Logs:Holder Girls
| |
|---|
| |
| RL Date: 8 January, 2014 |
| Who: Edyis, Madilla, Raija |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Madilla and (shy) Raija interrupt Edyis' reading time. They talk about being a holder girl in a weyr world. |
| Where: Resident Common Room, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 2, Month 10, Turn 33 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Delifa/Mentions, Leova/Mentions, Lilabet/Mentions |
   |
| Resident Common Room, High Reaches Weyr Just off of the main passageway lies the small cavern that forms the hub of the residents' quarters, kept immaculately clean by the headwoman's staff and warmed in cold weather by a stone hearth to the left and well back from the entrance. Comfortable chairs and a plush fur arrayed before the hearth make an inviting spot to curl up with a book or handicraft, or just to sit and chat. Beyond, additional chairs stand in clusters throughout the room, some upholstered with age-softened hide, some plain wood. At the widest point of the cavern, a round table gleams with polish, though its surface is nicked and scarred from Turns of use. Beyond the table, the very back of the cavern often lies in shadow unless the glowbaskets there are unlidded to cast cozy pools of light. The commingled scents of klah, smoke and polish permeate the air along with the sweetness of rosemary and lavender. Tapestries hang across the entrances to dormitories and more private quarters as well as the exit to the outer hall, colorful protections from drafts. Though the autumn sun is shining, the world still seems to be drying out from the heavy rains a few days before. At least it provides a better sense of warmth, even to those who choose to remain indoors to catch up on a bit of study. Edyis has happily claimed one of the more comfortable chairs, a stack of books nearby, with her journal balanced on one arm of the chair, and a text on medicinal herbs in her lap. She doesn't seem focused on either however, tapping the non charred end of her writing tool against the blank page and watching the fire, and the comings and goings of the room. More interested in people watching than study at the moment. It must be a rare day off since she doesn't seem set to immediately scurry off anywhere. For the past month or so, Madilla - well known through the lower caverns given her role - has been quite publicly on partial leave; that certainly explains why she is out and about in the caverns and not at work. She's got the reason for that leave with her: a dark-haired toddler carried in a sling, though the little girl has buried her face into Madilla's chest. The healer smooths down dark hair as she crosses towards the hearth, looking tired but not unhappy. Dark eyes light on the Weyrhealer and her new bundle brow lifting curiously. She folds shut the books, setting them aside, "A newcomer to the weyr, Weyrhealer Madilla?" The younger woman asks, leaning over the arm of the chair to get a better look at the girl, perhaps taking in the details. "I take it she hasn't been sleeping well?" Judging from Madilla's own weariness. Despite initial appearances, Raija is not sleeping: the sound of another voice, so close, has her burrowing more deeply into the Weyrhealer's chest, despite Madilla's efforts to extricate her and let Edyis see. "This is Raija," she says, giving Edyis a brief but genuine smile as she attempts to sink into a seat without toppling over, supporting the child carefully with one arm. "She's had some... upheaval. It's only to be expected, of course, but it's tiring. She's shy." A warm smile crosses the woman's lips, "I think I know a little of how she feels, but it must be frustrating for her, being too small to understand." There's a tilt of her head as she studies the pair, "She has you though, to guide her through it. You have other children yes? I imagine in time they will help her beat the shyness." Faranth knows it's what worked in the hold at any rate. "Would you like a mug of Klah? I was just about to fetch myself one." "As do I," agrees Madilla quietly, as her hand once again reaches to stroke that little dark head, and its two dark pigtails. "She's many times better off with us than she was, but... she doesn't trust that, yet. My other children," her nod suggests that yes, this is a deliberate answering of that question, "are doing their best. Of course, it's hard for them, too. Klah would be lovely, thank you." Edyis moves to the pot by the fire and fills two mugs. "I can imagine. It was hard for me when my younger siblings were born at first, my father had just remarried, but now there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them." Lifting the mugs she brings one to the healer with a smile that only fades slightly, "Was she so badly off?" She