Logs:Light and Fluffy Letters
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| RL Date: 23 November, 2009 |
| Who: Kash |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Light and fluffy letters. Or are they? |
| When: Day 16, Month 3, Turn 21 (Interval 10) |
| After talking to Isobel, Nakasha had, really, truly, intended to go to Boll to talk to Kezend, but as she made it back to her quarters that evening, she found her resolve thinning; by the next morning, she'd decided that maybe she'd just write a letter - easier, that way. Simpler. Let him work out some of his emotions before he talked to her in person (which could be months away! She was so close to being unable to travel... it'd be fine). But the letter refused to write itself, and after more failed attempts than she cared to think about, she gave up. How did you put into words something like this? "Hi, Kez, look I know it seems like I've been avoiding you for a little while, and I guess maybe I have, because I'm pregnant, but it's okay, and now I want you to marry someone else to make things better." Right. Like that would work. In the end, her thoughts travelled a full circle, and finally, with only days before that travel ban was supposed to start, along with her third trimester, she went to Boll. It was probably one of the worst days of her life. She tried not to think about it afterwards: how upset he looked, how betrayed. How he cried and yelled and told her she was a coward. She was a coward. She accepted that without question, though it stung, still, to have it told to her so openly. He didn't give her an answer that day. When she went home, she wasn't even sure, honestly, if they were still together. If there was anything left between them except that life inside her. She waited a sevenday, and then a second, and then wrote to Isobel, slipping in amidst the banality, "My mother may be sending me a baby blanket, but I don't know. I don't know if she's forgiven me yet; suppose I can't really blame her." She hoped the other girl would understand what she was getting at. She watched the last of winter disappear, and spring begin to blossom. She took long walks out in the garden, and later, took up duties weeding and watering; she found it peaceful, but active enough to keep her busy. She fell asleep exhausted at night, except for when she cried bitter tears into her pillow, and wished, desperately, for a letter, or a visit, or... something that would tell her what Kezend was thinking. It was midway through fourth month when the letter finally arrived. It took her another three days just to open it. What it said was simple: I'll be attending the Southern Boll gather (of course!), as well as Gar's. I wish you could be there, but no doubt you're far too enormous to dance, anyway. I do enjoy dancing. It hurt. It was a yes... she was pretty sure it was a yes. But. Couldn't he have said something more? Something... something to actively say he'd forgiven her? Perhaps he hadn't yet, and was simply telling her that perhaps he could in time, but that it wasn't that time, yet. She wondered, silently, when she'd get to see him again. If this was going to go ahead... he'd have to stay away, and so would she. Was it really worth it? Was this really going to work? She wrote to Isobel, forcing herself to be light. "I think my mother may have finally forgiven me... The blanket finally arrived. I wish I could talk to her, but it's just not possible, is it? I hope you're well, though. Are you attending any gathers? I know there are a few coming up... I'd dance at them, if I weren't so enormous. At Boll, or Gar, or one of the others. Suppose I'll get my chance eventually, right?" She felt like a traitor. Oh, Kez, I'm sorry. |
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