''there''. Even when she's not, when she blocks me out, that absence is there. And then, there's always her color."
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|Categories=General Logs, The Igen Exchange Logs
 
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Tess gives the goldrider's words due consideration. "Marks ''are'' nice to have, but better when earned. I didn't appreciate them and the value of them when I was a girl, but having apprenticed and since a journeywoman, I've found I prefer my marks well-earned. As for position, I find that I prefer that earned, as well, through my individual merit. If I wanted ''status'', I could just get married. But I've been prepared to cut ties with my parents since I was twelve and only my brother's peacekeeping efforts have staved that off thus far." She tilts her head, "Do you believe there are people who do what they do in life because they love it? Or because they have truly altruistic intentions?" The matter of Eliyaveith will, most likely, be addressed in a moment for she doesn't now.
+
 
+
That question gets only the slightest tip of Lilah's chin, but she clarifies firmly, "Yes, but everyone wants ''something''. I don't believe that everyone will use you to get it, but--." But, but. There is a flicker of bitterness in dark eyes even as they drop to the fruit, picking through them until she finds a red berry that she likes.
+
 
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"That's true," Tess will give her that. "What does Eliyaveith want?" It might seem non sequitur, but the mindhealer probably has her reasons.
+
 
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"She wants-- To be here. To have her own family and be strong for them," Lilah answers with a glance to the sleeping dragon, her volume dropping even as she does as if talking about Eliyaveith might wake her. "She wants ''me'' to be a better person." A pause, before she offers in wry humor, "She should have just chosen someone else."
+
 
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"Does she think she should have chosen another person?" Tess queries evenly. "Do you feel learning to trust people and becoming perceived as trustworthy would make you, in your own estimation, a better person?"
+
 
+
Lilah's lips curve into the slightest smile, her comment encompassing all of dragonkind as she says, "No. They never think that they're wrong. Not when it comes to that." The next question is met with a moment's silence, as the goldrider studies Tess in turn. "I think-- it is certainly what ''she'' would want. And everyone else would think so." A pause, before she does finally agree, "I think it would. A better person, a better leader. A better weyrwoman."
+
 
