Logs:Intimate Issues
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| RL Date: 26 August, 2015 |
| Who: Dee, Ka'ge |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Ka'ge makes a nighttime invasion and Dee explains why the boundaries are the boundaries. They don't see eye to eye. |
| Where: Dee's Touch of Pink Weyr, Fort Weyr |
| When: Day 21, Month 8, Turn 38 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Lilah/Mentions, Y'tob/Mentions |
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>---< Dee's Touch of Pink Weyr, Fort Weyr >------------------------<
The first room of the weyr, its walls washed with cream paint, is
vaguely triangular in shape, with the generous dragon's wallow carved into
a deep curve towards the right. The rest of the room appears to have been
left as a living or reception room, a stone table abandoned to the far
left, with four varnished, wooden chairs of simple taste sitting around
it. There are hooks in the walls for glowbaskets, the empty baskets
themselves sat on the table. Abandoned on the floor lie a series of wooden
boxes, all empty, but potentially of use as temporary furniture or
firewood.
A wide, doorless entryway at the northmost point of the triangle
leads through to the rider's private quarters - an oval-shaped room a
third of the size of the last. Within, the hearth is small, but
finely-decorated with ceramic tiles, with even a woven brass safety screen
left behind. The double bed lies in the left-hand portion of the room,
made up with pink linens. A knitted throw, in a rainbow of colours, lies
at the bottom of the bed, and could just as easily be used for a couch. In
the middle of the far wall, another unprotected archway heralds the
existence of another room: a small bathing room, complete with pool, basin
and shelves, the last of which are sadly empty. Once private time became a thing again, Ka'ge found himself slowly returning to much of his old routine. Ghosting about the Weyr's many tunnels, separating himself from group activities when they weren't required on their regular drilling. Early line-ups and weyrling practices throughout daylight hours made it impossible to stay out all night, certainly, but the worst of the waiting for the young apprentice was over. To his overseers' dismay, however, he was still utilizing much of his talents for the wrong reasons, partly because of boredom and partly because there is a very big distraction deviating his young mind from his priorities. It is helpful, of course, that nobody could call him out for it because, well, she is a goldrider. Sneaking around caverns is easy. With no wood to creak, few doors to worry about hinges, and the change in the wind when moving from room to room of caverns negligible with the almost unending buzzing of activity of a Weyr. Ka'ge slips into Dee's Weyr, silent, the brush of his steps on the stone beneath them quieter than the breaths of the ones who sleep here. His dappled grey attire is at its best here, where he not only melts into the night, but also against stone could be called nothing but camouflage. His pace is slow, deliberate, and with the greatest of care even in the arguably silly effort of just visiting Dahlia. His skill is more pronounced as he comes to her sleeping quarters. Each movement made to slip onto her bed as she sleeps is individualized, taken with painstaking efforts to not depress the mattress by any sudden adjustment of weight or rustle the sheets to change them in their settling against her skin in any noticeable degree. Only once he's lying on his side beside her with one arm under his head to be able to see her better, does he reach to brush her hair away from her sleeping face. The danger in being noticed is really not from the girl in the bed, but the wheaten gold in her wallow. She tends to sleep less than her fellow weyrlings so Ka'ge should count himself lucky that when he passes through the first room and Taeliyth there that this is one of her moments of sleep. Untroubled by dreams since her rider spoke with Weyrwoman Lilah, the gold sleeps well and deeply. Dee may sleep less well in general with weights still on her mind though no longer the debilitating fear of days past, but now she's still in the bed, loosely curled on her side, expression blanked in sleep. The touch doesn't seem to wake her: no apparent sense of self-preservation even in the vulnerable state of sleep. This is a girl who must never have known a place where it was dangerous to fall asleep. Ka'ge withdraws his hand for a moment; a moment he needs for himself to clear his mind of the thoughts that are required to enter a place in such a way as if there's a target. But this wasn't one, not in the way he knew anyway. Too easy his mind says, his muscles coiled, ready. The dark thoughts are set aside with effort, and he strips his hands of those gloves in that interim, sliding them away into a pocket so