Logs:It was going okay until...
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| RL Date: 23 August, 2014 |
| Who: H'vier, Tayte |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: ...the third time they do it. Then everything falls apart. |
| Where: Tayte's Room, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 14, Month 8, Turn 35 (Interval 10) |
| OOC Notes: Adult themes, angst. Back-dated. |
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| Having No Strings Attached sex twice without emotional incident is enough to lull a girl into a false sense of security about what to expect the next time. The sex wasn't any more different than the last time, but this time Tayte didn't get up right away to dress in her bathing clothes. She stays curled on her side, face still mostly buried in the pillow, drawing short shallow breaths that are still trying to slow even though she should be well recovered by now. H'vier is pretty old hat at having sex with no strings. He has kind of a reputation based around it, in fact. But there are emotions involved with Tayte whether he wants them or not, even if he tries not to let any of them show when they're together. When she doesn't get up right away, H'vier's in no hurry to be the first. A hand moves around her midsection to settle over the firm swell of her belly, stroking in a way he probably figures is comforting. "Hey, you okay?" There's concern in his voice. "Fine." No, not fine. Not anywhere close to fine. Tayte's voice is choked up, and still she doesn't move. Except now her shoulders shudder in a motion they were previously Not Allowed and is probably still performed unwillingly. Come on. He's known Tayte long enough to know that fine is never fine even when she makes it sound like everything is fine. And that's definitely not the case right now. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" is where his mind goes first as he starts to lean up on one arm to find a better view of her face. His hand shifts up toward her shoulder, still rubbing gently, comfortingly. It's the tears she's attempting to hide. They're the slow kind that brim and overwhelm the space that often keeps them in check. Since he's coming to look, Tayte rubs her face quickly against the pillow before starting to sit up. It gives her time to think about the question, and that's the only thing that saves H'vier from a resounding answer of yes. Of course he doesn't mean hurt like that. So when the blonde answers, she says, "No, no. Everything's fine. I'm fine. That was great." It's not like she's lying, but she doesn't sound terribly enthusiastic. The tears have ceased by the time she's sat up, though more plainly wait in the figurative wings. That answer just leaves H'vier with more questions, but he's not sure exactly what they are just yet. After sex with the woman he loves is not the best time for him to be confused about emotions. Or maybe it is. Just not for him. "Then what's wrong?" Because he's still not buying the fine thing. "Nothing's wrong," Tayte maintains through a forced smile. Nevermind that a moment later she's having to wipe away a pair of traitorous tears. Then she reaches to touch his comforting hand. "You're not signed up for emotions and tears anymore, Havi." Through none of her choosing, if course, but she's trying to respect it. "You don't need to worry. It'll be fine." But isn't now, no. That's apparently a very good point. H'vier did opt out of dealing with this sort of thing. He might even usually be glad that he did, to some degree. But it's hard to ignore it right now. It takes him a minute or so to say anything, but he draws his hand away and leans back on both of his elbows, still watching her with some concern. "I'm sorry, Tayte. I wish I could go back and make everything I've ever done wrong by you better." The breath taken after his words is quick. So quick. Too quick. Tayte's fingers clench in her lap for lack of something to grab ahold of. Then she makes them busy running through her hair and starting to braid it as something to focus on. "I don't wish that. I wish other things, but not that. I don't regret us." She manages this evenly. The braiding thing must be helping. "It's not us I regret, baby. Never that," the bronzerider points out, not quite catching his slip of endearment. "It's hurting you that I regret. Not being able to be what you need me to be. I wish I could be that man, the one you deserve. I really do. But I'm just... not." H'vier watches her for a moment, like he might say more, but then he just sighs out the rest of the breath he would have used to say it. "I wouldn't take back the hurt, if I could," Tayte murmurs quietly, though without hesitation. "Not saying that I liked it, but we wouldn't have been us without some, I don't think. And I loved us." Loved. It's probably more like love, but the us doesn't exist, technically. She turns onto her side so she can face him, leaning on one arm which leaves the other free to press her palm lightly to his chest, over his heart for just a moment. The smile she gives him is a sad one, but it doesn't linger and neither does she now. "It just gets to me sometimes. Because I wish we were still us sometimes." All the time. "But I'm fine with this. This is helpful. Good." Don't take away the sex! Then she's shifting back the other way to move to rise from the bed. Perhaps it's time for clothes now? H'vier doesn't argue the point. Even if she wouldn't take it back, he would. Some of it, at least. The parts he's terrified of repeating, in particular. He doesn't move when she touches him, though he sits up the rest of the way when the hand draws away again. "It gets to me, too. I miss you, Tayte." That's probably not the right sort of thing to say to her. But they've already established that H'vier is not a perfect man by any stretch of the imagination. "We shouldn't be doing this." The way he says that doesn't seem to suggest he intends on putting a stop to it, however. He's not that selfless. Tayte stops her movement when he says he misses her. Now she comes back, the same motions but in reverse until her hand touches his heart once more. Then she leans and kisses him, slow and tender. But it's bittersweet because it has to end. She pulls away with a sigh. She doesn't, surely, need to say she misses him for that to be known. "We should. I didn't go through all of that to not have good sex when I'm pregnant." As if that makes all the sense in the world. She frowns, of course, because then she's thinking about the baby and the pregnancy and-- the things she's not saying. Now she does step from the bed and carefully reaches for her robe. Her kiss leaves him wanting to, well, keep kissing her. But H'vier lets her move away again without reaching to try encouraging her to stay there with him. There's no immediate response to those words, either, because it's a lot easier for him to think about the fact that it's not his now that they aren't caught up in any sort of heated moment. H'vier rubs his hands over his face and back through his hair before finally starting to shift himself out of bed to find his clothes. It's better that she does. Better because it lets her collect herself once she's stood, lets her put on the carefully composed mask of one to whom this is just sex, and not heartache. It goes on by steps as each garment is pulled on. But it's good, right? Even though the smile has things hidden behind it, they're hidden well by the time she comes around the bed to lean up on her tiptoes and kiss him. "Thanks." Probably for the sex, although maybe just for saying he missed her aloud. She slips her arms around him briefly for a quick hug before stepping away again. Still, she resists saying that she would take them back as an us in a heartbeat, resists saying that she still loves him, resists telling him about their child. All this is locked safely away again as she moves to pick up her bath caddy from within the wardrobe. No doubt a soak and the use of all those products will help make the mask prettier if not more believable. H'vier wants to watch her. He probably wants to never stop watching her. But he keeps himself from doing either while he pulls on his own clothes because that's the safest thing for him to do. When she comes to him, he returns her kiss without otherwise touching her. "Any time, gorgeous." He almost certainly means for the sex. He heads for the door ahead of her but he pauses there for a moment like he might turn back before continuing on, leaving her to her evening. Tayte does watch him, as he goes, her breath silently catching when he pauses. Her face falls when he just continues on, but at least he's not there to see. She continues to the door, closes it and then sinks down against it. It's softly that she says to herself, "We shouldn't be doing this," with resignation. |
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