Logs:Being Okay With It
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| RL Date: 30 November, 2013 |
| Who: Reesa, N'rad |
| Type: [[Concept:{{{type}}}|{{{type}}}]] |
| When: Day {{{day}}}, Month {{{month}}}, Turn {{{turn}}} ({{{IP}}} {{{IP2}}}) |
| Mentions: N'muir/Mentions, Hattie/Mentions, Ali/Mentions |
| The constant rain and dreary nature of the day doesn't make for a good mood across the Weyr. With Sandstone and Jasper at each other's throats, the Fountain - where Reesa usually prefers to hang out - isn't precisely lively enough for her. As if seeking out somewhere suitable to her mood, Reesa's climbed the stairs and is settled under the lean to, watching the rain. The harper apprentice on duty is fast asleep, snoring loudly. « We have found somewhere dry to watch the rain. Reesa says it is peaceful, even if I cannot join her. If you are not doing anything... » the offer is there, also an image of where they are and the tiny ledge far too small - even for her - to land on. Which means stairs. The climb to the heights takes a while, but N'rad must have left soon after Maldoranth received Khiabeth's message. The rider isn't huffing and puffing, so he's certainly been keeping active since that unfortunate meeting at the Hold, but there is a flush to his pale cheeks. The last few steps to that ledge are slower, then N'rad appears, a long-sleeved shirt bunched in one hand, though once he's under that lean-to, he slips it back over his sleeveless undershirt. There is a fleeting look toward Reesa, still all kinds of sheepish toward her, then he turns his attention to the rain. And maybe that apprentice. "Don't think I've ever been up here," he says in a low voice, tugging at his sleeves before buttoning them at the wrists. Reesa's gaze shifts from the view towards N'rad, smile flickering across her features. She's trying to be subtle about it but she /is/ taking a good look before he pulls that longer shirt on, patting a spot under the lean to. "It's nice and cozy. Wouldn't want to be stuck up here all day, mind." There's nothing sympathetic in the look she gives to the apprentice. "When it's clearer, you can see the Hold." But that's not why she invited him up here, obviously. There's a brief pause, then with clear concern, "Are you- okay? I know I haven't been- spending much time here- and it feels like... I wish I could take you with me. I know Khiabeth's been sharing with Maldoranth; I hope that's okay." N'rad sits, if a little stiffly, uncomfortable in his own skin. "Yeah, it's okay. He and Khiabeth have always seemed to get along." He surreptitiously scrapes at something on his trousers, but luckily it turns out to be just some lint, drying after the brief soaking. After sneaking another quick look at Reesa, he looks out toward the rain, the day's dreariness reflected in blue eyes gone grey. For a long moment, it might seem he's not going to answer her original question. Not that he's ever been known for talking about himself more than necessary, really. Feet shifting, palms pressed together too tightly to be comfortable, he finally looks at Reesa again. "I'm okay. Day at a time, you know?" Rain fills another pause, briefer this time. "How are you?" Reesa's not really all that comfortable in silence; she shifts a little, fingers reaching up to adjust her hair, giving the bronzerider little sidelong looks. The blonde, for her part, is more forthright in her answer; at least with N'rad: "Angry. Frustrated. I'm not good at day at a time." She takes a breath, "I wish I could help you lift that stupid ban. What does Hattie want from you, anyway? They're all /gone/ and there's nothing to be done now." A hissed exhale of frustration. "Maybe talking to N'muir would help?" "Neither am I," N'rad admits, though it's with a tiny smile. "Gets easier, though. And..." Words trail off as he stares at the rain. "It's weird, but I'm kinda ok with it. For me. Maldoranth's pretty discontent that I can't leave the Weyr when he goes flying. It's... unnatural, almost?" Hands finally relax, left limp on his lap. "It's okay to be angry. To feel anything you feel. But I'm not angry anymore." He looks to Reesa again and smiles. "Anyway... did they bring the hammer down on you guys, too?" "You're not angry?" That, more than anything, seems to throw Reesa off; she regards him with surprise, half turning to better take in his demeanor. "Why not?" There's a lengthy pause, and she shakes her head- a moment more before she ventures, "Before- before Hattie confronted us in the grove, N'muir came to see me and asked whether the Weyrwoman had approached me. I- I'm not sure, but I think maybe she didn't restrict me because of him. Because I was in his wing." His clutchmate's surprise makes N'rad smile a little more as he shrugs in response. "That could be," he agrees easily, comfortable enough to stretch out his legs a little more, just shy of where the rain starts to fall. He gives Reesa another fleeting glance, but it's much easier to watch the rain. "I think... maybe it's because I knew enough... couldn't gone to them at any time. Might have prevented what... you know. What happened to her 'n' Ali? Or maybe because I said I'd be a good rider to the Weyr, and first chance I got, I wussed out and ran." His boot heel grinds against the floor as he shifts again. Not /too/ comfortable. "Rees, I'm just tired of running." He chances a sidelong look at her. "It's nice to know where I fit, finally. Even if it's at the bottom." "That-" more anger flows across Reesa's expression, quickly. "There was nothing we could've done about Boll. Boll was- it was /stupid/. I don't know what they were thinking." Her fingers are clenched into fists, a quick breath released that doesn't relieve much tension. His latter words make the greenrider, oddly, silent, twisted to look at him with a mixture of expressions across her face. Finally, though, she reaches over, offering a hand to him. "Whatever happens, I'm there for you. Running, or staying. We'll be there." It's N'rad's