that the next touch that finds the side of her jaw is one of skin to skin. Fingers trail along her jaw to down her neck, to trace down her collarbone and, finally play with the edge of the sheet that hides the rest of her. Whether that's enough or not to stir her, eventually his quiet low voice speaks "Dahlia." "Mm," is a soft stirring sound, then a gasp comes as enough wakefulness makes Dee aware that she's not alone. It makes her instinctively struggle to sit up and move away, so at least some reflexes and natural instincts exist. Of course, keeping the sheet up high isn't her priority and she doesn't even seem to notice it's dropped into her lap as she breaths out, "Kael?" her tone one that is half questioning and half hopeful of relief from the fright he's given her. Ka'ge doesn't bother not looking, and he's close enough that his hood won't hide where his eyes fall to. Though he does look back up to her face, if with a growing edge to a smirk in what was previously an expression devoid of anything. "Dee." He repeats the shorter name of hers that he prefers as a follow-up. He doesn't move to go after her in her brief display of self-preservation, staying where he'd laid himself. "You've been keeping interesting company. I had to make my own time to come see you." There's a dryness to that which speaks volumes of his disapproval, but his tone in general is pleasant for the occasion in itself. When his eyes fall is when she realizes and with a swear of, "Custard," Dee snatches the pink sheet into her lap and drags it up to tuck around her torso and under her arms. "You scared me," is her first accusation giving him a disapproving look. "You could've just let me know you wanted to get together," she points out next and then thinks to ask, "What time is it?" The interruption of her sleep seeming to suddenly catch up with a yawn. There's a slightly dramatized look of disappointment as she covers herself, but it's brief. "This seemed more fun." Ka'ge attempts the use of the word as if he doing what she asked him to do. "I don't know- two, three? There's still some hours left." Before line-up, he means. He certainly doesn't appear tired, about as aware and awake as he usually is. He slides himself up to sit, if remaining still rather reclined in the end, watching her throughout. "Are you about done with all these delivery boys?" Well, one in particular, but he doesn't yet make it so specific. Dee's eyes roll at the first but at least she doesn't go on scolding, shifting carefully to match his semi-reclined state. "Hm? Oh, they're just helping me fix up some things in the weyr." There is more furniture in place and some things in various states of repair. "And they've volunteered to help me make this place more homey." Y'tob and her various other volunteers-slash-friends. "You know you can come by when other people are here. It doesn't have to be such a secret that we're-- getting to know one another, does it?" As if the rumors weren't enough to clue whoever cared to know in already. "Has anyone ever told you night time is for sleeping?" "I don't care if everyone knows about us." Ka'ge's tone denotes that he really doesn't, his shuffled and awkward shrug backing up his assurance, "But I'm not going to be spending any extra time with him." Even if it wasn't for very specific personal reasons, his brows raise in question as he adds, "Remember the hatching?" He gives her a second, "Zymadiath won't have it even if I didn't care." As serious as that might be, he chuckles quietly to blow it off, as if his lifemate's desire of revenge could be played off as a joke. "Sleeping?" He shakes his head, confounded by the idea and dismissive of it all in one amused motion, "Hardly. Talk about wasting the best part of the day." The last few words are said slower as he rolls over onto his side, onto his knees, starting to poise himself over her to reach, ultimately, to place a kiss testingly on her nose. "Ka'ge," Dee starts to sit up again, but keeps the sheet this time. "Hatchlings are clumsy. Accidents happen." She hints strongly at the need to let it go, but there's more concern and worry in her expression that he probably can see in the dark even if those less practiced at dark-time pursuits likely couldn't. It might explain why her hands leave the sheet after the kiss to chase his face in the dark. If she accidentally smacks his face as she seeks to cup it, it's probably not intentional. "We're going to be so tired," she points out with a sigh before leaning forward to try to kiss him properly. "Accidents do happen." Ka'ge responds quietly, but he isn't talking about the hatching anymore. The cup of her hand does find his cheek harder than a sweet touch, but it doesn't seem to dissuade him from finding her lips. She doesn't have to lean far, and the kiss is deeply passionate, hungry for her as if he'd been thinking about it for awhile. He even threatens to