Logs:Not Ours
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| RL Date: 22 October, 2015 |
| Who: Ebeny, E'dre, Laurienth, Wroth |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Ebeny has to tell E'dre what she's learned. |
| Where: Autumnal Eventide Weyr, Fort Weyr |
| When: Day 28, Month 1, Turn 39 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: N'rov/Mentions, C'sel/Mentions, Casseny/Mentions, Elayne/Mentions, Eden/Mentions, Eryn/Mentions, A'ryk/Mentions |
| OOC Notes: Language. Discussion of termination of pregnancy. Potentially upsetting material. |
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| It's near evening when Ebeny finally returns from having spent her rest day somewhere other than the Weyr for a change, the morning's departure one that spoke of not going far and to summon her back if the weyrlings need anything, and of time spent with her eldest brother and youngest (if now not so little) sister at the Healer Hall. She's the only one in the weyr at present, Laurienth out flitting from perch to perch along the rim of the bowl, testing the winter currents every now and then, her eyes a curious swirl of orange and yellow. That amber blend is not so different to what's in the greenrider's glass, both of Ebeny's hands supporting the tumbler that she's curled up in bed with, her knees drawn to her chest. Wroth notices Laurienth's antics with a certain casualness as he lounges on a ledge that does not belong to him. His tail begins to incessantly tap as he watches her flit about and her eye color draws more of his focus than her winter-driven flight. E'dre heads into their weyr shortly after Wroth has 'tattled' on Laurienth. The brownrider's fatigue is clearly marked on his face and demeanor as he shucks off his winter gear to hang and tuck away. He moves about the living space for a time before he makes his way into the bedroom where Ebeny is resting. That tumbler is noted with some surprise as he leans against the doorway. "How was your day?" Ebeny manages to look thoroughly sick at the sound of footsteps, then even worse as her weyrmate presents himself in her line of sight. She has no immediate answer for him, but she lifts her glass to her lips and takes a long drink, letting her silence drag out for even longer while she waits for the alcohol to burn its way down. "Fantastic," she rasps, past sarcasm and on to a dull, despairing hysteria. There's no looking at him when she goes on to state, "I'm pregnant," without preamble, then tips back the rest of her glass and completely drains its contents, whether it's her first or... not first. E'dre watches Ebeny with an increased tenseness at that dragging silence and her demeanor that follows. His shoulders tense as he pushes away from the doorway to begin to stride forward, prepared to handle whatever crisis may be dropped at his feet. The one that is dropped has him stopping so fast he nearly trips on the ground. "You're what?" he asks, unable to hide the incredulous tone as his brows hike high, "I thought the healers said-," he cuts that off with a clearly growing excitement as he closes the distance between them to try and hug her. "This is wonderful! How are you feeling? I wonder if the girls will be excited or frustrated by another sibling," he continues without waiting for an answer, moving to sit on the bed beside her. He is full of excitement and wonder over this prospective baby as he flashes a growing smile at Ben. Ebeny only tenses the nearer he gets, and makes no move of her own to embrace him or to encourage E'dre to think that she might welcome any kind of closeness at the moment. "It isn't wonderful," she declares, low and verging on angry. "Think about it!" is more animated, if only by way of exclamation. "Four months. Four sharding months. It isn't like we were together much before then, and we weren't until she last flew--" She shakes her head. "I would've thought of it sooner if the Healers hadn't fucking said." Her arm lifts, as if she might throw the glass, yet she exerts some control at the last minute and slams it down on the bedside table instead. "I don't want it," she says flatly. "Four months?" E'dre echos as he reverses his earlier attempt to hug and folds his arms in front of him as he stares at Ebeny in an attempt to process her anger. "We've been together," he counters, finding himself defensive in the face of her anger. "What are you trying to say?" he continues, brows furrowing downward as his frown begins to twist into a scowl. "Why wouldn't you want our child?" He either is denying the unsaid between them or he simply has yet to grasp why this would make Ben so upset. "It's too late to even say that, isn't it?" he demands of her, reaching to grip her arm for emphasis. "It wouldn't even be safe to try!" Her first instinct is to wrench her arm away and curl in on herself, and so that is exactly what Ebeny does, attempting to avoid being touched at all. "Because it isn't our child, is it!" It's not a question. "I'm too old for this! I was relieved when they said the chances were slim, after the twins. I've not wanted more children. We don't even get to keep the ones we have!" She drops her head down to her knees and sits there hunched over, face hidden by the waves of hair that fall forward. "...And it isn't ours, is it?" she repeats more quietly. "...It's not... yours." And that brings forth a more defiant: "I can try. A few long trips Between." "Will you stop saying the child isn't ours!" E'dre finds himself shouting in frustration as he shoves himself off of the bed. He takes three or four paces away from Ebeny to gather himself as hands open and close into fists at his side. "Our age isn't the best for another young child, but what if it's a boy?" E'dre's never spoken of a desire for more children nor a wish for a boy and the sudden urge of such a promise drives him to turn and face her. "Our girls being away from us is a temporary thing. It isn't for the rest of their lives!" He takes a step back at her quiet admission and all emotion falls from his face as he noticeably pales. "Not mine?" he asks and then repeats, "It's not mine." He stares at her unblinkingly. "Then it's," he pauses, not bothering to ask as he takes a shuddering breath, "N'rov's." He turns and steps out of the room without looking back. When he turns, Ebeny all but vaults from the bed in a tangle of limbs not helped by her swift ingestion of drink, and no sooner has she almost managed to scramble back to her feet than she has to sit back