Logs:Disappointment
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| RL Date: 5 May, 2015 |
| Who: Farideh, H'vier |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Farideh is studying, and H'vier is.. H'vier. It doesn't end badly! |
| Where: Records Room, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 20, Month 9, Turn 37 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: K'del/Mentions |
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| While the day may have dawned clear and chilly, in the records room it is fairly cozy and the glows provide pleasantly diffused light. It is yet early and here Farideh finds herself, a series of hides and scrolls spread out on the table she's claimed as hers. She has a sheaf of paper under her hand, a pencil poised as though to write, but her free hand is busily twirling a strand of hair, as she stares uncomprehendingly at the text before her. A casual observer might assume she's simply concentrating, staring down at the records with her brow puckered and her bottom lip caught between her teeth. H'vier has put his returned freedom since the hatching to good use and when he's not working, and sometimes when he is, he hasn't been spending much time in the Weyr. But this morning he's not only in the Weyr, he's here, looking for certain records with a casual demeanor. He notices Farideh before he finds what he's looking for, however, and he can't just ignore her, so the bronzerider moves closer, from behind, to lean his hands against her chair and look over her shoulder at the hides and scrolls. "I often find it more productive to actually read what I'm looking at than to simply stare at it." The creaking of her chair when he leans on it brings her eyes up, and up, to the tall bronzerider hovering over her shoulder. "I don't think I can read anymore. I've been trying. I've been here--" Farideh frowns, refocusing. "I actually don't know what time it is, but I've been here a while. All the lines start to blur together after a while and it all looks like blah blah blah." She sighs and lifts one of the hides, sliding out the one underneath it and putting it on top. "What are you doing here? I didn't know you knew how to read," she says sweetly, offering up a smile. "You missed breakfast," H'vier offers as some indication of the time before he's moving around to pull out a seat and settle himself into it nearby. He's staying, evidently. "Research," is his simple answer for his presence, and he only smiles at her baiting. "I imagine there's a lot about me that you don't know, weyrwoman. I like to think it will stay that way." He returns his gaze to her work and asks, "Are you studying?" "Did I?" Farideh sounds bemused by that, and tacks on a pert, "I guess Quinlys will be tracking me down any minute now." She doesn't sound alarmed or concerned however, as she continues to tidy her work section, side-eyeing H'vier as he takes a close seat. "Why do you say that? Isn't my job to know all about you? K'del may be your Weyrleader, but--" Her lips purse and she shakes her head, glancing down at her accumulated records. "A bit of this, a bit of that. Mostly history." "Your job is to take care of the Weyr." H'vier leaves off mentioning how this is good because she's a woman and that's what women do. Progress? "And that's only once you're a proper weyrwoman." He glances at her tidying, leaning an elbow against the table to tilt his head against. So casual. "Do you really think K'del, of all people, knows everything about me?" "Aren't you part of the Weyr?" Farideh spares him a chiding stare, and takes up her pencil again, only to start doodling scribbles on her blank paper. "I don't know. I don't know much about him either. You're both intolerable. But I suppose, being he's been your Weyrleader for however many turns now, that he knows at least half, if not more. Don't you think?" "You don't need to know anything more than you already do to take care of my place in the Weyr," the bronzerider assures the weyrling. "You shouldn't need to know anything particularly personal about anyone to take care of their place in the Weyr. Unless you use it against them. And you wouldn't do that, would you?" Of course not, is the implication in H'vier's voice. "But I'll allow that K'del might know more than I'd like by virtue of being close to someone who was important to me." "No, but wouldn't it be nice to know the people you're responsible for?" It's shifted to somewhat seriousness, rather than her glib responses. "It's certainly not necessary, but-- it feels too impersonal, otherwise. If this is my home, and this is your home, and we live in it together." Farideh's wrinkles her nose and slants him a frustrated look. "Perhaps that's why you're both so annoying. You have common threads." "Only if they want you to know. I don't pry into my wingriders' lives more than necessary. So long as they're doing their jobs, I don't care who else they are." It's close enough to true that H'vier even sounds genuine. "And let's not go that far. The only thing I have in common with that man is that we're both bronzeriders." One last, long, meaningful stare is given, and then she's holding out a hand, fingers up, to count off the ways in which H'vier and K'del are very much alike. "You're both abnormally tall. You both think you're right about everything. You both show up at inconvenient times. You both are annoying. And I don't like either of you. So there--" Now that five fingers on the one hand are down, Farideh holds up her fist, triumphant. "You see, you're not so very different." None of that seems to bother H'vier all that much considering it's one thing in particular that he focuses on. "You don't like me?" He's hurt. "I thought we were friends now, Farideh." And he sounds so very reasonable about this fact. How could anything else possibly be true? "Some days you are, some days you aren't. Does that displease you? Really? After everything?" Farideh leans forward, chin on her hand, elbow on the table, and studies H'vier thoughtfully. "It's less than ideal." H'vier's hurt is gone, though, so it must not have been very strong hurt to begin with. "There's no reason we can't get along more often than not, is there? I can't even ask you for sex right now." So there are lines that he won't cross, evidently. "Why the sudden reasonableness?" Farideh's brows have hiked in the process of listening. "You've never seemed particularly interested in solidifying our relationship before-- and now?" Her lips quirk. "You can't. How true. Here you are, talking to me for non-sex related reasons. Have you grown, H'vier?" "I'm trying to look at things from a different perspective," H'vier tells the girl. "I don't know if I'd say I've grown. But I'm trying." Whether he means the same trying as before or trying to grow is less clear, but either is better