Logs:Of Attrition
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| RL Date: 17 June, 2007 |
| Who: R'hin, Shanlee |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| When: Day 28, Month 5, Turn 12 (Interval 10) |
| Common Room, High Reaches Weyr(#868RIJLs) This small cavern has the crisp smells of a recent cleaning, mingled with its more usual smells of klah, woodsmoke, and people. Baskets of glows are scattered about the room, lighting up dark corners and generally providing a cozy atmosphere. Several chairs sit at a large, round table, and more chairs are against the walls, waiting for use. A large, soft fur is spread out in front of a small stone hearth which keeps the cavern warm for its occupants. Views: South Wing East Wing Balcony Obvious exits: Children's Wing Dormitory Lower Caverns Your location's current time: 14:30 on day 31, month 5, Turn 12, of the Interval. It is a spring afternoon. Shanlee walks up the stairs from the caverns below. Shanlee has arrived. It's a nice spring afternoon, though R'hin's ensconsed in the warm common room. The reason is immediately obvious: he's got a blanket wrapped bundle settled in the crook of his arm as he rests comfortably in his seat. One of the nannies has her sister nearby, and the two talk in quiet, companionable tones as they feed the pair of girls from a 'skin. It's only a few hours since a run in with a wingrider that finds a still disgruntled Shan almost slinking into the common room in the hopes of some respite before her next call to duty. Making a direct line for the furthest corner of the room her pace halts at a sight she for one never expected to see - the Weyrleader with what appears to be his daughters. Leave quietly or continue on into the room. A frown of indecision forms on the fine features as the scene is taken in. The Weyrleader's expression is odd - at least, odd in the sense that the greenrider probably isn't used to seeing radiant calm in the man. The normal, fixed sense of purpose, of thoughts far in the future is far from his mind right now; he gives a low-throated, pleased laugh as the girl gurgles, and sets aside the skin for a moment. Something makes R'hin look up - maybe that creeping feeling of being watched, and pale gaze settles on Shanlee with a curl of lips. There's a subtle invitation in the tilt of his head, even as he takes in her mood in that glance. Both brows raise for the air of peace that hovers around the Weyrleader and draws further silent study from Shan. Caught - or at least that's how the greenrider views it when R'hin looks up. Slightly sheepish the smile that appears but the silent invitation has her taking a few hesitant steps forward eyes flicking between the child in his arms and the man's responses to her sounds of contentment. Ignoring any looks coming from the nannies, the redhead stops just outside of the circle of calm her attention fixed on the bronzerider with ill hidden curiosity "Afternoon Sir." the light voice held low perhaps for fear of startling the babies. Though there's glowing pleasure in the presence of the girls, R'hin doesn't attempt to force it - or the girls themselves - on the approaching wingsecond, though he does indicate a seat with a tip of head. "Afternoon," he answers easily, voice held low, too, as much to match hers as for the children. He uses an edge of the blanket to wipe the girl's face, adjusts how she's settled against his arm, and then casts an inquisitive look at Shanlee. "Sit," he backs up the invitation with an order, familiar, focused expression creeping back in. "Tell me how things are going." He is, deliberately, vague, patient, expectant gaze on her. At the reinforcement of the invitation, Shan turns to perch on the arm of a chair opposite R'hin instead of seating herself as one might expect on the armchair itself "Thank you." a faint smile of warmth eventually touches her mouth. "They've grown." another glance stolen over the two girls "They were so tiny...." the words trail off leaving the when and where of it out of the equation. Low wry laughter catches in her throat for the Weyrleader's question "They go." her answer deliberately vague "I'd ask the same of you but...." a hand waved in the proud father's direction encompassing the tableau ".....I think I know the answer to that one." a genuine smile appears "Congratulations by the way." "They have," R'hin acknowledges, that proud smile appearing, though pale eyes never waver from the greenrider, as if attempting to pin her in place. He muses thoughtfully over her response, vague as it is, and a curl of lips appears at her query. "Things go well with the girls," he says, deliberately altering the question