Logs:Not Great at Family
| |
|---|
| |
| RL Date: 11 September, 2015 |
| Who: Hattie, C'stian |
| Involves: Fort Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Hattie and C'stian try to muddle their way through their odd little family. |
| Where: Sanctuary, Fort Weyr |
| When: Day 16, Month 6, Turn 38 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: N'muir/Mentions, Calia/Mentions, Nimarie/Mentions, Nehmet/Mentions |
| OOC Notes: Backdated. |
 |
| Hattie has spent a significant amount of time of late keeping a low profile, whether of her own volition or thanks to the harassment of healers, and this afternoon finds her in one of the quieter spots in the Weyr, having slipped the attention of said healers, weyrmate and any others subtly (or not so subtly) keeping an eye on her. She's occupying one of the more comfortable chairs, towards the back of the Sanctuary, and currently has the place to herself, though the array of goods and warm drinks available on the counter speak of a baker only recently departed for other duties. The book she's reading is propped against the bump of her stomach, for want of a better place for it, and though she must be trying to process the text, she looks half-asleep at the same time. For his part, C'stian has been keeping to himself, focused on his wing duties of late. Perhaps he's trying to ensure continuity for Hematite in the rapidly shifting landscape of the Weyr, or perhaps he's simply been busy. Either way, it's already been a long day for the young wingsecond when he reaches the Sanctuary for a break. He collects a mug of klah and a pastry almost absently, pausing to offer a respectful nod in greeting to Hattie. And if he seems to be trying not to stare at the bump, well, he's hardly the only young man in history to react awkwardly to a pregnant woman. Hattie glances up when she catches movement at the periphery of her vision, and does little more than blink over at C'stian as she observes his progress, until he gives her a nod that she answers in kind. She looks back to her book and might simply carry on reading - or not reading - but then she glances back at the bronzerider once more and slowly closes said book, using the tips of her fingers to mark her place, for now. She's to the point when she eventually gets up the courage to ask, "...Do you want to know them?" She clarifies, "The baby," a moment later. "I mean... they are your brother or sister. Half brother or sister, if you want to make distinctions." The bronzerider's answer is immediate. "Of course!" But then C'stian hesitates after all, before gesturing towards Hattie's expanding midsection. "It's just... a little weird. It took a while to adjust to having younger siblings at all. And those ones were already, well, here. I already knew them, I just had to get used to thinking about them as family. This seems... different, somehow." "Nehmet and Nimarie are young, but they're old enough to have made up their minds about you without any input from me," Hattie replies, words chosen carefully. "This doesn't mean..." And which this she's talking about is made more identifiable by the hand that she unconsciously moves to press in against the bump that dominates her figure. "...This doesn't mean," she tries again, "that I'm... family. I'm their mother and I obviously love your father, but I don't expect anything from you other than to be the best brother for them that you can be. This one... will know you from the beginning. And I care about you, but I don't expect... reciprocation." The goldrider shakes her head a little and presses thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose. "I'm very tired," she murmurs, like it could excuse her ramblings. "That's the part that's strange to me," the bronzerider admits. "Nehmet and Nimarie were old enough to be people when we met, but infants... infants aren't. They don't really seem to have a personality for months. By the time he or she is old enough to have a personality, they'll have already known me for some time. It's not a bad thing, it's just different." Especially when added to the fact that C'stian is never quite certain what he and the goldrider are to each other. Against her will, Hattie cracks a smile and can't help but argue, "If you think infants don't have personalities all of their own, you're in for a learning experience," in wry tones. "And Nehmet and Nimarie won't necessarily be the people they are now for very much longer. Nimarie will be in her teens before you know it, and then you'll have to contend with having a teenage sister." And 'good luck with that' seems to be the underlying message there. She sobers a little and takes a deep breath before saying, "Look... C'stian, I don't know what you want from me. I don't know if you want me thinking of you as a step-son or you want me to keep my distance. It's up to you, really." Mention of a teenage sister earns a bit of a melodramatic grimace from C'stian; no doubt the bronzerider is