studies the child, as though trying to imagine what her life must have been like before, shivering a little. As Edyis fetches the klah, Madilla does her best to extract Raija, adjusting the sling until the girl has no choice but to withdraw partially, though both arms are still flung around the healer's body. She gives an uncertain glance at the world, and at Edyis, and then tries to hide her face once more. Madilla accepts the mug, setting it down beside her, and considers the question. "She was," she says, ultimately, and without detail. "Every child deserves to be wanted by someone, don't you think? Her... b-l-a-n-k-e-t is being washed and dried at the moment, so she's more clingy than usual. But give her time. You're... you were one of the candidates, weren't you? I've forgotten your name." The dimpled smile is offered the little girl, but perhaps experience has taught Edyis not to force things, but let them happen in their own time. A wordless nod of agreement, for being wanted, "I see, well that explains quite a bit. Yes, I'm Edyis, from Nabol originally, but I decided to stay on after the hatching." Smiles are, apparently, terrifying: Raija must have caught it from behind the partially-concealing curve of Madilla's breast, because now she squeezes her eyes shut and holds her breath. "At least she's not screaming," murmurs Madilla, though the glance she gives Edyis is apologetic and wry. "Edyis. I assume that means you're happy here, and settling in well?" Sighs hopefully are not, because the young woman does release one, watching the girl. Still the warmth cannot be removed from her expression, "Yes at least there's that. " chuckled. "I am happy here, there's just so much more to learn here. It's getting to know people that seems to be the difficult part." She smiles. "I'm still learning I suppose." Slowly, Raija's eyes open again, and though her vision must be terribly obscured, she's certainly watchful. Madilla's expression is as warm as Edyis'; she nods, with emphasis. "I understand. I've lived here longer than anywhere else, now - more than half my life - but I do remember what it was like. Especially coming from a holder background. I found that... just creating a place for myself helped. In time, people got to know me, and I got to know them. Take opportunities, if you get them. Any at all." Her expression still retains the warmth of that smile, which shows far more in her eyes than lips, perhaps in difference to little Raija. "How did you create a place for yourself?" Edyis asks, lifting her mug to sip the warm sweet liquid. "I didn't know you came from a hold either, were you stationed at the weyr by healerhall?" Madilla adjusts Raija once more, but this time it's so that she can reach for that mug and hold it carefully in one hand. "I was posted here when I was fifteen," she confirms. "When I was still an apprentice, of course. I... I don't know if I did anything in particular? I mean, I must have. I tried to get to know people, and be helpful and friendly; it made them remember me. I was lucky, though - I was posted with my mentor, Journeyman Delifa, and I already knew Leova. I find once you know a few people, you end up being introduced to more, and that widens your circle." The smile becomes more evident at mention of Leova, "I'm not sure Master Jeroman is the sort to be widening any circles, but Leova has been teaching me a little bit about dragon healing. It's actually helped my fear of them, I think." She must mean dragons and not healers, because she is enjoying Madilla's company very well. "Were you surprised at all by weyr traditions when you were younger, or did you get accustomed to them?" "Oh, is she?" Madilla's gaze drops back towards Raija, who captures her attention for some time to come - though not enough that the healer stops talking. "Dragons can be terrifying, at first, even when you know they won't hurt you," she agrees. "I was... quietly horrified, I think, by a lot of weyr traditions. It was overwhelming. It is overwhelming, isn't it? I'd been raised to be a wife and mother, and here I was... but it did become more normal, in time." She glances up again, and smiles. "One can become accustomed to many things. The girl I was would probably be uncomfortable with the woman I am." Edyis tilts her head, watching and listening intently, sipping from her mug on occasion. "You are happier as a woman now though, than you were as a girl?" The answer is instant, and fervent enough that it jolts Raija, who lets out a squeal and then buries her head again: "Much." Madilla flushes, setting down her mug so that she can pull the girl more solidly into her arms. Around her, she adds, "Letting go of some of my perceptions of the world allowed me to appreciate things differently. I wouldn't have my children, if