Logs:A Good Listener
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| RL Date: 23 January, 2013 |
| Who: Kinory, Madilla |
| Type: [[Concept:{{{type}}}|{{{type}}}]] |
| What: After Hraedhyth's flight, Kinory ends up in the infirmary. Madilla provides a listening ear. |
| Where: Infirmary, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day {{{day}}}, Month {{{month}}}, Turn {{{turn}}} ({{{IP}}} {{{IP2}}}) |
| OOC Notes: Backdated; played 24-25th January. |
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| Infirmary, High Reaches Weyr Two sets of double doors, one from the the inner caverns and a recently built set from the dragon infirmary, lead into the unnaturally hushed human infirmary. Despite fastidious cleaning, the scent of redwort and numbweed has long since soaked into every smooth-carved surface, along with other, subtler medicinal smells. Pristinely made cots are lined up against the walls; most of them are left open to view, but some in the back are surrounded by curtains for delicate procedures or critical patients. About halfway between the two entrances is the counter for the healers on duty; it guards the entrance to the storage rooms just beyond, their shelves and cabinets lined with meticulously labeled bottles, boxes, jars, and even vats of supplies. The Weyrhealer's office is also here, along with another side room for mixing up medicines and the like. It's been a busy evening in the infirmary, and that has led to additional staff being called back in to help. No doubt that explains why Madilla is wearing a tastefully designed dress in deep blue beneath her apron, with her hair pinned up in a way that is more ornamental than practical (though only just). If her evening has been ruined, it doesn't show in her expression as she sees out a young man with a black eye; her quiet concern is unquestionably warm, and doesn't fade even as, having relinquished her arm, she lets him head back into the caverns. Having been quietly carried into the infirmary after falling unconscious in the middle of Hraedhyth's flight, Kinory must have fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of all of the confusion. No one faints and stays out cold for an hour. The fading, but still tell-tale stains on her pillow confirm this; fortunately, she's a quiet sleeper as other people are shuffled in and out. In the next cavern over, Ineuth suddenly gets to his feet from where he's obligingly stayed for observation, eyes flashing yellow-green-yellow. And although the weyrling's nostrils flare and her eyes blink a couple of times, she makes no move to uncurl from the fetal position that she must have moved herself into while resting, one hand pressing reflexively to her chest. Her breath comes loud and fast, betraying her wakeful state. Madilla doesn't have time to stand and reflect on patients-past, not when there's an infirmary full of patients-present, and so her time spent near the entrance to the cavern does not last long. She takes the long way around the cavern, passing not so far from the door to the dragon infirmary, and checking in on patients as she goes. It makes sense to put dragonrider patients closer to the dragon infirmary rather than further away, and so it doesn't take her terribly long to find herself just outside the cubicle in which Kinory is resting. Green eyes consider the balled up weyrling for a moment, and then she steps in, closing the curtain behind her. A few moments later, she's sitting in a chair just beside the bed, with a glass of water in her hand which she is offering towards the younger woman. "You'll be thirsty," she says, calm and warm. Kinory can't help automatically stiffening when the curtain is drawn, but she finally sits up after a few minutes, accepting the offered glass with a trembling hand and mumbled thanks. Her chin ducks into her chest, posture bowing slightly over that water. Although she's reluctant to make eye contact, her expression is readable enough: She's ashamed. Thirst wins out over whatever's going on behind those dark eyes of hers; gradually, she sips, silent. There's no judgement in Madilla's expression, should Kinory ever manage to see it - and nor does she seem bothered by the lack of communication. Having relinquished the glass, she sits back in the chair, folding both hands into her lap. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks, soft and low. "I can't claim to understand what you've been through, but I'm a good listener." At first, Kinory's head shakes the tiniest bit. That could be a 'no.' Two sips later, she all but whispers, "I can't understand it." Louder, if a little hoarse, she slowly presses on, forcing herself to recount her mounting anxiety since their class was instructed on what one can generally expect when participating in flights; how she tried to push it away because Ineuth was still young and noticing others doesn't mean you'll decide to go for them; her fear over doing the deed with someone just to know what all of that was like before her dragon chased or potentially caught another; her confusion over noticing people, too, and being unable to tell if that was her or her dragon's influence; finally, the wellspring of panic that spilled over when she realized that the sandy brown meant to chase Hraedhyth. "I was so frightened, " she concludes. "I didn't - I don't - I can't do this." True to her word, Madilla is a good listener: she keeps her attention focused on Kinory, but not in a way that suggests intense scrutiny, and there is nothing but genuine sympathy in her expression. "Oh dear," she says, at