Logs:Innocence
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| RL Date: 28 July, 2015 |
| Who: Nala, Grace |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Nala spends some time with her daughter. |
| Where: Nursery, Fort Weyr, Frosted Sea Glass Weyr, Fort Weyr |
| When: Day 20, Month 5, Turn 38 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: M'vyn/Mentions, Nalyn/Mentions |
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| She didn't know why her feet walked her to the nursery. Nalyn was still in his lessons and would be for much of the hours to come, but the younger of her children was still too little for more than the basic songs. Songs she should probably be trying to help teach her. If she had the will to sing. As it was, Nala sought out her daughter and folded herself down onto the floor next to her, back to the wall, and began to carefully assist her with the block tower that she was putting together, following the one or two word instructions that she was given. She could take orders from her. That was easiest - the child letting her know what she wanted. Grace was not demanding. Her instructions sounded more like encouragement than stubborn insistences. Even if she was imagining it, or it was a quirk of the child's temper, Nala hated herself just a little more for it. Don't forgive me. You won't remember that I could barely be without you, or that I left you. Or that you terrify me. Or that I pretend I don't know when your father is lying to me. Or that I pretend I don't see a lot of things now, because I can't handle them. I am a bad mother. You don't want to be like me. She was powerless to stop her, as she crawled her way into her lap and sagged against her, too trustingly, as if she remembered being held so close to her mother's heart. Don't... Grace was ignorant of it all and shoved her thumb into her mouth, her other hand grasping at the fabric of the bluerider's shirt. You're making a bad decision, she wanted to tell her. Your father abandoned you before you were born. Abandoned us. I abandoned you after. You deserve better than us. She wrapped her arms around her and leaned back against the wall, whilst every instinct screamed at her to run. I wasn't built for this. I didn't get to learn how, the first time. I just got to... ache. And she hadn't stopped since. Not for long. Never for long. You don't understand. If you're lucky, you won't ever understand. Nala had no idea how much time had passed between that last, heavy thought and the moment when she woke to find one of the nannies peering at her with mere inches between them. She recoiled and hit her head against the wall, clasping the sleeping Grace all the more tightly to her. "You need to go home, bluerider." It wasn't until she was lying on her own bed, her daughter safely cradled by pillows, that she truly realised that she hadn't relinquished her, and had walked out of the nursery with her and returned to her weyr with her like it was the most normal thing in the world. Wasn't it? Lying flat, supported by a pillow of her own, she was practically eye-level with Grace, who slumbered on, mindless of study by her mother. She had always seen M'vyn's features in Nalyn, but she could already see that Grace seemed to favour her more than her father. Whatever that would mean for her. Don't forgive me. Don't ever forgive me. ...Please forgive me. |
Comments
Aleudre (21:08, 28 July 2015 (PDT)) said...
Crying!!!!!
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