Logs:Not A Hero
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| RL Date: 15 April, 2015 |
| Who: Farideh, Edyis |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Days after the feels fiasco, Farideh and Edyis finally talk about theirs. |
| Where: Candidate Quarters, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 16, Month 7, Turn 37 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Irianke/Mentions, K'del/Mentions, Quinlys/Mentions, Yesia/Mentions, Paz/Mentions, Laine/Mentions |
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| It is no coincidence that Edyis slips into the barracks well after most of the candidates would normally be asleep; the former scribe hasn't rarely been seen in the barracks in the days following the mindhealer fiasco. She angles to the shared bunk and starts to climb the ladder, only bothering to shed her boots, moving at a painfully quiet pace. All is not quiet in the candidate quarters, despite the time of day and the lack of proper lighting in the cavern. It's a soft tap-tap-tapping somewhere down the line of bunk beds, amid the snores and tossing bodies. Edyis entrance is noted, but only when she's on the ladder to climb to her top bunk does Farideh's head pop out from around a bunk that is decidedly not hers. "What are you doing getting in so late?" she asks warily, shifting so her whole body comes into view. "Is it important?" Edyis asks, quietly clambering the rest of the way up. Sounding tired, as she flops belly down on the cot, her face tipped in the laundress's direction. "I suppose you are here to demand an apology. Not that you aren't owed one, some of what I said..." She shrugs. The short-haired brunette lifts a brow in response, and glances around at the dim room where all of their peers sleep on, unawares; or aware and eavesdropping. "Unless Giorda changed the sleeping arrangements while I was in the laundry today, I do believe that I live here until the eggs hatch, at least." Farideh leans against the side of the bunk she's near, watching Edyis with pursed lips. "You don't have to apologize if you don't want to. You're entitled to say what you please." "I didn't mean all of it... It just. What you said, about Laine's friends made me so angry." She says after a few beats of silence. "I thought you were better than that. Better than those awful nitwits." Yesia and her crew more than likely. "Bet on it in fact." Whatever that means. "I already apologized to Laine for that." Farideh crosses her arms across her chest in a defensive motion, and levels her chin down. "It was a poor choice of words and I didn't mean to insult her friends. That," she points out, low, "was not meant for you, or for you to get mad at. I'm sorry that you did, but-- you should know better. Does your opinion of me change that easily? After everything, Edyis?" "You should know me better than that." Edyis answers softly, sitting up then. "Someone says something that cruel to a friend, and I am going to get angry. Doesn't mean I had any right to say what I did. I just... Let my temper get the better of me. And I expect more of you than I probably should." She frowns. "The night of the fire... why did you just huddle with Yesia and Paz?" The question seems to be an important one. While Edyis speaks, Farideh is silent, listening, but when she finishes, there's a stiffness to her posture that wasn't there before. "Didn't you hear me during the meeting with the healers? I don't want to die, Edyis. Not in a fire, not in a freak storm--" She gets flustered and pauses, frowning, until she can find her words. "I'm not fast and I'm not strong. What is the actual chance that I could do something during the fire? Save someone? Put out the flames? Pick through the rubble? I'm as useful as Yesia and Paz, in that respect." "You could have come with me to the infirmary." She offers gently, and without judgment. "No one wants to die. We are all going to though, every last one of us will die someday." She sighs, unable to find the right words... "We are all afraid of it. I was so damn ashamed that Zadkiel had to carry me out of the way because I couldn't think, I just stood there frozen reliving my worst nightmare. You are stronger than you know, capable of more than you know." She frowns then. "I know, but it's more likely to happen if I go charging into a fire that I'm not prepared to fight--" has both direct and indirect implications. Farideh sighs and stares down at the toes of her shoes. "I think you give me more credit than I deserve. I'm not brave, Edyis. I've never been and probably will never be. I'm selfish, if anything." A pause. "I'm glad you're okay though." "I am not saying go charging into fires. Not every gesture has to be grand and heroic." Her brow furrows as she watches that sigh. "You don't wake up one day and suddenly you are brave Farideh. People aren't naturally selfless. You have the potential to be so much more than you are Farideh. All you have to do is try." She lifts a shoulder at being ok. "I'm used to disasters at this point in my life." "Try what? What else would you have had me do?" Farideh's voice is strained, earnest, as she asks that question of Edyis, her brows drawn together. "You could have herded the girls to the Barracks, gone to the infirmary to help, asked someone what they needed in the way of assistance. Hell, I bet you know better than anyone where they keep the extra infirmary sheets." She smiles gently, "We have always joked about impressing browns and becoming weyrleader, but there is a serious side to that." She shakes her head abandoning that train of thought. "That's part of the choice to stand too. Accepting the responsibilities that come with it." "None of that is my responsibility. Where was K'del, or Irianke, or even Quinlys? Shouldn't they have been ordering around everyone? Not everyone is a hero, and especially not me," Farideh says, and sighs immediately after. "There's no serious side. It was a joke. I'd be happy just to be a rider, to have the freedom of wings and expectation. I'm not a leader. I'm not a hero. I'm not responsible. I'm just me, Edyis." She studies the other girl across the space, and tips her head to the side. "What if any of the candidates had gotten hurt or died? They're already saying there aren't enough." "Then people will do what must be done." She counters softly. "You can't spend your whole life running from the chains of responsibility, what happens if you impress gold?" "If I--" Farideh stares at Edyis with a blank expression. "Why, I'd have the living cavern serve cake and champagne for every meal, and we'd have harpers playing music in the bowl all the time, and forget about sweeps and tithe pacts and--" She rolls her eyes, suddenly looking sharp. "I'm not an idiot, Edyis." Edyis rolls her eyes in turn. "Off with her head." She murmurs with a twisted smirk. "I'm sorry I said what I did." She flops back on the bed, wriggling with something for a minute before a giant yawn is given. "You going to stay mad forever?" Comes sleepily. "I'm not mad," Farideh says. "It's over. It was a mess. They shouldn't have asked those questions-had that group meeting-- it was a bad idea." She continues to watch Edyis, but steps away from the bunk she's been leaning against. "Go to sleep. Don't worry about me. Worry about what great adventures you'll go if you Impress. You can dream of skies and oceans--" By the end, she's trying to control a smile, but it shows at the upturned corners of her mouth. "Don't worry Farideh." She yawns again. "Nothing is going to happen to you. Even if you get strapped with gold." She might mutter something about straw mats and pillows. "You too." She murmurs, fading. Farideh stands in the same spot for a while longer to ensure that Edyis is indeed fading to sleep, her expression a bit soft, a bit rueful. And once she's convinced, she will pick her way cautiously through the bunks, and oddly enough, slip out the door that leads to the commons. |
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