press her back with it, one arm curling around her back to keep the sheet from being pulled back up, the other at juncture of her hip and waist. "Kael," is half-hearted complaint against his lips - in between kisses that might be continued by her or him or both. "Are these your terms?" She asks the same way, not seeming like she would resist being pressed back, but her hands do drop to try to tug the sheet back up. "If I can't have you," the 'yet' is left out for frustration's sake, "at least let me see you." A strange thing for most people to say in the dark, but Ka'ge says as much as his mouth leaves hers to brush down his neck, his stubble a scruffy thing in the effort, maybe even ticklish. The words follow the hooking of his fingers around the sheets she tries to pull up. He'd maintained that pressure, enough to push her back onto her back, enough that he'd be straddling her. Thankfully, though, clothed as he still maintains to be. "That is not going to help us take things slowly," Dee answers the boy stubbornly, giving a firm yank to the sheet. "I'm not ready for that. I'll start wearing pajamas again if I have to," she threatens as if that might temper his behavior here and now. "You have to change clothes at some point." He counters, implying that he could be anywhere, at anytime. It should be no surprise after all they've been through even if she doesn't know the extent of it. He has the sheet though, still clutched in those fingers that refuses her efforts. And given what he clearly wants, he isn't as amused at her challenge and games as he usually would be, "How is this so different from the baths? You don't even have to look at me, if it helps. I know I'm hard to resist." By now, Ka'ge's words and lips are being pressed into the sensitive curve of her neck to her shoulder. "For starters, this is my bed, my weyr, surely you can see the differences." It probably isn't a good sign that Dee is able to articulate this well, and that her neck is tense under his lips as is her body, rather than pliant. Probably, too, Dee doesn't mean to be amusing. "I'm not comfortable with what you're asking." A pause comes and goes briefly before she adds, "It's intimate." Intimacy seems to be the sticking point here. Ka'ge isn't great with small social signals most of the time, but he can feel the change to resolution of her under his touches. He relinquishes the sheet, but there's a tension of his own that seems hard to combat. There's an underlying sense of withdrawing not being what comes natural to this particular boy, a sense of a violent undertow that is capped and buried in the time it takes for him to pull away from her and lay on his back on her bed. Eyes stare up at her ceiling, and then close as he speaks, the frustration in him not well-hidden but calmed, controlled beneath the surface. "Yeah, that word tends to be part of relationships, I hear. I'm no expert though." Dee looks a little sad as he withdraws so completely from her, but not so much that it sways the boundaries she's so determined to enforce. "I've never been intimate with a guy." This probably means the guys who might be considered for relationship-like intimacy, not say brothers or friends. "I can count one one hand the number of times I've had sex, and I've never had-- never wanted to have a boyfriend, Kael. I'm not a virgin, but I don't know what I'm doing either, not really. I only know what feels right and what feels uncomfortable." She sighs as she shifts toward the edge of the bed, leaning over the side to fish a hand down to the floor and come up with a shirt after a moment of blind seeking. Ka'ge is quiet, settled and listening, but he's so still that after a few moments, one could wonder if he hadn't fallen asleep. He does respond, but it's after some good time of silent consideration, "It's hard," he starts, crafting his wording as carefully and slowly as if walking on egg-shells, "to be patient after being patient for so long." His eyes are still closed all the while she searches for that shirt to wear. "Do you really fault me for wanting you?" "Don't you think I want you too?" Dee asks, letting her own frustration color her question even if the rhythm of the question is a little off as she tugs the tanktop over her head and down. Once that's done, she leans to just slightly uncover the glow on the nightstand, just enough that she might be able to see his face when he allows. "But if we had sex right now, would you want to just stop after that? Stop and spend time together to let feelings other than want and desires other than of the flesh catch up with us? If we start this wrong, I have this horrible feeling that we'll break anything worth having before we can have it." She chews her lower lip as she shifts onto her knees beside him, looking down at his face before adding, "And because you want Zymadiath to fly Taeliyth when she rises, it's doubly important that