+
"So do you think she was wrong or do you simply not trust her that she was right?" Tess poses it simply, but the either-or of the question must be purposefully done.
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"I think--." This one, it seems, might be something that Lilah doesn't have an answer for, since that first attempt fails quickly and a long silence follows it. She finally explains, "I think that there were a lot of girls on the Sands that day, and many of them were ''better'' people than me. If she wanted someone that was kind, and generous, loving, and always-- She could have found someone else."
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"If she wanted that." Tess gives attention to the phrasing just to let it sink in, but doesn't pursue the topic more ''just now'', as seems to be her modus operandi. "So," she says the word decisively now, "one challenge of learning to trust people in your particular situation is that many," she won't say ''all'', "of the people you'd like to see yourself learn to trust have done nothing, personally, to warrant your distrust, which means your instinct not to trust them now comes from within," allowing for the fact that it may not always be so. "So, this seven, I'd like for you to identify three people you'd like to come to trust and write down at least ''one'' personality trait you admire of theirs and any reasons you feel they've given you to distrust them." A pause, "I'm not going to ask to ''see'' the list, but when we meet again, we may talk about some of the things you've identified." Another pause before, "You're never obligated to tell me anything you don't wish to, but the more you are comfortable telling me, the more I may be able to help guide you. This is, after all, your journey." There's a slight, encouraging smile for that. "Do you have any questions for me before we close this first session? I never like to do ''too'' much the first few times we meet because we're still getting to know one another." And it's easier to hit deeper more volatile issues with a foundation of trust first.
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"How often do we do these? I know you cannot tell me how long it will take, but--." It is obvious that the goldrider ''wants'' one, however. Lilah won't say it, though, as she looks to the younger woman across from her.
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"We'll start with once a seven," it's matter of fact, "unless your schedule doesn't allow for it on a particular seven. So long as you feel you're getting something out of it, which I hope you will and know you won't know for some sevens yet, we'll continue on. If there's a particular issue that arises and you want to address it before our next scheduled session, you only need to find me." She takes a few swallows of her now cool klah before addressing the unspoken desire. "I know it can be difficult to not think of this as finding a way from point 'A' to point 'B' as efficiently as possible, but you may find it less frustrating if you think of talking with me as a routine part of your seven. Not as a duty, but something that should, I hope, help you decompress each week. Even if it's different than dropping by healer for a massage and mineral scrub," she sighs wistfully before flashing a smile.
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Lilah nods simply, only offering the healer with a matter-of-fact, "I will take care of arranging for a time. Making myself think of it as a weekly ritual, well. I think I ''would'' prefer a massage." But she does offer a smile in turn for Tess, moving to rise from her chair with energy that has gone ignored during the session. "How are ''you'' settling in at Fort? Is there anything that you need?"
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"Perhaps one day, I'll surprise you," Tess suggests with a nearly cheeky quirk to her smile. She's surely trained for that, right? "I'm settling in nicely, I think. I'm enjoying what I'm learning. I appreciate the help I've been getting to begin to think in less dry text-book ways about riders and their lifemates. And I ran into Cas-- that is, to say, C'stian which is nice. We're supposed to get together sometime so he can introduce me to Liesanth." She doesn't rise just yet, but rather works on finishing her cup of klah.
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Warm humor curves at Lilah's lips for the suggestion, her chin tipping in a point that suggests the possibility ''could'' happen. "What are you charged to learn about riders and their lifemates, while you are here?" she questions with light interest. "I am sure C'stian can help you--." And there is a thoughtful look on behalf of the goldrider, a study made of Tess that is more interested than before as she tries to find ''something'' there when she brings up C'stian again.
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"I don't know that I would call it being charged," Tess disputes the choice of phrase. "Certainly, I'm encouraged to learn about riders and their lifemates and their bond and how that impacts them, as a mindhealer, but more than that, I ''want'' to learn about it. It's been suggested to me that the best way ''to'' learn about it is to Stand and Impress myself," there's wry humor in her voice there, though a seriousness that doesn't dismiss the idea. "I can't help riders if I don't understand them, and helping is what I ''want''." It's decidedly an answer to one of Lilah's earlier assertions that everyone wants something. "I love my work," she adds with a nearly besotted sort of smile. "I hope he will. He always did back at the Hall. We were friends. Only a turn apart in our studies." She adds, explaining.
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"Impressing is one way, yes. And you wouldn't have to give up your work to be a dragonrider, in an Interval. Though, finding a balance between your duties and healing--." Lilah stops herself on that subject, her gaze sliding towards the sleeping queen and then ''past'' her to the ledge and beyond. "It may not be long before we have eggs, either. If the rumors are true that Elaruth has gone proddy again," is said in a quiet murmur, but she dismisses the entire subject quickly with a shake of her head. "Then you'll at least be able to see what changes Impressing a dragon can bring. If you knew C'stian before."
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"It is," Tess agrees, "Although, there are many profound life experiences that a mindhealer may not have had directly but still must strive to understand and appreciate to the best of her knowledge. Not that the Impression of a dragon and all that comes with it is comparable to other profoundly life-changing experiences, necessarily," since she can't say with certainty that it is or isn't, "I have hope that I shall be able to do a tolerable job of it, if I speak with enough riders and collect enough experiences and ask enough questions." She has to hope that, doesn't she? Since what she wants is to help and Impression, even if she elected to Stand is not guaranteed. She doesn't comment on the matter of Elaruth, but can she really be expected to? It's not like she's any sort of expert yet. "I am looking forward to getting to know him again. It's been turns now, since he left to Stand, that is." She sets her klah mug down on the table. "Lilah," is a gentle request for attention. "I don't have secrets, but I also don't usually disclose everything about myself to every person I meet, but rather in the natural course of events. However, given the particular issues of trust we're going to be addressing, I feel it's important to disclose this to you ''now'' lest you feel it's something I intentionally hid from you if I were to let it simply come out in the natural course of things. Will you do me the favor of listening and trying not to see it as a reason not to trust me?"
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The question is certainly enough to earn the goldrider's interest, the curve of brows lifting upwards slightly before Lilah tips her chin. "I would say that if it is something that endangers my Weyr--," she warns, attempting something at ''gently''.
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"It's not," Tess can readily assure. "My parents are the Holders at Fort River Hold. I'm their oldest daughter and I willfully left to ''willfully'' apprentice," imagine the horror, "when I was twelve. My brother is set to inherit the Hold in time, but Fort River," not ''her'' Hold, "as I'm sure you must know was one of those deeply affected by Astivan's disappearance. I didn't request Fort Weyr as a posting, my timing here is coincidental, and I haven't told my parents that I'm here because I don't want them to think I should be a part of a place that is not my home any longer. Though I do ''worry'' for the people I knew and cared for there in light of the inevitable shortages." A pause. "This is all to say that I have no political agenda here. As you will see through my actions over time. But I didn't want it to come as a surprise to you if and when we get around to ever talking about my Hold of origin."
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This explanation is processed in silence as Lilah's dark eyes remain weighted on the young woman. What she finally replies is perhaps nicer than one would expect, given what she's said before. She offers a simple, "There is little I can do, even if you did have an agenda. Even if I had an agenda, the Weyrleader and Weyrwoman have control over how the Weyr will respond." A pause, before she continues, "Avoiding politics during our sessions would probably be best, in any case. Unless you think that they need to be."
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"Fortunate for us both then that I don't." Tess answers Lilah with a ready smile. "Most of your goals seem personal in nature, and I'm not qualified to counsel on the greater political scheme. You'd need a harper for that, I suspect." There's wryness there, but more seriousness as she reassures, "We will only touch on political matters as you feel they are relevant to achieving your goals."
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"I think I would need much more than a harper, for that," Lilah replies in dry honesty in return, but she does nod at Tess' reassurance, acknowledging it. "I will have that list by our next session," is added to assure her in turn that she hasn't forgotten. "And-- thank you."
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"Oh, I don't know," Tess drawls as she rises and pulls her bag back over her shoulder. "It might depend on the harper. I dated this ''one guy'', who thought he knew ''everything'' about politics, Pern-wide. Barely talked about anything else," the healer rolls her eyes, "but he had ''great'' shoulders." Obviously, it's a redeeming quality. "I'm sure I could introduce you," is added in a tone that suggests there's no chance on Pern she expects Lilah to accept the offer made only in jest. "You're welcome, Lilah," is kept simple, with a smile for the goldrider before she's moving for the exit.
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"I think I'd rather not," Lilah replies, as expected, though she does smile thoughtfully for the comment on shoulders. She only spares a moment to watch Tess leave, before she is back to those hides that were abandoned. Eventually, eventually, she will dig out a blank one and stare at it for a while as well, before slowly putting ink to paper to write out a list.
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Latest revision as of 20:57, 21 April 2015

