Logs:Making Judgments
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| RL Date: 1 July, 2013 |
| Who: Aishani, Madilla |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Some things are no one's business... but that doesn't mean there aren't questions. |
| Where: Snowasis, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 17, Month 2, Turn 32 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Azaylia/Mentions, Devaki/Mentions |
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| Snowasis, High Reaches Weyr
Some of the smaller stalactites still roam the ceiling, their jagged teeth tracing a bumpy, inverted spine to the hearth. There, a thick rug with a low klah table and comfortable armchairs and couches sit, their upholstery and cushions changed sporadically to match the season: bright, light colors in the summer, fresh greens and yellows in the spring, warm autumnals in fall, and clear, rich hues for winter. Small tables litter the rest of the cavern, enough to fit up to four people each, while stools stand along the smooth wooden bar behind which is the passthrough window to the kitchen. Glass-paneled cabinetry behind the bar provides a clear view of the available liquors, the many colors reflecting the soft light of glows tucked into strategic niches around the cavern.
Madilla is not a regular Snowasis inhabitant - or, at least, she hasn't been in the past. Her routines have changed, in recent days, obvious to anyone paying attention: she spends more of her off-duty time in public places, unobtrusive but undeniably present. This afternoon, she enters from the caverns, ordering and paying for a drink at the bar. Her green eyes scope the room, catching the end of that abortive transaction between caverns worker and goldrider. As the woman departs, Madilla, mug in hand, approaches. If the Healer's presence is or isn't a surprise to the goldrider, it's difficult to say -- but Aishani's gaze does track Madilla to the bar with faint interest that becomes more pronounced at her approach. Not that she looks bothered, just curious, perhaps. Lifting her glass, she gestures with it to the seat opposite her before drinking. After, with a brief smile, "How are you? Things?" It's sort of a loaded question, but the older woman can decide how vaguely she wants to answer, still. "You're assuming I'm approaching on a personal level, and not business," says the healer, which is not an answer, but makes her smile - ruefully, wryly - nonetheless. "Although I suppose I am. Things are... as to be expected." Madilla sets her mug down on the table, and slides into the gestured-to chair; her fingers move to wrap around the mug, and draw it closer. "I could ask the same question of you. Should, perhaps." Wry herself, "Perhaps that's hopeful. I wouldn't want to have to redirect once you've come all that way." All that way across the bar, yes. It's awful. Aishani arches fine brows with curiosity at Madilla's answer, tilting her head slightly as she notes, "I'd expect different things from different people. I'd expect you'd think it was no one's business but yours. I hope it stays that way." But there's something doubtful about the purse of her lips before she shrugs. "I could say the same, but... I suppose I'd say both relieved and interested in what happens next. It's nice to have some time." Time she's wasting here, but she does look suspiciously tan. Madilla's lips part, a not-really smile. "As people, we like to make things our business, even when it isn't, I find. It's human nature. But you're right: there are some things that really aren't anyone's business." She looks tired, but not unhappy despite the obviously heavy thoughts she's carrying. "I suppose it is nice," she continues, her words more cautious now - deliberate, as if she's trying very hard to keep any judgments out of voice and expression. "And what does happen next?" "Shouldn't be anyone's business, I think. But people make it so, as you say. I would..." Aishani pauses and considers before, "If I were still in the position to do so, I would assure you that, in any matter between Weyr and Hold, we would of course take the side of our weyrfolk. I would... ask Azaylia to promise you the same, in case. I shouldn't think she'd deny you that." Her look across the table is significant. "One never knows what might happen." As for Madilla's question, that takes a moment before lightly, pleasantly, "Hopefully, a dragon rises, and that's enough for people to stop doing whatever they want." Hesitating, Madilla considers Aishani for several seconds and then nods, before her gaze lowers to her mug, which is drawn, finally, towards her mouth. "I'm not concerned," she says, simply, before her lips descend to the mug. Sipping takes another few seconds and then, as she lowers it back towards the table, she asks, "Is that