Difference between revisions of "Logs:Even Monsters"

It wasn't easy, trying to keep a secret from a dragon.

Aishani wasn't even sure it was possible, but she felt it was best to try, even if Iesaryth might forget her thoughts long before they were important. The risk of slipping up, or being found out became greater the more someone knew, or the more someones that knew. She'd risked that enough, perhaps.

So she found herself sitting up nights in her armchair with a drink, just thinking and planning, while the gold slept. She hoped Iesaryth was sleeping, at least. Shani felt badly enough about trying to keep her in the dark, being careful about thoughts during the day.

She'd said she'd do anything, anything to make sure she didn't leave him alone and in that state, to be sure there wouldn't be anyone else in her bed. It hadn't been a moment to make promises, but she'd meant it. The idea forming wasn't completely unheard of, though it was certainly dangerous on multiple levels. The only question was - how much should she say? Should she tell, or was it better that she hide it as carefully as she did with Iesaryth?

Shouldn't she be considering more than her emotions, if she planned to game the whole thing? Maybe, but she found she didn't care.

Aishani glanced over the top of the glass in hand to the gift chest she'd been given for graduation, on the day she made that promise. Her gaze traced the initials set in the surface, terribly permanent for an initial that wasn't hers - much like the name in the ring she'd begun to wear. It didn't feel right on her finger, not any better than the knot on her shoulder. It wasn't that she was ashamed of what she was... but she didn't always feel right about what she represented.

Like the marks she had now - more than she'd even really considered, beyond her fantasies of restoring her family to something close to what they'd been. But it all felt like blood money, like she'd made it off the backs of her cousins and her father herself. She spent it anyway, too weak to resist the lure of anything that appealed to her vanity - but able to easily avoid finding anything that might make her weyr something closer to a home.

Since her cousin had appeared again, she felt more between lives than she ever had. It was one thing to be Shani to him - it was quite another to be around someone who'd known her as Shani, so long ago. The girl was a constant physical reminder of her duty, and a more vocal reminder of everything she'd believed. Or still believed. It was so hard to tell lately. Having people around from Monaco was only sure to make that split worse - it was another person she'd have to be at a moment's notice, another balance she'd have to carefully maintain.

It had been a surprise that Serah hadn't flashed back to their childhood even in the middle of disaster - when she heard of dragons chasing people down, it was all she could think of. What if part of their family was actually involved in the issues at Fort? She already felt awkward and conflicted about all of it, had for some time. It was difficult enough to hide that without it becoming personal - hard enough to stop herself from admitting that her father might have done the same sort of thing. That, if her life had ended up differently, she might have been responsible.

How would he feel then?

It was all enough to make her down the rest of her drink, leave her chair in favor of going to bed. She might be a terrible person, but even monsters needed sleep.

Comments

K'del (K'del) left a comment on Tue, 02 Oct 2012 05:19:13 GMT.

Oh, Brieli. :( :( :(

I really love that look into her conflict.

Dragonshy (Dragonshy) left a comment on Tue, 02 Oct 2012 17:47:03 GMT.

Oh wow. This was fantastic. I love seeing how split she is- what the toll of keeping so many lies going is doing to her. She's even keeping a secret from Iesaryth! Eep.

Brieli (Brieli) left a comment on Wed, 03 Oct 2012 01:14:47 GMT.

I do like that everyone feels bad for her with these vigs! Great PR! ;)