Difference between revisions of "Logs:Not leering"

To Neianth, Akluseth projects « Incoming! »

Fire-licked and liquid, Akluseth buzzes the ledge to give the occupants a little more warning, before circling back and landing with an apologetic rumble as his rider slid from his neck. Rosy-cheeked in spite of her burnt copper complexion, Edyis wobbles, and waits a moment, the satchel over shoulder clinking as she sets forward.

The smaller weyrling brown pair had not moments before arrived on their own ledge, Neianth's straps still in place and Keysi having not yet made it to the inner weyr. The shadow-touched brown tilts his tan-licked nose upwards in a greeting rumble, shifting himself to one side of the ledge to allow his clutchbrother room. Unperturbed ripples meet the warning, his dark freshwater pool relatively serene for the moment with just the semblence of a single droplet being the cause of the disturbance. With one gloved hand on the rocky outer wall as she stops to look over her should, Keysi's pale eyes watch her friend dismount, silent of word but with her free hand risen to hail her.

Edyis meets the wave with a salute and a wicked grin. "I'll give you the chance to pick your poison, Keys, but we are long over due for a talk. Not to mention female bonding time," which likely for these two means an all out spar rather than giggling over crushes and nail polish. "Not going to take no for an answer, but if you'd prefer my weyr because there's less there that can be broken, by all means." Teeth flashing in a too-wide smile, as Edyis's dark eyes glitter.

Keysi studies Edyis's expression with that typical level non-expression at first, which gives just a little bit to allow the hints of a crooked grin as she announces her intention. There's a weird pause before she speaks, a sharp look given to Neianth and the hand that had been waving Edyis' arrival going to her shoulder. A chuffing from her dragon implies Neianth had something to say, though apparently it was supportive as Keys shortly looks back at Ed and tilts her head just slightly towards the entranceway. "Mine's not so breakable." Is her simple welcome and she turns to go inside. At least she has furniture now, not the least of which is a mat and a hung punching bag, and a desk with a variety of jars and herbs spread orderly across it- she seems like she had been in the middle of labeling during her last break from drills. And, despite her lack of drinking, there's a very nice decanter and glasses set up on a smaller table near a couple chairs. "What kind of poison am I picking from?" The expected question comes shortly there after.

As Keysi leads the way the former scribe follows, whistling low and appreciative. "You are more settled in than we are." It would almost be accusatory were it not for the half smirk that accompanies the words as she moves to settle the bag over the table. Some bottles are pulled from it, the liquids of varying hue and color. "Few friends of mine brought gifts. You have to try at least a sip of one. No more than that." She allows, stripping off her flight jacket and settling it over the back of one of the chairs. "The sort of catching up we have to do isn't exactly the sort of thing you want to do stone cold sober. I am going to let you beat me up though if you like." She grins, and how serious she is is left for debate. "Sort of dropped a bombshell the other night and well, I'm all out of patience for everything these days." Akluseth settles himself on the ledge. « Should we take bets this time little brother? »

"It was only a couple of trips, and intermittent ones for the supplies-" Keysi's hand waves somewhat dismissively. Considering not long ago she didn't even have chairs, that's a good thing. The furniture doesn't match and seems to focus on bland hues and functionality alone, not only matching the weyr's general state but also making it clear she picked those without assistance.

"Unless that's klah or tea.." She warns, though there may or may not be a playful hitch to the end of her otherwise nonfluctuating statement. Keysi turns to face Ed eventually, crossing her arms over the back of a chair to lean over it. "You've been getting into so much trouble that even I cannot be sober?" Disbelief, even if humored, drives that as she returns to studying her, that intensity no less than it ever had been. "A bombshell? Tell me?" Neianth is not long to follow Akluseth's example, though he has a particular way of doing so, circling once, twice, three times before settling down. « Mine, of course. » His heavy, commanding mindvoice so set that one could wonder if there was ever really question. But there is amusement that colors his ripples that undulate a little faster, the darkness giving way to the reflective hues.

"I see." Something wry in Edyis's smile. "You are a perplexing soul Keysi," She states, pulling her hand wraps from the bag and focusing on those rather than the bottles. "Let's see, something about being on the run, wanting to know about R'hin, and while we are at it, what you have against alcohol. You don't have to drink yourself drunk, but a few drops on the tongue won't hurt you. I won't take no for an answer unless you've got a compelling reason." Working the strips around her hands. "I am always in trouble; it would seem too that Farideh has joined the Quinly bandwagon."