Trust
RL Date: 9 February, 2015
Who: Irianke, K'zin
Involves: High Reaches Weyr
Type: Log
What: K'zin and Irianke meet. She gives him an unsolicited opinion.
Where: Records Room, High Reaches Weyr
When: Day 13, Month 13, Turn 36 (Interval 10)
Mentions: Aishani/Mentions, Azaylia/Mentions, Leova/Mentions


Icon k'zin.jpg Face-Irianke.jpg


>---< Records Room, High Reaches Weyr(#367RJs) >-----------------------------<

  Books. Scrolls. Bound hides. Maps. If it's a record pertaining to the     
  Weyr, it's likely to be in this roughly oval room with its                
  floor-to-ceiling cherrywood shelves, its multitude of slots for scrolls,  
  and its wide drawers for materials that shouldn't be rolled up or folded. 
  A scribe is usually on duty at the tall desk up front with its good view  
  of the room, and is able to help visitors find what they're looking for   
  via the big bound index on its rotating stand. Past the desk, several     
  tables stand in neat rows for note-taking, each stocked with glowbaskets, 
  scrap hide, paper and pencils. Additional lighting is provided by a       
  many-armed wrought-iron light fixture, its glows gleaming through         
  luxurious glass containers in fluted shapes instead of baskets.           
                                                                            
  To one side of the room, a gap between two sets of shelves outlines where 
  another set once stood, now replaced by a tapestry-covered aperture.      
  Peeking behind the tapestry reveals another cavern, this one likewise full
  of shelves, but occupied by only a few boxes of older records and a       
  somewhat musty air of disuse. As well, two narrow but solid doors are     
  locked when the room is unattended and a discreet staircase provides      
  direct access from the Weyrleaders' weyrs.                                

