Logs:Leadership
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| RL Date: 10 November, 2008 |
| Who: K'del |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Quiet doubts hit the usually dauntless K'del. Is he really the leader he expects to be? And what are his motivations, anyway? |
| When: Month 3, Turn 18 |
| Mentions: P'ax/Mentions |
| Weyrlinghood has not been, thus far, the straightforward, easy training period K'del expected, the thing he'd sail through, graduating triumphantly, proving himself as an up-and-coming Bronzerider destined, by popular opinion, to go far. He didn't expect his relationship with Cadejoth, the lofty highs of being so loved, combined with those quiet irritations, his frustrations, his dragon's neediness and overwhelming enthusiasm. Kas can no longer imagine life without Cadejoth, but this life is not what he envisioned. It's not that he finds classes a struggle, not that he's behind, but the shining example he intended to be isn't there, either. It burns, a little, that he wasn't chosen to be the first Weyrling Wingleader, never mind that he likes Eila, is happy for her. He was supposed to be the stand-out. K'del is not prone to self-doubt, but in the wake of that news, he does, quietly, begin to worry about his selection for the leadership program. He's always considered himself a shoe-in, the obvious choice, but now, looking back over his weyrlinghood thus far, he has to be realistic: what has he done to prove himself, aside from Impress a bronze dragon (and, let's face it, aside from his colour - well, Cadejoth isn't really a leaderly dragon)? Yes, he is well liked. There's P'ax... but even he wants to be K'del's friend. So that's good, isn't it? But he worries. Being popular isn't really leadership, he's pretty sure. Satiet isn't - well, it's hard to like her, surely? He doesn't really know her at all, but that's the way it seems. But people seem to respect her. Do people respect him? Hard to know. What is respect, anyway? So K'del begins to plan. It might already be too late, he realises, perhaps the decisions are already made, but he has to try. He takes to watching drills in the bowl when he has the time, eyeing up what it is that the different Wingleaders and Wingseconds do. At first, it is mostly for show: look at the dedicated weyrling, trying to learn. But actually, he finds it interesting (he tries to ignore Cadejoth, playing around him, mimicking what the bigger dragons are doing - oh, the embarrassment). Sometimes, some of the Wingleaders talk to him afterwards; knowing this, Kas spends much of his time formulating interesting and intelligent questions to ask them. Has drilling changed, since Thread ended? What kind of role did this wing fill now? Why this technique? What's the reason behind that? « You could always just ask to be included, if they don't pick you. You could talk them into it, I know you could. » I won't. No, if they don't pick me first time around, then I don't want to do it at all, Cadejoth. I won't beg. we have to prove ourselves now, and if we don't, then we'll just have to prove that our inclusion was a mistake, later, one that they'll regret. « But you want to do it. You'd be unhappy, if you didn't. » Not at the expense of my dignity. I won't be that person. The vehemence in his voice silences Cadejoth for a time. Finally, however, « Then you'll just have to get it, first off. And you will. How could they not choose you? » Mostly, K'del agrees with him. Why not him? But. What if he was wrong? Not that this has stopped him from talking about it. If anyone commented on his devotion to extra work, he'll just shrug and tell them, "Just gearing up for the extra classes I'll be up for, soon. Might as well be used to it in advance." He half wonders, sometimes, what he'll do if he doesn't get chosen. Will people laugh at him, tease him for his arrogance? K'del intends, therefore, not to fail in this. « But why, » Cadejoth wants to know, as they spend yet another free hour watching others at work in the bowl, « do you need this so much? We'll have our place, whether it's at the front, or somewhere in the middle. It'll be ours. Just where we need to be, where we belong. » I don't want to be in the middle. I want-- I'm not supposed to be there. I'm supposed to be up front. So that no one ever doubts me, ever again. « But why? » Cadejoth is genuinely curious, actually pausing (aside from that ever-present tapping tail) to look at his rider, eyes whirling fast, faster. We don't belong there, Cadejoth. I won't let us just be... ordinary. « We're not ordinary. We're us! Wherever we end up. » No, K'del agrees, privately, we're not ordinary. I won't let us be. Once upon a time, all he needed to do was Impress a bronze dragon, and then he'd have proven himself to everyone. But that's not enough, now, not with a lifetime of being a bronzerider ahead of him. How can he be satisfied with just that? High Reaches bronzeriders have a reputation to live up to - after all, haven't the last two Istan Weyrleaders been from the 'Reaches? No, K'del won't be resting on his laurels. He's got the bronze - but that's only the beginning. |
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