Whatever humor was there in her guarded facade drains as Edyis explains herself. Keysi straightens from her leaning, pulling her riding gloves off in an idle movement used to draw out the time she can take to collect the resulting thoughts. She turns and takes a couple of slow steps to set them down over a chest near the bed. "Or we could talk about you, what your childhood was like.." Why's she deflecting now? After all that? "I do have a compelling reason, and it's called my fist." Not really a threat that shouldn't be expected given their shared favorite past time, and should Ed see her face despite Keys being slightly turned away, there's a sort-of grin there. "What happened to Farideh? I have a hard time picturing those two getting along well."

"She just ... made it clear that she thinks I'm the sort of person who only sees friendship for what it might gain me." The sting of old hurts lacing the words. That guarded look is met with a sigh. "I think you know just about everything there is to know about my childhood, but if you are really that curious, we can trade stories." Edyis allows, "As for the bottles, I picked things that wouldn't make you loopy after only a few sips. A few things that could knock you flat on your ass too, but." She sighs, resting both hands on the back of the chair. "So, ask away. I'll answer." Opening the rum bottle and taking a long pull from it, before recorking it.

"There are a lot of people like that. I'd consider even saying most." Keysi says in regards to friendships- if she didn't have a good reason for having a tough time making friends, that'd probably be the runner-up. "You know better than to take something like that to heart, especially not now." She stops a little short, leaving the 'why' hanging. But the ever-serious healer does eventually continue on, "Our class is volatile." She picks the word carefully, dropping her stormy eyes to the fire of the hearth. "Wait awhile before you take it as truth." The pressure for the alcohol is skipped over, and surely that's obvious, for sake of somewhat reluctantly giving into this game. The knowledge of needing to speak truths weighs heavily on her tone already, "When you first came to the Weyr, who influenced you the most?"

Edyis considers those words, "You think I should just ask if that's what she thinks?" But that topic is put aside as Keysi picks something to start, and the glint in those dark ever observant eyes suggests she noticed. The question itself makes her snort. "Feels like a trick question, and at very first it would be a toss up between Leova, R'hin, and Master Jeroman." She laughs, "Leova and Master Jeroman both fed my hunger for knowledge but ... it was R'hin who opened my eyes to the possibilities. To what someone unbound to hold, hall or weyr might accomplish." Her smile turns a shade self-deprecating, "I took pride in those first lessons, I care about the people who taught them. They were the ones who convinced me that it was possible to live a different way."

"Well," Keysi says in a manner that would be almost pseudo-innocent if she wasn't still keeping her tone so level, "All questions should have a purpose." But when Ed starts talking, she's silent, watching the fire's crackling sparks as if they have some sort of meaning in and of themselves. There's an uncomfortable shift in her posture at Leova's name, but it's not what she elects to pursue, "You took pride in only the first?" She seems to be picking at particulars in this, maybe digging for something, though she has yet to look back up. And, after a breath as if deciding against evading the subject, "You don't think you can accomplish much while tied to something?"

"That's three additional questions," States the former scribe, who is keeping count. "I still take pride in learning, but it's become a different sort of pride, hopefully, one that is far less arrogance on my part." Edyis swallows hard, her hand going for that bottle as she snags a seat near the fire. "I couldn't accomplish anything as I was, that girl... I doubt you'd even recognize her. I was afraid of everything, but I had ideals that I thought were worth believing in. Things that I wanted to do for the sake of a home and family that no longer exists. Anymore, I'm not sure what to fight for, or if having such strong convictions is a good thing given the way it has backlashed."

Keysi does look at Edyis in a sidelong glance, her stormy grey eyes while unreadable are lightened by slight amusement on her face as she's called out for not playing the game right. But that doesn't stop the intentional route she's taken. Keys returns to leaning over the back of the chair opposite of Ed, thoughtful if not slightly on edge with the amusement gone again even faster than it'd come. "You can accomplish things as you are now then." A beat, "Find something." Is said, a bit clipped in nature on what to fight for. "If you don't, what would you become?" Edyis sighs, "You've spent too much time around Savannah, cheater." She mutters, "Either a drink, or an answer after but..." There is a shake of her head softly, "No, I've got quite a bit to learn before I can fix whatever this mess is that I've managed to become." A lift of her shoulders and another straight swig straight from the rum bottle. "Without a purpose... nothing." She sighs sticking out her tongue. "So it's your turn, try something, or enlighten me as to one of the reasons I showed up here."