length, after the weyrling has finished. "It's a bit of a mess, isn't it?" Her tone is light, despite that: not making fun, but certainly implying that it's a problem that can be solved. "I wonder if it would help if one of the queens inhibited him, for a little while. To give you time to work out your own feelings, before needing to deal with his." "I don't suppose they can do that for a long time, " Kinory sighs, tilting her glass from side to side so that she can better watch the water gently sloshing to and fro. "I know how this must seem to everyone. And to you. Most weyrbred people aren't this afraid of the idea of - being with another person. I guess I have an inkling that it must be an awfully joyful thing when it's someone you really like but - I'm afraid of even getting to that point." She almost laughs. "I know how silly it sounds. 'Happily ever after' just doesn't have a place out here, does it." Madilla's reply is gentle. "Not forever, but for a little while - I think they could manage that." The healer glances down at her hands, focusing on them for a long time before she continues. "It doesn't sound so strange to me, Kinory. I was-- terrified. If it weren't for the fact that I was doing it for the sole purpose of getting pregnant, and that the man I was with had no interest in me beyond that, I don't suppose I would have done it at all." She doesn't have an answer for 'happily ever after', and it seems to make her sad. "Why are you afraid of it?" Kinory's eyes finally lift to look up at Madilla, wide and questioning. "Really? You - didn't find the idea appealing, either?" Of men or of sex? Maybe both, though it's hard to tell which she means. "I - think I don't want to be completely vulnerable, " she tries in a small voice. "My mother always seemed kind of sad when she talked about relationships and finding people and - things. It made me a little afraid of all of that, I guess. And what if - they're not interested in me? Who I am, what I'm like, the places I miss. Someone who is only after the physical stuff isn't at all what I want. I can't reconcile myself to just going out and finding 'someone nice' to figure out how it all works as everyone keeps suggesting." "I wanted--" and Madilla pauses, trying to figure out, presumably, the best way to put this. "I wanted a family. I was raised to expect that: husband, children, the whole bit. i wanted the family, but I never felt that push towards sexual expression. The whole thing-- it's all complicated. The combination of strong emotions and strong physical urges; of course it's complicated." She turns her gaze back onto Kinory more directly, and manages a rueful smile. "I wish it were easy to tell the difference. I don't - I don't know that I would have been able to go out and find someone, just like that, either." Her cheeks are faintly pink. "You need to trust someone you're with. That's the most important thing. In my opinion." "Complicated, " Kinory echoes quietly, nodding. "People - flirt. I mean, it's apparently human nature or something because everyone does it. Or tries to do it. I'm shy, not blind. But it's impossible to know if that's genuine or just a - a means to an end." The hand that isn't holding the water glass makes a frustrated gesture. "I don't know if I'm capable of trusting that much. I know there's no choice in the matter if it's a flight and he wins. And I know how I feel has been hard on him because he's just starting to understand feelings and what he wants, too." She exhales, looking faintly apologetic. "It isn't fair of me to hold him back forever." Or herself, really. "And I find that spilling my guts doesn't come across as terribly attractive, either. But I don't know what to do." Madilla's breath catches, and she makes a low sound deep in her throat - it's almost certainly understanding. "In some ways," she says, levelly, "the whole Holder system of formalised courtship and marriage is so much easier: you know where you stand. In others-- well, it's not as though that system works perfectly, either." She lifts one hand to tuck an curl of her hair behind one ear, and gives Kinory another crooked smile. "It can't be easy, sharing your life with someone else to that degree. Ineuth, I mean. Someone whose view of the world is different; has to be different. It's probably something that you both need to work on together. Your parents aren't riders, are they?" Kinory might have been better off in that world of polite arrangements and proposals and a perfectly logical path to marriage ... if it weren't for the fact that she cares a little too much to be able to fit into that sort of environment. Madilla's crooked smile is met with a tentative one of her own, a relaxing in the creasing at her brow as she finds some measure of relief in finally opening up to someone. From her relief, it's not too far off of a guess to suppose that she hasn't spoken a great deal of her life before High Reaches, not even to the weyrlingmasters. "It's not, " she agrees, about world-sharing, "but - I imagine that's what any sort of relationship has to be about, even if it isn't quite to the extent that riders and dragons share things. It's nice, though, to have him with me. No matter how awful things get, he understands me even if I have to explain the rest." There's a breath, another sip of water, then: "My parents aren't riders. My father spends a lot of them with some of them, though, " and her grimace speaks volumes of him and his company. "They - had mixed feelings, when I Impressed." "No, I suppose not," says Madilla, dropping her hand back