Logs:Haunted

Haunted
"Doing the best I can. My way."
RL Date: 24 September, 2015
Who: Farideh, K'del
Involves: High Reaches Weyr
Type: Log
What: Farideh and K'del are up to their old tricks.
Where: Council Chambers, High Reaches Weyr
When: Day 26, Month 11, Turn 38 (Interval 10)






Home. K'del's been back long enough, now, to be more-or-less settled, resuming occasional visits to his family and taking control of the wings. Winter looms upon the horizon, and so too does Niahvth's clutching; for today, however, the weather is fine, and now that the wingleader's meeting has completed, the blond bronzerider has the council chambers to himself, his papers, and the klah pot at which he stands, refilling his mug. It's not that Farideh has been avoiding K'del since his return, except-- she has been avoiding him, since his return; not that life hasn't been busy in general, between leadership and wing changes, and two back-to-back flights. Farideh also doesn't aim to interrupt the Weyrleader's alone time, this time, but she's distracted, head bent as she reads from the letter clutched in one hand, and laughing at whatever contents it holds. She's not quiet in her amusement, and only glances up when she comes to the end and her laughter becomes a strangle sound. "Fara-- K'del," exclaimed. "Half think you still believe me stuck at Southern, and not likely to catch you unawares, minding my own business," is amused, K'del's reply lifted to carry over his shoulder; he's turned to glance at the goldrider, the klah pot set down as he does so. "Hello, Farideh. Congratulations on Roszadyth's flight." The time is takes her to close her mouth is miniscule, but telling. "I knew you were back," Farideh says, shifting uncomfortably. "Hello." She folds the letter into half and then into a square, tucking it into the pocket of her trousers. "Thank you, and-- I guess I never got to properly say congratulations to you, either." And one would think her done, but true to form, she can't quite keep her mouth shut. "Was it worth it?" K'del turns, now, properly and with his whole body, both hands wrapping about his newly-filled mug. He's silent for a moment, lips pressed together in a thin line that breaks, finally, when he says, "Is anything? Not exactly the easiest thing to judge, is it?" Beat. "It's good to be home, and back to work. You're... well?" His words are quiet, cautious, but not outright awkward. "I like to think some things are, but--" Farideh's mouth screws up to the side and one shoulder lifts in an uncertain shrug. "I don't know if-- you don't worry about what would have happened if you didn't?" She's watching him cautiously, maintaining the distance. "I'm fine. I wasn't the one who got stabbed in the back. I should be asking you that." K'del gives a shrug of his own, now, and there's no wince as he does so: progress! "Sure, hard not to worry. The what-ifs. But... I'm here. What's done is done. Now, the thing that matters is to move on, start thinking about the future." Nothing is as simple as that, and perhaps his expression acknowledges that, with the wry twist of his smile, and the so-tight way he holds on to his mug. "Heard you'd been ill, that's all. Long as you're recovered, now." The goldrider's brow twitches slightly, not going into a full-blown furrow. "Everyone always says that. It doesn't make you stop thinking about it. It doesn't make it any better. It's just--" Another sigh, and she lifts and drops her hands in a plaintive motion. "I wouldn't say recovered, but it's being handled. Our healers are adept," Farideh answers, only looking away once. "And you? Have you recovered?" "No," admits K'del, gaze sliding away from Farideh. "Doesn't mean I don't want to try. Not going to live my life in fear, or drive myself crazy imagining, not as much as I can." Focusing on that, at least, means he's less likely to focus too much thought on Farideh's condition, having now established that she's in good hands; it's probably better that way. "It's healing, anyway. No longer hurts the way it did, or pulls. They wouldn't let me go home until that was true. I'm fine." Everyone's fine. Farideh tried! Really, she did! But the carefully constructed mask wears and her frustration shows itself in the stubborn set of her mouth, the annoyance in her gaze. "You almost died." She says it loud enough that she even surprises herself, and falls silent for a few breaths. "You could have died," she repeats, quieter. "Everyone's walking around like it didn't happen, like it's fine. Someone tried to kill you." She shakes her head and folds her arms, obviously piqued. "Sometimes, I think you're an idiot." K'del intends, clearly, to throw his arms up in the air in frustration, but seems to remember just in time that he is, in fact, holding a mug of hot liquid. "Do you think I'm not aware of it? That it doesn't fucking haunt me, Farideh?" His own voice has raised; it will probably carry out of the council chambers, perhaps even as far as the records room. "We have no idea who did it. None. All the clues just dry up. And I have no idea if it was targeted at me, specifically, or if I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and do you think that doesn't kill me?" Wrong choice of words, though he doesn't seem to notice. "What am I supposed to do?" From the person who initiated the frustrating strain of conversation, it's a bit contradictory to start shushing K'del now, with the hand gestures and everything. "Calm down," comes out in a loud whisper. Farideh keeps shaking her head at him, listening and not talking, but her continued annoyance still remains, until those poor choice of words. "What is that supposed to mean? Are you saying-- no," she says, pointing a finger at him, her jaw tensing, "that's impossible. How am I supposed to know? You're supposed to be the rolemodel. You're the one with all the experience and you're--" Cut off again, by her ill-humor. K'del clamps his mouth shut, visibly angry, as Farideh replies. It's probably a good thing that he sets his mug down, then; a good thing that he clasps his hands behind his back rather than break anything. "I'm doing the only thing I know how," is what he says, finally, voice lowered but dangerously tense. "And that's to keep doing my job. Not going to break down and cry; not going to hide away in fear. You deal in whatever way works for you, Farideh, and leave me to deal the only way I know how." And it's doubly good Farideh's arms are folded and there's nothing within easy reach so she can start throwing things either; they're both mad, if for different reasons. "You have a family, but you're here, when whoever it is-- they could be here," she snaps back at him, and then releases a loud breath. "I can't talk to you. Not about this, not right now. You're-- just, go back to wearing your best weyrleader ever badge, and we'll pretend this never happened, hm?" are tense words. "So I should run away? Cower in a corner? Let whomever it was win?" K'del snaps those words out without thinking, without pausing. "Doing the best I can. My way. Because I don't have to live my life the way you should think I should, Farideh. It's my life. So... just go. It's not like it's your business what I do anyway." "What you're doing isn't much better," Farideh sneers, in one last comeback, and ruins it with a questionable lip wobble. She tries, at least, to reign in her emotions, which has her expression momentarily pinched, before she gives him an awkward head-tip. "Enjoy your-- klah." With a regal air, she walks back the way she came, her shoulders stiff and her head held high; hopefully she'll make it outside before she starts to ugly cry. And K'del? At least he doesn't compound his injuries by punching a wall. It's happened before.

Comments

Faryn (08:17, 25 September 2015 (PDT)) said...

...what were you even arguing about! It's like it's hardwired and you're a arguing about how much you agree sometimes. Go make out, you'll feel better.

Jo (10:22, 25 September 2015 (PDT)) said...

I second Faryn. It's HILARIOUS, you two. XD

Farideh (12:50, 25 September 2015 (PDT)) said...

I don't need a reason to argue!

Faryn (13:58, 25 September 2015 (PDT)) said...

Won't argue that.

Tela (08:40, 26 September 2015 (PDT)) said...

Ugly crying is no fun. D: D: