Logs:Safety in Southern
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| RL Date: 13 September, 2015 |
| Who: Dee, K'del |
| Involves: Fort Weyr, High Reaches Weyr, Southern Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Dee brings K'del dinner. They have |
| Where: Southern Weyr |
| When: Day 21, Month 10, Turn 38 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Aishani/Mentions, Ali/Mentions, Azaylia/Mentions, E'dre/Mentions, Farideh/Mentions, Hattie/Mentions, Irianke/Mentions, Lilah/Mentions, Mielline/Mentions |
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| It's spring at Southern, not that the days need much warming up-- or lengthening, really. Twilight has set in, following in the wake of (yet another) beautiful sunset, one that finds K'del sitting upon the front step of his borrowed cottage. For once, he's without any of his children, though Cadejoth slumbers, sprawled out within the clearing, not so far away. He looks better these days, does K'del, and certainly more tanned, though there's still some sense of weariness and tenderness in his expression and stance. "Weyrleader," comes the greeting from the path that leads in the direction of the Weyrhall. With covered tray in hand, Dee walks the too-familiar paths of her childhood to where K'del has taken up temporary residence. "I convinced Neela to let me bring your dinner out to you. I hope you don't mind, sir. Wanted to-- well, I'd say see a familiar face, but-" the girl's smile is a little weak and a single shoulder rolls in shrug. Cadejoth was well aware of Taeliyth's surprising arrival, earlier, and so too must K'del be, as a result-- enough, anyway, that he's not wholly surprised to see the young goldrider approach. "You're okay?" he wants to know, straightening-- with only the faintest wince-- as she approaches. "And Taeliyth? Heard-- well." He heard. Though perhaps, too, his query seeks further back; back towards a now-missing weyrwoman, and an unwanted impending future. "I'm supposed to say it was intended for me to turn up here," Dee reports as she moves to take a seat on the step beside him, very much as if they were old friends and not barely acquaintances. She carefully twists to set the tray behind where it won't spill. "I'm not sure what good lying about it will do, or if anyone would believe it anyway. We're alright. Just-- an accident," enough blush in her cheeks comes to tell that much true. "Been working hard, not getting as much sleep as I ought, Taeliyth was getting bored waiting for permission and so we were talking, and-- when Laurienth told her to go, I thought 'home' and home turned out to be here." That much makes Dee wince, though the wound is certainly not a physical one. "Taeliyth's not pleased with me," is a quieter confession. "Are you well? Heard you were recovering," she asks of the older man. "Ah," says K'del, with sympathy. "Well, at least you got here safely; that's the important thing, right? Taeliyth will--" But he stops before promising anything, except, "You're both safe. I'm... well. Bored. Wish I was working hard, keeping busy. Not really... designed for idleness, you know? But they'll let me go home soon, I hope." Beat. "Thank you, for the plant." "Yeah," Dee answers the matter of her safety after a small, brief smile for the plant. "That counts for a lot." More than the girl would wish it did, judging by her tone. "It's the same with you though. Might not be home or busy, but you're safe, well. And even if it doesn't satisfy you, it counts for a lot to everyone else." She's quiet a moment before saying, "Can I ask you about it? What happened. I don't have to, I'm just-- is this the kind of thing I have to look forward to? I met one of your blueriders and she told me a bit about your past weyrwomen and--" She sighs. Aishani and Azaylia's stories are hardly inspiring of Fort's newest, youngest goldrider. K'del admits, after a moment's pause, "Didn't expect to get as many visitors as I did. As many people who needed to reassure themselves, with their own eyes, that I wasn't going to die on them. It was--" Nice? Flattering? A bit overwhelming? "Hattie and Ali were held hostage, once," is what he says, then, with a somewhat uncomfortable expression. "You know what happened to Aishani and Azaylia. It-- there's been a spate, but things are better now. There's every chance what happened to me was happenstance, not targeted. Don't go through life fearing it. You need to be willing to defend yourself, if it comes up, but... don't sit there waiting for it." Dee doesn't look at K'del, but she is listening. The way she lets out the breath she held when he's done speaking is proof of that. She turns her head to regard him, "Someone pointed out to me recently that Weyrleaders aren't forever, but that's not true for everywhere. You're more permanent a presence in High Reaches than your weyrwomen at this point; I can see why people would want that reassurance." She gives him a sheepish sort of smile as she adds, "I sort of read up on you too." Bringing that up makes her expression go somber again, "I read about the hostage situation. I know everyone hopes that was a-- well, a freak incident. Something that would never be repeated." Her fingers tug at the bottoms of her cut-off shorts, hardly 'appropriate weyrwoman wear.' "I can't go through life afraid. Accidents happen. Mistakes. I can stand for myself, but... people are good, aren't they?" She searches K'del's face, brows uplifted in genuine inquiry. Is it faintly embarrassing, this concept that people might look him up? Perhaps. Is K'del more-or-less used to it by now... well, sort of. He makes a face, but only for a moment. "People... most people are good." There's a long pause before he says that, but when he does, his tone is firm. "Not all people. But most. It's just that... 'good' is so subjective. It varies." He manages, at least, to meet her gaze, and to smile, if somewhat ruefully. "What's important is that you do good-- the best you can. But... you can't expect everyone to be; don't let people abuse your trust. Encourage people to live by a higher standard." "I'm going to try," Dee answers earnestly, taking a slow breath and letting it out before she admits, "Not sure how to tell the ones you can trust from the ones you can't." It might be a reason why she's speaking so candidly with the bronzerider. "You were younger than I am, but not by much, when you became Weyrleader," as they touched upon once upon a time, but now her outlook is so different. "They expect me to become Senior," isn't really a secret, but it's probably also not the sort of thing that the person in question should be sharing with another leader-sort. "The whole thing is daunting. Huge. Maybe it's because I still sort of wish I could just come home-- here-- that I ended up here today." She shakes her head. "You don't happen to have all the answers, do you, K'del?" It's wry, but a little sad. K'del's long, deep breath falls into being a sigh as it escapes, and though it may not be the most political of things, his expression holds nothing but sympathy and quiet understanding. "It sucks," he says, simply. "The whole system. I should never have been Weyrleader at seventeen, and you... it just sucks. You get better at figuring out who to trust, but you'll make mistakes, too, especially early on. Shells, pretty sure I still do." Make that 'definitely still does.' "Wish I had the answers. Wish anyone did. Most people... they just pretend. Fake it until you make it, right?" "Mistakes are inevitable. Faking it is probably what got us into this one, faking that I'm not completely overwhelmed by just everything. Wroth wants Taeliyth and I punished for our misjump." Dee shakes her head slightly, frowning, "I understand we scared some people, but if we were any other weyrlings and--" Another shake of her head. "Doesn't matter. We're not." Her hands push across her knees. "I enjoyed meeting Ali," is an obvious topic change, "I never met her when I lived here. Just an apprentice and all. Even bored, must be a little nice to be able to be with your family," there's a slight uplift of uncertainty but not enough to truly make it a question. K'del opens his mouth, pauses, and then closes it again. When he does speak, it's to say, "Never much saw the point in punishing for mistakes like that. It's not like you won't have learned from this one." But Dee is not a weyrling in his Weyr, and so he lets it go, focusing, instead, upon the rest of Dee's words. "It-- is. Don't get me wrong. It's hard, not having them around, at home. But it's also a good reminder that I'm not made to be a full-time father, not in the... active carer sense. It's a hard thing." "Yeah. Taeliyth says Wroth is-- interesting." Dee chooses the diplomatic term. "Can't say if that's E'dre's position too 'til we get back." The pick of her fingers at the edge of the cutoffs is nerves. "That sounds... rough," the young woman's voice is sympathetic. "Then it's good that Cadejoth managed to make it back to catch Niavth. You're happy?" She queries with her too-wide look that holds nothing but genuine concern for his well-being. Is it obvious, the way K'del avoids making comment on E'dre? Maybe, maybe not. He focuses, instead, on giving Dee a smile, one that may not be brilliant but nonetheless seems solid enough. "Relieved," is what he tells her, firmly. "Be happier once I'm back home and... picking things up again. Feels wrong, being so far out of the loop, even if Mielline is giving me weekly briefings. But... yes. Happy." "Good," is sincere for that. Dee's smile is too, pleased for him, for that eventuality of being home. "I should let you to your food before it gets cold," the girl observes, glancing back at the tray, but instead of getting up she gives him a glance askance. "Before I do, could you-- I've been trying to figure out how to write Irianke to congratulate her, but I don't know her, and I don't know-- Taeliyth says it's alright to be myself, but I don't know how that might be received since myself finds everything I try to write to her dry and insincere sounding because formal things--" Does he understand? She looks a little helplessly like continuing to try to explain might only make it worse. K'del has plainly forgotten his food, his expression turning rueful for the recollection of it. But any move he might have made towards it is forestalled by Dee's question-- which leaves him with obvious pause. "Be genuine," is what he tells her. "Be brief, if you need to be. Irianke's... whatever you write, it'll be fine. Truly." "I want to ask her so many questions," Dee confesses quietly. "I wrote Farideh and she wrote me back but it was-- polite." That choice of adjective and the slightly dejected look might speak to how it was received by the Fortian goldrider. "I know I can talk to Hattie and I know she has a lot of experience to offer me and I value it, I do, but Hattie became senior a long time ago and the experience is still fresh for Irianke and I feel like there's a lot she could tell me, too, only, I think that's not done, is it?" She seems unsure, looking, once again, to K'del for the answers. K'del inhales, teeth coming to rest now upon his lip. "Farideh-- it may be that she's proud, that she doesn't want to acknowledge struggles. Promise you, though, you're not the only one to struggle." He runs one hand through his hair, wincing only slightly as the movement jars his position. "Suspect it's not ideal to ask a foreign senior, no. Got to be careful... Hattie's never been a particular fan of High Reaches." Beat. "Mostly me." But Dee knows that, of course. "You might ask Hattie to allow you to meet each of the weyrwomen out there, to learn from their... individual leadership styles." "That sounds useful," Dee makes answer, though there's something reserved in her manner. "Wonder if she'd rather not. Without Lilah, I've only Hattie's way to learn from, and whatever mistakes I make. Might be she'd rather me learn her way and keep it up. Don't really know. We work, but I don't really talk-- I probably should, and I'm probably bothering you with all of this. And I oughtn't." She even laughs at herself. "Forgive me, K'del. I forget-- too much that I should probably keep in mind." A glance is given around, "Too easy to just be me, being home, maybe." Or maybe she's just Dee whether she tries hard not to be or not. Genuinely, if quietly: "There's nothing to forgive, Dee. We all need someone to blurt things at, sometimes, and while you're here... this is a safe space." Beat. "You should talk to Ali, while you're here. Hattie trained her, but they're not exactly the same; it could be that could be one way to learn things." He half looks like he'd like to say more, but he stops himself. "Thanks for bringing my dinner. And-- look after yourself, okay?" Dee's smile is an echo of K'del's tone, genuine, and one thing more: appreciative. "Thank you for being my safe space. You didn't have to. It was a kindness." She recognizes it. "I'll talk to Ali. That's a good idea." She rises. "You take care too. I might need a safe space again some day." There's humor there, but truth, too. "If you need anything, it looks like I'm here for the seven. Just let Taeliyth know." Then she's off, back down the path she came, to once again walk in the places of her childhood, her safe space and find some solace. |
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