 -----------------------------< Active Players >-----------------------------
  Irianke      F   36 5'7"  slender, dark curly hair, stone blue eyes     0s 
  K'zin        M   23 6'1"  Muscled, Brown hair, Brown eyes               2m
 ----------------------------------< Exits >---------------------------------
                        Weyr Entrance  Council Chambers                     
>----------------------------------------< 17D 13M 36T I10, winter night >---<


It's been two days after Issedi of High Reaches died and two days of Irianke burning the candle at all ends in the records room. Tonight is no different, and during the dinner hour, she sits here instead, at the large table with an assortment of records, hides, scrolls, and volumes available. There is organization to all the stacks, this not being an exercise in managed chaos, but in reality actually efficiently managed. She has a pair of scissors and red-dyed sheets at her disposable that, for those who notice such things, have become little red markers poking out of various texts. The recordskeepers have given up at telling her no, it would seem. It's probably hard to say no to someone with Irianke's knot on her shoulder.

The bronzerider's approach is quiet, though hardly intentionally so. His nose is more or less in a slender volume and his brow already furrowed in concentration when he reaches for the back of the chair across from the junior. "Do you mind?" K'zin asks casually, not having looked up enough to register more than 'oh, a person,' or he might have tried harder to find an empty table.

Irianke is in the middle of writing some notes into a personal notebook when K'zin interjects and a startled squeak escapes. "Oh. Oh!" Stone-blue eyes blink successively and turns to stare at the young man. He might look like a mesh of letters and a pile of blurred numbers at this point, for all the recognition she gives him. "Oh!" The third exclamation has her shaking her head and flashing K'zin an apologetic smile. "Please, feel free to push my mess closer to me. I don't mind."

It's only by the third 'oh' that K'zin manages to pull brown eyes away from whatever fascinating passage he was reading and land them on Irianke. A blush spreads through his dusky cheeks and his brows have shot up as he catches his breath after not quite a gasp. "Oh," his turn. "Oh, Weyrwoman, I'm sorry, I didn't..." He waves the book a little as if that will explain. "I only wanted the... uh, chair. The chair." Not really the table that's she's got things spread all over. The chair is pulled back and he drops into it as if that might make his sudden embarrassment less noticeable somehow, though with him sitting so straight and formally once he's there, he can't help but still coming off a little awkward.

"No, it's fine, I promise. I should... I should take a break now anyway." Irianke pushes herself away from the table enough to get to her feet and collect her things into more tightly reigned in piles. Still organized and methodical. Just less spread. "Interesting book? Pleasure or business?" The Reaches' new goldrider nods to indicate K'zin's book with a half-hearted smile flashed that way. Her hands come to rest atop one of those piles, a set of volumes dedicated to recent High Reaches Hold history.

"It looks... intense," K'zin assesses, all the piles, especially by comparison with his singular and small text. "Ah," the blush stays a while longer, "a little of both. Essays by past weyrlingmasters on training ideologies. A little boring unless, you know, it's your thing," which it may or may not be his, but he's reading it so... "I'm sorry, Meara's going to track me down and bend my ear." Manners. "I'm K'zin, Rasavyth's rider with Taiga." He half rises to offer his hand across the table to her, politely. That's probably when he gets a better look at her books. "Hold history?" He raises his brows inquisitively.

Interest brightens Irianke's blue eyes, her look slipping from K'zin to the text he holds. "I was actually very interested in meeting with the weyrlingmaster team and learning how training was handled at High Reaches Weyr. I'm told each Weyr does things just slightly differently and it changes from weyrlingmaster to weyrlingmaster. Have you found anything interesting?" Her own work, put aside for now, is neglected in favor of what the other rider studies. "Oh. Irianke, Niahvth's rider," she concludes with formalities, "But I don't know if I really have to introduce myself. People see to know more about me than I know about myself before meeting me these days. The worst," she confesses, "Kind of notoriety."

