Logs:Inevitable
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| RL Date: 2 September, 2015 |
| Who: R'hin |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: A little over a Turn in R'hin's head doesn't go nearly as well as he makes out. |
| Where: High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Month 7, Turn 37 - Month 9, Turn 38 |
| Mentions: J'toran/Mentions, Torani/Mentions, Keysi/Mentions, Edyis/Mentions, Lilah/Mentions, Jo/Mentions, Oriane/Mentions, Yesia/Mentions, Ulyana/Mentions, Enwei/Mentions, Irianke/Mentions, K'del/Mentions, Bristia/Mentions, I'kris/Mentions |
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| In the desert, Leiventh's silence and isolation nearly killed him. When they talked again, things were right with the world. For a time. It needed to be done. Sooner, or later, it was inevitable. The number of goldriders he'd lost in the last couple of Turns nearly numbered on two hands, now. It was too much, and it wouldn't do. It was for the best, for both of them; she was too invested, and he... ...he needed a break from all the death. He felt it, for the first time. A sudden, shaking weakness. He'd always enjoyed a good dance, but he'd felt a wave of exhaustion leading him to need to sit down, abruptly. That was how it first started, he had learnt, a day later. J'toran hadn't wanted to talk about it; it had taken an entire bottle of very good scotch, but eventually, reluctantly, he had described what happened to Torani, how it grew steadily worse -- both for her and those around her. I won't let that happen to us, he swore. « We will not end like that, » Leiventh assured him, the beat of his thoughts thrumming in his head. They were in agreement. « Aath? » No, Leiventh. That's-- « No. » So certain. Frighteningly certain. He was lucky that most took his manner as deliberately contrary; it served as good cover. He convinced himself it meant nothing. Later, he thought about it. That light. No. The fury consumed him. He wouldn't allow this. He'd couched his questions to the Journeyman Healer carefully, in context of Torani. He suspected Enwei knew, but there was nothing to do about that -- if nothing else he could trust her discretion. For once, he was out of options. For all his life's work to date, there was no words he could find, no favor he could pull in, no secret he could leverage to bargain his way out of this. It was, Enwei put it bluntly, inevitable. Well, fuck inevitable. He would fight. "Leiventh, who did you think we were visiting just now?" A wordless gust of cold winds roiled around him by way of answer, puzzled. He shivered, not entirely due to the chill of his wet clothes. "Nevermind." Inside, he headed straight for the liquor cabinet, trying to quash thoughts of a certain Telgarian Weyrwoman. He would manage -- had managed. He kept closer tabs on Leiventh, in a way he hadn't done since they were weyrlings. He couldn't hide it from himself, anymore. He'd attributed it to all sorts of things; their time in the desert, their combined exhaustion. But he had to face it: Leiventh wasn't himself anymore. And he wasn't sure he was, either. « WHO ARE YOU? YOU ARE NOT KNOWN TO ME. » The words rung in his ears, in Leiventh's bassy tones. It terrified him. There was nothing, absolutely nothing they could do. How much time did they have? Keysi made him wish he had more time. The way she thought drew him in, piquing his curiosity. One he couldn't afford to be sated. And yet, still... he considered. He saw so many similarities; saw the choices, both good and bad, he'd made, and wished he'd had the foresight to know about. Things would, could be different. What would his legacy be, he wondered, if not in the people he left behind? He knew Edyis' place wasn't with him. Whether she'd belong with Savannah, after, was another thought. He'd put plans in place, but even he couldn't predict the future. Time would tell. But he might never know. He who knew everything; that thought made him sadder than any other. It was like a list in his head. Things to do. The list was frighteningly long, but the markers he'd purloined previously would come in handy, now. He'd need them -- and other favors, perhaps every favor. None of that mattered anymore. He'd have to tell Jo soon, he knew. She deserved the truth, and he had a feeling he'd need her help, in the end. He didn't search for Lilah. If she wanted to be found, she would be, eventually. If she didn't -- he respected that, too. Was this what you considered greatness? To be remembered, for people to always wonder? The problem was, people forgot. A waste. « There is somewhere we need to be. » "Where?" The image dazzled him, a brilliant light, a smell he couldn't identify. It frightened him, for no reason, and every reason. "No." « R'hin. » "Not yet." There was time, still. Had to be. Covering for himself was easier; it was habitual. It was getting harder, however, and he had the feeling that he let certain things slip. Better, that Edyis learnt to stand on her own, without him. That she didn't rely on him. Didn't need him. Did she notice? He thought not, but he trained Savannah riders to observance, which made things difficult. Bristia, of course, had noticed, had confronted him; he'd denied it up until he'd had no choice. She'd cried. It scared him more to see her cry than anything. As for Keysi... there were things he could do, he knew now. People who could help her. It felt like an ease to his conscience. "Leiventh?" He heard nothing but a high pitched whine for a moment, then suddenly he felt it -- the heat rising around him. It wasn't just the searing, passionate heat of Niahvth as she soared into the skies, as he expected, but something else, something more, a hot, tantalizingly familiar oppressiveness. And then he knew were he -- they -- were. The distant jungle of the southern continent, settled on that cliff above the waterfall. Dragons whirled in the air on the warm currents, and while Leiventh did not join them physically, his thoughts were with them, indulging their joy, rolling in it, feeding it back, lost in the moment. Svissath was there, his son. Of course he belonged with them. Leiventh radiated contentment in the feeling of home. And so did he. He had a feeling, something nagging, something off. "We have somewhere to be." « Not yet, R'hin. » And it was so -- there was time; Oriene didn't expect them until the next day. There was time. Plenty of it. Lost in the distant memory, the surging passion of the brief goldflight rolled over them, unheeded. 15D 9M 38T I10 It felt precisely like waking from a dream. Only the dream was real -- felt, appeared, smelt as real as the cold glass he clenched in his hands. He could feel it slipping away through his fingers, out of his grasp. Time -- he had too little of it left, whatever self-delusion he indulged in. Too little time to talk to all the right people, do all the things he had to. First, Bristia. She told him about Greenfields; she'd been one of the riders summoned there. Any other time, he'd be quick to issue orders, but his head was fuzzy, filled with too many things, too many thoughts, too much everything, and no ability to articulate them. Bristia watched him worriedly. Could he give this up? Could he afford not to? The present was no longer his perview; he could only afford to think about the future. "I want you to do the wing briefings for a few days," he finally said. Bristia shook her head. "What about Greenfields?" "I'll send Keysi." Into the deep end; he hadn't the time for any other option. Now more than ever, he needed to tell Jo. She would understand. He hoped. |
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Comments
Faryn (22:49, 4 September 2015 (PDT)) said...
I'm going to drink myself to death, I'm so sad about this.
Jo (23:20, 4 September 2015 (PDT)) said...
This vig was hard to read. Like.... ;-;
Edyis (23:25, 4 September 2015 (PDT)) said...
This just... What everyone else has already said.
Alida (02:38, 5 September 2015 (PDT)) said...
- starts sniffling* Nuuuu... don't want it to be. *sigh* But it is.
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