"And I never had drive before?" Is that.. defensive? As always hard to read, Keysi doesn't fully betray her meaning behind that despite her word choice making it questionable. "Everything gets worse before it gets better." But this time, there's a hesitancy to her words as if speaking is getting harder. "That's not a question." A dangerous observation, but the healer would hardly volunteer information.. And that, her friend should be well accustomed to.

"You were asking about my childhood, and everything I have said only applies to me, I can't speak for whatever drives or dreams you had before impression. You seemed focused, but you never really explained the why." She frowns, thoughtfully, "I can make assumptions drawn from what I know, so if you want to talk about you." Lifting the bottle in the healer's direction, "I'd wager you learned to fight on the run, which you've said as much before or at least alluded to it. You dislike alcohol either because it cuts into that carefully built wall of inhibitions you have, or else you've discovered you are a talkative drunk and will say too much if you partake too closely of such a vice... of course there's always the possibility of an alcoholic parent..." She shrugs then. "So did I manage to get it anywhere on the board or did I just piss you off?" Dark eyes wary but also concerned.

"I do not want to talk about me." It's never really a good sign when her voice falters into fluctuating tones. It takes effort for Keysi to stay leaned over the chair's backrest, her shoulders tense. "I did." She gives that much, in regards to learning on the run, but still a recluse about it, she adds nothing to it as there's still no question attached. "Why does it matter so much if I do or do not drink?" That is defensive, and there's a clear growling heard outside on the ledge echoing in the background of her words. Although it's Edyis she's talking to, it seems the subject matter has her well-concealed but quick to flare temper simmering, "Why do I need to be drunk to be a rider?" Seems to be the conclusion she's drawn, though there's an answer to that already on her mind that makes her straighten again so quickly the chair rocks slightly. "He had vices." Is an answer to something in all that, likely the last. "They controlled him, they won't control me."

Edyis sighs, "I never said drunk, but it helps at least to be able to hold a few, or in my old line of work it did. If you'd give me a reason worth hearing, I'd stop bothering you about it." Edyis explains with a roughened sigh, but Akluseth seems at ease despite his rider's frustration. "And you think I particularly want to talk about my fuck ups of late?" lips thin, but as she takes another pull from the bottle, she ventures an actual question. "Is he the reason you are running, or is it something that you did on your own?" It seems an odd question, but for as casually as it's delivered one might think the scribe ran into these sorts of things somewhat frequently." There's a soft sigh then. "Is that why you are so locked down all the time? Because your afraid of ending up like him?"

"One leads to many." Keysi says dismissively, as if it'd be impossible to be responsible about such things. As if just one drink would be the end to every protective wall she'd ever erected. "You came to-" She cuts her sentence short, turning away from Edyis instead of letting her expression show anything beyond what she lets her words give, pacing a step or two to the side. Instead, "I was never forced to-" Hesitation, "I didn't have the-" A breath, "I am running from the people he-" Again a failed attempt, a partial answer. Broken and stuttered. A hundred thoughts half-spoken, truths half-told. With fingers curled into fists, it's unfortunate that this situation came as such a surprise, for she hadn't nearly prepared herself for 'sharing'. "I will never be a coward." Is all but growled.

"I came because I was worried about you Keys." The words are quiet but heavy. "And I also came to find out if I needed to kick R'hin's ass for misbehaving." The second accompanied with a dark, mischievous chuckle. "There is after all a first time for everything." She shakes her head firmly. "No, a coward you are not, but not everything is as easy as black and white. Whatever baggage you are carrying, we are friends. I know I can always lean on you when I feel like I'm losing it. I want you to be able to do the same with me. Even if it means that my face will look like a rotten pulped fruit after."

"..No." Surprise negates the fury that was once there. The word is definitive and, shortly, repeated, "No. R'hin is not the problem. I am my own problem." Every word is chosen carefully, her sentence drawn out and pointed. But after a prolonged silence, there's a partially defeated way she turns back towards Ed even if her eyes remain away from her. "He gave me a drink that helped me face something- not the same as alcohol, not just loosening my tongue." A confirmation to the other part of Edyis' other thought on her abstaining. "A dream- a memory really. Made me realize something." Is said with a hint of dismissiveness, as if the resounding importance of it that's wclearly there should mean nothing. "I need to do it again, but last time he was here. I haven't-" Had the courage? The narrowing of her eyes denotes the thought of cowardice that she just previously exclaimed she never would be.