"If it makes you feel better," K'zin addresses the last point first as he settles into his chair, "All I know about you is that you're lately from Igen," which doesn't even guarantee that he knows anything about her origins. "I'm afraid I'm a better pupil of books than the rumor mill." His eyes fall to the book and he clears his throat, "Well, I think a lot of what is useful in the Pass isn't as critical now. The focus has shifted and it seems like Quinlys sees and appreciates that. I know she's tried out some new things with each class that's come through since Meara retired. Meara was... well, more traditional, but then she would be," though he doesn't explain that remark. "I assisted a little at Telgar for a time, with their weyrlings so I can at least attest that it's different. It's probably much like different Weyrwomen handle things differently. Are you finding working with Azaylia to your liking so far?"

Whether K'zin's lack of knowledge of her disappoints or relieves her is unclear from her neutral to warm look, maintained throughout. Irianke's head tilts and her hands fidget, drumming beats against the top of her stacks. It's the last she addresses, flitting past the information on weyrlinghoods at High Reaches and Telgar. Azaylia. "The Weyrwoman is young," she begins with the obvious, before continuing into the political, "But capable given she wasn't given the kind of training most goldriders in her position have spent turns accumulating. I think we work well enough together so far, but I'm not sure if she's really given me anything to sink my teeth into quite yet. A lack of trust, perhaps? Which isn't altogether unexpected." She gives a tiny little forward shrug and a broad-lipped smile. "What are your thoughts?"

To his credit (and probably that of all bronzerider kind), K'zin listens attentively while Irianke speaks, and with no apparent political savvy. He's just listening, taking what she says at face value. His brows knit in thought when she asks him, his lips pressing together and pulling into a troubled look. "To be honest, Weyrwoman, I think Azaylia got used to having to watch her back with Aishani. They... It was never the same after Brieli was suddenly Aishani, who-" he gets distracted and follows the tangent, "-I guess was Aishani always, but kept it a secret from her friends - like Zay - and then when it came out..." He shakes his head. "I remember that night. The night I Impressed. It wasn't easy for Zay. For any of us. I know she knows not all goldriders are like that, but... it's not an easy thing to get over, I'd think." He clears his throat, the blush making itself felt again, "Anyway, I'm sure in time you'll get along better."

Irianke's hand strays to another stack to drum there. The spines on these texts indicate High Reaches Weyr history. The light drumming turns into one final pat with her hands resting there. "I'd read about some of it. The recordskeepers did a magnificent job of reporting it in a neutral fashion, or trying to. It'd be hard to remove all shock from it. Aishani's father was the one hung? Beheaded? By Tiriana and K'del?" She must already know. She's just read them and those little red marks in these texts are all over the place. "High Reaches Weyr has had some fascinating characters as leaders. There must be so much that wasn't written down, discarded as gossip or like this, I understand more why Azaylia might not trust people inherently from the texts, but your eyewitness account makes it seem more personal. Like," Niahvth's rider considers the air, her teeth ruminating over her lower lip to try and catch a thought and bring it to verbal life, "I can feel the tension that must have existed at the Weyr after this came to light?"

"Hung," K'zin answers, perhaps a little uncertain of the latter. "It does have a very colorful history, and one with a lot of loose ends, I've always thought." The bronzerider contemplates that as his eyes drift over all the little red tags. "It's hard to trust someone you got to know well in weyrlinghood, who you feel has betrayed you. Even if that's not the case. I'd imagine anyway." His tone speaks of some personal experience, but his eyes are drifting to where the door to the restricted records are kept behind lock and key, a briefly amused smile flitting across his lips.

"Would," Irianke poses, leaning into those stacks with the other hand suddenly bracing her weight, "High Reaches Weyr have let Brieli stand if she had confessed to being the daughter of a known criminal? Given," the Igen goldrider looks down at the stack her right hand is on, "This Weyr let known criminal elements stand for a clutch, one of whom now leads a wing?" They're all leading questions, but neither the goldrider's inflection nor demeanor passes judgment. She's stating facts and posing the question with those facts, those ever curious grey-blue eyes fixed onto K'zin to watch how he reacts and ultimately answers.