we not break things, right?" Ka'ge lays an arm over his forehead as he turns his head so that he can look at her now that she's appropriately covered, his other simply rested over his abdomen. "Zymadiath catching Taeliyth may break things, regardless." He answers with casualness that is meant to evade the seriousness that could hold, "I don't know how he'll make me act. I've heard stories-" He trails off, not really caring nor wanting to get into that. "Or if you don't want me as your Weyrleader. Or if you end up not liking me as one." There's a shrug again, all those possibilities and then some, he makes it clear it could keep finding reasons. "Doesn't matter." Is the sum conclusion of it, "Despite everything you went through during our candidacy and after, and all the fights we had-" There's sort of something that wants to be a chuckle there, but he can't quite find the right amount of humor to make it so, "And you might still like me, makes me think we're a little past the courting phase." "But we're not," Dee answers all the complex things simply. "Kael, I like you. I want you. But the thing is that I like you enough that I don't want you to end up some passing fancy or some quick and easy fuck if taking our time might mean something better. If you only want something like that, then tell me now." The implication is that she might even give him what he wants. "Dee, do you actually remember the things you've asked of me?" Kael allows a look of incredulity to escape him, a brow raised in her direction. "If you really think-" He catches his words in a breath, holds it, and releases it slowly. "Come here." The words are abrupt but quiet, and the arm that he'd rested over himself lifts in his request for her to join him. He doesn't answer that important demand, but he seems to be waiting for her to answer his first. "Of course I do," Dee's voice and expression betray a touch of hurt. "I don't really think that which is why I'm being so sharding responsible about everything." The hurt carries through this answer and confession, frustration manifesting in the latter half. She sits as though she might not come after all and then finally moves to flop down against him and tuck her cheek to his chest. The fact that his hand falls to her lower back and onto the skin unprotected by underclothes or shirt provides that Kael is still Kael despite his general good behavior when it's come to Dee. "If any part of me thought you'd be an easy fuck, I would have given up long ago." It's a poke of fun at her, even if it's not so great a time for it. "And if it helps your doubts, I haven't been with a girl since-" that was close, damn his dropped guard. But the edit comes smoothly, if with a word of repetition and the barest of a missed beat, "since coming to Fort." That Dee makes no objection to where his hands fall this time might lend weight to her claim that she wants him. The silence that meets his words, however, isn't promising. It's not the sort of silence that can be mistaken for sleep for her frame is rigid against his and the silence moves into the territory of awkward. Ka'ge's touch is not invasive beyond just having his hand to her back, skin to skin, and a soft movement more like a gentle rub, a caress, even if it is with his roughened fingers. The arm that was on his head stays there, shifting down slightly to end up lying over his eyes instead. And to her tension, there's a decidedly relaxed calm as he makes no move otherwise to proceed where there may be apprehension. "It's-- not-- about other people." Dee manages, slowly. "I think--probably-- being distracted by other people won't help us figure things out between us which is why I haven't--" She trails off again. Then she's shifting to sit up, to turn away from him, to stare at the dark that the slight light of the glow doesn't touch, looking troubled. His arm is moved from his face as he feels her start to leave, and at a much slower pace he follows. It may be that he chides himself for being such puddy when it comes to Dee, but regardless, Kael sets his chin on her shoulder and wraps his arms around her middle. It still doesn't seem as though he aims to say anything and his hold, for now, is loose. "Look," Dee finally says (though she doesn't look at him), "I've had sex since coming to Fort." Perhaps that confession doesn't really need to be made but Dee needs to make it. "I just-- wanted to figure out this. This-- feeling stuff that I've not-- I don't like people." It might sound ridiculous coming from Dee, but she's turning to look at him with a sort of desperation that he might understand that. She likes people, she just doesn't like like people. "Mhm." Kael starts, and he shifts behind her with intention to stay like he is but pull her into his lap, still looking away from him if she prefers. "What if I'm just so terrible," In bed, that seems to insinuate. He doesn't make a joke