Logs:Acceptable Loss
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| RL Date: 2 June, 2015 |
| Who: Kaelige |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Kael receives a message, and reflects on the event of Fort's Hatching... sort of. |
| Where: Hot Springs, Fort Weyr |
| When: Day 11, Month 12, Turn 37 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Dee/Mentions |
| OOC Notes: Disclaimer: A bit of angst. |
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| The hour was late. Late enough that anyone who was still up was drinking, but not yet drunk enough to need to soak themselves sober. This was his hour. It was in the dark that he trained, took off his greys to bathe, and allowed some degree of vulnerability. Allowed some degree of humanity. There was no room to slip, no room to drop his guard without the night and the protection it offered. Although his attitude and upbringing had been defined by obedience and self-preservation alone, there are other lives now dependent on his subtlety and silence. And it's to no lack of skill that the fact of that bothers him, but rather the necessity of having to consider it at all. Of having his plans impeded by being required to think of other people. Oh how he hated it, loathed the thought of a screw up not being so easily covered up. He'd not trained for that. Chiv appears from Between above his head, the firelizard's hide even more muted and dingy as his flurried downstrokes swirl the heated steam rising from the water around himself. Tiny claws scratch and click-clack against the stone as he lands at the edge of the baths, chittering wildly. Sharp feelings reel from the little brown's mind: Angry! ... Disappointment! Kaelige turns himself within the baths, a light groan escaping in the effort from throbbed muscle ache. A grimace lines his face as he shifts to lay his southern-toned back marked in memories drawn into scars and inks both against the warmed stone. His soaked fingers unravel the twine to reveal the message tied to the leg of the winged messenger: Idiot. Can you fail in one less thing? One more shot and then plans change. PS. I shouldn't have to remind you, dimwit, but destroy this. "Fuck off." As the words slip, snarled and threatening, his attention is immediately snapped to casing his surroundings, silencing himself, stilling his breath to listen for motion, footsteps, voices. The expression on the boy is dangerous, deadly- a clear change as he drops the mask of the joker he wears amidst the Fortians. His hands fall back under the warm water, piece of parchment included to let the writing fade and vanish into imperceptible smudges. The note didn't need a by-line. Kaelige only sent and received messages from one person. His master was a harsh and cynical man, but that didn't keep him from idolizing him any less, though far be it from his words to indicate as much. He thinks Standing means Impressing. I knew he wouldn't allow me stay here idle for turns, but I didn't know the leash would be so tight.. And now, so many eyes are on Fort after that damnable event. Whatever, we still have time. One more shot- Fine. Maybe I'll throw myself at the next wandering green and really piss the old man off. Apathetic, cold-blooded, callous boy. No amount of sympathy, no amount of sorrow touches him in light of the day's events. He shed no tear for the Weyr, gave no thought to the hatchling's despair, felt no guilt for the asshole he'd been to Dee. Loss is acceptable because it is a constant. It is acceptable because no single life matters, not even his own. That is what he was taught, that is what he knows, that is the condition he follows. And whether he has a hand in it or simply watches from afar, loss follows him like his own shadow. |
Comments
Lilah (16:17, 5 June 2015 (EDT)) said...
I like this peek into Kaelige's moment alone! Lilah would understand, in some way, accepting loss because it's a constant, I think. And I think that one more shot might be a universal feeling for the whole Weyr, but such a firmly illustrated thing for Kaelige's situation! Not just a feeling.
Dee (18:02, 5 June 2015 (EDT)) said...
Dee: *lip wobbles for Kaelige*
So much feelz! And so interesting the reveal of some bit of the puppet strings being pulled. Can't wait to see more! It was especially neat to me to see how very different Kaelige's perspective on the value of a life is from Dee's. Awesome! <3
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