"It's a fair question," K'zin acknowledges. "It might've been different for her given the personal nature of the situation between Aishani and K'del." He shrugs his shoulders. "Not sure what Taikrin's crimes were, if they were against the Weyr or elsewhere." Another shrug. "Can't say as I ever understood why Aishani Stood for 'Reaches at all. Or why she stayed in the same Weyr as K'del. I'd've probably wanted to be far away from it all. I'd ask N'rov, but he... probably doesn't want to talk about that." Perhaps understandably.

Irianke starts rearranging her stacks, turning six into two, with one significantly taller than the other. "I'm done with these," she announces, louder for the benefit of the poor recordskeeper on duty. The beleagured young woman restrains herself from sighing and gathers them up to put away properly. These are the ones that don't have red marks in them at all. "I'll need to take these to my weyr if that's possible," the weyrwoman adds quickly. To K'zin, Irianke asks, "Have you eaten dinner yet? Will you join me in my weyr to eat? I suddenly realize I'm famished and then recall my last meal might have been sometime in the middle of the night earlier today."

K'zin's eyes follow the recordskeeper as she collects the books and hauls them away. "I-" He starts in answer to her question, "I'm actually supposed to meet my-er, someone. For dinner. I shouldn't probably have taken as long as I have, either." He looks sheepishly at the book. "I'd better go, too. But I can carry your books, if you like. To your weyr for you, before I go meet her." That's what bronzeriders are for, right? Carrying the books of goldriders?

"Aren't you sweet?" Irianke's smile is cheeky. Her arms come out to indicate, all yours. "I'd like to get to know the bronzeriders at this Weyr," says the goldrider, her eventual tease beginning forthrightly, "It's easier to gauge who might be good for us and the Weyr if I know who are Niahvth's potential candidates. So if you ever have a meal to spare, think of me."

"Certainly," K'zin concedes, and it's only after he's collected up her books, along with his own single one, that he says. "I don't... I don't mind, only, I think it's only fair to say that we wouldn't be. Good, for the Weyr, and we were shit sires at Fort. And Ras hasn't even been chasing these days, so it would pretty much have to be a miracle for him to catch Niahvth." All this comes in a pretty quick tumble of words. "So I wouldn't want you to waste your time if you weren't inclined to-- waste it." He concludes, intelligently, which might be part of his argument for why they're not good potentials, if potentials at all.

"How do you even know what we'd be looking for, Niahvth and I?" Out of the records room and the magnitude of the somber stuff in there, Irianke's smile brightens, turning practically impish as she slants the younger man a look. "We're the last weyr along that row," she adds. Aishani's old weyr. Apparently Teris and Iolene's too. Three dead goldriders. Doom doom doom.

"I don't," K'zin is quick to answer that much, and also to follow directions, the books not much of a burden to him. "Only, whatever it is, I'm sure it's not... we're not. I'm not smart." K'zin's blurt is probably testament in of itself. "And Ras... well, he's not himself these days," which has the bronzerider briefly looking more concerned than he'd probably like to look in the presence of a stranger. "Anyway, I'll come for dinner, if you want." So awkward. At least it's not so far to her weyr! She won't have to put up with this for long.

Irianke's smile falters and she keeps the silence, however awkward for until she reaches her weyr. Once there, she retrieves her books and looks to K'zin, the darkness of her blue eyes shadowed now by a dimly lit weyr. "If you don't mind me saying so, you look troubled and look like you could use a good ear to listen to your troubles, not," she lifts a quick hand, nearly dropping her books in the process, "That I would be that ear since you hardly know or trust me. But I hope you find an ear. One that'll listen and say all the right things and give you what you need."

"Oh," K'zin offers dumbly, to her words. "I'm... we're talking to Leova." Some. It's not entirely a lie, but then, he doesn't seem to be a very good liar. "Thanks, for... your concern." He's backing away now, his book given over with hers, but the backing away only lasts a pair of paces before he's turning and heading off at a jog. At least he'll probably be back for the book, if perhaps not the dinner.




Comments

Edyis (07:24, 10 February 2015 (EST)) said...

Edyis eyes the records... tries not to have a heart attack.


One thing to be said of Irianke, she's thorough. It's also interesting to see that she's so dedicated.

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