down, features pale and balance shot. After letting a low moan of sound leave her, her head in her hands, she lifts her voice to call, "It won't be anyone's for much longer. I don't want it. You don't." Such is the assumption she's made in so few seconds. "He won't. It'll land me in the infirmary for a long while," if it works; if she lives, "but it's better than no-one wanting it." Clearly, she has no idea quite how she sounds. "I never once thought about C'sel. Not once. Not when I asked you to keep Elayne and carry her for my own selfish reasons and certainly I failed to think of him after I asked you to be mine," E'dre's voice proceeds him as he heads back into the room. He's got a steady hand on a tumbler of his own and from the redness of his cheeks and eyes the time he spent outside of the room was in the attempt to erase his initial reaction from her view. "This entire thing makes me disgusted with myself," he tells her as he takes a gulp of liquid and shudders at the burn. He has one certainty and this he shares with a firmness that dares Ebeny to tell him no, "You will keep it. I don't care if N'rov doesn't want it. He's an idiot and maybe most of that is because he's young. I'm not so young anymore that I'd take away the value of having another child. I won't have you risk yourself Between to try and lose it. And if you've got a scary road of pregnancy ahead of you, I'll be right by your side." He takes a shuddery breath as he looks away from her, staring at the wall as his jaw clenches to hold back emotion. "When I wasn't before." In too miserable a mood to think much about being kind, Ebeny murmurs, "I thought as much," of E'dre's first point. She still doesn't look up, and instead rocks a little to try and regain some sense of equilibrium. Though she must listen, she offers no argument until she insists, in a very small voice, "...But I don't want this. You say all of this now, when there's no baby right here and I don't look pregnant, but I will soon." She rakes her fingers through her hair. "And what about him? If he thought I was a joke before, he's going to think Faranth knows what now, and-- You have to work together. You don't even know what he's going to say. How're you going to work together? This is just wrong." "He didn't think you were so much of a joke when he slept with you outside of the flight," E'dre counters with absolutely no remorse, his anger directed at the man not present more so than his weyrmate. He doesn't answer her other questions right away, choosing to fill the silence with sips of alcohol before he moves to settle on the end of the bed. He knows better than to seek any physical contact with Ben but his hand drifts towards her anyway. "That's for he and I to work out. If he throws too much of a stink, which I don't think he will, I'll transfer him. To another wing, to another Weyr -- whatever is needed. But it won't come to that." He scrubs a hand down his face and shakes his head. "It won't even come to that. Vhaeryth's too agile and strong. N'rov'll be a leader someday. Here or elsewhere." He looks back up at her then, the first sign of his coming full circle with the news drawing a crooked smile from him. "Aren't we the ever-so-typical weyr-relationship?" "It was me, I told you," Ebeny grits out. "I wasn't thinking. It was me, not him." No matter how much damage that (truth?) might keep doing, it's something that she sticks to without a trace of doubt. "You can't transfer someone just because your weyrmate is an idiot." She doesn't yet manage to look up and only curls up all the more. "This isn't right. It isn't. It's not going to be as simple as you think. I'm not ready to do all of this again. I was never going to be ready to do this again. And for the rest of our lives, it'll just be a reminder of what I did." And then there's the other thought. "What if I do it again? What if I end up wanting him?" Vocalising it propels her to her feet. "I can't do this." "What, you threw him down and jumped on top and he struggled?" E'dre demands, unlikely to ever relent on who was behind that admitted tryst. "And I could if that person was purposefully undermining me and making my leadership get called into question," E'dre counters and then pauses, his scowl deepening in thought at that admission. "I would never ever blame a child," he tells her, "I know what it's like to have those that raise you not care for you. I wouldn't do it to any child. Whether or not I helped bring it into the world, I can certainly help raise it and claim it. A'ryk was fully prepared to do that with Elayne. Why shouldn't I be equally prepared to do this with this baby? It's still of your blood." Ben's last vocalization draws a sharp intake of breath from E'dre and he downs the rest of his drink rather than respond. He doesn't seem inclined to respond to that at all as he stares down at his now empty cup. Ebeny's cheeks stain pink, yet she doesn't provide any further protest concerning what went on between her and N'rov. "...You couldn't blame a child," she says quietly. "I can't-- I don't have any feelings for it, and I'm the one carrying it. I went three months without realising I was expecting Cassie, but I knew I wanted her. All I know now is that I don't want this." She hiccups, but manages to contain any tears that want to escape. Scrubbing a hand over her face, she murmurs, "...I'll find somewhere else to sleep tonight... I can't tell him now. Tomorrow." Or the tomorrow after that. "If he wants it, then maybe... I don't know." "If he wants it, then you'll keep it? But if I said I wanted it, you'd not try?" E'dre asks all too quietly. "I never thought I'd find myself here," he continues before he's standing again. "Don't find anywhere else to sleep. I'm not mad at you. I'm not--," he shakes his head, "I don't know what I am." He gives her one look, knowing what that hiccup means and still he moves towards the door in the next instant. "I'll be home later." He doesn't give any further explanation as he heads back outside and finds solace away from home. "...Maybe then he can take it away," Ebeny utters in a near whisper. She turns away as he moves for the door, both not to see him leave and to prevent him from seeing her finally cry, her only acknowledgement that she's heard anything at all the knot of her arms around her middle. Regardless of E'dre's assurances, she's not there when he returns home, and nor is Laurienth, but at least most of their things remain. |
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