out of their situation per se, but he does have an edge at a lighter mood, "That it makes up your mind for you?" Dee doesn't resist the pull but she doesn't lean into him, saying with a fierce kind of certainty, "If you think how good or bad you are in bed is going to make much of a difference then you're a fool and haven't been paying attention." Ka'ge doesn't give any particular reaction to that statement, though given their position, it would be hard to tell if a flicker of something crosses his expression. He just holds her, for as much or as little as she gives in return to that embrace, for a stretch of silence. The pressure of his chin on her shoulder is just that of resting there. When he speaks again, it lacks his smug sarcasm. "I should let you go back to sleep." "Fine," Dee isn't happy and that colors her tone as she says the single word before seeking to slip free of his arms. Kael keeps her just long enough that he can place a kiss at the nape of her neck before he unwinds his arms and sits back. Gaze drops to his hands as he pulls his gloves from his pockets to put them back on. There's nothing to him, it seems, unreadable in expression. But he doesn't rush to leave either, one glove being pulled on at a time with each finger adjusted in turn. Dee doesn't stay where she moves to on the bed but rather continues out of the bed and pulls on her loose pants, tying the drawstring with care before moving toward the exit of the cavern and where her shoes wait beyond. Ka'ge is up faster than one might expect, swinging himself off of the bed reaching to snag her arm before she can reach the exit of the sleeping cavern. "-Dee, wait." There's frustration that is carefully, if barely, controlled, "I'm going." He at least has the mind not to tell her what she should do. "If you're leaving because of me-" He takes a breath, an edge of the anger that often simmers below the things he says when he isn't hiding behind sarcasm and cockiness rising enough to be noticeable. The young bronzerider decides that he doesn't know how to finish that, and as darkness colors his face more than anything, he forces himself to release her arm before his grip tenses further and turn from her. No, Ka'ge does not get off so easily after catching the quarry. Dee makes a grab in return right as he releases her. "Do you really think I'm going to be able to just go back to sleep? The boy I want to be with-- the one I want to see if we could have something real, something lasting, something like what my parents have with shows up in my bed in the middle of the night only to end up with me having to explain to him why I'm not ready to rush into intimacy and to still feel like the thing he's most interested in is sex by the time he goes to leave? No, Ka'ge, I'm not going back to bed," not that he said she should, "I'm going to go get a mug of klah and replay everything that just happened in my head a hundred thousand times over until I can make sense of any of it or go crazy in the attempt." She even bares her teeth at him there at the end, that's how ferocious she is - it's a kind of adorable. Ka'ge is stopped mid-turn, his free hand paused mid-tug in his uncomfortable tick of messing with his hood in situations such as these. His head tilts upwards, that manner in which teens often display that groan of frustration, even if without the groan in this occasion. His eyes close briefly but when he does let his head roll back down, his blue-green eyes study her. "If I just wanted sex I would have had it by now." He says ungently, but glances away immediately after. Gloved fingers massage between his eyes. Something that sounds like peculiarly like 'sorry' is muffled through his gloved palm, then the hand falls to his side heavily, limply. "You have no reason to believe what I tell you. I can't argue with you otherwise. I told you a long time ago never to trust me. At least you took that to heart." His first words have Dee letting go, have her looking appalled, have her turning to flee her own weyr, leaving Ka'ge to suffer the hotly glowing eyes of her roused lifemate alone. Zymadiath is just beyond the junior's ledge in the bowl itself, but he wouldn't impede Dee's escape, settled square on his haunches waiting, an immobile dark statue that must've been there stilled as a shadow for some long amount of time. His red-licked eyes are for his rider, and him alone. Ka'ge, as he moves beyond Taeliyth, pulls his hood's edge adjacent to her further, so he could neither see her eyes nor could she see his as he hunches his back and leaves after Dee. He wouldn't pursue her for the sake of, well, he knows how badly he just fucked up. He'd climb up between the irritated bronze's spined neck ridges; the bronze whose anger is more potent in silence than anything. And the pair of them would leap upwards and dissolve into the night. |
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