I hadn't. I like my life, very much. I wouldn't change it for anything." The answer is enough to cause the girl to lean back in her chair, the curve of her lips twtiching at the corners. "I hope I get to the point where I can answer so honestly, and so fervently." But there's something akin to admiration in that smile, and maybe a bit of hope as well. "How did you deal with your family? Did they accept your decision to live life at the Weyr?" Madilla's expression falters with this question. She opens her mouth to answer, and then stops; finally, she shakes her head. "The thing about my family, Edyis, is that... they're not just holdbred, they're middle-of-nowhere, beyond traditional holdbred. Unfortunately..." Her gaze slides back to Raija, and she pauses, pressing a kiss to the girl's head before she continues, "we don't talk anymore. But I don't think that is standard. In my experience, most families manage much better than I ever did." That elicits a frown, and the dark-eyed girl focuses intently on her cup. "I see." It's clear she wants to ask more questions, but doesn't want or wish to be rude. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring up something painful." The smile returns, but it is only a shadow of its former self. It's equally clear that Madilla is unhappy with the reaction her words have caused. She sucks a breath in through her teeth, and then says, slowly, "No, don't apologise. It's been more than a decade, and I do, after all, have a family of my own, here. But my daughter has been asking questions-- she'd like to visit them-- and I suppose that, and Raija here, has brought things home again already. Don't let your family push you away, Edyis, or feel ashamed for your decisions. They are your decisions to make." "It would help if I understood why they were pushing away. Alternatively, how staying now is any different from staying because I impressed." She smiles, but bites her lower lip. "You think they would judge her? Your daughter I mean, are they really so bitter that they would take it out on her?" Madilla considers Edyis, those green eyes thoughtful. "Perhaps it's because you are choosing not to come back. If you had Impressed, the choice would have been taken away from you. I don't know the details of your situation, obviously, but I wonder if they're afraid because they don't understand your choice, or feel threatened, because you prefer to stay here rather than come home. It may be that they see it as a judgment of their choices, their lives." The words are slow to begin with, and faster, by the end. "I don't know if my family would judge Lily. They... don't know she exists. The fact that I was never married to her father would make things difficult, I think." Those points are mulled over as she swirls the cup, "It isn't all of them, just my oldest brother. He took over the hold, found out he was keeping the letters I sent from my younger siblings from them." She bites her lower lip, studying Madilla and the little girl in her lap. "If she's anything like you, I think whatever they feel is irrelevant." And perhaps whatever her own family thinks is irrelevant. "I need to confront him, don't I?" Watching Edyis swirl her cup seems to remind Madilla of her own, and finally, she takes a sip from it, though it's awkward giving the now-apparently-sleeping weight in her arms. One corner of her mouth twists: a not-quite-smile that's nonetheless pleased for that remark about her daughter. "You do," she agrees, more seriously. "It isn't fair of him to censor your contact with your siblings, not without being up-front about it. Talk to him - perhaps you can work things out. I hope you can. Don't do what I did, and simply walk away. It may be difficult, but... they're your family." She nods firmly, studying the pair. "Thank you, for the advice. Wish I knew of something to help with the trundlebug there, but probably time is the best medicine. but when she gets a little less shy of strangers I'll be happy to babysit for you sometime." She starts gathering the books together. Madilla looks pleased, that smile forming in answer to Edyis' thanks, but broadening as the girl continues. "I'll take you up on that," she says, with a laugh. "And... if you ever need someone to talk to, Edyis, someone who might better understand than most around here... I'm always happy to listen. It was lovely to meet you properly." It won't be long before she needs to get on her way, too: one has to make the most of nap time, after all. There's a grin in response, as the girl gathers the last of her materials and smiles. "I will take you up on that. It was lovely meeting you properly as well. Sorry to drink and dash but I need to catch Master Jeroman before his nap results in inkface." And with that she takes off. |
Leave A Comment