Logs:Too Many Chances
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| RL Date: 19 October, 2015 |
| Who: Nala, E'dre, Wroth |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: E'dre summons Nala to discuss her return to duty. |
| Where: Weyrleader's Office, Fort Weyr |
| When: Day 17, Month 1, Turn 39 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: N'muir/Mentions, N'rov/Mentions, M'vyn/Mentions, Ebeny/Mentions |
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| It's late into the day when Wroth reaches for Jynth, his stormy presence subdued to a tinkling of rain in the distance. Either E'dre has imparted strongly that the brown behave or Wroth is too occupied to bother overly much with the message he delivers to the blue: « Your rider is wanted. He is in the Weyrleader's office. » In the office, E'dre has finished reviewing a recent stack of hides and has set to organizing the mess of his desk while he waits for Nala's entrance. He seems to be in a good enough mood for him and the space within the office seems cheerful with the open glowbaskets and the open door allowing for any to step in without knocking. Nala doesn't hurry. She doesn't seem to do anything quick these days, though nor is she deliberately obstructive. One step after another carries her across the bowl, the hem of her white skirt muddied by the time she reaches the Weyrleaders' ledges and makes her way up the steps. And still she hesitates, her figure darkening the doorway even with nothing there to block her path, her hands shoved into the pocket of her leather jacket as she waits, her blank stare turned to the room rather than E'dre in particular. E'dre looks up as he notices the shift in the room and the darkening of that doorway. Nala is given a once over and then he stands from his chair to indicate she come in with a wave of his hand. "Please come in," he tells her, taking a moment to look beyond her at those passing by. "Close the door if you want the privacy or you may leave it open if you're more comfortable with that." He hesitates for a moment, looking to a kettle of klah near to the hearth but decides against offering her some as he re-seats himself. "I wanted to talk to you about coming back to Hematite. Or, if you wish, transferring you to another wing." He takes a breath and tosses his fingers through his hair, "I'm not N'muir and I may not be doing the best by you with my choices. I want to know where you want to see yourself." Nala glances back at the door, considering, then steps away from the entryway and leaves it as it is, without moving to close it. She doesn't edge far into the cavern beyond, her steps meandering until she finds somewhere to stand that keeps some distance between herself and the Weyrleader, and doesn't provide anything to lean on or a nearby chair to sit in. "Where would I go?" she asks, somewhat rhetorically. "Jynth is good at what he does. We were... good. I hamper him, now. I will be the burden, wherever I go. None of your wingleaders are going to want me." Her answer is delivered without a touch of self-pity, each piece a plain, factual statement. "Perhaps they won't," E'dre answers her honestly, leaning back in his chair as he steeples his fingers together and rests his hands on the desk. "Your behavior and choices don't make you stand out in a positive light. You have said to me on more than one occasion that you felt that your wingmates were a reason for you to feel unwelcome in Hematite and have caused you problems for their choices. I still don't quite understand what happened between you and N'rov. I don't know where you stand," he reiterates again, "and would like to return you to a more active duty than you and Jynth have been doing. Jynth is a solid blue," he agrees with Nala on that point, "and he will be an asset to any wing. The question ultimately for you to answer is whether you want to remain in Hematite or move on." The bluerider shifts her gaze to watch E'dre for a fraction of a second, before she straightens her shoulders and lifts her focus once more. "Maybe you could understand it better now that he has been in bed with your weyrmate," she answers, slowly and carefully, yet lacking in any weight or emotional investment. "I hear that you were not exactly restrained yourself." Nala clasps her hands behind her back. "You may ask the healers, if you wish, but they suggest that my behaviour is not always... intentional. I am not sure whether I agree with them or not, but they continue to... help me. It may not be a matter of where I wish to be, but where I should be." "I wasn't aware he was sleeping with your weyrmate," E'dre counters with a furrowing of brows and a tightening of his lips. Then he shrugs and loosens his facial expression with a quick shake of his head. "I dumped an ale on him and would've done more, I think, had I not remembered my station. I did not take his side against you when I made my decision to ground you both. It's the location of your argument that tied my hands." He considers her then for a span of time after her further explanation. "Then you should be in Hematite because it's where the best riders go," he tells her, matter-of-fact in that delivery and unashamed to admit that preference. "If you will continue to work with us, we will continue to work with you." "I do not have a weyrmate." It's an odd distinction to make, having just used the word, though she's just as clinical about that as the rest. "And you should have taken his side," Nala steadily declares. "I tried to make you. I know what I did." Yet it's not an apology. What she thinks of his judgement shows only in the slight tilt of her head, for she still doesn't look straight at E'dre again. "...If I am to remain, then I want a heavy workload. I do not want to be pitied or to go gently. The more I am gone from here, the better, for more than me." "The distance and the overworking isn't what makes a quality rider," E'dre notes, choosing not to continue to touch on the subject of weyrmates and N'rov. "A quality rider is someone who has your back in a crisis, someone you can trust in the air with decisions, and someone on the ground who can work with others." He frowns at her, not out of pity but frustration. "You want to be part of a wing but you want to work outside of it. That's not what I want to hear," he uses that last sentence with a lifted brow. "Hematite works hard and we work hard together. If you want to be more of an individual, perhaps you should go to a wing that doesn't seem inclined to mind that. Flint seems to be coming up with their own standards. There's Malachite." A shrug. "If you were to stay with Hematite, I want you to find a way to work within the group, not outside of it. That will be my expectation of you if you stay." "It is a little odd that you should consider a heavy workload to be overworking," Nala answers without any heat or heart, half-defeated already, given her glance towards the door. "I do not want to be part of a wing," she seeks to correct. "I have to be, for it is the way of things for Jynth. Working for a wing hardly requires presence and companionship if the work is still completed as it should be." She twitches one shoulder. "Why not post me as a watchrider to some nearby hold and have me serve that way?" Whether it's what she wants or not, she's no more invested in it. "Am I to have time to decide or must I choose now?" E'dre continues to look at Nala though his gaze has grown distant. "I don't know what to say to you," he finally admits as he refocuses on her and shrugs a shoulder. "I may never know what to say or do with you. I sometimes feel like you actively work against yourself and then come at it in a manner as 'so be it'. You can be argumentative and then turn into a defeatist." He sighs and scrubs his hand at the back of his neck as he looks away from her. "You don't have to choose now. I'll give you the seven to make up your mind. I won't post you as a watchrider for longer than a few months, but if that's what you need now to continue to heal, I'll grant it." "I thought we had established that my being argumentative is not what you wish to hear." Despite the statement in itself being so. "...Then, I suppose that I believed we were almost friends once, too." Nala ducks her head and looks towards the door again. "Besides, it is easier to work against myself than have someone else do it, is it not?" If she's at all wry with that, perhaps it's a trick of sound. "Saves you the trouble." When she moves, inch by inch, it's to turn towards the entryway. "...Thank you," she murmurs. "You have given me too many chances." "I wanted to be your friend," E'dre agrees and for the first time in the conversation he allows himself to show a hint of sadness, "Whether I screwed that up on my own or it was both of us, I don't know which. I am not entirely sure we could repair that again." He watches Nala move towards the door and reaches for a record, any excuse to look down and away from her. "I was given chances I didn't deserve," he tells her, "and I only mean to continue to offer that to those who benefit from them." It's not a dismissal directly, but he's giving her an opportunity to leave if she wishes as he flips another record forward to look at. "No." It's agreement, flat though it is. "And perhaps we would both be better off without the effort." However, it doesn't stop Nala glancing back at him, even as his latter remark seems to prompt her to flee. Before she can look too long, she ducks her head again and lets her hair fall across her face, effectively concealing her features until she's well out of sight and away. |
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