Brows drawn, ink dark eyes focused on the slender frame, searching those storm-cloud eyes. Is it a trick of the light, or has Edyis's face gone a shade pale at the word dream? Perhaps that long draught from her bottle is telling. "I'm glad to hear it, it would have been a first in truth. R'hin, he's somewhat like that strange old man you always see in old harper stories. The one who puts others into awkward bothersome situations, the sort of events that tend to change a person." Of dreams she seems eerily silent, "They have a way of haunting you sometimes, the things you try to put behind you. I can't call it cowardice if you don't wish to face them. Maybe because it is all in your head, I think dreams are often more disturbing than reality."

"And if they are in substance what was reality?" Keysi asks, unconvinced, pressing in return but with an examining eye on Ed within the subject of dreams. She hasn't forgotten about the fears that prey on Ed's sleep. "Aye, I suppose so. But between Neianth and him, I'm on a steep slope upwards." Climbing, that, not falling. What should be a positive phrase seems spun in the wrong direction. "It is a cowardice to not face the things that matter. I told you I've been running because I wanted to stop running." From both the physical and emotional, apparently. Keys' intense stare is almost a'fire at that, not all unlike how she comes alive in a fight. "I do not remember everything that happened, and to recall it so vividly in that sleep... I cannot explain it more than it that it is defining."

"And if they are in substance what was reality?" Keysi asks, unconvinced, pressing in return but with an examining eye on Ed within the subject of dreams. She hasn't forgotten about the fears that prey on Ed's sleep. "Aye, I suppose so. But between Neianth and him, I'm on a steep slope upwards." Climbing, that, not falling. What should be a positive phrase seems spun in the wrong direction. "It is a cowardice to not face the things that matter. I told you I've been running because I wanted to stop running." From both the physical and emotional, apparently. Keys' intense stare is almost a'fire at that, not all unlike how she comes alive in a fight. "I do not remember everything that happened, and to recall it so vividly in that sleep... I cannot explain it more than it that it is defining."

Edyis swallows hard. The cork is going into the bottle and setting it on the table again, perhaps in effort to moderate herself despite the discomfort of the topic. "Perhaps it is that you pretend not to remember, but the same way one might flinch based on instinct, it's difficult to forget some things." Her glance goes to the fire in the hearth, jaw tightening. "It isn't cowardice Keys, but the real question is, do you truly want to know?" her gaze lifting again searchingly.

"Before I met R'hin, I would have said no." Keysi replies evenly, taking her reactionary state down a few levels with noticable effort in place. "I would have said that I am protecting everyone by keeping my defenses as they were, my concerns-" she avoids the word 'fears' though her meaning is clear enough, "better kept as secrets than burdening someone with the weight of my own shortcomings." She hesitates, then adds, "I thought it bad enough that when I was trapped in the tunnel, I complained to you." Complained? Her word choice is evasive, even if she's attempting not to be. "But I was hiding. I even tried to hide it all from him." Pale gaze strays to Neianth, who remains both outwardly and inwardly silent, his head tilted just enough to keep Keysi the focus of his steadily whirling facets. "That's not bravery." A moment passes before she considers Ed again, "I know you know what I'm talking about." That directly picking at those hints of discomfort she's picked up.

The sharp edge of a smirk emerges at R'hin's name before the former scribe is shaking her head. "Sometimes it isn't about burdens Keys, sometimes ..." But she shakes her head, "I'm not hiding anything." She answers too quickly, but there's a furrow of the scribe's brows as she thinks better of leaving the corked bottle on the table. "Since you aren't going to listen to me though, what... what would be the brave course of action?"

"Facing yourself." The answer is too easy for all the weight it actually holds. Keysi is echoing those words from somewhere, them being not her own and yet she believes them to be true far more than not considering herself a coward for what she'd done so far. "While we're on the topic of telling the truth.." Keysi doesn't let Ed's quick answer go, though she trails off instead of completing, intending the pressure of her tone to be enough.

Edyis arches a brow, "Then face yourself, if it seems so simple. You seem to already have in mind what needs to be done, the matter left seems to be to do it." The pressure of the tone, only earns another arhed brow from Edyis, even as Akluseth in his irritation sets off to circle the bowl restlessly.

"You of all people-" Keysi starts, but cuts herself off harshly, that temper barely checked in that. "So, just because you know what needs to happen, it means the journey to it is simple? No problems at all." With one or two walls down, she hasn't the patience she usually has to keep herself in check. "Let's talk about," She doesn't finish that, instead sweeping a hand towards the crackling hearth and it's dancing fire.