into her lap in an easy gesture. "Human relationships rely heavily on communication, which can be more difficult, in some ways, without that innate connection-- but at least you're both people. It must be lovely, having someone who understands so completely," she adds, managing not to sound completely wistful, though it's not a complete success: something still speaks of it, buried deep. "Ah. That must be - difficult. I imagine you haven't seen them in some time, now, either? I dreaded my first visit home." She's... rather deliberate in moving past that remark, and away from any comment on how that visit went. "Does it worry you? That their feelings might still be mixed?" Kinory awkwardly fiddles with her glass, unsure of how to respond to that almost-wistfulness. "I haven't seen them since the day after the hatching, " the weyrling admits. "They wrote to me a couple of times - rather, my father did, but his notes are usually very, ah, one-sided." Her head shakes quickly. "I know their feelings on my Impression, that doesn't bother me. I don't want - " To get drawn into power plays. " - I don't want them to despise me to my face." Not when their definitions of 'right' no longer align. To clarify, she adds helpfully, "I think they're still a bit, um, surprised that he's brown." Understanding suddenly floods Madilla's face, and she flushes, just faintly pink. Her, "Ah," is more a breath - an inhale - than a real word, and leaves her looking contemplative. Her silence lasts a few seconds more than is probably warranted for the flow of conversation, but then, finally: "It's one of the most frustrating things, I think. Coming to the realisation that your life and what your family wants and expects are different; that they simply don't fit together. I'm sorry, Kinory. If it helps-- I've been there, too. No: this is your life, and you and Ineuth were meant to be together. And--" Another breath. "You were meant to be together, you and Ineuth. And you will work things out. It will all get easier, I promise." "I hope that you're right, " Kinory concludes with a tiny sigh, shoulders lifting into a tight shrug. "I don't think everything will get easier. But maybe - at least some things can. I just need to be braver." She exhales again, then turns to smile a little more widely at the older woman. "I haven't told anyone all of - that before. Besides Ineuth. I - thank you for listening and not saying that I've been dumb about all of this stuff. You were right about being a good listener. Really." "I think... most things can get easier. Even the really hard things, over time, become more... normal, somehow. It doesn't make them less hard, but we become more used to the difficulty." Madilla's smile is both warm and encouraging, no hesitation at all, for the rest of what the weyrling has to say. "You haven't been dumb, not even a little bit. I'm glad I could help. I hope-- you'll consider coming to talk to me again. Any time you need to. We can sit in my office and have tea, if you like. I think we all need someone to talk to, sometimes. Bravery and confidence - they can both be learned." Kinory's subsequent nods are enthusiastic. "I'd like that, I think." Her expression brightens at the word 'tea'; "I would like that. Tea, that is." There's a moment of honest confusion where she bites her lip before wondering aloud, "What - should I do now? I'd like to go home, but - " Is that entirely wise? There's also a glance in the direction of the dragon infirmary. Madilla seems genuinely pleased, giving the definite implication that she will take as much pleasure out of the tea-and-conversation as Kinory will. "Excellent," she says. "I look forward to it." Her gaze follows Kinory's towards the dragon infirmary, her expression turning thoughtful as she considers. "We could provide you pillows and blankets, if you'd like to curl up with him in the dragon infirmary for the night. Things have quieted down enough that if you'd like to go home, I don't think that would be a problem. If you feel comfortable doing so." "I'd stay, but I imagine you need the space, " Kinory decides quickly, sliding one of her arms protectively about her midriff. "Ineuth says that there are - " Wince. " - multiple injuries around. I can curl up with him on his couch just as well as the one in here." There's another grimace as she carefully swings herself around to get up from the cot. Softly, "Thank you. You've been very kind." Madilla glances ruefully towards the rest of the infirmary, beyond the curtained cubicle. "I haven't ever seen a flight quite so violence as this one," she admits. "I'm glad Ineuth isn't amongst the more heavily injured." As Kinory begins to get up, the healer remains where she is, unhurried. "You're most welcome, Kinory. Truly. I'm glad you're feeling better, now. You know where to find me." Kinory can't prevent a delicate shudder as she brushes off her clothing, running a hand over her hair. "So am I, ma'am. Madilla." Returning the glass half-empty, she painstakingly pulls on her boots before pushing the curtain aside to rush into the dragon infirmary. She and Ineuth cling to one another for a good five minutes before the pair finally departs for home, taking their time to walk across the bowl in silence rather than flying straight up to their ledge. |
Comments
Azaylia (Dragonshy) left a comment on Sat, 26 Jan 2013 03:14:29 GMT.
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Aw! Everyone needs to come and talk to Madilla. It does wonders. Kinory is so sensitive and sweet. <3
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