Logs:A Complex Question
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| RL Date: 5 April, 2015 |
| Who: Edyis, Faryn |
| Type: Log |
| What: Faryn's got one more question about Candidacy that Edyis is perfect to ask. |
| Where: Candidate Barracks, HRW |
| When: Day 14, Month 6, Turn 37 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: R'hin/Mentions |
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| It's rare and slow in the candidate barracks, which would mean little to nothing to Faryn. Her tasks have remained much the same, between lessons, and shortly after breakfast is usually when she's heading off to the stables to check the runners. Excepting a few of the younger candidates, the ones who must always double check their duties because they forget while they're stuffing food in their mouths, there aren't many people inside. The barracks are a low, still-sleepy murmur, and Faryn's on her way out when she realizes there is one more person in the room, someone over the age of twelve, and more importantly someone she's been looking for. "Hey. Edyis? Do you have a second?" Edyis's dark eyes lift then, as she hears her name, she's stretched over the patchwork quilt which covers her cot, notebook in hand. "Mm, sure I've got the next few hours off before I am supposed to be doing anything. What's on your mind?" Faryn takes the acknowledgement as an invitation and sits on the next cot over, leaning forward with her forearms on her elbows. "The records and a couple people said you've stood before." She's already making a face, her mouth a little hard about it. "I just wanted to, I don't know, ask you why you keep Standing?" It's perhaps not worded as artfully as it should be to prevent offense, and she doesn't try to remedy it. Edyis closes the notebook at the question, making room for Faryn to sit on the cot. "It is a complex question, with a complex answer." Edyis leans back against the post of her bunk. "I first stood, because the raids in Nabol devastated the hold my family tended. My father had passed; my stepmother had four children dependent on her at the time. We had a little money that had been saved for another purpose. Me standing helped them get through the winter. I never expected to impress, and hadn't thought about what I would do after. You probably wouldn't even think I was the same person if you compared me then and now." She bites her lip then. "That makes sense," is Faryn's assessment of the situation then, though it doesn't seem a happy conclusion. "If you weren't expected to Impress, it was a means to an end, yes? And then you stayed, obviously." It's clear that wasn't the question, though. "But why again?" Edyis smiles, "I figured out that being here... I could pursue another life. It was ok to want something more than what I was born to, with hard work I could be more than just the daughter of some non-blooded holder. I found a use for my curiosity and desire to learn, moved to Monaco... and the second time I stood because I felt like it was what someone I respected, expected of me." She pauses then, brows drawn together faintly. "But this time was a little different, I watched another group of people impress, watched them change and grow into different people. I didn't so much regret not impressing as much as I wondered what I missed." A smile crosses Faryn's face, wry and brief. "That," she says, "is what K'zin said, too. When we were talking about it. Standing and not walking away with something. You can't ask riders about that, not usually. So many of them find what they're looking for, first try." Thoughtfully, Faryn toys with the fabric she's sitting on. "That all makes sense, too. Are you happy with your life, then? When you aren't Standing, that is. Without a dragon?" "Sometimes, sometimes I'm not. This time... will be my last." She states with a note of finality. "I am standing because ten, twenty, thirty turns from now I don't want to look back and go, what if. If I don't impress, I will be leaving the weyr for a while. To see the world from a different view point and travel, expand on the things I've learned." She answers. "Some are born incomplete, waiting their whole lives to find the other half of themselves. Others, we have to figure it out on our own, and that is half of life's grand adventure." Faryn makes a small sound, one that's deep back in her throat and might be derisive if her expression matched. It's half-laugh, half-grunt, entirely inscrutable until she deigns, "Well, that's just life, isn't it?" She doesn't have much commentary after that, just sits thinking about what Edyis has said. "It just seems like it's harder to have that life right there, almost ready to touch, and walk away from it because it wasn't ready for you. Or you weren't ready for it. But I hope you find what you want, whatever it is. It'd be nice if we all did, but..." Faryn shrugs at that. "Maybe it's better to not Impress, what with Igen. Not that you would maybe mind? You'd get to travel somewhere." ""Either way, I can't pretend I'm the same young girl who arrived here four turns ago, wide-eyed and scared of her own shadow. I will say this much though if the only reason you are afraid to stand, is that you are afraid of being left on the sands...Well, if it were me I would rethink why I even wanted to stand in the first place." She states gently, "Life is all about persistence. If you want something badly enough, there is a way to make it happen, though probably not the way you would expect. " "It's not the only reason," Faryn says, and maybe there's a bit of offense in her voice, because it's not, even if she isn't forthcoming about any others. She claps her hands to her thighs, leverages herself up from the low-sitting cot. "Thanks. For talking to me. I've made the decision, now. Should probably stop worrying it like a canine and a bone. I'd better get going before I'm too late." She tips off a half-salute to Edyis, "Have a good one," and strides out. |
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