just enough to make the distinction clear, "But outside that, I'm--" his gaze shifts to the nanny, who seems absorbed by the girl she holds. The Weyrleader, however, holds his tongue, rising and offering the other girl to her. "Take them back to the nursery. Thank you." His eyes follow her progress until she disappears, hands clasping behind his back, solemnity creeping in. "More than ever, I worry for the future," he confesses quietly, gaze distant on the doorway. It seems to please the greenrider for some reason that R'hin's pride and pleasure in his daughters not only seems to be genuine but neither is it hidden. As he hands the baby over that he's been nursing to the nanny who then leaves for the nursery, Shan follows their progress with a faintly sad air to her which is quickly pushed aside for the Weyrleader's last. Still seated, green eyes sweep back to the bronzerider a long moment of study given before answer "Because now you have reason more then ever to worry." a tilt of head in the direction the nanny and her sister had been sent with their charges "Or is there more?" concern flecking her tone. R'hin doesn't answer immediately, exhaling slowly. "Because I've seen the numbers. Tried to work them again and again." The Weyrleader runs a hand over his short hair, finally glancing back to meet Shanlee's gaze. "If Nabrimeth's clutch isn't any bigger than those before it, we will have a problem. Numbers don't lie. If the falls continue, and we keep losing people... things will begin to go very badly for us. Attrition," he laughs, the sound hollow and distubing counterpoint to his pleased laughter of mere moments ago, "Is a terrible word for it. But that is our problem, now, Shan: attrition." Dropping her eyes off R'hin and down to hands that have started a twisting of the ring she wears being all sign of Shan's own unease at the problem they were now facing, her voice stays low "The gold's aren't clutching bigger like they do in a Pass, or at least that's what I'm hearing." Lifting troubled eyes back up to the weyrleader "At least it was bronze that caught. Perhaps another gold in the weyr?" lips twist as she realizes the false hope of that. Biting at her lower lip, the dark red head moves slowly from side to side "I'm pushing the warning system project as fast as I can but the firelizards only grow and train so fast and when we have wingriders wasting time...." Abruptly the wingsecond halts that train of thought, frustration slipping in. "They aren't," R'hin confirms, tones darkening, "Not in the 'Reaches, not in Igen or Ista where it's hotter - not even in Southern." He grimaces at the mention of another gold. "That, in itself, brings out more complications. Too many golds is a recipe for disaster." Whether he's talking about the golds themselves, or about their Weyrwoman, isn't precisely clear - maybe both. He nods at her words, encouraging, "I know. That'll help with the Holders and Crafters - keep them from getting too panicked. But -we- still have the problem we can't fix. Attrition. We can't -make- golds rise more, or produce more eggs. We can't -make- thread stop." His frustration is evident, too, at not being able to influence the factors that control the situation. "We can train our riders as best we can, but... we're going to keep losing people." The admission comes, reluctant, faint, but it's there all the same. "Southern isn't producing bigger clutches either?" more disquiet touches Shan's query as fingers untwist and rub at her temples, a wry smile appearing to his words on too many golds in a weyr. "And give us more time to respond with less panicked riders and more efficiency." the wingsecond points out to R'hin needlessly. Standing from her perch on the arm of the chair, the greenrider moves over to the hearth seemingly captivated by the flames. "I can't..." she begins in a barely audible voice to reply on his words of losing more people. Turning her head over her shoulder to glance at the Weyrleader "How do you do it?" a hand moves to lightly touch at her heart then falls away in a despondent manner "Watch her getting weaker?" her use of the feminine likely with reference to the Weyr itself. Her head swings back to the fire in the hearth "We can't let it happen." Determination replacing the almost hopeless manner of minutes earlier "We'll fight until there's no one left to fight." "I have no choice. I pledged her my loyalty, when I knew she could be great, but I cannot abandon her now in weakness." Firm resolve laces the words, R'hin's gaze seeking out Shanlee's, bolstering strength there. Her despondency earns a sympathetic twist of lips, and his hand comes up as if to brush just