than nothing, right? "How are you enjoying having a voice in your head? Is it everything you'd hoped for?" Trying, Farideh mouths silently. "It isn't all that bad. I've always missed the part of home where I could be alone, and now it's worse. But it isn't-- terrible. It's Roszadyth. It seems-- natural, I guess." She shrugs indolently. "I can't say it was anything that I hoped for. Expectations haven't quite met up. I'm not having as hard a time as some others, though." "You learn how to have some privacy. But I suppose Reisoth is part of my privacy at this point. I notice more when some part of him isn't there than when some part of him is." H'vier doesn't talk about his relationship with his dragon very often. "Whatever you hoped for doesn't really matter now, I suppose. You have what you have and there's no going back." He can speak from experience, at least, where that's concerned. "Roszadyth certainly doesn't intrude. She's too polite for that, but still-- knowing that they can, and they can see all the things you don't want anyone else to see. All of your secrets-- well, you don't have any anymore, because they'll know." Farideh frowns, and scrunches her nose at her own statement, as though she regrets the words after they're out. "I know. I can't. It's just hard to accept, that this is my life now. Were you able to? Just accept it, after Reisoth?" "It's difficult to keep secrets from them. Especially golds and bronzes. I've heard it's easier with some of the others." The lessers, obviously. "But they're you. And you're them, in a way." H'vier glances off toward where someone else is moving around, licking his lips. "No. He was everything I wanted. Bronze, smart, large. But it was still difficult to accept, to adjust. I didn't know he wasn't actually everything I wanted until later. When it took him twenty turns to catch a gold at all." And still not one of the right rank. "But he appreciates my interests and makes me a better person." Which, really, could be kind of a scary thought. "We are, but some of those things-- I'd rather her not know," and that pointed look she gives him could have definite meaning. "You wanted a bronze?" Farideh shouldn't be, but is, surprised by that revelation. "Does it bother him that you find him inadequate? I don't think I could ever be mad at Roszadyth for something like that. I don't have any kind of expectations of her-- maybe you should blame yourself." H'vier laughs. It's low and throaty rather than full-bellied, but it's amused all the same. "No, it doesn't bother him. I assure you he finds me inadequate in just as many ways. Probably more." He considers Farideh for a moment, then points out, "I'm sure there will come a time when you do have expectations of her. And she may well disappoint you. It's normal." After another moment, he asks, "Why wouldn't you think I'd want a bronze?" H'vier might be amused, but Farideh is simply thoughtful. "I can't imagine that at all. I'm quite certain I would disappoint her before she disappointed me." Her eyes flick down to the hides, and then back up to the bronzerider. "I can't imagine that you were so ambitious before. Somehow, dragonless H'vier -- Havier? -- seems like he would have been normal. Or have you always been this way?" Hopefully, she doesn't mean big and hairy. "Havier," the bronzerider confirms. "I had different ambitions then, to be sure. But doesn't every little boy," it happened! He was a little boy at some point! "Have a dream to Impress the biggest bronze on Pern?" Not that Reisoth is quite that, but he is one of the largest. "Are you telling me you wouldn't be disappointed if you wake up after her first flight with me in your bed? Or K'del? Or any other bronze- or brownrider that you don't like?" H'vier doesn't seem convinced that would be the case. "Do they? Does every little boy hope he has to experience unrealistic expectations and deal with cranky goldriders forever? I doubt it." Farideh makes a face at the latter, her lips pursing in distaste at the mere idea. "It wouldn't be disappointment-- I would be livid, of either of you, of any of them, but is it really up to her? Isn't it the fastest, the strongest that wins? How can she be responsible for that? It would just be terrible luck." "Children don't have realistic expectations of their dreams. That's what makes them dreams. If I'd known I'd Impress a bronze that would never catch a senior queen, I'd have probably been much less enthusiastic about the idea." H'vier shrugs his shoulders to the rest of them. "Reisoth has been chasing for a long time now. Sometimes he wins because he's the best, sometimes he loses because he wasn't. And sometimes a gold or green is adamant about who she wants to catch her. It doesn't always mean she gets what she wants, but it can affect a flight, for better or worse." "What a sad childhood you must have had, to have dreams about being Weyrleader," is not exactly insulting, from her vantage, but blunt. "I think I used to dream about having tea parties with Lady Daroda and adventures in the southern jungles. Not becoming Weyrwoman." Farideh drops her arm and sits upright, allowing her gaze to traverse the still-sparsely-occupied room. "I see. I will admit Roszadyth is sometimes too nice. Much too nice. But I don't doubt her ability to do the right thing, the thing that is needed. If, that coincides with my desire not to make you or K'del a Weyrleader, then--" Her smile is tight. The bronzerider makes an oddly agreeable sound in regards to his childhood, no insult or offense taken. "We weren't all born wanting for nothing, weyrwoman. You might want to keep that in mind as you get to know this Weyr that might be yours one day. And, if it makes you feel any better, I'll do my best to keep Reisoth from chasing his progeny." H'vier smiles, if not with complete sincerity, then he starts moving to rise to his feet. "You really ought to get something to eat, if you haven't. I'd prefer to avoid having to tell Quinlys why one of her precious weyrlings up and fainted while under my supervision." The short-haired brunette lifts her eyes as he rises, her chin following suit. "I will, after I finish this," she says, with a wide gesture to all of the hide and scrolls. "Until next time?" Farideh's lips curl with amusement, but then she's ducking her head, to get back to staring listlessly as her study material; having to know stuff is so boring. "It's easier to retain things when you've eaten," H'vier points out, but he leaves her with that, reaching a hand to pat her shoulder once before he's turning to make his way out of the records. Whatever he was going to research will apparently have to wait for another day. |
Comments
Alida (19:19, 5 May 2015 (EDT)) said...
I enjoyed seeing this less-often seen facets of both of them. :)
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