Logs:New Paths
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| RL Date: 20 October, 2015 |
| Who: Edyis |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr, Telgar Weyr, Monaco Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Almost a month later, there are decisions to be made and farewells to be said. |
| Where: Esvay Valley, Nabol, Outside of Monaco Weyr, |
| When: Day 20, Month 1, Turn 39 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: R'hin/Mentions, Mielline/Mentions, Jo/Mentions, Bristia/Mentions, Gretvyn/Mentions, Alida/Mentions, K'del/Mentions, Cron/Mentions, Farideh/Mentions, Tuzur/Mentions |
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| The snow crunched loudly beneath her boots, her breath frosting in the air, her cheeks flushed. Even in the endless blanket of white, Edyis knew the path up the hill to the place where she had said so many goodbyes. The fiery southern blooms she carried in her arms were starkly out of place in that colorless landscape. Their scent more vivid for the contrast with the cold. « You sure you want to do this alone? » Akluseth's warm tenor drifting through her thoughts. « I can come, or I can call. » For a moment, she considered it. Edyis hated to admit it, but there wasn't a thing in her life she'd done on her own. It was always the strength of others she'd selfishly had to rely on. It was Gretvyn who'd pushed her to leave Esvay. K'del who'd managed to get the seed to help Nabol. R'hin who'd set up what was needed for Esvay to be free of Cron. Alida who'd taught her she could defend herself. Jo who'd taught her how to be a little wild. There were too many people to list, too many lessons to name them all. Each one had become a little piece of her. No. I'm good." The crest of the hill was as barren as she remembered, the charred circle of stones that marked where the funerary pyres were built stood like jagged teeth in a gaping mouth, ready to devour whatever was left behind. It was where she'd said her final goodbyes to her mother, a woman she could only remember as small, frail and full of smiles. Where she'd watched the flames claim what the raid's fires hadn't when her father succumbed at last to his wounds. It was the place where Gretvyn had hastily been put to rest, and though his body had likely been betweened, it seemed a fitting place to pay her final respects to R'hin too, even if it was months after the fact. She lay the flowers in the middle of the stones, maybe it was the holder in her that had need of such little rituals. Maybe it was the part of her that couldn't let go, that was still trying to figure out what his final lesson had been. Part of her couldn't help but smile at the thought that it had fallen on such deaf ears. She filled her lungs with cold air and exhaled slowly, perching on a nearby rock to think. Her conversation with Bristia, still lingered in her thoughts, even if the Nabolese weather made the warmth and sunshine of Monaco only a few hours earlier seem as though it were only a dream. She had expected the new leadership to disband Savannah completely, but to hear the reality of it from Bristia's lips made her heart ache. All of them had already been through so much together, and while they grieved M'kris was treated innocent until proven guilty. The thought made her fists clench and brought to mind other unpleasant conversations. In her heart, it was hard not to feel that it was a mistake to leave the head of the tunnelsnake intact where it could cause further damage. Guilt colored her thoughts again as she recalled the first time she'd made R'hin angry, "You don't take one life, you take two. Feyzeth doesn't deserve that. I'kris didn't either when the books are weighed up, but we don't compound fucked-up with more fucked-up, Edyis." If we had, wouldn't you still be alive? She wondered as she watched the great flakes of white drift from the sky. If someone hadn't slipped a dagger between Rone's ribs would Nabol ever have stabilized? She thought of Laine's friends then, the ones executed at Tevrane's orders. Could they have found a better path if they'd been shown mercy? And what of Jo, who had suffered for a crime she hadn't committed? She didn't have an answer, so she bottled up those things too. tucking them somewhere deep inside. The question of what came next, Edyis realized, was the most difficult one. Every choice she'd made to this point was in pursuit of a dream that could never be. Savannah was gone, and likely would never be again, lightning never struck the same way twice. She had a list of dreams that were impossible, questions that would never have answers, and an ever decreasing list of what she could do about any of it. They were old frustrations, ones she thought she'd put to bed a long time ago, but that had a way of cropping up when she least expected it. The question was now, what could she do, and what did she want, and where would she belong? Her thoughts shifted to the transfer papers sitting in her desk drawer, waiting to be filled out. The list of reasons why she hadn't done so, and all the reasons she still hung on to them anyway. She knew she wouldn't be able to put it off forever, but there was time before she would have to make a decision. She could work on keeping up with her contacts and the business side of things in her spare time until she figured out how to integrate it into her work with Snowdrift, figured out if Snowdrift could be where she fit. « Edyis? » Akluseth's voice pulled her from her thoughts. That familiar wash of guilt settled in, and she started marching down the hill again, back to where her lifemate was waiting. A fresh reminder of just how selfish she really was deep down. She wasn't just herself she had to figure out, but him too. Of the things she didn't deserve, the brown was at the top of the list. He'd suffered the brunt of her grief, selfishness, and neglect. "Yeah, Ak?" « Think the traders will have oil? » She laughed, so hard her chest ached, and tears welled up. He never judged her for it, never held her shortcomings against her for very long. Running a hand affectionately over his muzzle as he lowered his gaze to look at her expectantly. She ran a hand over his eye ridges thoughtfully. "Probably, you might even get to meet Tuzar, and he will probably talk me into paying three times what it's worth." She teases warmly. « You made up your mind yet? » She shook her head, "No, but; Its time. Time to build something new, to be something new." Scratching along his eye ridges and earning an approving rumble from the brown. « You sure you have that kind of patience? » Akluseth asked, eyeing her skeptically. « Or the ability to curb that temper of yours? » "Ye of little faith." Edyis scoffed though that didn't stop her from laying on the affection. She checked his straps again, the new set had set her back a few marks, but they were worth it. There were no scars, the hide had healed perfectly, but she still felt the guilt of it. The brown craned his neck to eye her, « I didn't pick you because you were perfect, Ed. I know you feel badly for it, and I also know you won't let it happen again. Kinda the bonus to the whole reading your mind thing. » "Doesn't excuse it," She notes, running her hands over his hide. When satisfied that there are no new sensitive spots, she pulls herself up. Preparing the image of Nabol. « Maybe not, but you are forgiven regardless. » |
Comments
Alida (14:43, 20 October 2015 (PDT)) said...
- sniffles a little* Alida doesn't quite know how to forgive herself a few things, either. *sigh* But, yes. Time for a change or two, whatever degree...for both Ed and Alida.
Jo (14:46, 20 October 2015 (PDT)) said...
I like the insights here! Sometimes, change is really good~
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