shy of her hair, the gesture oddly intimate for a moment, before he lets his arm fall with an exhale. "Of course we will," he agrees, smile curving upwards at her sudden determination. "I just need to find our way through this." "As have many of us." Shan's reply an echo of R'hin's words "She wouldn't abandon us." Catching the pale eyes with her own, the greenrider holds them a moment before her chin comes up "You are not alone in this R'hin." the Weyrleader's name coming easily to her lips. The movement of his hand toward her doesn't have the wingsecond pulling away rather simply bringing a warm smile to touch her mouth in answer to his. "When last did you take time away, even for just a few hours?" a strange query perhaps except for the intent look that now fixes on the bronzerider "Or is that what I just walked in on?" A beat or two of silence follows her statement of not being alone, pale eyes sharp. "I know," R'hin says, perhaps a hint of marvelling surprise in the admission. "It bemuses me, but I'm grateful nonetheless. Thank you, Shan." He shoves hands into his pockets, half turning to glance at the doorway, smile touching his lips. "The girls are the calm in the storm. But," a twitch of shoulders is evidenced beneath his shirt, "I can't afford to leave her, at the moment. Not now." The hint of a frown begins then disappears just as quickly "Why?" the single word carrying puzzlement in it's asking of R'hin's first. "Then you are a truly lucky man to have them to hold onto when life rages at you." Shan follows his glance then settles her attention back on the bronzerider "Not leave her R'hin. Just....take some time to be better able to think of how best to champion her." Sympathy for the burdens on the Weyrleaders shoulders evident in the gentle reproach of her words "You would say the same to any one of us would you not?" "I am not a man people should follow, that people should have loyalty to." The words are delivered matter of factly, and with an air of sentiment long, and often expressed by the bronzerider. "The position, perhaps," R'hin allows, after a pause. He glances towards Shan a moment, then strides towards the hearthside, pouring out two mugs of klah, offering one unasked to the wingsecond. "Mm, maybe," he allows at her suggestion, but he doesn't sound particularly convinced. "Where would I go, anyway? Not many places I can go and leave these thoughts behind me." A hollow laugh begins, and transforms into genuine amusement. "Touche, Shan, touche. I would, at that." Merriment dances in pale eyes as he studies her anew, as if she's done something interesting all of a sudden. "You have yourself so thoroughly convinced of that fact that you don't allow others to decide for themselves do you?" Shan asks with a pointed look, though it's lost on R'hin as he turns toward the hearthside. Taking the offered mug, a smile tugs at the corners of the greenrider's mouth as she lifts it in silent thanks. Slight shoulders lift and fall "We can never leave our thoughts behind us but sometimes a change in scenery affords a change in perspective or even reveals an avenue not before understood." Blowing at the steam curling up off the klah, the redhead meets the pale eyes with steady amusement "Learned that from a good leader." her chuckle low and disappearing into a sip of the brew. Amusement still lingers, as R'hin counters, "I just know myself, and I'm under no illusions." He coils hands around his mug, tipping head as Shanlee's comment about a good leader earns, not more amusement, but a slow exhale of breath. He takes a step closer, leaving a few inches between them. His gaze is deadly serious, fixed on hers, voice a bare whisper of breath as if he daren't let anyone but her hear: "If you place too much faith in me, I will pull you down. That much I know. And I don't want to see you crushed. You should shine like a gem in the sky." Shanlee lowers the mug, canting her head to one side "How can you expect anyone else to give you a chance if you won't first let up on yourself a little? Self-awareness is one thing..." her thoughts not completed as R'hin moves in closer. Tilting her head up a little more in order to hold his gaze, stubbornness flickers in the depths of green eyes as a small silence is allowed to spread out "Do you -want- to crush me? Is it your intent or simply your fear?" the query returned with quiet intensity. He shares that moment of silence with her, companionable for a moment in the wake of his words. "It is inevitability." R'hin's low voice is filled with quiet, knowing regret. "Patterns of a lifetime are not easily given up, even in conditions such as we find ourselves. I see you shine, and