Edyis furrows her brow, "No but you state you will not run, you will not be a coward, so then lets do whatever it is that needs doing. I didn't say it was simple, but you are the one whose words and actions aren't meshing." She exhales as that sweep to the hearth, and there's a lift of the scribes shoulders. "What do you want me to say Keysi? That I'm worried about falling apart at the first sign of an accident? That Akluseth has been dealing with the nightmares since the night he first hatched? It isn't something you just face and get over Keysi, Another incident like the bizarre... who knows what will happen. " Her jaw twitching as the words are all but growled.

"You just said-" Keysi almost admits exhasperation, but catches her tone before it can be too much so. "So my issues are easy, but yours aren't." Is unfair, and the healer knows it. But it's said, and she can't.. or just simply doesn't take it back. "I am not saying it's so straight forward as that. Everyone has fears, but you will be handling fire constantly with Akluseth. How are you going to deal with that? Will you deal with it? You cannot avoid it, so what will you do?"

Edyis says, "That's not what I mean and you know it." She sighs, but for the rest... Edyis is standing collecting the bottles and grabbing her coat. Her silence it would seem is answer enough."

Keysi's shoulders tense as if about to stop Edyis from leaving, but seems stuck in place. Leaden where she stands. Would she really alienate the one person she's reached out to? Stubborness, pride- vices in and of themselves whether she admits to it or not. Fingers curl into her palms, fists white with how tightly she does so. But, as in so much, Neianth is that part of Keysi that she cannot be herself, and rises only to lay himself across the exit of the weyr should Ed try to go.

Her pathway blocked, and her own lifemate having abandoned her on the ledge, Edyis turns heel and fixes intense dark eyes on the healer. Arms folding across her chest. "What?" She asks sounding suddenly tired. "You know a magical cure for encountering something that makes you all but catatonic?" "Healers have something for everything." Dry sarcasm is so level in tone one might call it deadpan. Keysi remains rigid where she'd been when Ed had turned to go. "You are so set on getting me to talk about my issues, do you not trust me enough to do the same?" Neianth rumbles in the background, lips curled in what could be yet doesn't quite come to a low growl.

Edyis exhales sharply, and softly answers, "No. It isn't like that Keysi. It has nothing to do with trust, this just..." She leans herself against the wall, keeping her back to it. "If I don't think about it, if I let it remain forgotten... I don't freeze up or get stuck in it."

"But it isn't forgotten, is it?" Keysi finally speaks again with a more giving voice than the distrusting one of before. "No matter how hard you try, you still have the nightmares. The flamethrower practice, I've not missed your avoidance or hesitations around it. I'm not saying there's any fix for it and maybe it will never get better for you, but have you tried? If not speaking with me, would you to anyone else?"

"Did Akluseth complain to Neianth?" She almost growls, about the nightmares but it's short-lived. "He says it's getting worse. Who do I tell? I'm tired of being looked down on Keysi. Seems like no matter what I do or try I'm still tripping up. Titles seem to be the worst for remembering, I swear it was easier before." She shakes her head then. "Tell me how to fix this or who to go to, I'm all ears."

"You're supposed to make mistakes. Everything about this-" One clenched fist relaxes enough to make a small gesture incorporating the Weyr as a whole. "Is about change and mistakes. Name one person who has not had difficulty, who has not made mistakes recently." Keysi skips over the first question, she herself more observative than the small weyrling brown ever-so-focused more on them than others. "I don't have an answer for you for that." Is not an admittance but a fact. "But if you can't be open with me about something that bothers you so much, why should I be? I considered you the only one I could speak with. You were there for me during the collapse, a moment of weakness I still do not forgive myself for. But it was you I wished to speak with, and that is true now. So do not walk away from me when needing to deal with something that's hard for you."

Edyis exhales softly. "What do you want to know Keys?" It almost sounds like defeat, given that Akluseth has not returned yet. "That wasn't a moment of weakness either. It isn't weakness to rely on someone, I just... What do you want to know." The question repeated.

"I want to know whatever you are willing to tell me." Keysi forces her other hand to ungrip, instead grasping the back of the seat again, unable as she is to actually sit in it. "What you're thinking during drills, what you are thinking now.." She trails off, a short uneven shrug given in that. "It's not about digging information out of you, it's about not avoiding it... at least with one person as a start."

Edyis nods, "Its easier answering questions, gives me a place to start from." She explains, drills earns a tilt of her head. "Drills I'm focused on the formation, on trying to do well enough. I remember that how we do is going to decide the rest of our lives." Of mistakes, there's a shake of her head. "I hate it. Every time we screw up its just like one more black mark against us, one more thing that's going to not make the grade. I've already made so many mistakes; I don't want to make any more."