turn to be surprised, though after a couple beats, he takes the offered hand. A corner of his mouth pulls up in another tiny smile. "Thank you, Reesa, that... means a lot. Thank you." Voice goes a bit gruff toward the end, so he withdraws his hand and rushes onward. "We're not going to run, though. Just going to work through it." He picks at a knot in the fabric of his trousers. "As for the rest... maybe it wouldn't've helped. But I can't say I want to belong here, then keep that stuff to myself. /Everyone/ kept saying choose, choose, choose. So I did, but...then what?" he asks, turning toward her. "Shells, Rees, I still feel like I'm caught in some weird dream half the time. Living someone else's life, 'n' everyone wants me to know what to do, but I /don't/ know. Doesn't mean I don't want to make it right, though. /Get/ it right. Gotta start somewhere." Then, after what's turned into a rather lengthy string of words for the bronzerider, he goes silent again, slumped under the lean-to beside her, several seconds going by before he asks, "You're okay with staying?" After a brief squeeze, Reesa lets her hand drop back into her lap. "We'll make it work here," the greenrider agrees, with vehemence. "If you want to stay, we'll stay. Khiabeth likes it here; she likes the other dragons. She's even got her favorites amongst the blues," that makes the blonde smile more than anything. "We'll be okay. But I'm tired of waiting for things to work themselves out. We're going to make it right. I will, somehow." Even if she's not quite figured it out /how/, yet. That vehemence makes N'rad smile all the more, and he even lets out a small, quiet laugh. "I appreciate that. A lot. But don't... y'know. Don't go getting you and Khiabeth in trouble, too. I mean... I'm not thrilled at having to drag bloody carcasses out of the feeding pen and stuff, but at this point I kind of figure... someone's got to. Mal won't help anymore, but..." He trails off and shakes his head. No need to get into the gory details, right? "It's being grounded that grates. But I don't know what else to do." He kicks his heel out a little bit, showing he's not /entirely/ okay with everything, but the same heel is soon dragged back before the boot can get too wet. There's something determined in the set of Reesa's jaw. "The worst they can do is ground me too. It's not like there's a weyrling class going on that they can send me back to." With a release of breath, a more reasonable expression crosses her face, "Well, if Hattie won't see reason-" a breath, "Have you tried talking to her, since- since then? Maybe enough time has passed that she's calmed down. At the very least, talk to your Wingleader- no point having a rider that can't wing duties." "Feels like you're the only one I /can/ talk to," N'rad says, grinning at Reesa, though he doesn't sound like he's teasing. Expression sobers. "You're right, though. I should try." Hands fidget slightly before he shrugs. "I guess I hoped it'd be like back home. Work hard, do a good job, and people will notice. Never learned what to do if they don't, though." He goes back to picking at that fabric knot. "Whole lot I never learned, really. What if I'm not done learning... whatever this is supposed to teach us?" He gives Reesa another brief look, then goes back to staring at the puddles made by the rain. "I'll try, though. Just... don't get grounded, yourself. It blows." "Only cos I pester you so much," Reesa replies with a rueful sort of smile. "But- you're right, it's not like that. There's- politics and grudges and old emotions. I mean, just look at what's going on with Sandstorm and Jasper. Two wings of grown riders fighting because of a woman." There's a roll of her eyes. "I'm glad N'muir stepped in to sort out that mess." She actually sounds like she respects the Weyrleader. "No one has all the answers, N'rad. Anyone who claims to is just good at faking it. Even I, as amazing and brilliant as I am, don't," she's snickering, now, and it fades soon after. "I'll try not to. But if I do- hey, at least you'll have company, right?" For her, there's no real downside, anyway. N'rad laughs right along with her and scoots an inch further down under the lean-to. "Yeah, there's that. And... man. It's like they both resorted to warring groups of children or something. I thought Weyrs were supposed to be all... you know. /Okay/ with partners... changing. And stuff." However comfortable he might have grown during the conversation, that sends a blush to his cheeks. So not weyrbred. "Glad we're not in the middle of /that/ at least." He goes quiet again, eyes going distant for a couple seconds. "I'll speak to them, though. Start with the wingleader, and... go up the chain. Hard to get my hopes up, but if nothing else, I want to make Maldoranth happy again." "I think what it comes down to is realizing that Weyrs are good at pretending riders are noble and enlightened because of the dragons, but that- the Harpers work hard to hide the fact that they're human like everyone else," Reesa speculates. She ought to know, being a former Harper apprentice. With a pleased smile, "Good. If you- need me there, just to kind of hover at your shoulder and smile sweetly, or glower appropriate- you know I'm your girl." She glances sidelong at the still-snoring apprentice. "I'd really like a drink. Think it's safe to go into the Fountain yet?" "I'll let you know," N'rad promises before he pushes himself to his feet. "Safe or not, I could use a drink myself. As long as we watch each other's backs, I think we'll be fine," he then answers, holding out a hand to his clutchmate. "Beats drinking alone any day, too. Could even be entertaining." "It's a deal," Reesa's more than happy to agree, giving N'rad a pleased smile as she takes his hand, using it to pull herself up. "We can make bets on which Jasper and Sandstorm riders will finish the night in the infirmary, or on the floor?" she's suggesting as she heads for the stairs. |
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