envisioning Nimarie getting into the same sort of trouble that the various teenage weyrlings and residents have. But then Hattie's second remark causes him to sober somewhat, as if looking inward for that answer. Perhaps even he doesn't really know what he wants them to be to each other. "The truth is, weyrwoman... I don't know. I've never been certain where we should stand with each other, since I found out. I've always been afraid that I was something of an interloper; he has a family, after all, and I still have a mother, even if I don't see her very often." And he might still be a little cross that she concealed things from him. "He has a family, yes," Hattie agrees, "but he didn't know what it was to have parents or be a parent until Nimarie was born. He wasn't... raised with the means to understand how those relationships can work. It's... difficult for him, sometimes." She can't quite look at C'stian as she shares that information, as if it doesn't make it the betrayal she must feel it is. "You're not an interloper, C'stian. You've as much right to be a part of this family as your siblings do - as my children not fathered by him do. Maybe it depends on... whether you want to make a distinction between his family and yours." To judge from his expression C'stian can perhaps sympathize; after all, if N'muir had no experience being a parent until Nimarie, the younger bronzerider had no experience to draw from in how to relate to a father, either. After a moment, he answers, "I honestly figured it was more a question of whether you wanted to make a distinction, Hattie. That's part of why I've kept my distance." Communication: bronzeriders are not always great at it. After all, it was more Nimarie's doing that C'stian started acting like an older brother than any impetus of his own. Hattie recoils the tiniest bit, yet she doesn't let the flash of hurt that passes across her face define how she speaks. "Why in Faranth's name would I stand in your way?" she questions just a little incredulously. "I've been trying to keep my mouth shut and not interfere so that the two of you can sort yourselves out without my input," she claims, more matter of fact now. "If I didn't want you to be a part of the family, I would've swiftly put an end to you seeing Nimarie and Nehmet. I've been trying to avoid making you feel any obligation to the rest of us if you wanted to be separate; from stepping on your mother's toes." The recoil doesn't go unnoticed; even if C'stian isn't always great at communicating, years of watching for little signs of pain or discomfort as an apprentice Healer have at least left him reasonably observant to such things. "Because a lot of this isn't based on 'rationality'; it's all emotional!" The bronzerider glances away now, as if momentarily embarrassed. "And I suppose compared to how Nimarie and Nehmet sought me out..." He trails off, grimacing, and then allows, "I mean, it makes sense what you were trying to do ." "Which is why at least one of us should try and stay rational so that the rest of you can be emotional." Hattie glances down at the floor, lips twisting with regret. "It's not that I don't have feelings, about the situation or you, but I'm not really the one with any right to share them. How I feel... shouldn't really matter." When she looks up again, the smile she sports is a little sad around its edges. "You're old enough that I'm sure you don't want me getting angry if anyone hurts you and having opinions about that," she tries to joke. "...I could treat you like the rest of my children too easily and I don't know if that's what you want." "I'm almost afraid to ask what that would mean," C'stian quips in reply, though he quickly sobers. "No, you're right. I'm hardly a child anymore. And I'll be honest: I'm not great at 'family' in general. It was only ever just the two of us, back at Healer Hall; Nimarie and Nehmet have been a learning experience. But..." He trails off, frowning slightly. It seems as if the bronzerider is forcing himself to really examine things, internally, more than he has in the past. "The truth is, he--and you--understand my life now a lot better than my mother does." "Having more opinions you might not appreciate and giving you a not so gentle nudge in what's hopefully the right direction when you're being an ass." Hattie is unrepentant in those claims, and just as much so when she adds, "And herding your siblings towards you if you're wallowing for no good reason." Closing the book properly, she gathers it up against her. "It's not... one or the other, you know? I don't know how your mother feels about all of it. All I can say is... you're stuck with Nehmet and Nimarie at the very least. You're welcome to see the baby if..." all goes well, "you'd like to." She gets to her feet and tucks the chair back beneath the table. "I'm sure the rest of us will accept whatever you feel you can manage." And leaving that decision to him, she quietly excuses herself. |
Leave A Comment