why you stepped down? Because you felt like people were just doing whatever they wanted?" It's a very quiet question - and a serious one. It's not a threat at all, just what's maybe meant to be a warning; "I would be." Maybe Aishani is, by the way her brow furrows briefly, but it passes and she offers Madilla a nod, leaving it at that. Taking up her glass again, just holding it for now, "It was a lot of things. That was certainly one of them. There's no sense in being voluntarily responsible for people that seem determined to..." She trails off, considers. "I understand the need to challenge the status quo. To change things. But 'because I don't like it' isn't a valid reason to me." Those first words leave Madilla's mouth tightening, and her cheeks darkening, ever so faintly. Her chin lifts, but she leaves that topic alone, focusing instead on the younger woman's explanation. "But - forgive me, I'm just trying to understand - isn't that what you did, by stepping down? I suppose it's a little different, but..." Her brow furrows. "I worry that you've made things harder for yourself, not easier." Aishani's not blind to that reaction; it causes a shift to something near apology before she looks down to her glass, sips at her drink. "I didn't see any point in putting up with any of what I did, if everything I did was to be undone or undermined. If I had to bear the insults of every Holder who had heard everything about what's happening here, if I wasn't trusted to do my job. Why do it at all, then?" There's a thread of frustration there under the calm, and she shrugs. "Harder how? If Iesaryth rises and I'm forced to go back to it? Maybe that will prove a flight isn't the magic solution to solve all our problems." A smirk. "A flight was never going to be a magic solution," says Madilla, simply, twining her fingers around her mug. "Just a starting point for building a sustainable future. Will anyone trust you, if she does rise first, knowing that you might just quit? How can people learn to trust you now?" She stops herself, and then shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I do believe you did what you did having thought it through. It just... worries me. But it's not my business, almost as much as it's no one's business who fathered my son. I hope you did the right thing." She pauses, just for a moment, and then says, abruptly: "I should go." "With the way people talk..." Aishani shrugs. She certainly doesn't look as if those questions concern her over much, but they do darken her gaze a touch. "When did they trust me before? Some of them don't even trust Iesaryth, and she's never done anything wrong." Her jaw sets, and she pauses for a long moment, looking at Madilla before, "It worries you." That seems to not quite fit right for her, leaving her bemused, but: "What choice did I have? Let people continue to lie and sneak around behind my back? Even the person who owes her former position to me? Everyone still knows better than I do, apparently." There's an edge in her tone that seems to escape unbidden -- once she hears it, there's a pause of her own. Awkward, "I didn't mean to snap. If you like; I won't keep you." Madilla stands, but doesn't walk away, immediately. "I know you didn't. And I know this is all very difficult, and don't think for a moment I'm trying to imply that I know better than you do. Or intending to paint others as innocent. But." Madilla's chin lifts, just slightly. "Can you blame people for having difficulty trusting you? I know you did the best that you could. And in some ways, you were very good. But you also made your own bed. Neither of us can throw stones at others for lying." That's when she turns, ready to walk away. "Don't abandon High Reaches," she says, as she takes her first step. There's a moment before, "Even when I was Brieli, and I was the Weyrwoman's friend, I wasn't trusted. None of the girls wanted me at Monaco; not the ones from there or here. I can't blame them, but I can feel like I was never given the chance." Aishani pauses, before; "I am at peace with my lies, at least. I don't pretend to be doing things for the greater good when I'm not. I am honest in my deceit. I can't say that for the rest of them." As least she doesn't seem to be including Madilla in that. With a shake of her head, as the healer steps away, "I don't think I could if I tried." It's not the happiest sounding thing in the world, but can she be blamed? Even if so, she'll just mope into her drink for awhile. Madilla turns back, just for a moment. "There's fault on both sides," she says. "You have to earn their trust, if you want it. Be the bigger person." Then she goes, this time not waiting for a response before she's on her way to drop off her mug, and leave the Snowasis altogether. |
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