I don't wish to live with being the one to crush it from you. My selfishness knows few bounds," he confesses with dark mirth. Still holding his eyes, Shan nods her understanding slowly then a dark half-smile appears as he mentions shining again "You wouldn't say that if you knew of me better." the strange phrasing intended. Eyes drop to the mug, something akin to a bitter laugh is swallowed "And you wouldn't be the first either." she touches back on being crushed. Raising the mug as if in toast "So...still the man that drowns puppies hhmmm?" "I know you better than you think," R'hin counters, with a curve of lips, "I see the potential for greatness in people. I draw them to me, to rise them up, but instead I pull them down to me. Use them." He breathes out regret into a slow exhale at her words, as if she has crossed a line and it pains him to know it. He reaches out a hand as if to brush at her chin and raise her gaze, but doesn't dare touch her. The toast elicits a twist of lips, dark humor. "Still," he acknowledges, straightening to allow more room between them, lifting his mug to his lips in acknowledgement of the toast. "From experience I have learned that all people 'use' those around them. The difference between those that succeed and those that don't are the ones that know what they do and live with the regret of their actions and those that don't." Shan gives in resignation to his words on himself. Catching the movement of his hand and the slow exhalation, the greenrider once again lifts her eyes to R'hin's. "I've told only two others and I'll tell you this too. I don't go away that easily. You have my loyalty and friendship as a man and not weyrleader or bronzerider until you ask that it be otherwise." The distance widened between them has the redhead placing her mug down carefully on a side table, looking as if to leave "Those two little girls are your future with or without the weyr." A little curve of lips is R'hin's acknowledgement of Shanlee's words, pale eyes full of sincere regret and hard, cold, certainty. "I feared you would say that," he murmurs, tracking her as she moves away, and making no attempt to halt her. Silence, for a moment, then, of the girls: "I hope the influences of their foster parents will stand them in good stead." Pausing in straightening from the side table, Shan glances upward "Say what exactly?" the new look in his eyes taken with careful notation. R'hin's words on his daughters and foster parents draws a light frown but the wingsecond puts no words to her thoughts on the subject. R'hin answers simply, plainly: "I won't ever ask otherwise. I'll use your loyalty." Shanlee shrugs "Then it is yours to be used as far as it doesn't cross my bounds of harming another." Guards drop behind her eyes "When Kaylith found me I swore I'd never return to that life again." Mouth beginning to curl into what might have been a smile then stopping, a brow raises instead "One condition R'hin. Never lie to me - ever." absolute sincerity flooding her voice "That is one betrayal I cannot forgive." The Weyrleader's eyes searched for his understanding on that point. A shadow of something crosses the Weyrleader's expression at her admission, but he doesn't voice whatever it is aloud. Instead, he says, "I'll tell you the truth. You won't like it, but I'll give it to you." R'hin promises. Closing the gap between herself and R'hin, her hand moving out toward him as if to touch at his shoulder, Shan drops it back down to her side again "Thank you." to his promise. Lips twist wryly "Very few like to hear the truth and its not often the truth is painless or void of yet more problems. But it keeps you alive." The hand that had reached out lifts into a sharp salute "Clear Skies Weyrleader." formality suddenly used as turning on her heel the wingsecond makes her way back toward the door she'd entered not that long ago. Only once does she turn her head over her shoulder to afford the man an unreadable glance before she's gone. At that not-quite-completed touch, R'hin smiles a little, though it doesn't seem a particularly humorous sort of gesture. At her thanks, he leans in to press lips against Shanlee's temple in a gentle, brushed kiss, fingers brushing into her hair for a moment. "You're welcome," he murmurs, regret still in his gaze. There are not many he salutes in turn, but the greenrider's he does, just as sharply. "Clear skies, Wingsecond," he answers her formality in turn, pale eyes tracking her as she leaves, catching her gaze for that brief moment she looks back. Shanlee strides out to the hallway and caverns below. Shanlee has left. |
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